True happiness after recovery

[pankreeas]

Swim would love to read some experiences/stories or just get some diff takes about attaining true happiness beyond recovery once you get a taste of (and become a prisoner) that artificial happiness drugs can provide. I mean In the sense of the everymans dream to achieve ultimate happiness in life, if it was already reached (albeit a chemically false sense of it) how could one then truley achieve it. And if you did would it not feel like the best high one could ever achieve?

Reputation Comments on this post:

good question

[Wflash]

Hundreds of thousands of years ago, human beings evolved comparatively huge brains to be able to outsmart predators and make the most out of a scarce food resource. But possibly they got too big, and we began to get clever enough to spread out and conquer the whole of the world.

A few short hundred years ago, we reached the stage where we don’t need to use every neuron of our massive intellects just to survive.

But then what?

Once a good number of us were secure and didn’t want for anything, in order to fill up the great yawning gap in the use of our massive intellects we had to go and walk on the moon, investigate quantum physics, experiment with psychoactive chemistry, invent and play music, bungee jump off waterfalls – anything to make life feel like it’s enough to make us content and happy. Falling in love can work for a little while - but we’ve even had to invent religion so that we can take the weight of responsibility off our shoulders for trying to find peace and contentment in this world, by believing that we’ll find it in the next.

But for some of us – SWIM thinks that there’s barely enough experiences available in the "real world" to make us content and happy.

That’s why drugs become important.

[pankreeas]

hrmm.. I guess this could branch out quite a bit if I were to change contect and ask who thinks drugs actually are the ultimate happiness, even tho it is really an illusion of happiness, and therefor the chain cannot be easily broken.

[Donmeka]

SWIM believers that drugs helped him reach a new plane of thought somewhat, like he has evolved past normal understanding/thought. SWIM might just be nuts but hes not hurting himself/anyone so let him be crazy i say lol p ut he believes that and what he does nowadays responsibly he just uses like others drink a beer once in a while. he just tries to maintain a clear mind and a non anxious state in which he feels he can live his life productively as he sees fit. if those substances were to ever get in the way SWIM understands what he has to do and respects that decision.

[The Frog]

Here is Swimmy's story:

Swimmy was first introduced to heroin at the age of 16. After almost a year of searching for it...That first night held the most beautiful feeling he has ever known. He remembers thinking to himself "this is how I want to feel for the rest of my life"...it was heaven, it was beyond heaven...all bad feelings or discomfort was completely washed away and life was worth living again.

As the months went by he began using it more and more. Just snorting it....curious about and becoming more accepting of needles. After a few months of heavy use (almost daily) he met a junky whom we'll call H (fitting eh?) and she agreed to teach him to inject himself. His first IV shot of heroin was ecstatic to say the least. He was not yet 17.

As the use picked up even more...he began noticing that when he didn't have the drug he felt VERY ill.

This went on for 3 years before he finally forced himself into kicking. It was an early morning in November and he was living in a boarding house (should've been condemned) with numerous other junkies. He woke up and fixed his wake up shot. When a friend woke up Swimmy declared "You know what I'm gonna kick today!" the friend replied "If you can more power to you!" With the obvious hint of sarcasm, she did not believe that Swimmy could actually do it...his habit had grown to the difficult level of $60 or more a day. Heroin was romantic and many of his hero's had been junkies. He loved it...it was a beautiful nightmare. Though it caused much grief in his life. Severe physical/mental pain, being shot at, running from cops, stealing, lying, cheating, erratic and irrational behavior, disowned by family, shunned by old friends. But heroin made tomorrow okay...worth getting out of bed for in the morning...worth living for. The more and more he went on with it, the more it became difficult to do...he had survived 3 OD's so far and witnessed the deaths of couple friends...he was tired and losing the will to go on...needed a change.

So he left the boarding house and set out to his grandparents house (possibly the only ones that didn't know about the drugs) and locked himself away. He pulled out the couch-bed, put on comfortable clothing, and settled in for the long haul. The withdrawal pains lasted nearly 14 days. 14 days of nightmarish pain and severe anguish. Shitting blood for hours on end, trying to scream but unable to squeeze out any noise, puking, legs feel like they're rotting off and back is aching so horribly...unable to walk so desperately trying to crawl to the toilet and sometimes didn't make it in time. Insomnia, unable to eat, even hallucinating (his dead father sitting beside him laughing...true horror) tossing and turning, crying, hot and cold flashes, electric chills, cold sweats...bah...it was horrible.

When it was finally over, relief came gradually and he was free...but not entirely...over the next 2 years he had to kick 3 more times having got strung out again.

Now a days Swimmy has been clean from smack for almost 2 years. Probation and the promise of 1 year in prison being the final push...that time probation contained daily injections of cocaine and suicidal thoughts/behavior (even attempting several times). When released from probation, he decided to leave town for good...he moved 600 miles south to Alabama where he re-kindled his love for psychedelic drugs. He credits Salvia with saving his life. Waking him up.

As for hapiness after addiction, its difficult to say...you never look at the world the same again. Philosophy has changed greatly. However finally he feels that he is on the right path is millions of miles away from where he was all those years ago...happier than ever before but not completely. He's getting there but its a long road out of Hell. Swimmy still has a lot of things to work on but is doing good...he is going to make it...tomorrow is going to be okay. Happiness is a hard thing to harness...especially having witnessed and taken part in so much negativity and sadness and crime and death...

But everything is going to be okay. He has a new lust for life and is glad to be alive...

hope that helped you or someone else...

[saintsfan]

I believe that drugs make up most of what we believe in. Anciant cultures used drugs in ceremonies. We know that native americans used them. The mayans and Many other cultures have used them religiously. I believe that moses was high when he saw the burning bush. Does that take away the meaning behind it? No, it simply puts meaning behind the use of drugs. It supports the idea that drugs help us connect to a higher being. They may even be the link between us and a power greater than us. If you really think about it then drugs are true happiness.

[pankreeas]

Nice input so far, keep those views flowin through your fingertips guys.. and gals. Lately i've been thinking that maybe true happiness cannot be found again unless untangled from all the other emotions that became tied to it by drug use, like a knot.. or maybe it's a boomerang, and with every false state of happiness attained, a little curve is stripped off, and then one time you throw that boomerang away it will never return. But we've learnt to replace and substitute so who cares? theres a synthetic equivalent of everything nowadays anyways.

[smuttyangel]

Hi,

My 2 pence worth:

How can anyone know what the true definition of happiness is? Surely this varies to a great degree - dependant on a persons perception of happiness.

If someone has experienced great sorrow and despair then surely happiness would 'feel' greater when something truly wonderful happens.

Eg..Swim has had 5 drug experiences in her life: Cannibis-script codeine-speed-cocaine and E's (malcolm x's).

Swim found experience of weed to be roughly the same as most people, common symptoms etc, codeine - SWIM now has a fairly high tolerance 4 this as been on them for 6-7 years following chronic back pain. Amphetamine Sulphate (uk) felt like much the same as drinking 8 cans of Red Bull, a few Pro-Plus's and little or no food. (usual rapid heartbeat - agitated - poss irritable etc etc..


However:.....coke and E's are a very different kettle of fish - SWIM had the same (if not more) of the aforementioned than her fellow users, and had virtually little or no effect that she found 'noticeable'.

So one could argue that ultimate happiness has not been SWIM's as yet - With the possible following exceptions:


Except for the birth of SWIM's children, or SWIMS mum going into remission after Breast Cancer -

SWIMS wedding day (secretly done at 9 months pregnant!) And no, SWIM is not a teenager - a mere slip of a 35 yr old girl

So....if someone could tell me what ultimate happiness is; then i'll tell you if i think i've had it - personally - SWIM thinks the above life experiences are pretty damn close!

[pankreeas]

Originally Posted by smuttyangel

If someone has experienced great sorrow and despair then surely happiness would 'feel' greater when something truly wonderful

Yes, very obvious but maybe the most overlooked aspect of long term recovery and happiness coming together. Do you have to hit the complete opposite.. true utter sadness and hell, to be able to truley achieve and appreciate true happiness?

[smuttyangel]

Hmmm,

that depends again on one's perception of hell doesn't it? Its one of those questions that will never be answered as there is no 'right' or 'wrong' answer.

However, it made me think hard - so i thank you for stimulating the grey matter au naturale!

X

PS...Also, a drug induced 'high' is not necessarily a true happiness either - it also depends on how you got that high - if it was self induced but not medically necessary then maybe - but what of the cancer patient who is on Morphine? Would that be considered happiness because the sufferer is no longer suffering and feeling intensly euphoric?

Think i'm on the fence with this one - hmmmmmmm.......Perhaps a drug could enlighten a person to lead them to true happiness through self-awareness and discovery

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by pankreeas

Swim would love to read some experiences/stories or just get some diff takes about attaining true happiness beyond recovery once you get a taste of (and become a prisoner) that artificial happiness drugs can provide. I mean In the sense of the everymans dream to achieve ultimate happiness in life, if it was already reached (albeit a chemically false sense of it) how could one then truley achieve it.

The trouble here is that "true happiness" depends a helluva lot on one's definition of it. SWIM has found that one's perspective changes drastically after being away from chemical substances for awhile (he's actually not forgotten this happens, which is sort of strange). It's like the mind is forced to re-learn how to get pleasure out of life rather than drugs. And there's no other way to achieve these satoris than to simply *not partake* for some period of time. SWIM thinks the most elementary realization could occur after about a week, more profound at one month, etc. etc. etc. etc.

And if you did would it not feel like the best high one could ever achieve?

SWIM believes not. It would feel very, very different. Not like a drug high at all. Much broader, vaster, more expansive somehow. Most drug-induced experiences are curiously narrow, limited, lacking in scope/perspective (of course making up in intensity what they lack in other areas).

Reputation Comments on this post:

good distinction between drug-induced/natural happiness

[saintsfan]

No one said all drug experience is true happiness. It's clearly dependent on the situation. And mabey drugs aren't true happiness but a rather cheat to achieve it. If all you had to do was get high to acheive true happiness then everyone would. But they are rathe a way to possibly put you in a "state of pure happiness" where the pure happiness is a feeling and a state of perseption. And yes you do need sorrow to experiene happiness but to be in a drug induced state of happiness sorrow isn't needed because the drugs give the happy feeling. But mabey to except the state of happiness and the feel of it you must first feel pain, for to experience any emotion in it's pure form you have to experience the oposite of that emotion. While drugs are a catalyst for the feeling there are other factors in achieving pure happiness as the pure form meaning not tainted by other emotions.

[pankreeas]

Ok well I got a lil more in me before I goto bed. I can think of a million possible aspects to come at this topic from, so here I think are my final thoughts on this topic (for tonight anyways) Maybe we all are just not destined for True happiness, maybe at some time in civilization we could have found it, but I think it's something so bare, and deep that we would confuse it with all the artificial happiness we are subjected to everyday... I mean we do live in a society where true anything is very rare these days let alone something so vague as happiness, plus when we are taught through instances in life that honesty is a route that has a sidestreet that many take... Goodnight!

[smuttyangel]

Also wondering whether people 'remember' a certain feeling differently as time goes on - as the mind is a complicated vessel, and can 'trick' you into believing something was better than it actually was?

Or am i talkin gibberish? lol

[saintsfan]

I know what your saying smutty. looking back on a lot of shit I think about it in a completly different way than it was and it will take deep thought to remember how I truly felt during that time. So mabey true happiness can be achieved through the past. Mabey the feelings we thought we had in the past need to be fixed in order to achieve a pure emotion when our emotions are correctly recolected we can achieve the mind set of pure emotion. While we are on the topic of pure emotion mabey pure emotion is an entity in itself.

[CrookedEye]

After Iboga, SWIM has not had cravings or felt bad without opioids or other drugs.. He still partakes in Cannabis and psychedelics (growing, extracting, etc, as a hobby), mostly natural ones and LSD.. Although true happiness is very relative, he feels happy to be free from addiction, and psychedelic use along with discovering SWIM's own spirituality, help him find some bit of inner peace and understanding..

[smuttyangel]

Sounds alot like someone has his head screwed on! Am glad you have found a happy medium and are content with SWIY's use.

SWIM would have to be very careful, as SWIM tends to 'latch on' to negative behaviours - and so needs to be very self or swim aware.

[Wflash]

Yet to feel happiness at all, your system releases a chemical into your brain that gives you the feeling. Internal or external chemicals. Is one truly of more intrinsic worth and value than the other? I believe it very much is, but it's worth remembering that all feelings result from your endocrine system firing chemicals - compounds of atoms - about your brain. That's why so many of us SWIMers pursue "better living through chemistry".

[saintsfan]

HAha yeah you make a good point. But that brings us back to the definition of true happiness. Is true happiness a chemical thing or a totaly pure thing that comes from more than chemicals. We have to look beyond the feeling and into the meaning. The meaning behind pure happiness is more than chemicals but is built up of everything around you.

[CrookedEye]

SWIM believes true happiness comes from within, which has far less to do with self gratification.. Don't get SWIM wrong, he loves to enjoy drugs, but it seems the addictive ones don't really provide much real happiness.. Pleasure sure, but happiness?

[saintsfan]

I agree with crooked and on the same topic we should all recognize the difference of pleasure and happiness. While pleasure can be a happy experience it is not happiness and it is surely not pure happiness.