wow thats amazingly scary... its cliched i know, but doing speed and drinking everyday or even as a temporary way to solve your problems is so not that way to go about things! like yeah when your on it and for a bit you feel peachy and everything is great, but what about when you come down? you feel like fuckin shit, and like you said, you finally had enough and just pretty much had a breakdown. thats all drugs and alcohal will do. thats why its so bad when people use drugs as an escape because its wonderful while your on it but when you come down to the real world instead of the problems you had before they are just amplified to like hell!
you say youve done speed for 10 years so obviously you know or have an idea on how this personally affects you and messes with your mind and emotions, and when youre dealing with something as heartbreaking as a breakup, its going to fuck you up. as we can clearly see it has.
basically you just need to talk to someone, or get this out of your system in some way shape or form... and not by doing drugs/drinking.... talk to someone you know cares about you, or maybe even just talk to your ex about whats going on if you feel comfortable enough to do that? and maybe am crossing the line, but maybe a psychiatrist or theoripst could help-if your at allembarrassed or afraid to say anything, talk to someone who knows shit about you, that way they cant judge you and if they do, whats it matter?
i dont know you or anything about you and im not going to pretend to have the solution for you, but if you ever need to talk feel free to
pm me, just letting you know you have someone to talk to thats here to listen
hope you feel better