Here's a story I wrote.

[Trebor]

Here's a story I worte while suffering from insomnia. It's a first person account of the vietnam war. I'm not sure of the historical acuricies but here goes:

I remember, when I was a child, waiting for my father to come home. I was always told he was protecting me. From what I never knew until I was sixteen when a teacher told me about a man named Hitler who invaded lots of countries. Until then I never really knew about my father.
When I got home that evening I asked my mother about him. She told me he was a soldier in the U.S. Army who had died after throwing himself on a grenade to save a companion of his. When my mother finished we were both crying. While I had never known my father, I always thought him to be a brave and noble man. It was my father who influenced my decision to enlist myself.
In ‘67 I was told I had to leave my home to fight in a country I had never heard of, Vietnam. I accepted this with the honour I knew I should. My wife was so proud of me. She knew I was making a better life for our unborn child and us. We were hoping for a girl. The only question I could think of was as to wheter or not the war would be over in time for me to see my wife give birth. Would it be over in two months?
Four days after receiving my notice I left for ‘nam as it was now being called by the media. When our boat pulled into the harbour I was amazed at the difference in our cultures. Where, in America you’d have an enormous concrete warehouse, here there was little more then a few wooden shacks with galvanise roofs. All over the wooden and galvanise dock were soldiers unloading ships of food, clothes and guns. This was all done with fifty odd soldiers patrolling. I asked a guy next to me about why so many were needed and he replied “Even though we’ve only been here four days; these Vietcong have already killed thirty of us.”. By now I was starting to come down off the adrenalin high I was feeling just moments ago.
I was to go directly to our base at the front lines. The driver of our truck had been telling us about what was happening here the about how the biggest problem was that no American could tell the difference between the north and South Vietnamese.
When we arrived at out base I was shocked by what was going on; men were holding shotguns to their mouths, burning spare truck tires for barbecues, there were men who had limbs blown of cleaning the weapons of their fellow troops. I had began to wonder about the competency for the men who were responsible for my life.
The next day I and some of the men from my unit left for the local village that was supposed to be friendly to us. As we drove around we were greeted by woman yelling things like “Sucky sucky five dolla’” and “Hey soldier boy.”. I thought to my self how badly these women must be of to offer oral sex for so little. Would this happen if America was invaded? Would Kat have to do this?
Two months had past since I arrived here and there was no sign of the war coming to an end. By now most of my friends had been injured, some mentally, some physically. I knew that in the future they’d say that no soldier could have survived Vietnam without having taken a life. It was true. I’d been waking up every night thinking about my “game” as he was now being called. I knew I was not alone in this, as, in the middle of the night, it was not unusual to be woken up at night by the screams of others. This often encouraged other to let out their screams, just like in a dog pack, which out here was what we all became, a dog pack.
A week and a half later I received a letter from Kat, enclosed was a picture of her and our son. While I had been hoping for a girl I couldn’t have cared less about such a trivial matter. After two and a half months here I had decided that all life is precious and that to have a preference for one type over another is ridiculous.
Very little news had reached us by way of the media but when it did it always seemed to be huge. The last report we got was that some fucking nigger named Casscius Clay refusing to fight. This was proof that coons were a bunch of ungrateful assholes. I mean, we give them a great life in America and they won’t fight to preserve it? Makes no sense to me.
I was always writing home to Kat and Anthony even thought they had never received a letter. The next one I sent I’d make sure they got it. I must have made at least fifty deals around the camp to make sure they got it.
I died three days later on a routine patrol. My platoon and I were ambushed. Those thirty seconds were the longest of my life, trying to fight a gun you couldn’t see. I decided that there was no way to survive this so I motioned for whoever was left to follow my of the road and into a paddy field. It was there I saw him, for a second we were looking into the other’s eyes. His narrow and sadistic, mean wide and fearful. The next thing I saw was a cloud of red form around my boots. It seemed that time had slowed before it stopped altogether. I could see my fellow soldiers being murdered. One by one they were picked of by snipers. I struggled to lift my rifle which seemed to way a ton now and began to return fire at these gooks. and by the time I had emptied a round I had three dead and the rest retreating.
Of the fifteen troops who accompanied me two survived. They rushed me to a medic who was stationed in he next village. All the while they were thanking me for my bravery. What bravery? What did I do but kill men who were fighting for what hey believed. What was the difference between us? It seemed like years until we got to the medic. The only problem was that it was years too late.


And please feel free to comment.

Sorry about the unalingment of the paragraphs butI can't use thre tab key.
*The racial comments in this piece are not representitive of my own opinion but rather an indication of this mans own predjudices.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Nice read. Keep trying!

[Riconoen {UGC}]

It doesnt make any sense and you really go over the top with the racial slurs. I know you're trying to be realistic but please.

[Trebor]

How does it not make sense?

[Tokyo-expat]

Very nice try, most never attempt to write so just trying is a good start and you did well. May I (as a published author and prolific writer) recommend some things:
#1. Writing in the 1st person is easy for the writer but difficult as hell for the reader. 90% of all fiction books are written in the 3rd person, and there is a reason for this. Next time try the 3rd person.
#2. When reading (or writing for that matter) you should be able to close your eyes and "see" what it is you are reading. This comes from the usage of descriptive sentences and a plethora of unique and flowing adjectives. Reread what you have wrote and ask yourself (the writer must always be 100% honest with himself. Self criticism goes a long way, but a good editor is better.) "Can I smell the jungle?" "Can I feel what that man must feel?" And others. If your answer is "no" to any of the questions, then you must go back and rewrite and think more.

One of the best pieces of advise I can give you regarding writing is this. Read this book : "On Writing" by Stephen King. He wrote it when he was in the hospital after getting knocked 30 feet by a truck and nearly dying. It is one of the greatest books on modern writing written by one of the greats of modern fiction. It will help you in leaps and bounds.

And to quote one of my favorite characters " Thats all I have to say about that"

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thank you very much for that advice.

[Trebor]

Originally Posted by Tokyo-expat

#2. When reading (or writing for that matter) you should be able to close your eyes and "see" what it is you are reading. This comes from the usage of descriptive sentences and a plethora of unique and flowing adjectives. Reread what you have wrote and ask yourself (the writer must always be 100% honest with himself. Self criticism goes a long way, but a good editor is better.) "Can I smell the jungle?" "Can I feel what that man must feel?" And others. If your answer is "no" to any of the questions, then you must go back and rewrite and think more.

This point made a lot of sense for me as I've finished the book, "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. That book was so good I could taste the concrete they were talking about. Thanks for the advice man.

[Bajeda]

Originally Posted by Tokyo-expat

One of the best pieces of advise I can give you regarding writing is this. Read this book : "On Writing" by Stephen King. He wrote it when he was in the hospital after getting knocked 30 feet by a truck and nearly dying. It is one of the greatest books on modern writing written by one of the greats of modern fiction. It will help you in leaps and bounds.

Excellent advice. The book is quite good, and has some great sections in it. I really admired Stephen King much more after reading that book.

Also recommended if you plan on doing any serious writing, creative or research oriented, is A Writer's Reference by Diana Hacker. Great for academic writing especially, but is useful for anyone regardless of ability and experience.


To Trebor, I would start off with something easier. Writing is part innate, part learnt, and part in the moment. So basically, as Stephen King said, you can make an OK writer good, but you can't make a good writer great. But even a good writer can produce a great piece of writing depending on the moment. So write with something you know so well you can describe it in your sleep. Then work from there on expressing more complicated ideas.

Try submitting some trip/experience reports on DF. I like to do that when I have time since I haven't been able to do much creative or descriptive writing in university as academic writing is exhausting me. It would also be a good way to up your reputation. Check some of the trip reports I've written. They were fairly well received, and were quite fun to write. I think that would be a good place for you to start out experimenting with more creative writing styles and to get your reputation up before you venture elsewhere in the writing world.

And a last word of advice, don't submit anything you aren't satisfied with. I definitely could have worked alot more on most all of the writing I've done on DF, but I was at least satisfied that it communicated what I wanted to say competently enough to be posted on the site. I've written large posts before and deleted them after one read through simply because they aren't good enough. Being a discriminating writer who goes for quality more than quantity (in terms of #s of posts, not length of posts) will help you go far in the DF community.

[Akewstick]

TXP said "plethora", whhoooaaaaaa.

[Trebor]

Thanks to everyone for the tips, although I'm not sure what Akewstick is talking about... I've ordered a copy of the Stephen King one and will try to get A Writers Reference. Also, I've began anopther one that focuses on Christmas in Galway (where I'm from) and will post that soon as I deem it worthy.

[Bajeda]

Originally Posted by Akewstick

TXP said "plethora", whhoooaaaaaa.

lol thats one of my favourite words, right under "copious"

"Swim's dealer decided to buy copious amounts of drugs, leading swim to consume a plethora of cocaine" hehehe

[Trebor]

Ahh, that makes sense, sort of.

[Akewstick]

Trebor is a Silver member!

This calls for a celebration: There is $400 waiting in your paypal account, Trebor, enjoy.

[Trebor]

I'd like to thank the academy... Seriously though, thanks to all who helped me along the way, and please don't reply to this post.

[Tokyo-expat]

TXP said "plethora", whhoooaaaaaa.

LOL... I stole that from The 3 Amigos... if anyone has seen that movie.. it was in there and dam it i stole it. I love that word. That and Xenophobia (my 7th grade teacher had a speeling contest and I won) and of course antidisestablishmentarianism... damn thats long. My personal favorite is nonsense.. and its not a word.. its a sentence.

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas--only I don't exactly know what they are!
LOL... well enough for me
Super perfundo on the early eve of your day.
(anyone know where that quote came from??)
TXP

[Bajeda]

Originally Posted by Tokyo-expat

My personal favorite is nonsense.. and its not a word.. its a sentence.
Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas--only I don't exactly know what they are!
LOL... well enough for me
Super perfundo on the early eve of your day.
(anyone know where that quote came from??)
TXP

Sounds like James Joyce to me.

[grandbaby]

The poem is "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll, from "Through the Looking Glass; and What Alice Found There." Killer book. "Somehow it seems...." is Alice's reaction to the poem.

Interested parties should pick up "The Annotated Alice" edited by Martin Gardner. It's the two Alice books, with "liner notes" that explain a lot of the Victorian in-jokes and mathematical/linguistic play that Carroll laid into the books. Definitely not just kids' stuff!