Journal - Anxiety - methamphetamine withdrawal

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Just pray it goes away - 'cause if it don't, you will be sucked from all desire to live.... you won't go outside... you won't have friends.... you'll literally just sit in a corner paranoid for the rest of your life. i hope it goes away for swiy, but as for lots of swims it wont, it hasn't.

[marct]

Try Rhodiola Rosea ... and L-Tyrosine together with Vit B complex... helps speed up the recovery from anxiety ... use the antidepressens less cuz leads from 1 addiction to another ... my advice is to use it only as sleepin aid ... try chocolates to relief depression ... Good luck

marct added 22 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...

i apologise firstly cuz i didn't know this thread was dated so far back ...
I was once coping with the same problem ... and from what i know ... it takes about 2 years to get over it ... why 2 years ....
everytime ur mind thinks about it or craves for it ... it means ur not totally over it ... in other words puttin it in front of u .... there is still a chance of u pickin it up ... obviously even after 2 years ... there is still the tots of it crossin ur mind .... but lesser .. byt then ...
stayin active keeps ur mind off it ... which is good ... depression and anxietyhangs around for about 6 months to a year ... dependin on how much or how far have u used it for ... takin suppliments speeds the recover process ..
dun even give urself a chance to put urself into a situation of temptation ... as the saying goes .. "why risk it" ... give urself a year n u look back ... u can smile at the accomplishment u made ...

Reputation Comments on this post:

nice reply

[Forthesevenlakes]

SWIM thinks they mostly return to normal after a few days, or perhaps the sharpest change in altered function occurs after a few days, although it could take longer to fully return to normal functioning. SWIM will look into this a bit more later, he's already late for work =P

[iFeaRNLoathiNg]

Originally Posted by ~lostgurl~

SWIM feels like giving up on giving up. 3 days is all it has been, 3 days with no methamphetamine, the anxiety is all swim can feel, its not about craving anymore, its not about wanting to get high or even about wanting to feel happy, its about feeling comfortable in her own skin.

She should have planned this better. She should have prepared something to calm her down. All she has is her prescription Zopiclone, 15mg at night, but SWIM is taking at least 22.5mg at night and at least 7.5mg during the day, she thinks she should have got another script for Klonapin, but it took her a long time to come off the benzo, so she doesn't want to be repeating that cycle. And she has been drinking e2 for its miniscule dose of Taurine (213mg) which helps a bit SWIM thinks but can see why recommended dose is so much higher, and she is not too hot on the caffeine combo either, that cannot be helping.

Should SWIM give up and try again when she is better prepared? If she keeps on keeping on or whatever the saying is, she is going to have some really nasty nights when her prescription runs out prematurely, cause right now thats about all shes got, and she is trying to be controlled, but all she is doing is staring at the clock and waiting for a time she thinks is ok to call bedtime so she can take 3 of the pills and sleep for a bit.

Swim thinks if swiy has gone 3 days with out meth, Swiy is on there way to recovery, Meth is a VARY VARY POWERFUL drug, the best thing to do is seperate swiy's self from anything or 1 thqat might lead to USE. Swim has quit before for acouple years, COLD TURKEY! swim said he wouldent of been able to do with out about a half-o of weed everyday. of corse its gonna feel terrible, mabey even lead to fit's of rage, but all the terrible feelings and uncoapable moments are worth it when swiy recovers. Swiy's body will give meny thanks when its finally over. (things that help....xanax Valium, Weed, Vicodin, basicly any downer. of corse swiy dont wanna replacer 1 addiction with another. GOTTA B CAREful) Hope it was helpful

[~lostgurl~]

Originally Posted by iFeaRNLoathiNg

Swim has quit before for acouple years, COLD TURKEY! swim said he wouldent of been able to do with out about a half-o of weed everyday. of corse its gonna feel terrible, mabey even lead to fit's of rage, but all the terrible feelings and uncoapable moments are worth it when swiy recovers. Swiy's body will give meny thanks when its finally over.

How long did it take for SWIY to feel better? To feel good? How was it worth it? How did SWIY's body say thanks? Why did did SWIY return to meth after 2 years clean if it was good to be clean?

SWIY might like to read the entire post too as SWIM has now been free of meth for 1 month, and although the worst of it should be over SWIM has found the past month easy (except for the first 3-4 days) but can see how things are going to get a lot harder now that she realises she has to change everything else in her life too. SWIM will write more on this later, but it seems like the real battle hasn't even begun yet.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing your story. Reinforces the importance of keeping swims meth virginity.

[iFeaRNLoathiNg]

well, swim had a child so that was on his mind and he'd have to say it took about 2 weeks of agoney. Swim says it was worth it because of the mind and body clairity it brung, About the body saying thanks Dosent swiy's body feel alot better ????(cleaner, healthier and more Weight)And swim said that the last question really hit home, and swim would say for the M,,,.,.One...Y, but that would be a lie. mabey because somthing was missing in his life, The sort of power that came with c';';;o';';o';';kin.....no thats not it either....Swim guesses there is no reason, and because of that Swim is gonna stop once agien after recent batch is gone.witch will be tonight swim will post in this everyday about how he feels and if he is suceeding or not.

(thats kinda crazy, swiy can't know how bad that last ? really hit swim)

[iFeaRNLoathiNg]

started new thread "SWIM'S Reality with METH"

[~lostgurl~]

33 days (and counting) without meth. SWIM is feeling ok, but not as good as she was feeling. SWIM went to her drug addiction counsellor on Monday, it was her 3rd session with her and for once SWIM didn't have all the answers, infact she had none of the answers and this scared the fuck out of SWIM! SWIM has given up meth - yes - but her life is not changing for the better. SWIM knows it is not going to change for the better unless SWIM makes the changes and does something different, instead of just thinking about it.

SWIMS counsellor said if SWIM can't put routine back into her life by herself then her suggestion is residential rehab. "AARRGGGHHH" SWIM screams "NO!NO!NO! No rebab! I can do it! I can make the changes!"

But as SWIM drives home from the counselling session SWIM bursts into tears because she really doesn't think she can do it, and if she can't, then she knows that she really must go to rehab and SWIM feels too scared to go to rehab. Rehab is about 5 hours from where SWIM lives. She will not be allowed to take her sleeping pills (Zopiclone), she will have to share a room with others, she will have to get up every morning, she will have no computer, no junk food, she will have to attend meetings and group therapy and do designated jobs, all at times decided by someone else and not by SWIM. And it is a 10 week program. 10 FRIGGIN WEEKS without the comfort of home, with real people instead of her computer as company, with nothing to help her sleep....... this is so far out of SWIM's comfort zone it does not even seem like an option in SWIM's mind.

Realising all this, just made SWIM cry harder, and she cried for hours and truly felt like a lost lil gurl again. Why is routine so unfathomable to SWIM? How can a bunch of small changes in SWIM's life be so hard to accomplish?

To avoid rehab SWIM's counsellor (and her mum who is in agreement with her counsellor) have given her about a month to make the following changes in her life:
*Get up, out of bed and dressed every morning.
*Half an hour of exercise every day
*Half an hour of gardening every fine day
*Move her computer to a different room so that SWIM can't sit in bed at her computer.
*Cook healthy meals for herself and eat them at the dining room table, and to stop eating junkfood whenever she is bored.
*Do dishes every day
*Do laundry as soon as there is enough for a load
*No sleeping during the day

OK, now this might seem easy to most people out there reading this, and it should be easy, but SWIM knows it wont be easy for her.

One thing that SWIM knows is not helping her at all is her addiction to her sleeping pills, especially in combination with SWIMs new found taste for energy drinks. These are not taken together (for the most part) but the caffeine in the drinks is causing her body to kick out against the pills when she tries to go to sleep, so she is taking more pills to go to sleep and it is taking her all day to recover from them and wake up properly. SWIM has taken 60 Zopiclone in 15 days, ocassionally she is taking them for anxiety, but mostly to sleep. Even when SWIM was taking less Zopiclone she could feel the effects well into the following afternoon. She would like to quit taking them altogether but she has been on them for 3.5 years so that alone is pretty difficult.

SWIM has rarely felt manic over the past week, and when she has it has been after sunset. She is hoping that if she can stop taking her sleeping pills that maybe she will feel manic a lot more as well as have energy during the day to do the normal things people are supposed to do.

Until then she has tried to make a few changes. She went grocery shopping and bought a whole lot of food that has to be prepared and cooked, this was last night though so SWIM hasn't actually done any cooking yet. She has started to make smoothies for herself every day using fresh fruit, frozen berries, yoghurt, protein powder and ice cubes. This evening she plans to make soup with a chicken and a whole bunch of vegies then freeze portions for easy & healthy meals. She planned to start exercising but hasn't started yet and she has definitely not put her computer in another room! (yes SWIM has an addiction to her computer too) And SWIM's head is too foggy from pills to do anything other than sleep and browse her computer during the the day. It's a vicious circle.

SWIM is not sure if this makes a lot of sense, or if anyone out there can relate to what she is feeling, but SWIM does know that so far quitting meth has been easy and it is about to become hard. SWIM wants to change but is scared of change also, and all the emotions SWIM has blocked over the past couple of years with her meth use are all flooding back to her now. She is so used to taking something to feel normal, taking something to feel good, taking something to give her energy, taking something to put her to sleep, and SWIM is so used to not having to deal with other people and their expectations or even just socially. She just wants to take some more pills and curl up in a ball and go to sleep, block out all the changes, block out all the expectations, block out all the fears and insecurities...... block it all out, everything, even the dreams and hopes SWIM wants to block out and just not have to deal with anything or anyone, let alone everything and everyone!

[~lostgurl~]

8 weeks tomorrow...... swim hasn't even thought about meth in awhile, and this still seems weird to her...... swim did go a bit overboard on the sleeping pills and cigarettes to compensate though. She hasn't been sleeping much and has found the last few weeks especially difficult because of this. Last night she had here first good sleep in awhile, at night her legs are just kicking out, actually this is during the day too but it doesn't bother her during the day...... night time has been hell though and swims sleeping pills were not cutting it, they would make her very tired and sleepy but her body would not stop moving even with very large doses so swim is not taking her sleeping pills recreationally anymore, she is back down to 2 per night (Zopiclone that is) and has been prescribed with 1mg Melatonin which seems quite a low dose compared with other members on this boards experiences with Melatonin. swim is still taking Taurine, but has given up on most of the other vitamin/mineral supplements that she got. swim has also been prescribed with Clonadine to calm her body down (2 X 25mcg) and she thinks this is what helped her to sleep so well last night, but its still pretty hard to figure out what is doing what for her.

swim has also decided to give rehab a go, which she is not looking forward to at all but she thinks it can't hurt, and she wants to use every resource available to her to give recovery her best shot. there is a month wait still on this, so things could change, but at the moment this is her plan. swim also plans to taper off of her sleeping pills over the next month and give up cigarettes when she enters rehab.

swims mood is definitely not manic anymore, and although her mood has been quite low at times it hasn't progressed into fullblown depression which she is thankful for, she has been very emotional though, crying at the drop of a hat, and very moody but this is all to be expected and swim thinks she has gotten off pretty lightly as far as mood disturbences go.

Sleep disturbances, lack of motivation and low energy seem to be swims biggest issues with sleep being her number one concern at the moment. Things can only get better though and swim is feeling positive about her future which is something she has not felt positive about for a very long time.

[Freaky]

Lostgurl - I just wanted to tell SWIY well done on quitting the Meth, and wondered how you are now?

SWIM can sympathise with you entirely about how hard simple everyday tasks can become without meth, once your body has got used to having it, and that dam fog in brain doesn't let ya concentrate, a friend told me it makes them feel spaced out and dizzy too, and that was without supplements, so think this is just a side-effect of going without meth and not related too much to supplements. These side effects are what is stoppiing my friend from totally quitting, as they work and cannot afford to loose their job because they can't get up in a morning, if you have any tips i could pass on for someone trying to quit whilst working, it'd be appreciated, as their job is the only stability left in their life.

I know when my friend felt ill in the past, Protein shakes really made them feel a whole lot better, i think it's primarily due to the amino acids they add to them, which are depleted when SWIY has been using meth and not eating a balanced diet, or in some cases anything at all.

It's people like SWIY who give other members hope and insight that they too can get rid of it from their life

[~lostgurl~]

Swim’s plans for rehab have been delayed for a few months as swim’s psychiatrist wants her to go back on bipolar meds, and the rehabs here are not medical facilities so swim needs to be stabilised on these meds before she is accepted. Kind of disappointing, but swim has been fully aware of her dramatic mood swings over the past 3 months, she was very manic for quite awhile after quitting meth and over the past few weeks she has sunk into a depression that has taken away her motivation for almost everything including giving up meth.

Being bored and unmotivated to do anything led to swim deciding to try other stimulants, first Ritalin which gave her a nice break from the boredom, then a week later Duromine which didn’t do much as far as getting a buzz, but made swim want to get high and when she went to get some more Ritalin the girl was all out and only had methamphetamine and swim thought what the hell.

Swim regrets this decision in some ways but in some ways she doesn’t. Its kind of confusing as swim didn’t choose to use again because of craving, but because life has just been so boring without it. How long does it really take to feel normal after quitting meth? Some people say 3 months others say 6 months, swim has a friend who abstained for a year and just got sick of trying to be happy without it. How long does one wait? How can a person ever feel satisfied with “normal” firing of neurotransmitters after experiencing increased firing for so long? The feeling is never going to be as good. But will it ever even be what it was before meth use? Will it ever even be normal again? Was it even normal to begin with or is this why swim has looked for happiness in such a wide range of drugs?

Swim still has no cravings for meth, but then that depends on the definition of craving. Swim hopes the meds she starts taking over the next few months help even her mood out enough to believe that there is happiness after meth. Only time will tell I guess.

Freaky - thanks for the kind words, unfortunately swim doesn't have any good advice right now but swim hopes your friend has found something that works for him.

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by ~lostgurl~

Swim regrets this decision in some ways but in some ways she doesn’t. Its kind of confusing as swim didn’t choose to use again because of craving, but because life has just been so boring without it. How long does it really take to feel normal after quitting meth?

What did SWIY go out of her way to do that was interesting? Or did she sit around & wait for something exciting to pound on the door & demand entrance? Just curious...

[~lostgurl~]

SWIM admits she didn't do a lot. She wasn't waiting for something exciting to come pounding on her door, but she was hoping that she would feel some kind desire to do something. It's hard to motivate yourself to do something that you feel no desire to do.

SWIM has spent a bit of time with her nephews and niece, she has been swimming a few times and gone for walks by the river. She's not the social bunny she used to be though and she gets anxiety when she spends a lot of time with people. SWIM has also felt very tired over the past few months, but has not been sleeping well at all and she thinks this has contributed to her lack of motivation to do anything physical or even get out of the house. If SWIY has any tips swim would love to hear them.

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by ~lostgurl~

SWIM admits she didn't do a lot. She wasn't waiting for something exciting to come pounding on her door, but she was hoping that she would feel some kind desire to do something. It's hard to motivate yourself to do something that you feel no desire to do.

SWIM has spent a bit of time with her nephews and niece, she has been swimming a few times and gone for walks by the river. She's not the social bunny she used to be though and she gets anxiety when she spends a lot of time with people. SWIM has also felt very tired over the past few months, but has not been sleeping well at all and she thinks this has contributed to her lack of motivation to do anything physical or even get out of the house. If SWIY has any tips swim would love to hear them.

Unfortunately SWIM doesn't have the vaguest clue... lack of motivation/interest (in the absence of drugs) is probably his biggest issue as well. SWIY is probably quite busy compared to SWIM in fact... he just sits around doing nothing most of the time, and literally has no friends or even casual acquaintances offline. He does get out of the house for grocery shopping, but that's pretty much the only time he ever sets foot outdoors (edit -- that and seeing his doctor once every 2-3 months for med refills, which happens to be scheduled for tomorrow... quite a big day for SWIM, taking the bus downtown & everything ).

[Broshious]

First off SWIM would like to say how proud he is that SWIY has been able to quit. SWIM has his own problem with addiction and even though the substance is far less addicting than Meth he still can't even make himself quit so SWIY should give herself more credit.

Second while SWIM hasn't had to deal with recovering from addiction he has had depression/anxiety problems his whole life and he thinks some of the strategies that helped him might work for SWIY as well. You mentioned trying to exercise and SWIM can't stress enough that you should really try and get on that. It helps IMMENSELY. SWIY might even come to love it like SWIM has. Trying to make sure SWIY gets up early helps a lot too. Try and get outside and get some sun it always seems to make SWIMs day much better. They sell SAD(Seasonal Affective Disorder) lights that are supposed to simulate sunlight. Not sure if they work that well but it might be worth a shot. Getting a regular sleeping pattern would be a great help too. Set a bed time and work your ass off to make sure you get to sleep then. SWIM bought some hypnosis CDs online that have a great relaxtion technique that helps SWIM get to sleep so you could look into that. Along with getting to bed try and cut out all stimulants. It'll be hard but they will not help SWIY at all. Picking up a hobby couldn't hurt either. SWIM bought himself some golf clubs and went to the range 3 days a week. Anything that will allow SWIY to see actually progress is a good thing. Well that's about all SWIM can think of right now. Good luck and know we're all rooting for you.

[pankreeas]

It's always hard reading these posts.. Swim is not religious but this deserves dropping to knees for prayer. All the best in treatment. Tell swiy: Just keep pushing it... it will push back, but you'll get stronger... the you can knock it's ass out.

[~lostgurl~]

Thanks Broshious and Pankreeas, SWIM appresicates the kind words, and thanks for the advice Broshious, SWIM can always use that! She is trying to go to bed earlier, but finds it much easier to sleep during the day than at night. She got down to half a sleeping pill but over the past week has upped it a bit again. Sun makes swim feel better too, and she has a huge garden that needs to be taken care of so she could kill two birds with one stone and get exercise and sun at the same time.... motivating herself to this is another story though.

[sqyttles]

SWIM recommends getting some l-deprenyl from a doctor or an India pharm to take for the couple days after using meth. It normalizes dopamine and noradrenaline production. Plus, it is a neuroprotectant; some people take it before Ecstasy to reduce neurotoxicity.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Thanks for adding new information to the thread
	concise offering of specific chem remedy with explanation

[~lostgurl~]

Thought for the day: The biggest issue for my girl has been switching her mind set from instant gratification to long term satisfaction. It's so hard to do things because they will make your life better in the long term when you are used to doing things that make you feel great instantly. Having people in your life that really care and are really proud of the changes you have made really helps.

What is also important is not beating yourself up if you slip and use again. It is a lapse not a relapse. So many people slip up and use then because of the guilt they think they are a fuck up so they keep using. Just because you lapse doesn't mean you have to relapse. Refocus and get back on track. Lapses could happen for the rest of your life but as long as you see them for what they are, a normal part of addiction and a normal part of recovery, then you can stay on track and not let it affect your long term goals.

[Lobsang]

The biggest issue for my girl has been switching her mind set from instant gratification to long term satisfaction.

Well always remember these words.

"Life is like a cafeteria, you can have anything you want. Don't take your desserts first"

Damn I wish I had listened to those words sometimes...

Time--


Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.
(Pink Floyd--Time)

[cyndi]

This is an excellent thread and swim relates totally. Yeah she gave up meth but got hooked on ambien right after rehab. It also got to where she couldn't wait till it was time for ambien at night. That isn't healthy she guesses. Also just like swiy sat in the house and thought ok I will sit here alone but hey she isn't tweaking. Anyway yeah a relapse waiting to happen and did. Then she would go weeks off meth, get meth and feel horrible about it and well it just seems like a nonending cycle. She has a ton of personal issues that doesn't help and not a very supportive environment but knows she has to correct the situation somehow. She doesn't want to use but oh is feeling weak today. It will pass....

[~lostgurl~]

Hey Cyndi, sorry to hear you are down and craving, as you said, it will pass, though sometimes it seems to take forever. SWIM has been really "good" this year and she has only had a couple of lapses with her drug use, but she has again become addicted to some prescribed medications which she is now tapering off. It does feel like a never ending cycle, just keep reminding yourself why you are trying to stay clean (and make sure you have good reasons!) to keep you motivated to follow through. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

[cyndi]

I am so glad to hear a success story Yes if swim wants a family, job, and a home she better stay clean or those things go away. Very good reasons. Today is eh but not as bad as yesterday.

[stressless]

Hi there,
SWIM is a newbie but felt compelled to reach out and tell her story if it could help at all. . . . . .

SWIM was addicted to crystal meth for 2 years and it started to eat away her body and her life. It stops your ability to eat properly, sleep properly and think clearly. You don't see it at the time, but when you look back (clean) you are shocked a how you could live that way.

SWIM suffers from anxiety and depression, so at the time it was an escape for her from my head - but after a while it just compounded her problems - she was not on medication at the time, but later prescribed Effexor when she came of meth.

To cut a long story short the only thing that made her give it up was almost losing everyone she cared about: her family and her husband.

There is hope SWIM is now 3 years clean still married and she has a wonderful 2 year old son. Every time she looks at her boy he reminds her to keep on the straight and narrow and reminds her there is soooooo much more to life.

Reputation Comments on this post:

	Thanks for sharing your story
	for using SWIM on the first post.

[Cakes]

We had a few thoughts on the process SWIM had to deal with:

She just wants to take some more pills and curl up in a ball and go to sleep, block out all the changes, block out all the expectations, block out all the fears and insecurities...... block it all out, everything, even the dreams and hopes SWIM wants to block out and just not have to deal with anything or anyone, let alone everything and everyone!

SWIM ^was saying^ how she had just been given a list of physical acts her mother expected her to perform. I think SWIM performed them but it seems it was a bit too early because her next check in shows us this:

swim did go a bit overboard on the sleeping pills and cigarettes to compensate though. She hasn't been sleeping much and has found the last few weeks especially difficult because of this.

SWIM might have been happier if she had taken more time to rest. She was taking the supplements and waiting for her body to resume normal production levels<<this wasn't a fun time physically and to sleep through it doesn't seem a bad idea. Also, sleeping/low activity levels might help SWIM to recover reserves/heal damage faster due to the chems can be not burned up by exercise.

SWIM's next check-in shows us this:

SWIM admits she didn't do (try) a lot. She wasn't waiting (expecting) for something exciting to come pounding on her door, but she was hoping that she would feel some kind desire to do something. It's hard to motivate yourself to do something that you feel no desire to do.

If SWIM is sleeping it off, eventually she will wake hungry and she will WANT to do something>>eat. so if she goes back to sleep after that, okay. One day on her way back to bed she might feel like looking at her computer..okay. GOOD. and that is how SWIM will get her life back. what she wants she will do. and fuck the rest.