advice to kick opiates before it is too late

[roboreet]

first introduced to morphs in '99, opiates had help an on & off relationship with me up until about 18 months ago, when percs, codeines, and fresh poppies became too abundant to ever require that I take a break. Now I find myself in a very deep pool of hot water. Nothing has officially suffered yet, aside from me. I still have a job, though I'm getting shorter and shorter with my staff, my family must suspect something though they'd never call me on it, and i spend most of my time high as hell and creating music. I'd always associated opiates with a source of creative inspiration for musical endeavours, but I KNOW that I can be just as congizant and probably more lucid and effective without. that's the problem - without. I've flushed pills, I've burned poppies, I've done all I can.. but the shit is far far far too easy to get. When I go home from work tonight, I have nothing to get me high aside from grass and a prescription to clonazepam that I've been on for 8 years.

I'm already growing increasingly agitated knowing that I've nothing waiting for me at home. I burned the last of my opiates last night, again. I recognize that this must be something involving will power - i'm not inclined to approach NA or any support groups because I have faith in my self control - I must have faith in that.. though i've made very weak decisions, i don't think i'm fundamentally weak. but i need help, pretty freakin bad.. i see myself in the mirror at 5am before passing out and i barely recognize my face.. i'm shaking now, and sustaining myself with blueberry pie and coffee.

What vices can I use to help me kick this once and for all? A few friends know that I've been having problems but none of them know to what extent - that it consumes all of my thoughts - and I do not want to burden any of them by asking them for actual physical support. I'm not too concerned about smoking pot at this stage in the game.. it's not gonna be the toughest thing to kick and i'll use it if it helps me ditch these opiates.

Please if anyone has any advice or words of encouragement, my world has grown dark beyond recognition and I miss a normal life. I miss normal sleep patterns and I miss my friends, most of all i miss myself, and i've no idea where i've been for the last 6 months.. this is despair, as I'm sure many of you have felt.. i cannot imagine what skinpoppers must have to deal with, comparitavely.. anyone with strength to kick this jazz has very admirable will power & my hat off to you.

thanks kindly, i cannot afford to sink any further.

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[Forthesevenlakes]

kicking opiates is not fun, but SWIY can accomplish this with a bit of effort. Prepare for about a week of unpleasantness peaking at about day 4. Please look around through the recovery and addiction section here, there are a ton of threads with advice on kicking opiates. Try not to overdo it on the clonazepam either, although benzos can certainly help with sleep during this period. Good luck and keep us updated on your progress.