Opinions - Parent needs help identifying drug use of son (is it cocaine?)

[DaveC426913]

I am a parent who strongly suspects my teen and a friend are using hard drugs (I know they do pot, etc.). I am not sure what kind of drugs. I'd like some help in identifying it.

They prepared something on a CD case and smeared it on their gums.

I asked a police officer but he said that didn't sound like cocaine at all.

They do this in the basement, so they're not burning or smoking it. It makes them hyper, giggly, active, loud and hungry.

I need to understand what they're doing so I can apporach the issue intelligently.

[wellhelm]

There is no where near enough info to tell. What color was it? Did you know they are ONLY smearing it on there gums. What are there physical symptoms? Large pupils. Small pupils? How do you know it was prepaired on a cd case? It could be as simple as caffene pills to LSD. How old is he/she? How long does it seem to last?

[KomodoMK]

I agree with wellhelm on this one, we need a lot more information than you have given to narrow it down.

"It makes them hyper, giggly, active, loud and hungry." Could suggest cocaine with the exception of the hungry part, however some people can eat whilst taking cocaine. Maybe then are using a mixture?

Preparing on a CD case is also common with cocaine use. Are you sure they did not prepare it on a CD case then smeared the excess on their gums after snorting?

In terms of approaching them after finding out what it is they are taking? I would suggest being very calm and informative, as most parents don't appear to understand that going at their children all guns blazing only results in their children being more likely to go against them.

[DaveC426913]

Perhaps I should add that I have three separate people who confirm the cocaine use. Two of which are parents and close friends and the third is our other son, who told us explicitly.

Their stories were not solicited by us, in fact, it was they who came to us and told us to keep our eyes peeled before these two get hurt.

I was hoping to get an independent confirmation. I guess the best I can hope for is a dependent confirmation.

[Bajeda]

If they smoke cigarettes or start that could be a sign of amphetamine use as they go well together.

If they are doing decent amounts of coke their pupils will be dilated, though if they aren't doing much they may not dilate. If you know they are doing coke you can check to see if they are doing small amounts or more, though don't take this to heart.

Irregular sleeping hours could be another sign.

If they have stuffier noses than usual, or you see blood come out when they blow their nose that could be another sign.


More information would be needed to totally confirm it, and the fact they got hungry is sort of weird, so maybe theres another substance mixed in as well or something. Hard to explain that.


I just hope you are as reasonable and intelligent as you sound, and you approach this in a way that will be beneficial to all rather than creating animosity within the family.

[Psych0naut]

Cocaine is a local anesthetic, which when rubbed on the gums numbs them. Many cocaine users like this feeling.
Amphetamine has a very bitter and discusting taste, something you don't want to smear on your gums on purpose, so it probaply isn't amphetamine. Also, cocaine is usely snorted, and a good surface to lay a few bumps or lines on, is a cd-case.
So what the police officer told you isn't true, it certainly does look like the effects of cocaine, but something doesn't fit.
Cocaine is a stimulant, which can make you hyper and energetic, but stimulants supress the apetite, and the last thing moest people want to do when on cocaine, is eat, cocaine strongly supresses the appetite so it doesn't all seem too fit.
If you combine cannabis with cocaine, than the cocaine can still make you hyper and energetic, while the cannabis can make you giggly and hungry, so those two seem to match the effects.

[KomodoMK]

SWIM and a few friends can eat whilst on cocaine, and have always found it nowhere near suppresses the appetite like MDMA or Speed. In just seems to make you think about food less. I think this one varies a lot between people. I do agree with it being a possible cocaine and cannabis mix though, even though SWIM does not smoke.

Strangely, I know someone who licks out empty bags of amphetamine, it makes them cringe and they hate it but they do it everytime. :P

[DaveC426913]

Well, I confronted him, and he didn't deny any of it. He became quite meek.

I think he didn't plan on conclusive proof of his own drug use; he'd hoped that circumstantial evidence would leave room for the "that isn't mine, that's my brother's" ploy.

So anyway, now he's experiencing what it really means to be an adult - the right to make his own decisions and deal with the consequences.

[KomodoMK]

Fair enough, may I ask what route of action you employed with this subject? Purely out of interest. That is if you don't mind.

[yayo4yournasal]

coke is an expensive and psychologically addictive drug, its nothing but trouble for minors. Without a decent job and the little self control that most teens exibit, they are in deep poo poo if they let yayo get a hold on them. Best of luck to ya.

[DaveC426913]

Originally Posted by KomodoMK

Fair enough, may I ask what route of action you employed with this subject? Purely out of interest. That is if you don't mind.

We had him recite to us The One Rule (no drugs on property!), the consequence (out you go!), and then gave him time to collect some things.

We did this in a completely non-confrontational way (as loving as possible under the circumstances), and made no indication that we were turning our backs on him.

He's shacking up with his gf and her mother. He does seem to be showing up at his job daily, so that's good.

This is not the first time he's been booted out. It happened when he was 18, but not over drugs, it was over very disorderly behaviour brought by a completely irresponsible abuse of alcohol (his brother locked him outside and called the cops. We picked him up from jail.) He was gone for a year.

Anyway, it's been one week now. He's been back once to offer a bargain of taking some sort of drug testing, but of course, that's really just more babysitting for us.

He's 21. We don't want to be babysitting a child for the rest of his life.

[Nicaine]

Your reaction sounds fair enough given his age, prior knowledge of the rules and ability to survive (i.e. you're not kicking him onto the streets, which could be really harmful if he had a cocaine dependency go along with it).

[DaveC426913]

Originally Posted by Nicaine

Your reaction sounds fair enough given his age, prior knowledge of the rules and ability to survive (i.e. you're not kicking him onto the streets, which could be really harmful if he had a cocaine dependency go along with it).

We have warned and warned and warned our boys about where they might end up. We have dealt with drug use constantly. This was inevitable, and could not possibly have caught him by surprise.


Tell me about this dependency. I suspect he is probably not addicted, but the two of them have been using it quite regularly over the summer. I think they just do it recreationally. But is there such a thing as recreational use of coke?

It alarms me when he says things like "I do not have an addictive personality" We know he has always explored things, thinking it'll never happen to him. Kids always think they're smarter than everyone else.

Is it possible/probable that he is unable to get off coke without intervention?

[Creeping Death]

I wouldn't kick my son out of the house if i were you. It's not going to make him stop doing lines when you make life hard.

[Forthesevenlakes]

Originally Posted by Creeping Death

I wouldn't kick my son out of the house if i were you. It's not going to make him stop doing lines when you make life hard.

Yeah, but if he's 21? He shouldn't be doing lines in the house out of respect at that age, youthful indescretion only works til one is 18 in most places. You're right though, this won't necessarily stop him from blowing more lines. Maybe the key is to limit where he's able to blow them?

[DaveC426913]

Originally Posted by Creeping Death

I wouldn't kick my son out of the house if i were you. It's not going to make him stop doing lines when you make life hard.

It is not my job to make him quit.

He has to decide of he wants to.

My job is merely to allow him to make his own decisions and support what ones I can and not support what ones I can't.

And it is pretty clear even before he got caught that he is prepared to risk the roof over his head for this hobby of his. I think he may be reconsidering though.

[jdrug]

Originally Posted by DaveC426913

But is there such a thing as recreational use of coke?

Yes, there is such a thing as occasional use.

Originally Posted by DaveC426913

Is it possible/probable that he is unable to get off coke without intervention?

It is possible, but it is impossible to say if it is "probable" based on the limited information. It seems like you have a pretty good grasp and that you have approached and handled the situation rationally; trust your judgement. Perhaps the current consequences will be enough to open his eyes and act as a catalyst to stop using or perhaps the problem is worse than it appears. Cocaine usage is different for everybody and patterns cover the entire spectrum from once or twice a year to once a week to every single day -- and the same goes for stopping: some can walk away for little or no reason and others have trouble even with help...

Reputation Comments on this post:

nice answer

[Forthesevenlakes]

Originally Posted by DaveC426913

I am a parent who strongly suspects my teen and a friend are using hard drugs (I know they do pot, etc.).

Originally Posted by DaveC426913

He's 21. We don't want to be babysitting a child for the rest of his life.

Out of curiosity, which is it? 21 or a teenager? this doesnt really change the situation any, as either way he is still responsible for both his choices and accepting the consequences of his actions, I'm just curious.

I would say that most people who use cocaine do NOT need outside assistance quitting. Very few people have the affinity and money to sustain a habit large enough to have them physically addicted. The main problem is psychological addiction, but my buddy SWIM says that usually the cravings to use cocaine usually occur the strongest when one is already using it during a session, videlicet, after blowing a line, there's a strong urge to do another. But after abstaining from it for a day, most people dont notice any withdrawal. After a couple days, there should not be much of a craving for it, at least with most people. Some people do not even think about it once they have stopped using. SWIM for example sometimes forgets that its even an option when it comes to picking out a drug to use. Cocaine can be addicting, and very much so, but most people cannot sustain such an addiction, and can usually quit without much of a problem.

You may want to sit down with him and talk to him about stopping use of this drug, and mention to him that if he has the DESIRE to quit but simply seems UNABLE to, that it would be okay to tell you so. In the even this happens, it means that he is addicted, and probably will need outside help to quit. Look up the DSM-IV criteria for "substance abuse disorder" and "substance dependence", they contain other symptoms of addiction that he (and you) may want to be on the lookout for, since their presence may well indicate that his problem is deeper than he admits to.

I wish both you and him the best of luck with confronting this problem. It sounds like you're handling it in the best way possible, and I applaud you for not taking a wrathful approach...I've known many parents who would have simply beaten their children in a similar situation.

[DaveC426913]

He's 21, but acting like a teen or child i.e. somoene who doesn't simply act irresponsibly, but does so as a form of deliberate defiance. He has not learned to define himself in any other way than in terms of his parents.

BTW, our next step is to call our local addiction centre to get some form of counselling or advice, so we can start on the right foot when he does come to the "negotiation table". We were planning to have a professional in place *before* confronting him. I seriously didn't expect to catch him the VERY FIRST TIME I started spying.

[Forthesevenlakes]

An initial meeting with a counsellor may not be a bad idea. However you may want to see to it that the main focus of the counselling session is not "how to break a coke habit" since it is unlikely that he has a full-blown coke habit, but perhaps how he can work at defining himself and, in general, making better decisions in the future. You are doing the right thing by not coddling him, however. As much as SWIM supports the notion of consnting adults being able to use drugs in their own homes, its important that they ARE adults first, and from what you are saying, he is not yet an adult, age notwithstanding.

Reputation Comments on this post:

very sound advice

[DaveC426913]

Originally Posted by Forthesevenlakes

An initial meeting with a counsellor may not be a bad idea. However you may want to see to it that the main focus of the counselling session is not "how to break a coke habit"

Nope. Our focus will be on advice for *us* - tried and true methods for dealing with these kinds of issues. eg. Do we run home drug tests as a requirement? Do we get him some sort of counselling? Do we have third party arbitration? How many strikes might he get? etc.

[Creeping Death]

So it is your job to make him quit after all, since you're calling counsellors and everything.

All you can really do for your son is show love and let him make his own mistakes. Nobody likes to be told what to do. Obviously i dont know your situation, but going easy is the way to go.

[DaveC426913]

Originally Posted by Creeping Death

So it is your job to make him quit after all, since you're calling counsellors and everything.

No. It is our job to ensure our family has the best possible chances of staying a family, and if not, that we go separate ways without burning bridges.

The counsellors are not so much about getting him off drugs, they are about assuring that we take the right steps.

We have been very clear that we will not pass judgement on what they do with their lives when they are outside the home, but that we have every right to control what happens in our home. (eg. We know prefectly well that they do pot regularly, and make no bones about it, but we are very strict on not allowing it on our property. That goes for our friends too.)

[DaveC426913]

i.e. the counsellors are for us, not for him.

[Creeping Death]

SWIM is in the same situation, that's all. SWIM is an occasional user, and will not quit using cocaine for any rules or counsellors.