Question about: "Falling in Love" on MDMA

[SmoothCall]

Question: Help!!

If a man and a woman are good friends, but NOT romantic or sexually, and have tripped on xtc 5 or 6 times together, and at some point during the last time the woman looks at the man and says, "I'm falling in love with you." and then before the guy has a chance to say anything she says, "oh, it's just the xtc talking" --

IS IT REALLY JUST THE XTC TALKING??? HELP!

She did NOT say: "I love you" it was: "I'm falling in love with you . . ."

Would XTC make her say that even if it isn't true?

The real problem here is that my buddy, after he sobered up, realized that
he wanted it to be true. He wanted it to be true that she was falling in love.

BUT BUT BUT . . . he promised her and himself that he wouldn't use her friendship just as a way to become her lover; and he meant it when he said it. They both date other people. The other people know that they hang out, but do NOT know they take XTC together.

He is very afraid that if they do it together even one more time, he won't be able to control his feelings about her.

He just about almost can't right now.

But he really likes doing the stuff. He loves it. ha ha. He is falling in love with it for sure.

If you need background:

A friend of mine (male) started using xtc with a female friend. They started to get to know each other about a year ago, and maybe 6 or 8 months into just kind of hanging out, but not dating and not being romantic, getting drunk together once or twice or three times maybe, then started to take xtc every 2 or 3 weeks together; total about 5 or 6 times maybe.

In spite of mutual attraction, they both know they can't really have a "relationship" together -- number of reasons.

These people have not had sex together, and not even engaged in any serious kissing -- an occasional peck on the lips, yes, but not anything serious. But there has been lots of touching and so forth, of course.

Usually, they start with about 1/2 tab each, go out dancing for a couple of hours. At some point they hit about another half or quarter each during dance time. Then when they get back home, about another 1/2 or quarter each. Maybe they are lightweights, but the high seems to last all night -- six to eight hours at least, and each piece of a tab seems to build on the last.

Usually, there is a very little bit of booze involved. Maybe two drinks each over the course of the eight hours.

Then they start talking and sharing all the intimate details of their lives; she especially, shares things with him that she has been afraid to tell anyone else. They touch a lot and dance and listen to music.

They have said, "I love you" many times -- even when sober -- but it was meant as very good friends, so my buddy thought.

What is up with this "I am falling in love with you" comment?

Reputation Comments on this post:

GREAT thread started here. This is the effects of MDMA which entrigues me the most !

[Nagognog2]

Many people believe the opposite of love is hate. I beg to differ. The opposite of love is fear. The above post is a good example.

It would take several hundred pages of writing to begin to explain why love often evokes fear in the culture many of us live in. But suffice to say - would SWIM care to remove the feeling of love? And what would SWIM replace it with? Does it matter how it came about? Think about it.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Very prophetic.

[SmoothCall]

Originally Posted by Nagognog2

Many people believe the opposite of love is hate. I beg to differ. The opposite of love is fear. The above post is a good example.

It would take several hundred pages of writing to begin to explain why love often evokes fear in the culture many of us live in. But suffice to say - would SWIM care to remove the feeling of love? And what would SWIM replace it with? Does it matter how it came about? Think about it.

Well, I agree with you; what you say reminds me of a Springsteen song I puzzled over for months, called Cautious Man, part of it:

Billy met a young girl in the early days of May
It was there in her arms he let his cautiousness slip away . . .

On his right hand Billy'd tattooed the word love and on his left hand was the word fear
And in which hand he held his fate was never clear

I think it is pretty clear that my friend isn't afraid to be in love with the woman, but does not want to break his promise to her that he wouldn't fall in love with her.

He also made a deal with her that either one could say whatever they wanted to while high, and that the other would not seek to hold the other to the words when they were sober.

This man lives by his word.

Yes, I know we can just say that this is another way of saying the guy is rejecting love and embracing fear . . .

And you are probably right.

But the question remains: Would a woman actually say that she is falling in love if she is not, just because of the XTC?

I told my friend that I think not. That is, it is pretty damn hard to bull shit anyone while on XTC. I think that XTC may aid people in falling in love, by helping them express themselves and share common feelings about the world, and giving them the sense of sharing extreme pleasure outside of sex -- but I don't think it would make her say that she is falling in love with him if it weren't true.

But I have very little experiance in this area. I would like to hear the thoughts of others -- of course that is why I posted.

[Tony Blair]

Originally Posted by Nagognog2

Many people believe the opposite of love is hate. I beg to differ. The opposite of love is fear. The above post is a good example.

It would take several hundred pages of writing to begin to explain why love often evokes fear in the culture many of us live in. But suffice to say - would SWIM care to remove the feeling of love? And what would SWIM replace it with? Does it matter how it came about? Think about it.

I still love your posts...

But, I beg to differ again... the opposite of love is indifference.

Recommend me a pre-written book on the whole love thing, from that sort of angle, anyone?

Reputation Comments on this post:

yes, I agree. and dr. robert sternberg agrees ;)

[Bajeda]

Originally Posted by SuperLev

I still love your posts...

But, I beg to differ again... the opposite of love is indifference.

Recommend me a pre-written book on the whole love thing, from that sort of angle, anyone?

I would recommend just reading about Sufi love mysticism if you want a really different perspective of emotion, epsecially in regards to spirituality.


Otherwise I think a notebook, a pen, 120mg of MDMA, and some free time to write out poetry and ideas and such is much better for developing ideas on love.

[Nagognog2]

Originally Posted by SuperLev

I still love your posts...

But, I beg to differ again... the opposite of love is indifference.

Recommend me a pre-written book on the whole love thing, from that sort of angle, anyone?

Indifference is the lack of feeling/emotion. So you are right, and wrong. I was refering to an opposite emotional response.

[enquirewithin]

They have said, "I love you" many times -- even when sober -- but it was meant as very good friends, so my buddy thought.

What is up with this "I am falling in love with you" comment?

Maybe if they are both free, they should get together! It sounds like they like each other to me.

[joechip666]

Originally Posted by SmoothCall

Question: Help!!

In spite of mutual attraction, they both know they can't really have a "relationship" together -- number of reasons.

Why can't they?

[~lostgurl~]

How did the girl feel the following day? SWIM fully beleives that you can fall in love while on E, the feelings of happiness, closeness, trust, honesty etc. felt while on E is sure to affect the way you feel about the person/people you are doing it with. But SWIM thinks that if the emotions are real, they will carry forth to the following day, week, month etc. The emotions will feel just as real sober, maybe even more so, as they did while high on Ex.

SWIM has the opinion that Ecstasy can evoke feelings of love, and if the love is true, this feeling will not fade out when the buzz of the Ex does.

[WrtngCocaineTutorial]

very intereresting subject"!
is here antone elso who has experienced falling in love on E?
Or turning freindship into something more

[SmoothCall]

Originally Posted by ~lostgurl~

How did the girl feel the following day? SWIM fully beleives that you can fall in love while on E . . . But SWIM thinks that if the emotions are real, they will carry forth to the following day, week, month etc. The emotions will feel just as real sober, maybe even more so, as they did while high on Ex. . . .

Thanks for the insight to everyone.

ha ha ha ha . . . well, that is the question, "How did the girl feel the following day?"

I can only tell you the facts as conveyed by him:

1. She didn't want my friend to leave; about 4:30 a.m. they fell asleep in each other's arms and woke up late in the morning; she made him breakfast. She wanted him to stay all day.

2. She is the type of woman who will not usually reveal her feelings until the guy lays it all out and bares his heart. The guy is very much the same way when it comes to women. They both know this about each other.

3. She is physically very very beautiful, with a larger than life personalty, so men are constantly trying to get over on her. They pretend to be her friend and then attempt to seduce her; they offer her "business deals" so they can be close to her. She has been burned countless times by scum-bag men. My friend knows that she needs a true friend way more than she needs another guy who wants to get into her pants. My buddy needs a real friend too, because everytime he gets close to a woman, she wants more than that. This is part of why they became good friends.

4. They are both involved with other people, or at least she claims she is. He doesn't see any real evidence of it. But he is for sure.

5. Because of numbers 2, 3, and 4, they are not likely to admit how they feel when they are sober. But the buzz seems to last for days for both of them.

6. It was strange for this guy, because it wasn't until about 3 days after she said "I'm falling in love with you" that he realized he wanted it to be true, because he is for sure falling in love with her -- maybe he already is.

7. Neither the man nor the woman wants to lose the friendship; I know he is concerned that being in love might be the begining of the end of the friendship. She probably is concerned about that too.

ha ha ha ha. this is driving him nuts. he wants to be in love with her and take her away from all her troubles. she might go for the love, but not the "take her away from all her troubles."

ha ha ha

[~lostgurl~]

SWIM married the guy she took her first Ex with. She is no longer with him but still believes the love they shared was real. Falling out of love was NOT one of the reasons SWIM and x-hubby broke up. But drugs were. Go figure, what brought them together ended up tearing them apart.

[FrankenChrist]

Oh there's a song about this kind of thing. "E talking" from Soulwax. The video is also highly entertaining. Features the whole drug alphabet.

right here

Reputation Comments on this post:

thanks for sharing that with us. SWIM just got a new artist to fill his playlist

[dnb warrior]

SWIM thinks if there is someone who you are always around when taking E, you will come to associate them with the feeling you get from E - love. The question is how often does your friend see this girl when not taking xtc? or is your relationship based mainly on pilled up nights out? what would be left if they were gone?

SWIM has mentioned before that there are certain groups of people male and female with whom his relationship is mainly based on nights together taking pills and these are always great nights, some of the best times in SWIMs life and naturally SWIM feels a kind of warmth, or even love towards all these people, he feels more gratitude to them than he does to some people who are actually much better friends and much more deserving. but there is an association between people he takes E around and the the great feelings he has at the time.

I don't know your friend or the girl he thinks he is falling in love with so i cant pass a judgement, there might well be something there. but if you do or say something stupid you will destroy your friendship and be left with nothing, SWIM knows he has been there. don't obsess with this girl too much, keep a level head, if you fall in love with someone you are not in a relationship with it can lead to trouble, pills or no pills involved.


on the other hand u have to take risks or life is a bag of shit but just be careful.

[WrtngCocaineTutorial]

"In spite of mutual attraction, they both know they can't really have a "relationship" together -- number of reasons."

well if this is the case, then I'd say fuck it.

stop seeing her alltogether. SWIM finds getting over a girl is like quitting smoking, it's like shit at first, but eventually you have no cravings for her whatsoever. The stupidest thing one could do when quitting smoking is to take one cigarette every now and then. Or calling/meeting the girl every now and then.

[SmoothCall]

Originally Posted by WrtngCocaineTutorial

"In spite of mutual attraction, they both know they can't really have a "relationship" together -- number of reasons."

well if this is the case, then I'd say fuck it.

stop seeing her alltogether. SWIM finds getting over a girl is like quitting smoking, it's like shit at first, but eventually you have no cravings for her whatsoever. The stupidest thing one could do when quitting smoking is to take one cigarette every now and then. Or calling/meeting the girl every now and then.

Well, sir, that is normally the correct advice. But this guy doesn't need to "get over her".

He just needs to know whether she is emotionally dependent on him. If not, he is fine with going on as her friend. The emotional dependence could be a problem. She is a hurting person recovering from an abusive childhood and from men who abused her -- and he KNOWS that she needs to heal and grow up BEFORE she is really ready to be in love with anyone.

The panic is because if it is true, that she is falling in love with him, he will have a hard time fighting it. And she will too. And then it will get VERY messy.

Because of emails he sent to her telling her the "I'm falling in love with you" freaked him out, she has recanted everything -- she said they are just going to go on as before.

But he still doesn't believe her 100%.

ha ha, today she sent him an email saying, come to thanksgiving; my boyfriend will be there. bring your girlfriend.

ha ha ha ha neither boyfreind or girlfriend would appreciate ANYTHING about the time those two spend together. But he did tell his g/f except about the xtc and the falling asleep in each other's arms.

oh well, you have all been quite kind and interesting.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts. They will all be passed on to my buddy.

[chiliblue]

..sometimes you'll say things on x..that even though they might be true..somewhere deep down...you kind of dont consider other things that come into it..its a very narrow type of thinking "i love you...nothing else matters"..when in fact...there might be things that matter..but you consider them only when sober..

also..swim is kind of in a similar situation as your friend..swim has an "e buddy"...very close friend with whom swim takes pills with..even before pills they had a very close friendship...just friendship...only to find out after 6 months of taking e together..that swim's friend is in love with swim.
swim looooovess the friend..loves lovessss..the relationship they have is very intense..no sex, no kissing..but a whole lot of touching and what not..but swim just wants a close friend..nothing else..i think it comes from the fear that the relationship might fuck up one day..and swim will be left with no friend..no lover..nothing!

[mfrieze]

For Swim.. ecstacy makes me not afraid to love, so the truth comes out usually. but the next day after, swim sometimes has some regrets and starts to fear love again and thinks about other things that keep swim from loving that person. just recently swim rolled with a girl that he though he loved while he was rolling but then the next day he realized he loved his girlfriend more.. or maybe he doesn't.. swim is just as confused to