How to deal with controlling parents

[El Calico Loco]

I agree that the person in question should try to deal with her addiction. But it's like you said: it won't work if she just goes for her mother's sake. She has to want to.


ECL

[Klaus]

Originally Posted by Trebor

Swim's mom, when he was 16, found 1/2 oz of hash and 30 quid, she burnt the hash and stole the money and gave Swim a long lecture about how drugs are bad, his dad didn't speak to him for a week and he almost moved out of his house, but alas he had no money. So, as for controlling parents, fuck them. Swim loved that week where his dad didn't speak to him. It was so quiet. Swim might now go and leave some flour around the house... Of course they still don't know that Swim is continuing his usage but Swim couldn't care less if they did, he ain't 16 anymore.

This dont help lostgurl does it Trebor ? She cares what her Mother thinks.

[Forthesevenlakes]

Very true, ECL. A person can't stop an addiction if they don't believe they have one, or if they don't want to stop. SWIM would be interested in if swiLostgirl thinks she needs to cut down or stop use at all, because if she does not, it might be a bit harder to reconcile her viewpoint with that of her mother. So it may take a fair bit of compromise and changing perspectives on swiLostgirl's part.

[Mona Lisa]

I can sympathise with Lostgirl's difficult relations with her mother because I have similar issues in terms of my relationships. They aren't drug-related, but have to do with an affair I've had. They would never accept him because of his schizophrenia.

To be honest, I can't really blame them; but it upsets me that I've had to compartmentalise my life instead of being able to be open with them. And yet, I love and respect them too much to lose them. Like Forthsevenlakes has said, parents (particularly mothers) are irreplaceable.

But I'm learning that it's wise to have a private side. They don't need to know everything. It's none of their business, frankly, especially as I'm now financially independent from them.

[~lostgurl~]

Thank you all for your responses, you have helped SWIM a lot!

SWIM is about to write her mother a long letter..... hopefully this will lead somewhere positive.... any advice on how SWIM should start it, cause she doesn't want to start on the attack, but she doesn't want to start all defensive either..... the wording will be crucial.... Thanks

[Hlucn8]

you love mom, right? Start with that.

My wife asked the Dr. after the birth of our first child, as he was handing the baby before the umbilical cord had even been cut, " How Do I Hold Her?" His response? "Like you love her".

Plain and simple, yet profound.

[~lostgurl~]

SWIM took some time and wrote her mom a very long letter explaining how she felt about being given this ultimatum, what she loves about drugs, what she hates about addiction and her thoughts on recovery. SWIM also collated some of her diary writings to explain her feelings further, then added a bunch of info on methamphetamine to show her mom both the positive and the negative effects of the drug (as she felt her mother knew only the negative effects due to the media's portrayal)

Doing this required SWIM to do a fair bit of soul-searching and a lot of self evaluation and upon completion SWIM realised that giving up methamphetamine is something she needs to do, something SWIM is ready to try and do anyway. And it is not because SWIM no longer want to use, that hasn't changed, but SWIM now sees that there are too many reasons why she should not carry on down the road she has been travelling.

Number one being that she doesn't want to lose her mother who she loves very much, and who is the only person in the world who SWIM knows loves her. But SWIM also wants to give up meth because she can’t afford it anymore and because she doesn’t like some of the people she has to associate with because of it or the way these people treat her like she is disposable, lying, ripping her off, pissing her around, and making her wait.... and wait... and wait...... There is nothing much worse than playing the waiting game when you've got no drugs

SWIM also wants to quit before she ends up looking like any of those chicks at the "crackwhore confessions site" (link from the junkie erotica thread) those chicks were scary looking! 8 years ago SWIM worked as a model, but over the past couple of years SWIMs looks have have taken a slamming from the meth and all that goes with it, and though still attractive, SWIM is not what she used to be, and knows that with continual use her looks will deteriorate further. Maybe she is being vain but she doesn't want to look anything even close to what the girls on that site looked like.

SWIM also hates the control it has over her, she hates coming down, she hate the secrets and the lies, and most of all SWIM hates that the only thing in her life that brings her pleasure, has taken away everything in her life that used to bring her pleasure.

SWIM doesn't know how to change, she doesn’t know how to start believing in a future, she doesn’t know to cope with life without drugs, she doesn’t know how to love herself enough to care.

But SWIM has realised she does want help & she does need help. Where to go from here though SWIM does not know.

[El Calico Loco]

I think you're making the right decision. Swim likes meth, and that's why he stays away from it. His mother lost all her teeth smoking that stuff.

It might seem dumb to use a drug to fight a drug addiction, but Swim recommends something insightful like 2C-E to deal with one's demons, perhaps in conjunction with therapy to find out what they are. It's not always fun, but it's always useful.

I'm told that low doses of DXM are good for battling other drugs' withdrawals, but I'm no professional.

Good luck.


ECL

[izzy31]

I doubt she would actually go through with not having a relationship with you. Think about it - She wants you to quit because she loves and cares for you, right? If thats the main reason she wants you to quit, she wont be able to just simply end a relationship like that with, especially with those results.