Depression

[D.U.M.B]

It's strange but I think I have learnt more from the world whenever I have been depressed. It's like I see it in a much different way and reveal more of what life is all about. Which is strange, but it does moments where I am walking around down and blue it's like you watch the world and soak much more in.

Your thoughts on this?

Oh but it's not SWIM's fave way of learning about the eyes with more of an open mind. SWIM likes LSD and Mushrooms for this

[eltimmy]

The experience of depression is valuable, but I'm pretty tired of mine.

[D.U.M.B]

Originally Posted by eltimmy

The experience of depression is valuable, but I'm pretty tired of mine.

can't agree more

[Beeker]

Most of my depression seems to come from the boredom of having to watch people self destruct or follow the leader. I just can't let go of the fact that I want humanity to get it right for once.

[tloving598]

Originally Posted by Raedon

Most of my depression seems to come from the boredom of having to watch people self destruct or follow the leader. I just can't let go of the fact that I want humanity to get it right for once.

They will, with our help. Humanity is dependant on all participants. It is our job to begin the movement. eventually we will get there my friends, and this i know. There are good, enlightened people everywhere and it is our duty to move. Just listen to Imagin by John Lennon. Love the life you've got, after all it is the good shit.

Cheers

[tloving598]

awesome, spelled imagine wrong. sweet. that is why i am awesome.

ok, cheers folks

[D.U.M.B]

When will this happen. The world is so strange

[morningGlory]

for swim it feels like the more drugs swim used the more aware of what is REALLY goin on around him. swim feels awakened as if swim uses different parts of his brain and can see clearly. the whole awakening and understanding of life has unfourtunatly left him with a rather depressing view, questioning if he will ever be truly happy during this life and trying to find the answer

[MrG]

Hang on a minute here guys and gals, there is a huuuuuuge difference from being depressed (sad, down, feeling low) and suffering from depression (anxiety, panic attacks, mood swings)

D.U.M.B. which type did you mean in your first post?

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by D.U.M.B

It's strange but I think I have learnt more from the world whenever I have been depressed. It's like I see it in a much different way and reveal more of what life is all about. Which is strange, but it does moments where I am walking around down and blue it's like you watch the world and soak much more in.

Your thoughts on this?

SWIM is just the opposite. When he gets depressed, his world shrinks/narrows dramatically until he cannot see the forest for the trees anymore. A normal sense of perspective becomes difficult or impossible. His activities shrink until it seems he just does one thing all day... stare at the walls or browse the same web pages over and over or just sleep. At worst, all he can do is sit there and contemplate his own death, like a bad movie repeating over & over in his head.

Perhaps SWIY is talking about "a case of the blues" rather than true depression. It's a rather night-and-day difference.

[morningGlory]

Originally Posted by Nicaine

SWIM is just the opposite. When he gets depressed, his world shrinks/narrows dramatically until he cannot see the forest for the trees anymore. A normal sense of perspective becomes difficult or impossible. His activities shrink until it seems he just does one thing all day... stare at the walls or browse the same web pages over and over or just sleep. At worst, all he can do is sit there and contemplate his own death, like a bad movie repeating over & over in his head.

what you described is exactly what is happening to swim it seems... swim seems to be loosing his grip on reality and becoming lost in his own thoughts and theorys about life

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by morningGlory

what you described is exactly what is happening to swim it seems... swim seems to be loosing his grip on reality and becoming lost in his own thoughts and theorys about life

If it gets really bad (i.e. SWIY becomes isolated and alone most of the time) he should seek help, perhaps get on an antidepressant. Nothing shameful in it.

[MrG]

Originally Posted by morningGlory

what you described is exactly what is happening to swim it seems... swim seems to be loosing his grip on reality and becoming lost in his own thoughts and theorys about life

SWIM knows exactly what you mean. SWIM smokes the weed *every* evening when he has it and over time he finds that he has a tendency to focus a little too much on the whole "big issue" of life and death. Even during the day his mind often starts obsessing about trying to find the point to all this!

A week without the hippy lettuce and he then finds himself able to shake it off and clear his mind somewhat.

As for anxiety and panic attacks, SWIM had a good few years stuck at the bottom of *that* pit and you know what? It all turned out to be physiological ! - He had a fucking abscess in his tooth that he didn't know was there for like five years and the poison had been messing with his head! Once he got his teeth sorted it went away completely. No bull.

Years can be spent taking anti-depressants and having psycho-analysis and it turns out you are simply battling brain poisoning.

[morningGlory]

Originally Posted by MrG

SWIM knows exactly what you mean. SWIM smokes the weed *every* evening when he has it and over time he finds that he has a tendency to focus a little too much on the whole "big issue" of life and death. Even during the day his mind often starts obsessing about trying to find the point to all this!

A week without the hippy lettuce and he then finds himself able to shake it off and clear his mind somewhat.

As for anxiety and panic attacks, SWIM had a good few years stuck at the bottom of *that* pit and you know what? It all turned out to be physiological ! - He had a fucking abscess in his tooth that he didn't know was there for like five years and the poison had been messing with his head! Once he got his teeth sorted it went away completely. No bull.

Years can be spent taking anti-depressants and having psycho-analysis and it turns out you are simply battling brain poisoning.

yeah swim tends to smoke weed on the daily basis, it does help with getting swims mind off the whole questioning life and what its all about. sometimes swim feels like he almost feeds this 'depression' (music choices, daily activities, shutting out some people.. ect) even coming on this site reading all day. i think swim is just at a difficult age (just out of highschool.. having to start a career, no idea what swim wants to do) and is trying to find another way to life then to work for the next 40 years untill you retire and realize your not even happy with your life...

[Micklemouse]

Mr G - you should read some Flann O'Brien ('The Third Policeman' in particular) for an interesting perspective on the role of the teeth in mental health!

In reply to your earlier post, all the emotions you describe are part of depression. Depression is a huge range of symptoms/emotions, of which the panicky, immobilised, suicidal variety is only the more extreme end of the spectrum.

I understand what you are getting at though. Personally, & from experience, I see the difference as being between true depression & dissatisfation/the blues.

True depression, be it circumstantial (caused by stress, trauma, loss, etc) or endogenous (without specific cause), having the traits of extreme sadness, tearfulness, lack of motivation, lack of appetite, disturbed sleep patterns, mood swings, flatness & emotional numbness, inability to shake off the Black Dog or see anything other than the Dark Place for more than the briefest moment once in a blue moon.

Dissatisfaction with one's situation or what one is seeing in the world around them, which is what the majority of people seem to class as depression, can lead to tears, not wanting to get out of bed or go to work/college/whatever, but it generally passes quickly with a rant, a good blowout, change of scene, one is able to 'pull your socks up' & get on with life, find distractions, remember that there are other things than the situation causing distress. It does not, as Nicaine described, narrow one's perspective on the world or alter one's perceptions of one's Self or those around them. It is not a constant weight on the soul, which true depression, at whatever level, is. At lower levels of depression one can still function, but it can't really be called living. Dissatisfaction with an aspect of one's life still allows for other aspects of life to go on relatively unaffected - one can put one's troubles to one side. This is virtually impossible if one is truly depressed.

Extreme dissatisfaction with one's lot can become true depression of course, if the situation does not resolve. It is not however depression in itself.

Clinically speaking, if the symptoms described as true depression persist for longer than 2 -4 weeks, then you are looking at something that needs addressing, & the line has been crossed between dissatisfaction & depression.

Reputation Comments on this post:

somwthing for my boooks... purrr

[Nicaine]

Originally Posted by Micklemouse

Extreme dissatisfaction with one's lot can become true depression of course, if the situation does not resolve.

FWIW, SWIM finds that unlikely in his own case, unless heavy drug use is also involved. This seems to tip the balance for him in causing true depression, perhaps because it wreaks havoc on his physical health and overall situation (sleeping days/up nights, physically weak/sick, neglecting friends/hobbies, not eating properly, bowel habits thrown off, neglecting personal hygeine, not leaving home for extended periods, not cleaning up around the house, and that killer of all killers: Sleep deprivation).

At some point, SWIM finds the chaos to become overwhelming and unmanageable (that's when depression kicks in with a vengeance). He's got a damn high tolerance for it, but everyone has their limits...

[Micklemouse]

Originally Posted by Nicaine

FWIW, SWIM finds that unlikely in his own case, unless heavy drug use is also involved. This seems to tip the balance for him in causing true depression, perhaps because it wreaks havoc on his physical health and overall situation (sleeping days/up nights, physically weak/sick, neglecting friends/hobbies, not eating properly, bowel habits thrown off, neglecting personal hygeine, not leaving home for extended periods, not cleaning up around the house, and that killer of all killers: Sleep deprivation).

At some point, SWIM finds the chaos to become overwhelming and unmanageable (that's when depression kicks in with a vengeance). He's got a damn high tolerance for it, but everyone has their limits...

Which is something many people forget also - everyone has their limits, their individual breaking point where the line is crossed into depression. Some people can put with the most amazing amount of shit without visiting the Dark Place, others are plunged by a misplaced word...

The factors of drug use that you describe as leading SWiN to depression are also often seen as signs of depression itself, with or without drug use. A Certain Mouse remembers them well from his terrible twenties, with & without drugs (man, was he glad when he hit 30! It wasn't over, but he could see light more than dark at last!). So it becomes a chicken & egg situation - is the depression indeed a direct result of the increased drug use, or is the increased drug use a way of dealing with a deepening depression that was being masked by the increased drug use? For A Certain Mouse it was the latter, initially anyway - increased drug use gave him an excuse to not go to work or college, whilst allowing him to not look at why he was increasingly not going to work & using drugs instead. Of course it all came crashing down around his ears in a stunningly familiar fashion, which he knew could have been avoided, but was powerless to do anything about. Later his drug-use became more methodical, using his drugs as a specific self-medication (he refused anti-depressants, & chose the long route), choosing his chemicals as part of a mission to re-wire his battered brain & psyche, possibly causing more harm than good at times, but allowing him to explore the Dark Place fully & with some feeling of control over what was happening to him - he'd been in & out of the Dark Place since he was a pup anyway, so why not? It was a long, circuitous, & at times horrific journey, but eventually worth it. It was also in hindsight a dangerous game to play kittlings, & not recommended!

But that was just A Certain Mouse - everyone is different. What happened with the Mouse isn't necessarily going to hold for anyone else, & I'm blatantly in no way saying this is the case for SWiN. Just a different perspective. Hope it makes sense..

[Trebor]

Funny how a lot of great minds tend to be either stonded or depressed.

Plath, Dickinson, Poe, Most Germans. So on.

[~lostgurl~]

SWIM's mum sent her this card a few years ago when SWIM was struggling with depression, SWIM is not sure who the writer is but it sure hit home with SWIM.

I’m truly sorry to know how tough this time must be for you. It wouldn’t be easy for anyone to experience what you are going through, but it must be especially hard for someone with a heart as big and as beautiful as yours.

Maybe the silver lining in this cloud is that the heart that makes you feel things so deeply… is the same strong and wonderfully caring heart that will lead you in your journey to a brighter day.

And if there’s one thing I’m sure of… its that you will see your way through, and the love of others will always walk beside you
As you begin that journey, know that you go with every wish that could possibly be wished… traveling by your side.

Know that, in the grand scheme of things, we live in a world where rainy days eventually give ways to sunnier skies, and where simply believing in tomorrow takes you halfway up the mountain to getting beyond any sorrow you may have. I wish you the companionship of comfort on every path you take, and I wish you the gentleness of peace.

I wish you serenity and strength and every single thing… that will put your heart at ease.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Swim doesn't learn anything from it all.Everything becomes confused,swim can't really do normal tasks and really take care of himself,it hurts physically aswell as emotionally.Even the most beautiful sights or sounds possible don't really phase swim or bring any light to the world.

[Swimster]

swim thinks depression is hard, when he is depressed, he doesn't think about anything! he dosent want anything to do with reality.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

And the curse on swim is that when he is severely depressed,which is alot he gets even more desperate feeling for those things that remove that depression atleast for a short time instead of dealing with the depression or its causes like a normal person should.

[Swimster]

^^ pretty bad situation if you ask swim.

[Orchid_Suspiria]

Oh most definitely the past two months have pushed swim to his limits as far as he can go in terms of loss,heartache,physical illness,among many things.Atleast at this forum people seem to understand or care to an extent.

[~lostgurl~]

When swim is low, she can't see anything in life ever making her really happy, she doesn't feel low because she wants what she can't have, she usually feels low when she has everything she's ever dreamed of having yet she's still not happy, such a hopeless feeling, and the instant gratification of drugs often seems a necessity to keep swim going for another day.

swim hasn't felt like this in a long time (a real blessing) but she does remember the pain and fully empathises with others going through this. There is no point in saying that 'things will get better' because you wouldn't/couldn't believe that while you are depressed anyway, but they do, just hold on and keep holding, even if you cant find a reason to, one day it will be clear. It's just so darn hard holding onto something you don't believe in.