I used crack
about a dozen times in 2009/2010.
These were the most intense sexual experiences of my life. I would spend the whole night finding new ways to masturbate, or have my partner pound me with ever larger dildoes fists etc. this would go on for hours as I'd go though the $100 chunk. I loved loved loved it.
The thrifty girl I am, I saved my exhaled smoke and used it again, I spent a lot of time coaxing every last bit out of the pipe. That $100 went a very long way. I'd inevitably end up carpet surfing til dawn and feeling absolutely shitty about myself. Often I would throw out the pipe and say 'never again'.
My use frequency got to once a week and it started scaring me. I used a couple of times on my own.
When I would know for sure I had an opportunity to use and was planning for it, i was so subconsciously excited, I'd actually get the shakes and loose bowels. I knew these signs meant trouble. I backed off, met a great man who has been my partner for 2 1/2 years and generally am very happy. I haven't used crack in nearly 3 years.
I'm craving that crazy intense sex so badly now, I feel like I just need to get my thoughts out and see if anyone else experiences crack sex craving like I do.
I've told my partner everything and he is not all that worried about me using again for a fun night of debauchery, perhaps in a 3 or 4some situation (already something we enjoy with or without drugs
). We tried finding the right connection on CL and had fun with meth
a couple of times with other people. Just not the bang I was looking for at all.
So I'm craving that intense sex and craving it bad. Opportunity to play for an extended time doesn't come up often due to his work schedule and my teenaged kids home most of the time. I'm seriously considering a solo mission while everyone is away one day, just to get it out of my system.
Then I fear overdoing it, somehow being discovered, hurting myself accidentally, and just craving the sex even more.
If I only used $40 worth (I never ever have called for a 2nd delivery) would I avoid the carpet surfing insanity?
I just can't imagine going much longer without having a nice big hit and fucking my self silly. I spend hours some nights reading drug
sex hook up ads, reading drug sex stories, wishing and wanting.
I have a reliable connection now and can have a little party all to myself soon. Wondering what you all think I should do.
Thanks for your kind responses.