I don't have a sponsoror anything, but I try and keep myself busy with things that feel good and are healthy for me. The natural stuff basically.
I have a friend who recently kicked the exact same kind of habit a while ago, and I try to stay positive with him if I can. I don't really like being a downer if you know what I mean (we're on different levels).
Other than that all of my bridges were burnt when I was stuck using the damn Oxys and all that so that's a hardship.
I still think it's best to count my blessings though.
I started to split my dose in half yesterday as well after talking to my new clinic about it (so 10mgs in the morning and than 10mgs in the later part of the day). This is because it's not lasting as long for me anymore at this dose and had been causing me to have way too much insomnia when I would just take it all at once every 24 hours (it was actually pooping out on me after 12 hours, which is just stupid really). So I'm pretty damn happy about the new split
... And luckily my clinic said that they are behind me on that as well, so that's pretty cool. I just hope its not too much trouble for them to do, especially with certain doses.
They also said the next time I come in to get my carries they will have them all split up for me instead. So I wont have to go through all the trouble of eye-balling it myself and never actually knowing if Im splitting it right in half.. so Im really happy about that too, as I have been needing a split dose for ages.
Yesterday was pretty hard waiting for that second half of my dose though, because it was the first day having to do it, but I did it anyways and waited until I pretty much could. The cigarette cravings while I was waiting were pretty brutal for me.
I'm trying to take each half a little bit later each day basically and not overload my body, until I get to the time when my clinic opens at least, and the second half 8 hours later (which is how long the clinics open for me).... I remember last week when I had to pick up my first set of carries from this new clinic that I just started at, I literally almost broke down in tears while I was trying to get there because I was so damn sick, that catching and finding all the bus's and different unfamiliar bus stops and such were all literally that hard for me to do. Getting home was pretty rediculous too until it finally kicked in. So I'm really trying to avoid that mess from happening all over again, because I found that just straight rediculous and hard on me!!! LOL.
Today isn't as hard waiting for the other half of my dose because it's not the first day anymore, but it still can be hard if I run out of things to do...
I find I always have to be changing things.. Like I can't keep doing one thing for too long, otherwise I just get way too stressed out for some reason... I don't know if this is because of the Nicotine withdrawals or the Methadone withdrawals/adjustment, but overall I'm just trying to stay positive and have faith in my higher power.
Right now I'm still waiting to get my second half of my dose as I write this, and I was actually having a bit of a hard time before I came onto DF tbh. Writing all this actually kind of is helping quite a bit though with those cravings now that I really think about it... It's really theraputic to be able to just let it all out, you know what I mean? DF can be a really great place when it comes to that.
It's funny that you mentioned about the cravings though BBW, because I have been having crazy cigarette cravings all morning while I've been waiting for my second half of my dose, and something inside just told me to go on DF. So that's pretty cool I guess.
Yesterday the same thing happened while I was stuck waiting... the cigarette cravings were extremely fierce on me. But than once I got my second dose in me things actually ended up pretty awesome for me and the cigarette cravings pretty much went away
I ended up chillin with that friend that I was talking about yesterday to and actually had a pretty decent time, so that was pretty good. It reminded me how fun it actually is to chill with a friend when you both have feelings and both aren't getting high (a good influence)... It was also cool to see how different he looks now that he's clean and sober. I was happy for him.
I guess it's just a lot of ups and downs right now overall. But I keep trying to remind myself of the rewards and stay positive.
It would be a good idea now that you mention it though to get myself a sponsor, which I guess would include going to meetings
. I may have to try that, as I would most likely benefit from that.
I'm still waiting for the weather here to get better though. Than I can actually start going outside as well and start enjoying the sun again. That part I'm super excited for.
I want to actually take my bike out, skateboard, rollerblade, play basketball, all that this summer, you know?...
I wasn't able to ever do those things and enjoy them while I was stuck on the higher doses of Methadone. It really sucked. It was so damn depressing being on the higher doses of Methadrone now that I think back.
I guess if I can find the energy I might check out a meeting hopefully when the weather clears up and see what happens.
I've been eating a shit load too which seems to help... which I never used to do. I haven't been gaining any weight though unfortunately... because of my fast metabolism I guess? (I feel so skinny and want to gain muscle). Another thing I want to do is hit the gym, but it's sort of hard. Even though I have a bow flex downstairs... I'm trying to stay away from stressful activities as they seem to bring upon cigarette cravings for me atm. I know excersising would be good for my endorphin system though, but I'm also afraid that it would use up some of my Methadone at this point...
Each day seems to be getting a bit better though I think, in a way I guess... I guess I'm still adjusting from that big drop... It seems like its been such a long time to me, but it's only been 8 days I think lol, same as for the cigs.
It seems like I've been realising a lot each day though since dropping to 20mgs, and thinking about a lot of new stuff that I had totally forgot about. I find that part pretty cool as well, but it can also get stressful at times or eventually give me a headache from all of the thoughts.
I'm really excited for later today though (after I get my full dose in me). The split-dose really seems to help with my fast metabolism
My clinic recommended to me that I stay on the 20mgs for another two weeks at least because of how big of a drop it was, so I'm thinkin I should listen to them as they seem to know what's best, and seem to want to help, which is cool. I'm sick of having to learn the hard way by now as well, you know?
I'm trying to keep "Faith,Hope and Love" close by all in all, which seems to help a lot.
But I think having a sponsor or somebody to talk to when I get cravings would definitely be a good idea.
Thanks for the support btw BBW. I really do appreciate it. It means a lot.
~What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
natey7 added 1304 Minutes and 25 Seconds later...
It's weird, I was all excited to take my second half of my dose yesterday, but when I took it, the second part of the day ended up being worse than the first :S. I guess because I had more feelings when I only had the first half of my dose in me?
Ugggh these cigarette cravings are fucking pissing me off sooo much too. It doesn't help seeing people on TV smoking them all the fucking time and glamorizing the shit outta them.
Nicotine's soo rediculous. The withdrawals are nothing, but the cravings are such a bitch
. It makes me feel like I always have to be doing something pleasurable, when all I desire is to be content with my life already.
What a long fucking process. I know drugs are never worth it
in the end, so yeah... But still you know, I think I deserve to bitch it all out for some reason right now :P. So whoever's reading, get used to it!! Lol. I've pretty much made this place a sort of journal or "progress log" of sorts.. Some days may be good but some days may be bad.
Just when I thought things were getting better yesterday to, I ended up getting hit with crap again in my evening but basically just had to just go through it.
Up, down, up down, up down. Fucking rediculous.
All I want is to get my life