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  #1  
Old 27-01-2013, 15:40
superCOOLkid superCOOLkid is offline
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how to help girlfriend understand more..

Good morning to some, and for others hope the night was fun. So there's this dog on my block who's been using meth for the past year or so. It began with the dog and his lady just doin it for fun because the connection was simply the best and mist convenient for them. The dog had a job at a store and would get paid cash daily, the dog and his lady would get a gram and that would last them 3-4 days. That last for not even a month as the dog began smokin more and more. Next thing the dog and his lady were smoking nearly everyday. Fortunately for the dogs lady she didn't have addiction mindset as her man did. She could stop whenever and not give a fuck about it at all and didn't need it. Dog on the other hand continued his journey as he was harming nobody and his lady would still join every once in a while. Well the dogs owners had found their dogs quag left on his computer desk shelf. So of course my dog took the blame for him and his lady. and was forced into rehab unwillingly. (Either that or homeless ) So the dog went thru his withdrawals, blah blah blah got some clean time and then said fuck it got a sack and just decided on his own maybe he will take a break for himself and just let nature take its course.

Well fast forward about 3 months and the dog has just been wanting some dope. Well now his lady is all "Ms. GrownUp" and totally against herself doing it at this day in time. So my dog manages to talk his way into getting a sack and the lady doesn't seem thrilled. The dogs lady makes the decision that she wont let him continue smoking and hes only tried to explain to her how his brain works and how hers is different from his. She fails to see that her man is happy because now he has tge two things that made him most happy. His lady and his dope. But now that the dogs mood has went from dickhead 24/7 to a content joyful dog enjoying himself at the most.



She doesnt want the dog smoking, the dog doesnt see a problem with it because he always goes to great lengths to give her everything she wants and he never asks or wants anything's from her besides for him to do what makes him happy and we all know that the dog wants his shit.

So are there any arguements or ANYTHING to benefit my dog to plea his case to his lady.

Thanks for anything given.
  #2  
Old 27-01-2013, 16:16
Willyzh Willyzh is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

It sounds like she doesn't want to have a boyfriend that is addicted to meth.

Maybe because it's illegal, or because it is unhealthy, or maybe she doesn't want to be around it because she doesn't want to get high or because she sees how addicted YOU are.

To someone who isn't addicted, your use might seem to be the main thing you are focused on, and in that way she is competing for your attention.

Does a girl have to have a reason to break up with someone who is doing illegal drugs? Think about it.

She can understand the situation just fine, it seems to me.

"How can I convince my girlfriend to stay with me even though she doesn't want to?" You can't. Those are just excuses "That's how my brain works...."

If that's how your brain works, get on an Adderall script like everyone else who's brain works that way.

I think you should look for a different girlfriend instead of trying to influence someone else that your illegal drug addiction is no big deal.

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Very strong arguments! My buddy typing this is a meth user and even he agrees with every point.
Nice.exactly what i was gonna post..sorta
solid advice! If someone wants out of a reltionship, sometimes it's for the best
  #3  
Old 27-01-2013, 16:41
superCOOLkid superCOOLkid is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

Thanks for the reply, but maybe I wasn't clear in my OP. My girl and I used to tweak and she never had a problem stopping. I did. When I was forced into rehab I didn't wanna quit but what got her was the intimidation from my parents and since then shes been against it 100%. Which I don't blame her, but what I was hoping to get from the others out there was some words of encouragement to persuade her into letting myself continue as I please. It doesn't bother me if she doesnt want to do it anymore, but she doesn't have an addicts mindset and she thinks soon enough ill forgot what meth even is. Hopefully I'm making a little sense. Or maybe I'm just a hopeless case in my situation.

superCOOLkid added 1 Minutes and 12 Seconds later...

Oh and I was on adderall for quite some time but self medicating always seemed a better outcome.

Last edited by superCOOLkid; 27-01-2013 at 16:41. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #4  
Old 27-01-2013, 16:51
Willyzh Willyzh is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

I understand your explanation.

What about your parents' intimidation? Are they supporting you in some way? If that were the case then her concern is understandable... They could easily withdraw their support if you were using.

Are you sure that's the only reason she is against it?

Maybe your parents have seen more of a long-term change in you than she has.

Sorry I couldn't offer anything to help you; I'm not sure how a bunch of other users could really convince her otherwise either- wouldn't it still be the opinions of addicts and thereby not really a persuasive force?
  #5  
Old 27-01-2013, 17:03
superCOOLkid superCOOLkid is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

My parents allow us to live with them, other then that we support ourselves and could very well have our own place, but were still young and parents got no problem with us being here. Theyre oblivious to my use, only reason I was caught was a mistake of leaving it in my desk and not in my safe.

But thanks for your opinion and advice. Now thinking about it, a lot of users are the best manipulaters. But well see! I just don't think its my time to stop, and i find it a little stupid that I can't make my own decision about this. But again, I appreciate your quick response.
  #6  
Old 27-01-2013, 17:06
Willyzh Willyzh is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

You can definitely make your own decision; But if her decision is to break up with you shouldn't you respect that?

She might not feel comfortable being dishonest to your parents, just because you are ok with it.
  #7  
Old 28-01-2013, 14:18
j8Jr j8Jr is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

If you can function and live/survive to a level satisfying to you, it is your decision. Just don't be unsatisfied with your outcome, since it was your decision. Sometimes you walk that road alone. I've got a few friends who went that route and ended up in madness, and the ones I actually care about make me sad. I wish they would take the paths I pave for them towards something better, but they always make their choice.
  #8  
Old 28-01-2013, 22:21
titaniumhunter titaniumhunter is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

You live with your parents, and they don't want you to use.
You live with your girl, she has used,she knows what meth is about and She doesn't want you to use.
Not the answer you are looking for but maybe you need to understand them more.
Just a thought.

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Excellent observation
Quality advice.
one for each point made here; sometimes, it is the obvious answer. thank you
  #9  
Old 28-01-2013, 22:44
baldurmoon baldurmoon is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

Sounds like she understands fine and is making her own decision. Why should she have to deal with the potential consequences of your addiction when she is not even using herself?

Maybe using is the best option for you right now - I'm not questioning your judgement on that. But it's not really fun to be around drug users/addicts for those who are not using. Having to potentially lose her living situation because of your choice is a big deal and it sounds like she doesn't want to risk it. Clearly you are okay with the possible consequences of continuing to use, but it sounds like she isn't and it's really not your place to try to convince her otherwise.

There is nothing wrong with growing up and moving on. Sounds like you guys are in two different places at this point and it may be time to go your separate ways.

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Straightforward and honest opinion on the situation
  #10  
Old 28-01-2013, 23:03
bhawks74 bhawks74 is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

Unbelievably ironic how well this situation parallel's that of my friend.

Him and his girlfriend are still in the "co-dependent, love/hate meth use" stage of their addiction. If my friend's girlfriend decided that she didn't want to use any more, it would be nearly impossible for him to quit, but I am confident he would.

My friend loves his girlfriend more than anything in the world when he's sober, and slaving over the pipe tears him away from those natural highs he always gets from being in love.

Just remember that meth cannot pull you out of a bad mood. Your girlfriend has a thousand and one ways to provide you with happiness beyond anything a meth rush can. Love is not fleeting, it does not cause you to endlessly chase a high, nor does it leave you feeling empty when it's done and over with.

If she is the woman you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with, then the choice isn't hard. I can guarantee she will find a way to love and respect you even more than she already does.
  #11  
Old 29-01-2013, 21:59
davestate Gold member davestate is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

Well reading the title I though you might be after advice for helping your GF understand why you used, or why you need to stay clean. Instead I read a story about how your GF is clean and you want to "persuade" her into letting you use, whilst under your parents roof, compromising her recovery and wishes and your parents liberty and wishes, so this reply isn't what you will want to hear, but I'll be damned if I won't say something on how wrong and selfish what you are thinking of doing is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post

It began with the dog and his lady just doin it for fun because the connection was simply the best and mist convenient for them. The dog had a job at a store and would get paid cash daily, the dog and his lady would get a gram and that would last them 3-4 days. That last for not even a month as the dog began smokin more and more. Next thing the dog and his lady were smoking nearly everyday.

Fortunately for the dogs lady she didn't have addiction mindset as her man did. She could stop whenever and not give a fuck about it at all and didn't need it.
Those 2 statement kinda contradict eachother, that she didn't have "an addiction mindset" yet was smoking nearly everyday. It just sound to me that you were just more heavily addicted than her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post
Dog on the other hand continued his journey as he was harming nobody and his lady would still join every once in a while. Well the dogs owners had found their dogs quag left on his computer desk shelf. So of course my dog took the blame for him and his lady. and was forced into rehab unwillingly. (Either that or homeless ) So the dog went thru his withdrawals, blah blah blah got some clean time and then said fuck it got a sack and just decided on his own maybe he will take a break for himself and just let nature take its course.
Is that the total and honest truth? You never found yourself short of cash, you never placed a higher priority on getting high than other things in your life, no other aspect of your life suffered?
You seem to also have coerced your GF into using "every once in a while" when she perhaps might not have.

You're under your parents roof, consuming and possessing an illegal drug. For starters they could get into trouble with the law for that, which makes your "harming nobody" point moot, you endangered them to the wrath of the law or worse still, someone knowing you've a stash and breaking in. What if you got in debt to a dealer and someone came looking for you or your GF at your parent house? As for forced, you weren't forced, so don't try to make yourself look a victim, it's their house, their rules and you had a choice, get clean or get out. Now you've deceived them again by going to the rehab then going back to using. How do you think that'd make them feel?

What made you say "fuck it" and go back to using? What was the trigger?

Let nature take it's course? That's a fancy phrase for denial at knowing what you're doing is wrong

Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post

Well fast forward about 3 months and the dog has just been wanting some dope. Well now his lady is all "Ms. GrownUp" and totally against herself doing it at this day in time. So my dog manages to talk his way into getting a sack and the lady doesn't seem thrilled. The dogs lady makes the decision that she wont let him continue smoking and hes only tried to explain to her how his brain works and how hers is different from his.
That's nice, mocking resentment of your girlfriends strength and emotional maturity. Ever consider it's because she doesn't want the temptation, cause it can cause cravings for her or because she's worried about you? If your brain "works differently" go back to the doc, self medication nigh on always ends in disaster.


Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post
She fails to see that her man is happy because now he has tge two things that made him most happy. His lady and his dope. But now that the dogs mood has went from dickhead 24/7 to a content joyful dog enjoying himself at the most.

She doesnt want the dog smoking, the dog doesnt see a problem with it because he always goes to great lengths to give her everything she wants and he never asks or wants anything's from her besides for him to do what makes him happy and we all know that the dog wants his shit.
So you're a dickhead to her without being high, nice.

There's a massive difference between taking her to a movie, buying dinner for her and her allowing you to smoke meth. Again you're trying to rationalise it that you doing all this stuff for her means you should be allowed to smoke meth, like she owes you. In this case no means no, you're like the guys who think "if I buy dinner on a date I deserve sex".

Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post
When I was forced into rehab I didn't wanna quit but what got her was the intimidation from my parents and since then shes been against it 100%. Which I don't blame her, but what I was hoping to get from the others out there was some words of encouragement to persuade her into letting myself continue as I please.
She is a free person and has made up her mind, do you not have any respect for her? Any boyfriend who did would understand her worries, especially one as massive as this. have you thought to ask her the reasons why she doesn't want you smoking meth? Do you really know it was just what your parents said to her that made her dislike it? Maybe when she got clean she saw all the negatives of it. Maybe she's much happier now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post
It doesn't bother me if she doesnt want to do it anymore, but she doesn't have an addicts mindset and she thinks soon enough ill forgot what meth even is.
What if the roles were reversed and it bothered you? What if she said the only way she could be happy was to have an open relationship and fuck other guys? Some wants are completely unreasonable and unfathomable and are deal breakers for relationships, this sounds like one for her.


Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post
Oh and I was on adderall for quite some time but self medicating always seemed a better outcome.
So you know better than a doctor, would you be in this situation if you had stuck with doctor treatment and regime, I doubt it. My advise, go back to the doctor.

Quote:
Originally Posted by superCOOLkid View Post
My parents allow us to live with them, other then that we support ourselves and could very well have our own place, but were still young and parents got no problem with us being here. Theyre oblivious to my use, only reason I was caught was a mistake of leaving it in my desk and not in my safe.

But thanks for your opinion and advice. Now thinking about it, a lot of users are the best manipulaters. But well see! I just don't think its my time to stop, and i find it a little stupid that I can't make my own decision about this. But again, I appreciate your quick response.
You can make your own decision, you're just trying again to make yourself the victim, because you want to have your cake and eat it. The decision is respect your parents and GF's choices and learn to live a happy life with them, or the drugs.

Closing point:

Listen I have no problem with anyone using a drug, being an addict or anything like that, but you are trying to manipulate another person, potentially dragging them down with you, and lie to your parents and that is not OK and is selfish and cowardly. If she doesn't want you using while she is with you, and your parents, whom you live with don't either then the choice is simple. Move out, break up and be happy with your drug and have another life with someone who is OK with it, or don't use and try to realise how lucky you are to have everything you have with your family and GF. The choice is simple, you're just complicating it and trying to make what you want to do seem OK

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Spot on; Not what the OP wants to hear.. what he needs to hear.
Very good information and useful advice
cuts through the bullshit and lays the facts on the table
Beautiful post, earnest & honest & to the point.
  #12  
Old 30-01-2013, 10:19
igotyou igotyou is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

So if we all said "he gives you everything you want"......"you dont know how his addict mind works"...."you used to use with him now you wanna be mrs grown up adult.".....Im sure it would make you feel a liitle better about your drug use,but were you thinkin she would do a 180 and say "these other addicts and recovering addicts on a drug website agree with my boyfriend,im sorry lets get a eight ball and fuck all night" ......thats the outcome you wanted right?

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a reasonable look at the expected outcome, the OP is being pretty unreaslistic in his goals here
  #13  
Old 01-02-2013, 20:38
TheMoleculeMan TheMoleculeMan is offline
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Re: how to help girlfriend understand more..

I think everything's been said that can be said about this situation, but I thought I'd just throw in my two cents...

Along with other faulty wiring and broken gears in his brain, my imaginary friend has a highly addictive personality. He jumped from one addiction to another for years until he landed on methamphetamine. Long story short, my imaginary friend regrets using methamphetamine with reckless abandon and constantly has intense cravings that consume all other thoughts in his mind until that's the only thing that occupies it. Anyway, one day while he was just doing some random self-reflecting, a light flickered on in his brain. It was as if the curtains had been pulled aside and he was staring at reality. He realized that all the arguing he'd done to defend his use was a crock of shit. My imaginary friend also realized that the harder the mind tries to believe something, the more believable the denial or complex the delusion becomes. The only reality of being an addict is not being in control. This is just my opinion, but maybe you should be asking "How do I help myself understand more?"

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solid question and reasoning made here; ty
Short post but so true!

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