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  #1  
Old 09-08-2012, 17:04
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

I caught my wife using meth again, she used in the past when younger, and has been clean for about 6 years, used again, and was again clean for about a couple of years. Was the hardest thing in my life to confront her again. I thought I was the bad husband for her troubles. I realize now that is not the case.

I have read many of the posts on this site, but have a few questions and concerns. Each time she has quit (cold turkey) without any treatment other than some couples counseling. She was not a hard user as she has told me, functioning fairly well, but becomming mean to me and the children. She says she can quit again without treatment. I have told her that we have to have parameters like no drugs in the house, cannot drive while on drugs, etc, and that if used again please leave and come back sober. She has been clean for a month now, and the comming down hs been hard on us all.

One of the things she has said about using is masking the aches of arthritus. She came clean with our family doctor, and he has run some tests on arthritus and lupus and such. More tests to come. I wonder if this is mind over matter to use again....called addiction.....or really a true state of a medical condition.

I also wonder if she can truly love me and children while on meth, or is it a fantasy state? If she ruly doesnt love me, like I do her, I have to make other arrangements.

I am devastated, I was lied to a few months ago when I suspected. I have read that meth users can be very manipulated.

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double post. OP has two same threads going at once
  #2  
Old 09-08-2012, 19:12
trdofbeingtrd trdofbeingtrd is nu online
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

Quote:
Originally Posted by bulldog1978 View Post
I caught my wife using meth again, she used in the past when younger, and has been clean for about 6 years, used again, and was again clean for about a couple of years. Was the hardest thing in my life to confront her again. I thought I was the bad husband for her troubles. I realize now that is not the case.

I have read many of the posts on this site, but have a few questions and concerns. Each time she has quit (cold turkey) without any treatment other than some couples counseling. She was not a hard user as she has told me, functioning fairly well, but becomming mean to me and the children. She says she can quit again without treatment. I have told her that we have to have parameters like no drugs in the house, cannot drive while on drugs, etc, and that if used again please leave and come back sober. She has been clean for a month now, and the comming down hs been hard on us all.

One of the things she has said about using is masking the aches of arthritus. She came clean with our family doctor, and he has run some tests on arthritus and lupus and such. More tests to come. I wonder if this is mind over matter to use again....called addiction.....or really a true state of a medical condition.

I also wonder if she can truly love me and children while on meth, or is it a fantasy state? If she ruly doesnt love me, like I do her, I have to make other arrangements.

I am devastated, I was lied to a few months ago when I suspected. I have read that meth users can be very manipulated.
From the questions I get out of this.....

1. To my knowledge and experience, while there is the rare possibility that methamphetamine COULD for a small percentage of people give pain relief in any way, it is not known to give medical relief to pain in any way. In fact, because MOST but not all people do more physical activity that usually has to do with the brain going very fast. For this reason I would see it making the arthritis worse, not to mention the central nervous system is stimulated so the blood is flowing way faster and more than when "sober". Again, she could be that 1 in 1,000,000 who gets pain relief from methamphetamine, but I doubt it highly.

2. I don't know if you are asking if her using is because she is really getting pain relief or mental relief from the pain in a non physical way because of the meth, but the huge chances are is that she is using because she likes what the drug does when she is high and is still an addict. Personally and just opinion, I don't buy the "it's a disease" in regards to people doing drugs, I never knew a disease that only affects people when the people let it.

3. She says she loves you/in love with you. I am not her, but I can tell you that even methamphetamine addicts at it's more hardcore can love and be in love with people. Just because you are addicted to a drug or drugs does not mean you are or have become a psychopath unable to have feelings for real like love, hate, guilt, ect..., it means you are an addict. Does she love you? Is she in love with you? I don't know, but her being in love with you or loving you has nothing to do with her want for methamphetamine.

That is all the questions I got from your thread.

If you honestly believe she loved you or was in love with you before she slipped (fell off the wagon, started up with the drug again) then I would put my money that it's the same, I can't see her wanting to get high somehow changing all the powerful feelings that were there before she used again. Drugs do not cause people to magically change who they were when they were sober in regards to how they felt towards others. While it's true that drugs when abused can change who a person seems to be or ends up becoming, what is in the past, what was felt in the past, will always be.

Also, I wanted to let you know, if you in your heart feels she loves you, well then good luck man, and nip it in the bud. Methamphetamine has caused relationships, friendships, and families to break, part, and end for good. All drugs have the potential when abused to change a person and cause problems, with methamphetamines people can be so happy one hour and the next ready to break everything in their way if they react the normal way when coming down. Many people very much draw lines when they start to feel close again with someone who seems happy and a joy to be around (when the person is "spun" or high on methamphetamine) but at the next time are violent, mean, angry, and just cause a general bad feeling to be around (when they are coming down). It's one thing when a drug causes a person to just be one way and even when going through withdrawals or coming down or slightly different but the extreme opposites people on meth can portray usually is what ends ties with people.

If she has just started to do this again and it hasn't been to long, and if you love her, then the best you can do for your wife, your partner, is to make the needed changes so that she stops. I cannot grantee that because she does not stop, or because she does that your marriage will be happy, I can tell you from what I have lived and the people I have been around, and the medium amount of information I have read about regarding methamphetamine, if you cannot stop this, it can end with pain........broken hearts. Maybe she will continue to do methamphetamine and be able to not just control the drug but her emotions while coming down, but after being through one long relationship myself, I just don't see it.

There is hope, a lot of hope, and just because she has used does not mean it's all over, but I just hope she does not get into meth enough that it becomes what she wants the most.

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thanks for the long letter very helpful!!!!
I really liked how this was laid out, and the information is compassionate and thoughtful.
Very heartfelt
  #3  
Old 09-08-2012, 20:05
brokenangel brokenangel is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

I am sorry to hear of your troubles, and to find out such news is so hard to cope with. I recently discovered my fiance and father of 2 had relapsed as well ..... and I pretty much was a basket case of rapid fire emotion. Angry, devastated, resentful, ashamed, crying, then feeling the need to help him, so I would be supportive, then I would be okay - then a wreck again. I found out there are meetings called "Al-Anon", which is to help family members of addicts (any addiction) cope. I have found this helpful, to help myself - so that I could be of better help and state of mind to him. Hope that is useful in some way. Best of luck to you both.
P.S. I believe the website is "al-anon.org", or just google "Al-anon", the have a 1-800 number as well.

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excellent thanks you
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Old 10-08-2012, 00:00
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

So many thanks!!!!! Great reply!!!!!
  #5  
Old 12-08-2012, 21:27
Princess808 Princess808 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

From an addict'# perspective, I would like to try and give you some insight. Over the years, I have spent time clean and sober, and time using, and time trying to get clean.

While methamphetamine is not known as a pain killer, most users have an increased pain tolerance when using. There is a numbing component to the high. Fyi, my drug of choice has been heroin for the most part, but wayyyyyyy back when, in the late 80s, I had a problem with meth so I am speaking from experience.

As far as love, I certainly loved my family but they had to share me with the drugs. If I had to lie to my spouse or take my kid to the babysitter so I could get high, I didn't think twice about it.

If my husband caught me, I would stop for a while to keep the peace, but since I wasn't getting treatment, that addiction was still there waiting. I would resent my family, though never admit it, because they were making me quit.
I quit plenty of times, but until I actually received treatment, I didn't understand my addiction and the same issues kept happening over and over. Eventually my lies became so frequent that I rarely told the truth. I would sneak away and use whenever I could.


My behavior as an addict in active addiction was not unusual... I was very typical. Not only that, besides the addiction there were underlying emotional issues I had to work too. It isn't easy....And it affects the whole family.

Please consider trying al-anon. If not, please educate yourself about addiction. This will help you deal with the situation in the best way possible

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thanks and very helpfull!!!!
  #6  
Old 12-08-2012, 22:39
knightsmith knightsmith is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

It sounds like you guys are really having some hard times. If some addicts are falling off the wagon every few years, this may perhaps be due to lack of counselling. I know it is scary to look your doctor in the face and tell him you're an addict, I know from experience because I did that. Its confidential. I know many feel they don't want it on paper, but from my perspective I recommend some counselling, especially as you have children.

Don't give up on her, some people find it damned hard to reach out for help, I ask for it too easy and I can't get 1 counsellor that can tell me what apb6 is, until that day comes i'm stuck. I know you need to put your children first, i'm not a parent, so I cannot give you anything insightful.

I'll repeat what I always say though, just because a person uses a drug, doesn't mean they love that drug more than you, the addiction seems to take love out of trhe equation/disabling it. The loves still there, just the addiction overrides that. If you need any further help feel free to talk to us, we have the experience and there are some top notch people here who can assist further.

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Thanks for taking time to reply very helpfu;l!!!
  #7  
Old 06-10-2012, 17:00
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

thank you again for the replies and letters and wisdom!!!! If I can return some words please let me know.
thanks
  #8  
Old 08-10-2012, 17:12
brokenangel brokenangel is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

Bulldog,

Hope everything is going better for you and your loved one. I wanted to update my last post - as I was a bit new to Drugs-Forum at the time, and had alot personally on my plate too. I gave you information on "Al-Anon", but I was unaware of a group called "Nar-Anon". Same type of support group but focuses on Narcotic addiction specifically for the non addicted family members. Al-Anon welcomes families of any addiction but mainly focuses on alcohol addiction. Nar-Anon is primarily focused upon narcotic addiction alone.

Hope this helps, if you are still interested in finding outside support.
http://www.nar-anon.org/Nar-Anon/Nar-Anon_Home.html


Take Care & best of luck to you bulldog .........

Last edited by brokenangel; 15-10-2012 at 04:10. Reason: Added a few words.
  #9  
Old 08-10-2012, 18:53
The_Joker The_Joker is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

As far as her loving you, i still loved people when i was on meth and coke. It doesnt make you a heartless monster. I simply didnt realize it was causing as much trouble as it was. I didnt think they knew most of the time. I felt as long as i worked all the time, kept a clean house, took care of their needs as best i could, and was faithful, i wasnt doing anything wrong.

She may think she can quit without treatment, but if she is not going to have treatment, she needs some good support such as NA or outpatient treatment, counseling, something like that. I recommend marriage counseling. (its helped us!)

Try to not take it personally, i know this must be hard. The call of drugs is strong, and sometimes feels overwhelming. There is a desire sometimes to use "just once again". Meth cravings are very intense. I was clean nearly three years and ended up having a two day meth/coke binge due to the death of a family member that i was working up about. I chose to deal with it in a less than constructive way.

If she is having legitimate pain, i do not know that her going to the doctor is a problem. I take pain meds sometimes because i need to have a surgery. I do not feel compelled to abuse them. I have, but i dont enjoy it, really. Ive always been an "upper" girl. Regardless of this, once i received treatment for ADHD (a condition my son and daughter, as well as myself have...but until a few years ago, i didnt know adults could have...i just thought i was a speedfreak), i am MUCH less compelled to use and abuse drugs. I take ADHD meds, and an antidepressant. I dont feel compelled to abuse them. I have done it, but it has been a long time. It is not generally something i want to do.

Good luck to you and her, i hope she can stay clean, yes it is a bitch at first but it will get easier, i hope easier days are coming your way.
  #10  
Old 12-10-2012, 19:20
opticcaravan opticcaravan is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

Hi,
really sorry ti hear that you guys are having some serious problem. dealing with meth is dangerous. you mentioned you have kids. then i think you should support your wife and to do give her heavy treatment now. i think one hard decision can suffer you for a long time. so i suggest you to support your wife nicely and convince her to see a good anti drug specialist doctor. Just give her more time with love and affection.
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Old 04-11-2012, 01:34
yrsofpainsucks yrsofpainsucks is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

First I want to say kudos for not running in the other direction right away. I used to be addicted to meth. My excuse was that it helped with the pain. I was hit by a car 11 years ago and have several issues now, including doctors are now suspecting lupus, ms and so on. I will tell you MY personal feelings and keep in mind that every body is made differently and react differently to pain and medication. Meth did not help the pain. In fact the come down was more painful than I started out. I cannot tell you what it is about the drug but 6 years crystal free, it still makes me excited just talking about it. I being an addict has made my pain managment quite tricky though. Not going to incrimminate myself but I will say I cannot say that I am sober. If she is indeed suffering from ms or lupus I can tell you that it is so painful and depressing. I am a very up beat, postitive person and when I am having a bad day I find myself wishing that Jesus would come already. I have no one in my corner so the fact that you are still by her side says a lot.
Now when you do confront her she will explode. It will get ugly. But it is from a very desperate place and desperate from being in pain. I would literally cut off a hand if I could live pain free without drugs for the rest of my life. I would reccomend a pain treatment plan with a doctor that specializes with addiction. There are doctors that can work with an addict and still manage pain (even with pain meds) I wish you two the best of luck and hope that she can get some help.
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Old 07-08-2013, 21:20
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

I posted sometime ago using the same phrase "caught my wife using meth. I have read many of the posts and especially the words or wisdom and articles by Brokenangel.

Each case is different, but yet I am sure has some similarities.

Let me share the latest....She has been on and off using meth for at least the last year to two years. Using twice a week to once a day I am sure. When I pray and ask for help, I usually can find her pipe and destroy it in front of her. When she is on a downer it is usually a bad confrontation. In the past she has agreed to help and will go to some great counseling and getting brain optimization treatments. That usually discontinues after a short period of a month or two or maybe three. THIS TIME....I think she is really addicted....it has been a week now with her sleeping most of the days....like a depression as I have read. She wont go to any treatment or counseling as she says she is being "Ambushed"! She talks about going and getting a bag or getting high.....but I have convinced her that is not the case. She says I don't understand and with all the household duties she says she cant do it. ( I even hired a nanny to help with the household!) I know she needs treatment and such, but as I have read the addict is the one that agrees to getting help.

After loving her and being loved by her, she is a great person. I am thankful for having her in my life. I am running out of patience and am considering divorce after almost 7 great years. I will state I have never cheated on her, and never will! I hate to give up on her.

bulldog1978 added 11 Minutes and 49 Seconds later...

Since I am a co-dependent these words are very true and I quote "As a result, the co-dependent develops habitual self-defeating coping mechanisms in an attempt to survive: such as - my fear of rejection determines what I say or do or, I like to avoid your anger. "

So therefore I feel the situation hopeless, but will be willing to hang on for a while.

bulldog1978 added 91 Minutes and 32 Seconds later...

Just another tidbit here.....My wife has been telling me lately that we should divorce, and she will find me a good wife. Don't know if she is serious or is part of the depression. Something drastic has to happen this time....but will hang on for a while.

Last edited by Phenoxide; 07-11-2013 at 18:01. Reason: threads merged
  #13  
Old 07-08-2013, 21:52
Beenthere2Hippie Beenthere2Hippie is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Hi Bulldog-

Yes, I remember your original thread and I even I posted to it. You have a couple of questions that people here would love to help you with, but I think there are a few are a things you'll need you to elaborate on further before help can be offered.

You say that you and your wive have had a happy marriage for seven years before all of this started. Yes? If so,

1) What if anything do you think led to the major change in your marriage, and to her starting to use drugs? Was it a particular incident(s)?

2) What, if any, life does your wife have outside of the marriage? Do you share mutual friends or does she socialize without you on a regular basis? Henceforth, where do the pipes and the meth keep coming from?

3) You also mentioned that you have contemplated divorce and she has also told you that you should get one and find a better wife. Are your words just threats? Are hers?

4) She has "household" duties. Do you two have children? If so, how are they baring up through this turmoil?

5) YOu further say she told a counselor that she's been "ambushed." In what way does she claim she's been ambushed? And how were you able to "convince" her she wasn't? Do you still see a counselor, and if not, why did you stop?

You say you are hopeless but willing to hang in for a while. You simply cannot be both. You are either hopeless and need to move on, or you're sad but willing to continue to try and help her and your marriage.

As I remember telling you in your previous thread, you are not the person who has to want change--she is. If she feels "ambushed" and continues with her use of meth, all the pushing and prodding on your part will not make her change. She has to do that FOR herself. And if you push and prod too much, things could backfire on you and and you could wind alienating her and pushing her further away.

Please explain further so people here at DF can offer you a more substanial answers to questions you're asking.

Hope to hear back from you soon.

Chow~

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Good questions for the OP
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Old 07-08-2013, 22:29
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

So many thanks for the questions!!!!


1) What if anything do you think led to the major change in your marriage, and to her starting to use drugs? Was it a particular incident(s)?

Over the 1st 4-5 years we were together, life was good, no changes, she complained a little about arthritis, but nothing major. We were happily married, she sent me cards, kind words, dates.....a dream marriage come true. We had a few differences but were still able to work them out. I am 57 she is 42 yo by the way. I love to treat her well. We moved into a new home, to us, 2 years ago....very demanding remodel and such. But we had people helping and carpenters working.

2) What, if any, life does your wife have outside of the marriage? Do you share mutual friends or does she socialize without you on a regular basis? Henceforth, where do the pipes and the meth keep coming from?

Our friends are staunch LDS and we not have more than a couple of couples, but do not socialize with them much. I don't know where the meth is coming from.....wanted to put a GPS on her vehicle....but that might backfire. Since we have a shop and do fabrication work, we have oxy acetylene bottle and was told by her that years ago she made her own pipes. Am sure that she does now as well. I have asked her where the meth comes from and she will not tell. My best friend does not use any drugs, only an occasional beer.

3) You also mentioned that you have contemplated divorce and she has also told you that you should get one and find a better wife. Are your words just threats? Are hers?

She tells me we need to divorce.....I don't know if they are threats from her or are pleases asking for help. I am running low on patience this time and am a really nice guy that will have to set rules, I guess.

4) She has "household" duties. Do you two have children? If so, how are they baring up through this turmoil?

5) YOu further say she told a counselor that she's been "ambushed." In what way does she claim she's been ambushed? And how were you able to "convince" her she wasn't? Do you still see a counselor, and if not, why did you stop?

She uses the words ambush...she says when she is ready she will do it on her own. She said like when the kids start school again this fall. We still need counseling and I have talked to our counseler. I cannot get her to go. I tried to convince her we need counseling and such, but she doesn't want to go and is afraid she will be confronted or feel like crap. I would never tell her she is a piece of crap.

You say you are hopeless but willing to hang in for a while. You simply cannot be both. You are either hopeless and need to move on, or you're sad but willing to continue to try and help her and your marriage.

"I am willing to try anything to save us and her"!!!!! I know that too much prodding will backfire, and do not want to push her farther away.

Many thanks again!!!

Read more: http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/sho...#ixzz2bJqY0JpJ

bulldog1978 added 10 Minutes and 50 Seconds later...

thanks again for the reply!!!!

Question about the children....the youngest does not know what is going on....But the oldest knows as his dad was horrible meth addict in the day, and remembers when his mom and dad were both using. he has spent the summer away but will be back for school this fall.

Other than that the children are not part of the problem that I know of.....just don't think so.

We work hard as are self employed, she works with me when she can or wants to.....I always ask her to help and give her the not so hard jobs like jobs that she cant possible do. I am not demanding of her, but I am the hard worker. We don't spend money foolishly and are very careful. We don't have a lot of toys....sledding is our passion.

Hope that answers yur questions and thanks again!!!

bulldog1978 added 6 Minutes and 40 Seconds later...

Hmmmmm one more thing......she does not nor socializes with anybody. That is what is hard to figure out where the meth is comming from. I have watched her cell phone bill and mine and the household bill ( as it is cell as well) and do not find where it is comming from. I don't think she is making it. Heck she wont even tell me what it costs, and I do have that right to know. I guess I have spoiled her way too much. But I am a nice guy and always will be.

thanks

Last edited by bulldog1978; 07-08-2013 at 22:29. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #15  
Old 08-08-2013, 03:01
Beenthere2Hippie Beenthere2Hippie is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Hey again, Bulldog-

I think I understand a bit more now. Thanks for clarifying.

You and she met. got involved, had two children and started (or had been) using meth together. After a while, you developed a serious problem with meth, and your eldest child knew that there was some kind of drug problem going on with dad. That means that although your wife has a problem with meth now, you were both using before. Your wife was 35, you 50 when you met. You stopped using, and she either said she also stopped and didn't, or she started again after you got straight.

Then some time later, after four years, you realized she was had a problem. As an ex meth user yourself, it would have pretty easy to recognize the signs, whether you found her pipes or not. So you confronted her and tried to find out why, although you understood that she had been involved with meth with you before. So this new use of meth isn't really out of no where; instead it's an old meth habit, revisited.

From what you've written, you love/need her a lot, and she now responds to you with aloofness and a cool. She tells you she feels hijacked and is ready to leave, when the time is right (perhaps early fall). And she won't go to see the counselor that you see and refer to as "our" counselor. You are frustrated and have had enough "this time." (I don't understand what This Time means, since you never mentioned she had done this before.)

I think, like you said, you probably are a nice guy. You wife sounds like she had been indulged, but then again I don't know her background and cannot judge whether she has always been used to getting everything she wanted or not. You are still willing to try and save both your marriage and her. But she says, right now, that she is not.

You instinctively know from your own experience with drug addiction, that only the person who is using can be the one to call a stop to their behavior. Your wife, it seems, is not ready to stop hers right now. As much as you want and need her to, she does not agree.

And why should she? She has all the money, support, security (luxury) and time off from responsibilities any upper-middle class woman could ask for. She already had a love affair with meth going, before this recent bout happened. So why--with all the time she has on her hands (kids away in summer camp, I'm guessing)--wouldn't she get reinvolved with a drug she used regularly in the past?

Now I'm not judging you or her or your lives. I'm just saying the drug abuse seeds were already sewn years ago, and her life has been relatively care-free and lacking structure since then. Yes, she's a married woman with a family, but she seems to be able to slip out of that role whenever the mood strikes her, and you take over her responsibility with other employees or hired help. The combination of her habit and her life's lack of structure seem to have merged and up-ended her fairytale life and instead left her in a gilded cage with little to do.

She has no outlets, no purpose, no group of female friends to keep her busy. So her problem with meth and seeming boredom with life have come to work against you, her and your little family.

It seems like you've been very good to her, and that she is lacking direction and needs a good reality check. How will you help her accomplish that? You can only try what you haven't yet. Tell her you love her but cannot continue this way. Admit that you both have had problems with drugs in the past, and that for everyone's sake you both need to either get to counseling together or that you need to break up.

It is unfair to the children to allow a woman with a serious and active meth addiction to be in charge of their well-being. If she chooses to not get help, then it's time that you take full-time responsibility for your kids and leave her to seek help and counsel, if she so chooses. Just remove your children from the equation.

And remember that you also deserve a good wife and happiness, in your own life. Her problem is your problem right now, but if you cannot reach her, you must go on without her--for the sake of all. Continue counseling, with or without her. If she chooses to leave, or you call her out on this and break things up, also consider putting the children in counseling as well. This doesn't mean you have to stop loving her or caring for her. It just means it's time she learns to take full responsibility for herself. No one should be towing her line for her. She's a big girl.

I'm hoping that your stepping up to bat will shock her back into reality, but it's not really something you can count on this early in. She has to make the move to change on her own.

Best wishes to you both. Please continue to post at DF and let us know how things go. Be kind to yourself and to her. Everyone involved is so fragile right now and you all need support and love.

Peace~


Quote:
Originally Posted by bulldog1978 View Post

Over the 1st 4-5 years we were together, life was good, no changes...a dream marriage come true. We had a few differences but were still able to work them out. I am 57 she is 42 by the way. I love to treat her well.


I don't know where the meth is coming from.....wanted to put a GPS on her vehicle....but that might backfire. Since we have a shop and do fabrication work, we have oxy acetylene bottle and was told by her that years ago she made her own pipes. Am sure that she does now as well. I have asked her where the meth comes from and she will not tell.


She tells me we need to divorce.....I don't know if they are threats from her or are pleases asking for help. I am running low on patience this time and am a really nice guy that will have to set rules, I guess.



She uses the words ambush...she says when she is ready she will do it on her own.
She said like when the kids start school again this fall. We still need counseling and I have talked to our counseler. I cannot get her to go. I tried to convince her we need counseling and such, but she doesn't want to go and is afraid she will be confronted or feel like crap. I would never tell her she is a piece of crap.


"I am willing to try anything to save us and her"!!!!! I know that too much prodding will backfire, and do not want to push her farther away.

Read more: http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/sho...#ixzz2bJqY0JpJ

Question about the children....the youngest does not know what is going on....But the oldest knows as his dad was horrible meth addict in the day, and remembers when his mom and dad were both using. he has spent the summer away but will be back for school this fall.

We work hard as are self employed, she works with me when she can or wants to.....I always ask her to help and give her the not so hard jobs like jobs that she cant possible do. I am not demanding of her, but I am the hard worker.


Hmmmmm one more thing......she does not nor socializes with anybody. That is what is hard to figure out where the meth is comming from. I have watched her cell phone bill and mine and the household bill ( as it is cell as well) and do not find where it is comming from. I don't think she is making it. Heck she wont even tell me what it costs, and I do have that right to know. I guess I have spoiled her way too much. But I am a nice guy and always will be.

thanks


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Very thorough and well-thought out advice

Last edited by Beenthere2Hippie; 08-08-2013 at 03:07. Reason: changed sentence structure.
  #16  
Old 08-08-2013, 22:19
Evert Evert is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Does you wife use meth to help her feel better during normal activities or does she use it to escape from something?

It seems like your wife became tired and burned out after the remodeling. While you're not to demanding of her, she may be very demanding of her self. She may have felt that she was to tired to fulfill her responsibilities. Having used meth in the past, she knew it would give her the energy she was lacking.

If this is the case she may benefit from eating foods that support the adrenal glands. Vitamin C is very important. Eating some raw juicy plant foods with every meal, combined with 500 mg vitamin C supplement may help.
Eating unrefined sea salt can provide trace minerals that may help adrenal function.
There are supplements made from freeze dried adrenal gland or adrenal extracts.
Eating animal protein will provide amino acids that are needed to make neurotransmitters like adrenaline and dopamine that are involved in feeling energy and motivation.
Egg yolk and liver are great sources of B-vitamins that are co-factors in the production of those neurotransmitters.
Magnesium is another co-factor and has anti-inflammatory properties as well. A deficiency can cause all kinds of symptoms, from fatigue to anxiety. Leafy green vegetables are a good food source. Supplements are often helpful. I like magnesium citrate powder to mix in a drink. Magnesium chloride can be used as spray or in bath for absorption through the skin.

Arthritis can be caused by eating wheat grains. Meth usually causes someone to eat less, this may explain why it helps.
Eating wheat can irritate the intestines and interfere with digestion and absorption of nutrients.
Wheat can also suppress brain function, which can make someone crave stimulants, just to feel normal again.

"Robb Wolf - Anti-inflammatory diet"
Foods and supplements to improve health and wellbeing.

"Pam Killeen - Addiction, the hidden epidemic"
Foods to feel good without drugs.

"Julia Ross - The mood cure"
Foods and supplements to improve mood and energy.

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The nutritional aspect is most forgotten and could be helpful
  #17  
Old 09-08-2013, 15:51
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Hi again
Thanks for the replies!!!!

I didn't clarify something and am really terrible sorry!!!!!!

My wife's first husband was an addict......I am the third husband for her.....I am lucky as not to have been or had addictions.....drank a little in college, but don't drink hardly at all now.

The drugs have been told are coming from prominent people in our community, and not anyone I know. I don't care as long as I can have my wife back.

Many thanks for the replies on good foods and vitamins!!!!!!

bulldog1978 added 8 Minutes and 39 Seconds later...

Hmmmmm did have a little break thru yesterday.....our counselor also is a good friend and lives not far from us called my wife to just ask a friend see how she was doing.....my wife did tell her she was having probs and coming down and was doing meth. My wife said she would seek the help she needed soon as she stabilizes......am glad my wife admitted what was said!!!

With all the work and jobs we have, and all the household duties we all share.....we don't have much extra time on our hands.....but we do take time for date nights and such. I still don't understand her relapse....or why the need...except for the addiction part.

many thanks again!!!!

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Thank you for updating. Her admitting problem is progress.

Last edited by bulldog1978; 09-08-2013 at 15:51. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #18  
Old 15-09-2013, 16:12
little8632j little8632j is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

Here's a different perspective. Ive been with my awesome wife 25 yrs - since she was 16 - we have 3 kids, 2 properties one of which is a hay farm we do all the work, i am also a partner in my government contracting company. we are upstanding members in our community.

My wife, like most people, likes to wind down the day with a glass or 2 of wine. My mother and sister also do this. Pretty standard practice right? I can always tell if my wife has had one glass, two glasses or sometimes 3 glasses. Like anyone who uses alcohol, she changes with her usage. She gets very snappy at 2 glasses and if a discussion or interaction takes a downward turn - she gets venomous like a spitting cobra. Unfortunately this communication style is largely reserved for me - but does extend in a lesser degree to the kids. Dont jump to any conclusions - our kids are all young teens and pretty tough - shes not abusive - just reactionary not responsive. But the fact remains when she drinks - she changes. As well, the dishes might not get done or other tasks fall to the wayside - because shes got a buzz going.
How many of you drink? Do you not change when you drink? If you dont, i say BS. How come drinkers are excused from the user accountability dynamic?
I do not like alcohol at all. I do like speed and herb. When i do speed, i change. Like her or you on alcohol. I frankly think most of the information concerning crystal meth is BS. This country has a raging alcohol epidemic. I have been using speed for 8 years - its my drug of choice. BTW, i will drink on occasion - maybe a few shots of fine tequila or a long island iced tea or my new favorite - a Dirty Shirley (shirley temple w vodka lol). Ive been using alcohol for 40 years. Am I an alcoholic? You would be hard pressed to say I am. Likewise I am not addicted to speed. I find crystal meth a cakewalk to stop using. Cocaine - totally different story - truly the devils drug - gets you by the balls and doesnt let go. Crystal meth - can get out of control - so can eating, drinking, exercise, gambling - im not saying its ok but see it for what it is - each individual is different. Some can handle it - some cant. My wife used to rake me over the coals for using - while she had a buzz from drinking vodka tonics! The very nerve to judge and crucify me while under the influence of her own drug of choice. I didnt let her have that. As an adult, an owner of 2 businesses, a responsible father, a loyal and devoted husband - how dare anyone decide for me what is right and wrong. The OPs situation - i dont know - if she was using with the same frequency as he drinks scotch every night - i call his reaction hypocritical. Even if he doesnt drink - she should still be able to pick the vice of her choice.
Dont let those Faces Of Meth posters fool you - those people are your everyday loser addicts whether using meth, heroin or beer - imbalance always causes problems. My teeth are perfect - not even one cavity. My skin is perfect. i havent lost anything - in fact hows this for a meth addict - i have a 67 stingray 427, 2-1957 chevys, 12 50s 4wd trucks, 8 vintage harleys, cadillacs mustangs plus a new suburban and a new silverado both jacked up off road bad to the bone. do i sound like an addict? I am absolutely not rich - family is not rich - bought all i have with my own hard earned income. Yet....i do crystal. Am i the anomaly? Well i probably am bc most people i know who do speed dont have homes/cars/wives. But then most people in general dont seem to be able to keep a marriage together either. Like anything in life - you are best served to not judge without experience.
Its 8AM Sunday morning - i am going to finish baling my hay and putting it up. Then i have several government bids to address. I might take a puff this evening and if i do - and i can snare my wife - the sex will be great.

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this sounds like justification; all judgements aside.
  #19  
Old 01-11-2013, 22:32
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

Many thank again for the replies!!!! I have caught her again and again. I hate that my wife is sneaky. She always tells me she will get help, but that never happens. Her mood changes and meth makes her unbearable when she uses. I am caught again and don't know what to do.
  #20  
Old 01-11-2013, 22:38
trdofbeingtrd trdofbeingtrd is nu online
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

You are caught again? Are you her?

Just a misspell or were you finding ways to keep your husband from catching you?
  #21  
Old 01-11-2013, 22:49
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife using meth.....again...a few questions

I am caught in the dilemma of not knowing now what to do....sorry for not making myself clear....I tried a little bit of an ultimatum to her and that backfired. She was sooo honest when we met, and for a few years told me everything....now lies, sneaking money out of our account.....and I am afraid of losing my companies if she gets caught. I have read many of the posts and many of the replies. Many thanks!!!
  #22  
Old 01-11-2013, 23:12
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Cannot get my wife to go to counseling or ???? Gave a ultimatum and that backfired. I just hate the "being sneaky" by her, because she is an honest person, but when comes to meth, all lies. I have given up hope, and hate to say that. I hate to ask her to leave, but I guess that will come.

I have read many of the posts and articles and replies. Many thanks to all.
  #23  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:33
whatstheproblem whatstheproblem is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

hello bulldog,

i just had a question and let me first say in no way im i trying to offend you or make light of your situation in any way. hell, you dont even have to respond to this if you dont want to.

im was wondering if you could give us some negative issues that have come up or new things that your family has had to deal with as a result of her use of meth. are the kids neglected, money issues, stealing, missing obligations etc. or is the only thing changed is that she is using meth.

ill see posts like this where the other person finds out about the meth use and then it goes right into this panic of oh my god, you need help, therapy, rehab, do or die senareios but it doesnt list what the other person has negativly done besides the meth.

again people please dont be offended. im not trying to be a dick or get anybody riled up. and please dont reply with some horror story as im well aware of them and im really just asking this specifically to bulldog. its just something ive been thinking and posting about lately. if the person is the same person they have been, along with keeping all other aspects in their life the same, and meeting neccasary duties, is meth use a sole reason to leave them or make them stop. if you took the meth away, would it be ok or are there tangible things the meth is creating?
  #24  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:59
gal68 gal68 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Hi there. I want to give you the perspective of the wife, I used to be just like yours. 7 years ago I for whatever reasons destroyed my life and my family because of methamphetamine. I loved my husband and sons very much. I did not love myself. The drug made me feel, and made me believe I was someone when I was using.

My family tried everything. This drug brought out violence on both sides up to the point my oldest son called the police one day. I would sneak around, and deny, deny, deny. But my husband always knew. He knew me better then anyone else.

So in August of 2006, I desperately made a flee and left in my jeep with just a few personal things. Left them and that was the last selfish thing I ever did. I went to a new state, and with no money and no drugs I had no choice to get clean. I cried for months daily, once the high was gone.

But deep inside I knew I was a better person then what people thought of me. I knew I wanted a real life and not one linked to drugs. My husband divorced me in 2008. I was still using MJ at the time, but managed to feel like I was someone again.

I began school in Jan 2009 and kept myself focused, I still wasn't strong enough to face my family again. In October of 2010, I faced them. I was still in another state but needed to make peace, I had to face up to my shame and go forward.

I am clean from meth, never looked back, over 7 years now and I do have my family back. We stayed living in two states for the last 3 years just to be sure we knew what we wanted. I did have addiction issues with hydrocodone, and now I know I did it because I have terrible anxiety. Now I see a regular MD, take normal medications, no smoking MJ, I am free.

I guess what I am trying to say is that you may have to let her go. In order for it to work she has to want it to. She has to take the steps to change. Forcing will likely only make her fight for it more, it did me. She needs to lose everything in order to see what she had and what she has lost.

This is just my story, when I left my family I felt I was going to wind up dead or in jail and I knew I was a better person then that. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I offer my support however I can to you. If you love her, which sounds like you do, let her go. As hard as that is you must put you and your family first, my husband did and I had to earn them back. Rightfully so, I was doing things I never should have done and I never had any motivation to change.

gal

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Thanks for sharing a little of your story. Brave.
  #25  
Old 04-11-2013, 16:36
bulldog1978 bulldog1978 is offline
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Re: Caught my wife again on Meth! I feel hopeless...but maybe?

Wanted to respond to whatstheproblem that posted above....again many thanks for the posts....

What we have to deal with as a result of the meth....severe anger when coming down....makes me and my children all feel like crap. She makes a lot of mistakes, when she is high, and even has had an accident or two as a result of being high. will post more a little later...

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