Drugs-Forum  
Home Wiki Studies Forum Groups Blog Video Images News
Go Back   Drugs Forum > DRUG-FORUMS > Amphetamine > Methamphetamine
Mark Forums Read
Register Tags

Notices

 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 13-05-2012, 07:42
nevergoback nevergoback is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: 27-01-2012
Female from Australia
Posts: 189
nevergoback is a decent psychonaut.
Points: 220, Level: 2 Points: 220, Level: 2 Points: 220, Level: 2
Activity: 13.9% Activity: 13.9% Activity: 13.9%
Meth addiction is killing me

Hey everyone

I just need some input, insight, anything - from other meth users/addicts. As I dont know anyone in real life who is going through meth addiction that I can talk to.

Basically, I got addicted from the first time. And heavily into it, very quickly. I smoked it heavily, smoking grams of it a night. That caused lung damage and breathing problems and just wasnt working for me anymore. I ended up in hospital and it just fucked me up.

So I started injecting. I fell in love with it all over again and never looked back. The rush got me.

Throughout this I have lost my family, friends and been kicked out of home 10 times because i keep going out and using it. Ive also lost heaps of weight, started doing it at 120lbs, I'm now 87lbs. No physichal energy, really fucking burnt out. Meth bugs. Hardly sleep, hardly eat, hardly see or talk to anyone. Abusing xanax and oxycotton when im not on it to just sedate myself until my next fix.

Its killing me...
But i love being high, i love the escape, its the only thing that ever made me happy. I can't get enough of the needle rush - and i think ive lost control... ive gone really deep into this. Its pretty fucking dark.
I'm getting help i guess... have a drug youth worker i can talk to... though she supplied me with the syringes i used to start injecting it..ive seen doctors and stuff.

Honestly... im at the point where im really fucking just wanting to kill myself. I can't stop, and do I even want to? How can I even do that after this? My dopamines dead, meth is the only thing that makes me feel good. How can i live a clean life after this, when i know... i will forever want the feeling, the rush... the ritual of hitting a vein, pulling the plunger up, seeing the blood swirl, releasing the tornequet, and injecting. that warm blood rush... best feeling in the world.

I have hurt my family so much. Lost their trust. Lost every single friend. And lost myself in this... I have even gone as low as fucking older men for meth. I feel disgusting and ashamed.
I had a miserable fucked up life before meth... its not as if I used to be happy or normal. But this is just reaching the point where its killing me... and i dont give a fuck anymore. Ive lost everything and everyone and hurt a lot of people through this. I dont care if i die... but i care if i live.
i feel like suicide is the only option.. rehab wont accept me because of my age (yep, fucking unbelievable!)

Also, I'm 17 years old. A lot younger than most addicts...

I dont know... i just need to know that im not alone. I've tried going to NA meetings... didnt really help. i tried to get into rehab... i tried to stop on my own.

i dont know... just needed to get that all off my chest.

Post Quality Evaluations:
i'm glad you are reaching out for help... remember though that suicide is beyond the scope of this forum.

Last edited by nevergoback; 13-05-2012 at 09:41.
  #2  
Old 13-05-2012, 18:18
trdofbeingtrd trdofbeingtrd is offline
Palladium Member
 
Join Date: 27-04-2011
33 y/o Male from United States
Posts: 2,612
Blog Entries: 1
trdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forumtrdofbeingtrd is living in mutualistic symbiosis with drugs-forum
Points: 7,333, Level: 12 Points: 7,333, Level: 12 Points: 7,333, Level: 12
Activity: 4.5% Activity: 4.5% Activity: 4.5%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

I have to go to work, but I can tell you for SURE, you are not alone.

I will be coming back and posting more after work, but until then, as I said, just know others including myself has been "there" before. I have no problem with talking to you and trying to help, but I do have to get to work

trdofbeingtrd added 627 Minutes and 9 Seconds later...

I am sorry you are going through this. Something you should know is that you are by far not alone. A sad truth is that many people all over the world start different substances at a very early age considering they are doing the substances. In other words, some kids that are 11 and 12 already have smoked marijuana, done heroin, done methamphetamine, and other drugs. Also, with meth, because of the mental (and in my opinion, emotional) addiction, many many people destroy their bodies and some of their mind by doing meth (short for methamphetamine). This is more of an epidemic (although might not be the correct technical word) than a lone issue someone has. In other words, you are not alone for sure.

You see there is a problem, this is good. While I do not judge those who do meth, or feel they are inferior to me in any way, I honestly feel (having been a "meth" head in the past) that meth is a terrible thing for people to enjoy and later become addicted to. Other than the "come down", the fortunate thing about stopping meth is that while there is a small period of withdrawals from meth, it's more of the craving that is a problem than going through the physical agony of something like opiates or benzodiazepines. Even alcohol brings terrible physical torture and possible death when a person tries to stop, especially without medical help.

So, while the mental and possible emotional addiction with meth is bad, it is something you can stop without having to get medical attention every step of the way.

If you have any questions, please ask.

Last edited by trdofbeingtrd; 13-05-2012 at 18:18. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #3  
Old 13-05-2012, 19:01
zgoat65 zgoat65 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: 19-03-2011
33 y/o Male from United States
Posts: 223
zgoat65 needs to UTFSE some more before posting.
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Yer not alone at all, buddy. SWIM has felt like you are feeling. The dopamine thing is a bitch. SWIM has gone through it more than once, and, to be honest, it takes a long long long time before normal things will invoke feeling. Suicide is never a good option. If fkr no other reason than "what if.......". You have two choices, it seems to me. One, you continue using despite the misery it causes. Or two, visit a doctor and be really honest. Tell them of yer addiction, and dopamine problem, as a result of said addiction, and get some prescrived medication to help bring yer levels up faster. Doing this will help, but not fix the problem, and the occasional relapse won't be as hard on you if it happens. Keep yer head up, and get yer mind off death. The more you dwell there, the darker life gets. I know this well.
  #4  
Old 13-05-2012, 23:47
pup555 pup555 is offline
Mercury Member
 
Join Date: 05-11-2011
25 y/o Male from United States
Posts: 136
pup555 needs to UTFSE some more before posting.
Points: 188, Level: 2 Points: 188, Level: 2 Points: 188, Level: 2
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Your dopamine is not lost. Especially at the age of 17. It may take 3 years to get back..but it's not gone like you said
  #5  
Old 14-05-2012, 00:09
highlikeplanes highlikeplanes is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: 13-09-2010
21 y/o Female from Canada
Posts: 96
highlikeplanes is an unknown quantity at this point
Points: 210, Level: 2 Points: 210, Level: 2 Points: 210, Level: 2
Activity: 2.8% Activity: 2.8% Activity: 2.8%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

trust me , purple banana is in the same boat. .
  #6  
Old 14-05-2012, 01:40
kmarinova kmarinova is offline
Newbie
 
Join Date: 05-05-2012
22 y/o Female from United Kingdom
Posts: 25
kmarinova is an unknown quantity at this point
Points: 77, Level: 1 Points: 77, Level: 1 Points: 77, Level: 1
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Hey there...

You seem to be in a very, very dark depressing place which is not caused by the drug! The drug is your escape, your escape to a problem which you need to fix, and that is YOU! From what I see, you don't know who you are, so you're trying to escape from your ego, trying to find your true self ...or even if that's not the cause, then you are for sure simply trying to escape from the fact that you're not sure who you are and what to do with your life - Trust me i know, because i was in the exact same position (actually still recovering). However, I never used meth or any of the hard drugs - only psychedelics.

I would suggest substituting meth with weed - a lot of weed! Just for as long as you can get more help...weed will not only make you relaxed, but if you smoke bigger amounts it will allow you to see things differently, and perhaps find yourself ( as in your passion, and what makes you happy). I don't know you personally, but if you have a lot of thoughts in your head, it would be a good idea to simply express those thoughts rather than locking them up and letting them just bump into each other, producing nothing sufficient but chaos If you let your thoughts out, you will feel very relieved, connected, and purposeful. Maybe you lack confidence, but it's been proven that the people with depression are usually the really smart ones, even if you look back at history - Beethoven, Ernest Hemingway, F Scott Fitzgerald, Albert Einstein etc... so if you're having some crazy thoughts, dont supress them - express them! FOLLOW YOUR HEART! It can be any form of art, or even if it's not art...just whatever makes you happy...think outside the box....

In the meantime, you can find a therapist to walk you through and make sure you're ok, but once you find yourself you should be perfectly fine!! Just dont do meth! Don't waste the beautiful life that's been given to you. If you have any meth right now, throw it out and get some weed - don't proceed onto anything harder!

Hope I helped, and inbox me if anything!
  #7  
Old 14-05-2012, 06:05
zyggy zyggy is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: 15-11-2011
31 y/o Female from United States
Posts: 1
zyggy is an unknown quantity at this point
Points: 25, Level: 1 Points: 25, Level: 1 Points: 25, Level: 1
Activity: 0.1% Activity: 0.1% Activity: 0.1%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

I read this site all the time. Never really felt the need to write before. This is my first post.

What can I say? I can completely relate. I am older than you but about 1 years ago I was in the same place.

Today I am a completely different person. Everything changed once I took the time recover. If you knew me a years ago you wouldn't believe that I am the same person.

I recovered. I am better than I was before my addiction. I am not ruined. My brain recovered. I am happy. I go out and do stuff just because I want to. While I am sober. Not due to some crazy binge that makes me do stuff I later regret.Today people depend on me. Just a years ago I was a piece of s*it that no one wanted to have anything to do with.

Don't say that your brain is ruined. It's not. Your brain is a miraculous organ that has the potential to recover from great trauma, like meth addiction. It used to be thought that brain can't regenerate but recent studies have shown that it is not the case. That brain does regenerate. And mostly in the higher function regions. Those regions is what makes us human.

I am a living proof of that.

Was it easy? Definitely not. But it was doable. I felt horrible for a very long time but accepted that I will feel worse for a while just so I can again be a productive member of society. I pretty much couldn't function for the first few months. Did the minimum and accepted that is all I can do at the time. No more trying to do more than I can handle. I took it one day at a time, one hour at a time. The number one thing was not to use. Everything else was second place. If I couldn't move and clean up, I didn't do it. I could have done it if I used but I wanted a clean life.

The key thing for was to put my recovery first. And put that idea into practice every second of my life. My family was still important but I knew that without a sober me I couldn't be there for them the way I wanted to be.

Oh and those cravings will go away eventually. Once you have some sober time you will start enjoying life again. There is a long bridge between where you are at and a good life. But that bridge is not closed off. It a difficult road but definitely doable. My cravings are getting less intense with time. I had a few days when I was craving so bad that I took my house apart to try and find some leftover stuff. Today I am still at risk and if someone did drugs in front of me I would probably use. But it gets better with every passing day.

I am prone to anxiety and depression. Actually I had it all my life. But once I got sober I realized that at least now I can work through my problems. You just have to keep on trying.

I would try and find a rehab if I were you. There are places (not great) where they will take you even with limited income. Anything is better than where you are now.

A better life is waiting across that bridge. Sounds cheesy but its so true. Please take steps and believe that you can recover and that a better life is waiting for you. Trust me. I was there. In rehabs, inpatient psych wards, suicide attempts that left scars on my arm and much more.

zyggy added 12 Minutes and 53 Seconds later...

Do you have a public assistance place you can call and find out? Here in the states all kids under 18 are covered and there are rehab options. Is something like that available in Australia?

Post Quality Evaluations:
Awesome and inspirational response from personal experience

Last edited by zyggy; 14-05-2012 at 06:05. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #8  
Old 14-05-2012, 11:19
hux1ey hux1ey is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: 03-08-2011
34 y/o Male from Australia
Posts: 77
Blog Entries: 1
hux1ey is a decent psychonaut.
Points: 114, Level: 1 Points: 114, Level: 1 Points: 114, Level: 1
Activity: 0.8% Activity: 0.8% Activity: 0.8%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Quote:
Originally Posted by nevergoback View Post
I've tried going to NA meetings... didnt really help. i tried to get into rehab... i tried to stop on my own.
i dont know... just needed to get that all off my chest.
Hey nevergoback,

First off, it takes some serious self-examination and a lot of courage to come to these realisations, and share your story here with us. I'm a bit impressed and I've got a lot of respect for the way you're confronting this. I know you're probably getting down on yourself at the moment, but I think everybody here would definitely agree that there's more to you than the average bear; you've got a good mind and a caring heart, you're mentally mature enough to own your own shit, and you've definitely got some inner strength going on.

And as far as NA goes, please please don't let the fact that their approach didn't work for you make you feel any less about yourself. I know AA & NA have helped a lot of people, but they can be a bit off-putting, and feel a bit cultish at times. And honestly the Anonymous approach is based on ideas that have nothing to with what modern science and psychology have learned about addiction. So don't beat yourself up about it!

Anyhow, in Australia there's a drug & alcohol rehabilitation center attached to every major public hospital. It's a completely free service - you just have to bring your medicare card on your first visit. They're extremely helpful and understanding, and they'll provide you counselling and assistance for as long as you need it. So the first thing I'd suggest is that you get in touch with the closest one as soon as possible.

My other bit of advice is that if NA clearly isn't working for you, then just leave them be and give SMART Recovery a go (smartrecoveryaustraliaDOTcomDOTau). Their whole approach is evidence based, and the aim is to equip you with the mental toolkit to be aware of the triggers and behaviours associated with your compulsion or addiction, so you can constructively respond to them instead of relapsing. They have 90 minute meetings which free and open to all, but you can stay for as little or as long as you like, with there's plenty of times and places to choose from.

Also, feel free to message me if you need any more information, advice or support.

Good luck and stay strong! I hope that some of this has helped.
  #9  
Old 14-05-2012, 19:46
zgoat65 zgoat65 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: 19-03-2011
33 y/o Male from United States
Posts: 223
zgoat65 needs to UTFSE some more before posting.
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Quote:
Originally Posted by hux1ey View Post
Hey nevergoback,

First off, it takes some serious self-examination and a lot of courage to come to these realisations, and share your story here with us. I'm a bit impressed and I've got a lot of respect for the way you're confronting this. I know you're probably getting down on yourself at the moment, but I think everybody here would definitely agree that there's more to you than the average bear; you've got a good mind and a caring heart, you're mentally mature enough to own your own shit, and you've definitely got some inner strength going on.

And as far as NA goes, please please don't let the fact that their approach didn't work for you make you feel any less about yourself. I know AA & NA have helped a lot of people, but they can be a bit off-putting, and feel a bit cultish at times. And honestly the Anonymous approach is based on ideas that have nothing to with what modern science and psychology have learned about addiction. So don't beat yourself up about it!

Anyhow, in Australia there's a drug & alcohol rehabilitation center attached to every major public hospital. It's a completely free service - you just have to bring your medicare card on your first visit. They're extremely helpful and understanding, and they'll provide you counselling and assistance for as long as you need it. So the first thing I'd suggest is that you get in touch with the closest one as soon as possible.

My other bit of advice is that if NA clearly isn't working for you, then just leave them be and give SMART Recovery a go (smartrecoveryaustraliaDOTcomDOTau). Their whole approach is evidence based, and the aim is to equip you with the mental toolkit to be aware of the triggers and behaviours associated with your compulsion or addiction, so you can constructively respond to them instead of relapsing. They have 90 minute meetings which free and open to all, but you can stay for as little or as long as you like, with there's plenty of times and places to choose from.

Also, feel free to message me if you need any more information, advice or support.

Good luck and stay strong! I hope that some of this has helped.
Also, on the subject of NA, did you merely attend the meetings? Did you share? Did you get someone to be your sponsor, and show the willingness to begin working the 12 steps? If the answer to these questions is "no", then I would implore uou to return to the meetings, and to make a real attempt at letting the program work. The meetings don't do shit, other than place you in extremely close proximity to others that have worked (or are in the process of doing so) the steps, and are willing to help the newcomer do the same. At the end of every meeting around the world they say the same phrase, "keep coming back, it works if YOU WORK IT". Meaning get a basic text (the blue NA book), read it, get a sponsor that has worked ALL 12 steps and is willing to help you do the same. Get phone numbers of other addict in recovery, and use them BEFORE you use. And, yes, there are other programs too. Where I am from there is AA, NA, and PDAP. While they are all fundamentally the same, they offer different views and methods to.recovery.

Hang in there, and keep us posted on yer progress ( or lack thereof). Here to help.
  #10  
Old 15-05-2012, 15:15
CanadianBakin CanadianBakin is offline
Titanium Member
 
Join Date: 05-10-2011
Male from Canada
Posts: 717
Blog Entries: 1
CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.CanadianBakin really knows their shit.
Points: 2,405, Level: 7 Points: 2,405, Level: 7 Points: 2,405, Level: 7
Activity: 3.8% Activity: 3.8% Activity: 3.8%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Well, like others have already said, you are most definitely not alone! I know what it's like not having anyone in your life with whom you can talk about your meth addiction with. Drugs Forum has been a great help for me in that sense. There are lots of good people here that would be happy to listen any time you need to talk, including myself... Feel free to message me any time about anything

Wow, only seventeen? You've already gone further into addiction than a lot of addicts much older than you....
There is an upside to that, however. Being young, that is. You're only seventeen, and you already seem the realize the severity of your addiction, and are obviously well aware of it's drawbacks, and have a desire to quit, so you got a lot of time to try make things better for yourself. A lot of addicts don't realize this kind of stuff until they've surpassed their youth.

I know what it's like to be depressed... To be on the far negative end of addiction... Feeling like you might want to just relieve yourself from your life and end it. Meth addiction is tough... I've lost valuable relationships, cash, my social life, my health, and eventually probably my entire youth. I love the high too, but hate when I'm kickin. I've come to realize, when it comes to ways of beating these feelings, there really is no easy answer.

It's pain for pleasure, and meth addiction will inevitably put you through some tough times. I've learned to 'kind of' just accept it, and trudge through the bad times - get through, until I'm high again. So like I said there is no easy answer, or any answer really. One thing I can tell you for sure; Suicide is never the answer.

I know that saying its not the answer and being in that state of mind are completely irrelevant from one another... And even though it may really seem like the best solution at times, it's not... Try taking solace in knowing that a better day is ahead. If you feel miserable, well, that's the downside to addiction, it comes with the trade... So just tough it out, listen to music, because things will get better one day, you've already attempted quitting, that' s a lot more than I can say for myself... I haven't even considered quitting at all, or don't plan to... So you've taken the first, and biggest step already. It might take time, but you can get over this, and you have all the time in the world. Theres so much more life to live, potential to fulfill, and good times to be had, I promise. You're only seventeen! You haven't even given yourself a chance yet.

I know what it's like also to feel like you don't care about anything at all... Usually I feel that way... But sometimes, if I sit and think, I mean really think things over... Think about my life, my friends, my family, my little sister, music, the world and all it's majestic grandeur,- I know deep down there are things I really do care about, that make me value life. I think deep down there are things that, if thought about deeply, you can find within yourself that can make you value, and appreciate certain things about life.

Other than that, just try and keep your head up, you've got what it takes to beat meth addiction, keep at 'er. Just try and trudge through; for better days are ahead. Take care, and take it easy!

Cheers,

CanadianBakin

Post Quality Evaluations:
support that is missed on the forums; helpful poster

Last edited by CanadianBakin; 15-05-2012 at 15:21.
  #11  
Old 16-05-2012, 03:24
nevergoback nevergoback is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: 27-01-2012
Female from Australia
Posts: 189
nevergoback is a decent psychonaut.
Points: 220, Level: 2 Points: 220, Level: 2 Points: 220, Level: 2
Activity: 13.9% Activity: 13.9% Activity: 13.9%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Thank you for your replies everyone! so much appreciated!
I haven't really been doing any better... just been feeling extremely tired, physichally and mentally. I got some valium from the doctors which ive been taking to take the edge off. if i have ice again then i get kicked out of my beautiful family home for good this time... so am trying to resist cravings and temptations.
  #12  
Old 16-05-2012, 11:57
Billx Billx is offline
Newbie
 
Join Date: 25-12-2011
21 y/o Male from Austria
Posts: 7
Billx is an unknown quantity at this point
Points: 9, Level: 1 Points: 9, Level: 1 Points: 9, Level: 1
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Yes!!! you say you have a beautiful family home!!! Your Lucky...I have it too and used to use drugs. Please appreciate that you dont want to lose that!! It will cause you the worse, if you mess that up by using meth it will make you more miserable. Please try to find other alternatives than a drug like meth that can destroy everything you have. If your feeling good about what you have in your life...write it down!! with explaination marks!! so if your feeling that everything is shit and has no meaning,...say to yourself that its just your current view of things and that it can get better,..over time...it will get better!!
  #13  
Old 25-06-2012, 14:24
c0ncerta c0ncerta is offline
Mercury Member
 
Join Date: 08-12-2011
Male from United Kingdom
Posts: 24
c0ncerta needs to UTFSE some more before posting.
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

shes a cop/troll/etc..

probley some 16 year old kid that listens to dubstep,says he smokes weed and that it cureses cancer and while meth will make you blind and turn your penis into a shit hole.

Post Quality Evaluations:
Offensive trolling?
  #14  
Old 25-06-2012, 14:55
Aberdonian Aberdonian is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: 19-12-2008
38 y/o Male from Scotland
Posts: 472
Aberdonian should urgently read the rules & received reputation comments.
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

Rehabs in scotland will take u at 16, iv been there with kids younger than half my age,pm me if you would be interested in coming over here
  #15  
Old 25-06-2012, 16:07
MisMonroe MisMonroe is offline
Silver Member
 
Join Date: 21-02-2012
26 y/o Female from United States
Posts: 279
Blog Entries: 2
MisMonroe is captain of the psychonauts.MisMonroe is captain of the psychonauts.
Points: 378, Level: 3 Points: 378, Level: 3 Points: 378, Level: 3
Activity: 0% Activity: 0% Activity: 0%
Re: Meth addiction is killing me

I really wish I could hug you right now.
Let me just start by saying that there's always hope, even when you feel you've got absolutely nothing left to live for.
I have been an addict for about 5 years, but somehow I managed to always keep control until February. I lost it.

I got in with the wrong people, spent the entire savings my husband had worked hard to save, basically cut him out of my life (we are stationed overseas, I was home for a visit), moved into some guys house only weeks after meeting him, and the list goes on.
My husband finally said he was throwing in the towel on our relationship and I fell even deeper into my mess. I stopped speaking to my family as they slowly realized for the first time that I was/am a meth addict.

The guy I was living with went to prison, so I was left at his home, pushing his work to all kinds of shady men that he dealt with, sexually harassed, stalked, threatened, even had a guy pull the air conditioner out of my bedroom window and attempt to climb in at 3am.
My very best friend, also an addict, pushed me away when she saw that I no longer cared about anything anymore.

I gave up, decided that I was done and took as much xanax as I had. I was awaken to my mother screaming at me and packing all my belongings, trying to force me into leaving with her. Several more family members showed up and a friend of mine called the police for me, as I was screaming at my mom, my best friend, that I hated her and she was fucking worthless and to get the fuck out.

Picture a mother, a sister, aunts, a brother, all standing in the road after they were escorted off the property, crying because the addict on the porch had absolutely no life left in her eyes.
During all this, my husband had bought me 2 plane tickets to come home, I blew them both off. He was emailing nearly all my immediate family members begging them to help get me home to him so that he could get me help. I hadn't a clue, but that's real love...

Fast forward to today.
I don't associate with those people anymore. I'm not sober, but I am back in control again, like I used to be. I'm not happy, but I'm working on it. I'm in love, but going through a divorce.
While high, I told him for the last time that I was leaving him. So he finally let me go. Maybe not permanently, or maybe it is, I don't know, but all I know is that I'd take my husband over the drugs any day.

I still don't talk to my family much, my relationship with my mother has improved slightly, but it's nothing like it used to be.
My best friend and I have text a little over the last few days, but she still doesn't want to see me.
I think what allowed me to slowly pull myself away from the deep end of the pool that I was drowning in, was the fact that I knew it was my meth clouded thinking that was ruining my life. I didn't place the blame anywhere else but on my addiction.


So no, my life hasn't made a drastic change for the better with the slowing of use, but it has slowly started changing, and that in itself is enough to want to continue to live.
There is no way of telling what tomorrow is to hold for you, if you don't show up

If you EVER need to talk, please message me. I know I can relate on so many levels after all my years of use. Love you, lots of people do, so hopefully you can start loving you too.

Share this on:

Thread Tools


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Meth Overview from "Anti-Drug" standpoint (Nothing new) DrMuffy Methamphetamine 6 13-03-2013 04:56
Law enforcers, lawmakers get schooled on meth renegades Miscellaneous News 3 02-11-2012 17:42
USA - Meth dealers use technology meant to curb epidemic catseye Justice & Law (News) 1 16-02-2012 20:09
Paper beating Meth drum a little too loud renegades Miscellaneous News 1 12-09-2011 12:10
General info on addiction. Nicaine Drug Addiction & Recovery 55 30-12-2006 07:08

» New Threads
CBD Rip Off!
Last post by TheBigBadWolf
2 Replies, 26 Views
Someone compare meth to adderall
Last post by To many sunrise
14 Replies, 14,035 Views
Can I do LSD 2 days in a row if it...
Last post by Mark Rutte
13 Replies, 277 Views
why is my benzo tolerance so high?
Last post by empire321
6 Replies, 102 Views
Vyvanse + Adderall = mad horny....
Last post by FCTLIS
1 Replies, 26 Views
Pharmacists warned off homeopathy
Last post by Space Numpty
2 Replies, 50 Views
Tramadol+Noopept
Last post by detoxin momma
1 Replies, 20 Views
ive really fucked up now
Last post by detoxin momma
5 Replies, 177 Views
Help with alcohol withdrawal...
Last post by Space Numpty
88 Replies, 3,834 Views
Secure browsing through https...
Last post by Alfa
19 Replies, 8,877 Views
» New Wiki Articles

Sitelinks: Information:

All times are GMT +1. The time now is 16:53.


Copyright: SIN Foundation 2003 - 2014, All rights reserved
"Wiki" powered by VaultWiki v3.0.20 PL 1.