Stopping IV dilaudid, pain management still necessary
swim has been IVing dilaudid for the last 6 monts or so. swim was having pain the tablet just couldn't stop.
swim's pain doc told swim she could go to the ER anytime her pain was that severe, and they would give her demorol.
I think we all know how much an ER visit costs. She has no insurance.
wim has enough medical bills. shes one of the few people on earth that actually makes a little payment to everyone she owes money to. It may be 5 bucks a month, but they get something from to keep them off her ass. thousands of dollars a month to the hospital is NOT going to happen.
So she started shooting her meds herself. First one, then 2 and now three 4 mg tablets about 4 times a day.
She can't live like this anymore. Her hubby hasnt done near the substances she has done in her life.
He has nightmares she is going to throw a clot, or overdose in the bathroom while he is at work or sleeping.
He's going to leave if she doesn't stop.
She hasn't been able to hit a vein all week without poking for a half hour which is not normal for her. She hasnt had any trouble with this since she started.She has a very public job, and this past week is very bruised.
The weather has gotten warm and long sleeves are not in season anymore.
Her kids and husband are the best in the world and they don't deserve this.
Swim needs advice to ease the next few weeks without that sharp pointy thing.
Flushing the pills is not an option, they are necessary. She is prescribed them and physically can't function without them.
I wasn't sure if this belonged in the treatment or recovery thread, or somewhere else, so I hope this is OK.
Has anyone else been through this? Can you never go back once you go there?
Swim feels so hopeless lately. She is tired of being told she looks like a damn vegetable.
Re: Stopping IV dilaudid, pain management still necessary
Sad, that is one sad post and believe me, almost everyone who reads this will nod their heads in recognition of their own version of your living hell.
The first thing you have to do is get plugged into a drug clinic or at least a counsellor who can help get you into a proper program. Self medication, as you've discovered, is not an addict's strong suit. Your best efforts have brought you to this point in your life so doing it all by yourself is not going to work very well. In this day and age it is criminal that addiction is still seen as something we can control, that we are inherently bad people because we have this affliction. The truth is we didn't ask for it nor can we control it any more than being born with blue eyes or blonde hair - we take the hand dealt to us. Addiction has been stigmatised by the laws and social pressures but of course none of this helps you. If your job would suffer because of what you are doing, then you'll need to manage your recovery very carefully. However, if it comes down to kicking drugs or losing your job - would you stay addicted just to keep it?
None of us has done this alone - we need the help of others, even if it is only to talk to them. NA/AA meetings are held everywhere all the time and unless you are a famous face, they actually are reasonably anonymous. However, like I said, it may well be that you have to admit to having a problem openly and if you can do that, the freedom it offers you for your recovery will be well worth it. Secret users like us want to keep everything hidden and in the dark but the reality is that we cannot do that and successfully recover, the two just don't go together. It is embarrassing, humiliating and humbling, but then again, what if hubby found you head down in the toilet with a syringe in your arm? How would that go down at work? Better to come clean (so to speak) and get it all out in the open because only then can you start your journey to a better life.
Please seek help. Your life is miserable because you are addicted and in order to stop using and stay clean, you will need a lot of determination and a lot of help and education about yourself and your addiction. The best way to do this is by going to addiction-aware health professionals and/or NA meetings. Nobody wants to do this stuff, it really sucks, but the reality is that we have to if we want to live.
You are not alone in this; your story is my story and every other opiate addicts story. Read the threads here, read the Post Acute Withdrawals thread at the top of this forum and start realising that you may be unique, but your addiction is the same as mine and everyone else's here. We did it and you can to; you are never too far gone to come back from the brink. There is NO shame in being an addict; there IS shame in knowing you are and doing nothing about it.
