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  #1  
Old 29-03-2012, 21:21
FluffyPinkElephant FluffyPinkElephant is offline
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isn't it funny how...

You can go weeks...even months between use with out any cravings or desire to use....

Until you make a decision to stop for a while. And then it is dreams of trying desperately to get high and smelling shit that isn't there and thinking "well maybe just a little" LOL wtf is with that?

What happens mentally when you decide to put the breaks on it that it bothers you when you could go forever with no desire to use?
  #2  
Old 30-03-2012, 13:27
MisMonroe MisMonroe is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Quote:
Originally Posted by FluffyPinkElephant View Post
You can go weeks...even months between use with out any cravings or desire to use....

Until you make a decision to stop for a while. And then it is dreams of trying desperately to get high and smelling shit that isn't there and thinking "well maybe just a little" LOL wtf is with that?

What happens mentally when you decide to put the breaks on it that it bothers you when you could go forever with no desire to use?
I haven't really ever made the decision to quit, other than while in the Army, in which I had replaced my addiction with alcohol.

My circumstances, though, leave me sobering up for months at a time, and those moths are horrible. I'll have dreams of myself finding shard after shard, always waking up before I get to put them in my pretty little bowl.
I CONSTANTLY smell things that I associate with meth. It's ridiculous, I always smell it.
It's all our twisted little minds toying with our addiction, we do it to ourselves.
  #3  
Old 30-03-2012, 14:19
trdofbeingtrd trdofbeingtrd is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

It's the same thing with "nicotine fits". The reason why you start fiending the way you do when you want to QUIT meth is because you don't really want to stop doing it for good.

When you are just taking a break, there is no desperation, there is no "this is it, then no more" attitude. There is just "eh, don't want to do it right now" type of thinking.

When the mind is faced with "you will NEVER EVER do it again" the part of you that loves meth is like "NOOOOOOOO" and even if you decide not to actively go after it, that spot in your self that loves the high of meth screams at you the whole time saying "I just want a line/bowl, how about if we just do it one more time".

When I quit, that spot in me died, it permanently clicked off. The reason I mentioned smoking as being similar is because I noticed when I REALLY wanted to quit cigs, I really wanted to quit and I was okay with "NEVER EVER" having another smoke. What I noticed the MOST is that I had 0 "nicotine fits". I didn't have any mental/emotional/physical withdrawals (if there were any physical, by science I didn't notice them) keeping me wanting it.

So, either you are truly okay with not having meth again and you won't have that strong desire, or, you will "quit" and every time you are around it........it will be so bad you can hear lines being cut or the sound of lighter hitting the glass, and yes, lighter flame going to glass don't make a sound, that's just how bad you will want it. I remember when I had quit meth and my ex didn't want to. My boss and I got to my house when he was dropping me off and she could "smell" the meth from his truck. We weren't doing any meth and it was anti-freeze she smelled.

Yeah, quitting drugs you don't want to quit just isn't pleasant.
  #4  
Old 30-03-2012, 15:06
Angelwalker Angelwalker is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

I agree with Trd big diff between never ever again and taking a long break that's suppose to be never touching it again. I remember when I was on one of those "long breaks" was going to try 3 months not even coming close to it. Was doing really well for about a month in a half when one day went to a price club (lol Kirkland?)
Moms told me to grab paper towels and on the same isle was just rows of diff kinds of foil I literally stopped walking and got these weird goosebumps/ chills, mouth watering like fuck me I want some NOW! Robotically reached into my pocketful my phone to hit up my connect but thanks to myself I deleted all contacts related to it. But at the same time was mad at myself lol. Came back to the shopping cart with the paper towels lookin all depressed haha
  #5  
Old 30-03-2012, 20:36
FluffyPinkElephant FluffyPinkElephant is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

The stupid part is this isn't NEVER Again....it is "just for a bit". But I think it is the same concept...where now we wre stating that we are taking a break where before we never defined just did
  #6  
Old 01-04-2012, 03:36
CanadianBakin CanadianBakin is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Its actually the other way around for me lol... When I tell myself to take a little break, it's not so bad for me. When I'm my usual tweaker self, right in the thick of it, and I can't get any ice because of money or other reasons, it's hell on earth!

I have never tried to quit however, just little breaks every now and again. I highly doubt I can quit - If I wanted to, that is... Which I don't
  #7  
Old 01-04-2012, 22:34
tallhood tallhood is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MisMonroe View Post
I'll have dreams of myself finding shard after shard, always waking up before I get to put them in my pretty little bowl.
.
LOL i had a dream last night that i had some shards and whoever's house i was in at time someone came walking to the door of room i was in and i was like fuck em and kept crusing up what i had started anyway for a sniff....but dont remember the rest.


My cousin's uncle is waiting to fall back off the wagon later today if it ever gets dry geez this website is making him jones for something lol
  #8  
Old 02-04-2012, 00:13
Aveo Aveo is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

When I'm not using I get drug dreams all the time. That always leaves me fiending. But another problem is that I love to watch intervention when I can't get stuff like I'm going to live vicariously through the people. And I specifically go and look for episodes where people are using meth. It's ridiculous putting myself through that...and yet whenever I'm dry I find myself doing it!

I have never actually made a decision to stop using. I even went to rehab once and I went through all the motions to be able to finish the program but I never truly believed any of it.
  #9  
Old 03-05-2012, 01:40
zgoat65 zgoat65 is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

SWIM's made the decision to quit before, and there were other times that SWIM's government made him quit. Like when they put the ban on ephedrine and psuedoephedrine. This put SWIM in quite a bind. SWIM has quite several times, sometimes for long periods, but has always returned to what he loves doing. Even when SWIM bought into the whole 12 step lifestyle, he was fucking miserable, but continued to talk the talk and walk the walk hoping against hope that one day all the crap in that stupid book would come true for him. It never did. SWIM is a chemist. Yes, he loves the drugs, but he loves making them more. He dreams about chemistry way more than using, but still dreams about using since the great reward of drug chemistry is...........well...........drugs. And good drugs. Pure drugs. Uncut, perfect works of art. One time SWIM had a dream that he was hungry for cereal, and, to his dismay, when he looked in the pantry there was no cereal to be found. So he went to the cabinet, got out a mason jar, and poured milk into it. Then he set up his gassing rig, and gassed the jar of milk, and lo and behold, Fruity Pebbles began "snowing" out of the milk. He poured this into a bowl, and enjoyed his freshly gassed fruity pebbles. You Know Yer A Tweaker When...........
  #10  
Old 03-05-2012, 05:37
crushedice crushedice is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

i havnt stopped in a year, not even for a complete whole month ive literally sickingly been on this shit for a year straight. ive told myself many times id stop but never really set my foot down or really meant it. i though, really wonder if id be able to stop, i mean, i think im positive i can but i dont wana u know...but i really wonder if i put myself to the test...will i be able to...who knows...but its my own decision as to why i havent....i wonder about myself...hmmmm
  #11  
Old 03-05-2012, 15:20
zgoat65 zgoat65 is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Quote:
Originally Posted by crushedice View Post
i havnt stopped in a year, not even for a complete whole month ive literally sickingly been on this shit for a year straight. ive told myself many times id stop but never really set my foot down or really meant it. i though, really wonder if id be able to stop, i mean, i think im positive i can but i dont wana u know...but i really wonder if i put myself to the test...will i be able to...who knows...but its my own decision as to why i havent....i wonder about myself...hmmmm
You would undoubtedly be able to quit if you actually wanted to. The problem is, sure you can't quite, but without the synthetic adrenaline/energy you have been feeding your body for.a year, I doubt you would be able to do much else but just quit. When SWIM was forced to quit after over a year of GOING HARD (maybe 50 nights worth of sleep outta the whole year) he found that, without dope, he couldn't stay awake for more than four hours at a time, and his sleeps were 15 hours or longer. This went on for over a month. SWIM couldnt get outta bed, which means that SWIM couldn't work. When he tried, he found that he had turned into pretty much a narcoleptic. Could even sleep standing up. It was horrible. Sadly, there comes a point when turning back comes with a price to be paid. Sounds like you may already be there.
  #12  
Old 03-05-2012, 20:46
crushedice crushedice is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

its funny how, i use to do shit all kind of shit wen high like download the song ive had on my favorites for a wile, continue cutting out magazine pix to complete my wall collage, do my eyebrows, blah blah stupid shit here and there and now, im like lazy while im high like fuck that i rather not. i get very jored while high cus then ill realize its only mid day and i cant wait to get out of work but why if imbonly guna go home and do nothig really.
i guess my time is coming up with meth. its been a complete yer straight absolutely straight, with most a week off.
and wen im off, i wow sleep so much.
your quote is true, there must be anprice to pay when yu decide to come back "/
  #13  
Old 03-05-2012, 20:58
zgoat65 zgoat65 is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

You are so right about that. When SWIM used to do nothing but sit at the house and sell (and do)the shit, he felt his time was so valuable. When people would call him for a bag, and say that they'd be there in thirty minutes (cuz they had to hit the pawn shop first), SWIM would get SO annoyed. He was just sitting on the couch (and intended to do nothing more) playing xbox, but fwlt his time was just too valuable to wait 30 minutes for somwone to go hock their shit. So he just bought whatever it was that they were gonna pawn, and lets them get it out if they brought the money. SWIM didn't realized that if they had money, and came to his house, they were not gonna pay for their tv back. They were gonna buy more dope. So, needless to say, SWIM had a garage full of shit. But hey! At least he didn't lose that thirty minutes on the couch waiting for those people. He still had his thirty minutes.
  #14  
Old 04-05-2012, 04:19
karma187357 karma187357 is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

AFOAF said she can so relate. But in a different way... since she picked her habit back up, she really hasn't tried to quit. But when she"s sitting on a half zone or something like tht she's all good, Happy as hell, hooking her friends etc. She can stop and recoup for a few days just as long as she knows that she has all tha/t Meth. But let her get down to a half of a gram and she will start freaking out! Its like some kind of frenzy! Can't run out! Oh my god! Shes gotta get more! Can't sleep all tht she can think of is who she is gonna score from! She's been there done that. basically the the same thing but a different scenerio
  #15  
Old 04-05-2012, 04:29
sassyspy sassyspy is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Looking at the OP, I thought how I had never been at a point that I felt I could go on forever with no desire to use, and I have to stand by that.

Even since quitting intentionally, at least once every day I feel a 'want'.
And the times I quit unintentionally, such as when broke or dry out or no connection, I hated it but survived it.

It's what taught me that I could and would survive the withdrawals if I weren't a pussy about it.

If I had been a chemist, I may have never quit. But throwing money away on something maybe only 30% dope got old quick.

Mentally, have learned it is a day by day decision, and effort. It's all I can promise myself.
  #16  
Old 04-05-2012, 18:46
zgoat65 zgoat65 is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sassyspy View Post

If I had been a chemist, I may have never quit. But throwing money away on something maybe only 30% dope got old quick.

Mentally, have learned it is a day by day decision, and effort. It's all I can promise myself.
[/FONT][/COLOR][/I]
SWIM is a chemist, and has quit on many occasions, usually due to outside influences (never his own personal choice). It is hard to quit when you know that (once you already have all the equipment), the out-going cost of a 1/4 lb. of dope is EXTREMELY low, and it more than pays for itself while providing easy money and free dope. All it ends up costing is time and effort. It is SO hard for SWIM to lead a normal life (or close to normal at least). The chemistry itself is very addictive. Experimenting different ways to make a particular synthesis better, or how to pull better yields. Its all part of the fun. Not to mention the great reward at the end of a job well done is to be able to get that first fresh blast of some GRADE A++ that YOU made. SWIM always loved that
  #17  
Old 05-05-2012, 16:47
Cuberun Gold member Cuberun is offline
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Re: isn't it funny how...

Personally I always gotta take "something".. this can be anything from nootropics to most recently what lead me to this section. Mostly it's not harsh stuff but I'm crazy about self enhancement. I'd be completely bionic if it was possible. Should see the fkn supplements I take a day.. http://tiny.cc/yxdudw those just my multivitamins. nevermind the omega 3 fish oil, weight training supps ( dont do roids). pit all drugs in the same jar really. dont smoke cigarettes but have had a 2 month period of using swedish snus (snuff) for some weird reason. only kind of addiction hes had has been phenibut and etizolam but that has never gone longer than 3 weeks before hitting the breaks.

etizolam is great though, shit's legal euphoric longer lasting version of xanax. did kind of go through 250mg power in a 5 day period, fortunately it only caused a day of feelign a bit sad... oh and two blackout days where I just. acted perfectly normal except I have no idea what he did ( no reports of me pullin me pants down n shovin a bananar up me bumole at a bussstop or anything)

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