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Amphetamines addiction Support for coping with Amphetamine-, Meth- and Ecstasy- addiction and Amphetamine addiction treatment.

 
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  #1  
Old 09-02-2012, 05:52
twistedparadise twistedparadise is offline
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Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Hi, I know everyone is different, but I am a recovering crystal meth addict (pretty much an every day maintenance/habit for two years except for days in between when i was crashed out) and I have been completely clean for about a month now. I am already feeling somewhat like I'm healing, physically anyway.. and I am trying really really really fucking hard to make the best out of this, to think positively, and I know that I WANT to be clean.. but mentally and psychologically i am just wondering, will I ever REALLY feel happiness or excitement again, or am I just gonna have to fake it for the rest of my life? It's impossible to actually be HAPPY about ANYTHING, mostly I feel just BLAH. I have crying bouts alot and fits of rage that are ridiculous, but even on good days I can't ever feel happy or excited about anything... even things that ANYONE would be excited about! I just got two brand new cars, a new laptop, and a bunch of materialistic things that I just couldn't really give a shit less about. Before I quit the ONLY things that made me happy or excited anymore were drugs. But at leaSt I felt happy and excited at all. I am just so depressed about this, will it EVER get better?? What's even the point? Is anything ever going to even compare to drugs for me again? Is my life fucked or what? And why does it have to be this way... I am trying so hard but I don't know if I can do this.
  #2  
Old 09-02-2012, 07:13
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Twisted,
First off, congratulations. Meth is extremely hard to kick, even after you get over the two weeks or so of extreme fatigue, it's the lifestyle and energy and, well...the bountiful never ending energy and "I can do anything" feeling that you will be missing big time. But you are beating the odds, so you should be really proud.
I was a meth addict for almost ten years. I was just like you, an everyday user (unless the odd time or two when I would run out and I would sleep until I got more). Next month I'll be celebrating having one year clean. I know exactly what you are feeling, and it WILL get better. Like you said, everyone is different, we are all affected differently. Whether or not you will begin to feel joy in you life, depends on whether you find or bring something into your life that will give you joy. I am lucky in a sense because I have my daughter, which gives me a reason to stay clean.
I'm not going to sugar coat it, it does take a long time to feel the same excitement about everyday things that you used to feel about doing dope. But slowly it will get better. Everyone's situation is different, but things that help would be finding something you like to do, a hobby, a sport, music, art. And if you can find someone to do it with all the better. Everything in life seems a bit brighter if you have someone to share it with.
You've gotten over the worst of it. Try to stay positive. Try to get out and do things. When I get in a rut, I'll just lay on the couch and that just makes me more depressed.
And one more thing to consider, would be going to talk to your doctor. Your brain hasn't had to naturally produce any "feel good endorphins" for two years. Sometimes when you stop using illicit drugs, an anti depressant isn't a bad idea, to help you get back to feeling normal.
Keep us all posted on how you're doing. It gets better, I promise.

Post Quality Evaluations:
Helpful and honest. Good balance of support and hard truths, but still very positive overall (which is most important!).
Honest good advice
  #3  
Old 09-02-2012, 08:39
sassyspy sassyspy is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Well done, you!
Don't give up, I have been exactly where you are, and kept on going!
It wasn't that long ago that I stopped a daily meth habit I had for almost 15 yrs.

I found towards the end of my use, I wasn't very often happy anyway. I was bitchy, tired, always lookin, and didn't find any great mood improvements no matter how much I smoked. Quality was shit, people were dishonest assholes, and I could not find anything to smile about.
But since quitting, (Nov) I have observed 'spontaneous' moments of incredibly contented, and happy emotions bubbling within me. THAT had not happened for a very long time. Things like Singing with the radio, smiling at strangers, and just generally feeling good about where I am at currently and where I am headed; these emotions are re-surfacing after a really long absence.

I truly understand what you mean about finding it impossible to be happy, and I felt like that, too. Especially the first 6-8 weeks (for me, right about holiday time) I was bitch uninterrupted! I thought if thats how I was gonna feel without the dope, fuck it I would rather be addicted..... so I relapsed. I actually felt even more like shit when I did that though.

Are you being treated for depression, or were the symptoms not evident in the past/pre drug days?

You CAN do this, girlie. It WILL get better, but it will never be as easy as a walk in the park, ya know? But the difficulties of your journey will only make you more proud of yourself for meeting the challenge.

  #4  
Old 09-02-2012, 17:14
twistedparadise twistedparadise is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Thank you both so much for replying. Sometimes a little encouragement goes a long way, and it is helpful to hear your experiences.

I know I am on the right path. Sassyspy, I felt exactly like you dind towards the end of my use and that produced my need and want to be sober. Plus I hit rock bottom big time, I had used meth off and on for about three years total and sober for two years, then I relapsed big time. I had never been addicted like I was for those two years after I started again. we had ALOT all the time and if we didn't we were looking for more and when we were out we were dead to the world. I was addicted not only to the drug but to the process and the lifestyle and just everything. I still find myself on the verge of having panic attacks because it is so depressing to think that I will never feel the way the dope made me feel ever again. I am glad that I am quitting but my brain is all fuzzy most of the time and the only thing keeping me sober is my determination that I can't get sucked in like I did before. And i would.

To answer your questions, I have a history of depression / anxiety and I always have. I am currently off medication, I couldn't ever remember to take my pills anyway and I never stayed on one medication long enough to let it work. If things get really bad I will definitely see my doctor though.

Thank you both again for your helpful posts. I really appreciate it!
  #5  
Old 10-02-2012, 02:47
stayupandplay stayupandplay is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

The brain and its workings. The human body..always trying to reach homeostasis. You've been introducing meth into your body for a good while now. Time is what it takes friend. I don't know if this is appropriate, but I was prescribed effexor er the day I was forced to quit meth. There are alot of negative things posted on this site about effexor...but it works well for me.
I've been off meth for about 4yrs now. I loved that stuff. I only lasted a couple of years on it before the wonderful lifestyle helped me lose my freedom.
Better days are coming friend. You never know what will happen. Maybe you'll take the completely subjective ADHD test and be diagnosed and then prescribed adderall? Maybe some cool RC's that have stimulant properties will fall into your lap?
If I don't have a stimulant of some signifigance in me I am the laziest person i know. If I get that little "push"..I'm ambitious and my ex-wife really enjoys my company and wants to have sex with me and good things happen.
I believe I was born to do stims. Things are boring to me without them.
This may not be the "ra ra you'll be OK" post but its my truth. Good luck.
  #6  
Old 10-02-2012, 06:14
twistedparadise twistedparadise is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

I totally feel the same way actually. I don't know if I'm ADD or what, but uppers just let me well.. function. Otherwise I have no ambition or energy. I have always been that way, even before I have ever tried uppers. Meth calmed me down, and when I was on it I didn't do stupid shit like a lot of people. My thoughts were actually a lot more rational when I was high, whereas when I am sober I tend to be very impulsive and reckless, and I fly off the handle quickly. I have always been this way. I have thought maybe I have ADD or ADHD because I CANt be organized no matter how hard I try, I have absolutely no patience and I can't pay attention to anything which makes me extremely frustrated on a daily basis. This isn't just because of the drugs, I have been this way even before I knew what drugs were. Unfortunately I have never been diagnosed because well, I'm kind of poor lol so I think I ended up self medicating myself and falling into an addiction. But, what can ya do?
  #7  
Old 10-02-2012, 07:20
sassyspy sassyspy is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by twistedparadise View Post
I totally feel the same way actually. I don't know if I'm ADD or what, but uppers just let me well.. function. Otherwise I have no ambition or energy. I have always been that way, even before I have ever tried uppers. Meth calmed me down, and when I was on it I didn't do stupid shit like a lot of people. My thoughts were actually a lot more rational when I was high, whereas when I am sober I tend to be very impulsive and reckless, and I fly off the handle quickly. I have always been this way. I have thought maybe I have ADD or ADHD because I CANt be organized no matter how hard I try, I have absolutely no patience and I can't pay attention to anything which makes me extremely frustrated on a daily basis. This isn't just because of the drugs, I have been this way even before I knew what drugs were. Unfortunately I have never been diagnosed because well, I'm kind of poor lol so I think I ended up self medicating myself and falling into an addiction. But, what can ya do?

I think having this same problem is one of the reasons I stayed on meth so long. I got tired of all the extraneous shit that using meth causes, but had no way to feel normal even when sober.

It was coming to this site for the first time that I learned I COULD be right, just needed diagnosis. Which after a time I did receive, along with medication that now controls my ADHD pretty well, and I quit meth.
However, it isn't all bubble gum and bunnies. The addiction that I developed to meth is strong enough that I still crave, but as I mentioned in other threads, I think I am craving the other aspects of using and not the drug itself.

I mean, I was sick to death of not being able to sleep, even after the high had worn off. I was tired of feeling 'tweaked' if I smoked too much or got a different quality bag. I was nervous about people remarking on my speech being rapid, even though to me it seemed normal.
At the end of the day, the good things I got from using meth (such as calmness, alertness, organization, etc) were really overshadowed by those shit things that I also got, and now with medication actually helping my adhd, I have no need to use meth again.

I hope, and feel confident, that I will continue to remain meth free.

If you have ADHD or any other diagnosable condition, you will tend to self medicate with whatever substance addresses those symptoms. It would be highly preferable, and safer, to see a doctor for diagnosis and treatment.
  #8  
Old 10-02-2012, 20:26
twistedparadise twistedparadise is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sassyspy View Post
The addiction that I developed to meth is strong enough that I still crave, but as I mentioned in other threads, I think I am craving the other aspects of using and not the drug itself.
Well said! How is it possible to hate something so much and love it at the same time? Meth is so complex.

What medicine are you taking for ADHD? What steps do I take to reach a diagnosis? I feel confident that if that has really been the problem the whole time, and if I could just decrease or eliminate the symptoms (irritability, lack of focus, forgetfulness, frustration) then everything would be fine. I am totally willing to do whatever I need to do to be able to function in my life and in society, and if it means not having to use drugs well of course that is even better. There would be no reason for me to even think about meth (other than the addiction and cravings part) if I could just get my shit together!!

Should I be completely honest with my doctor about my addiction? Will he think I'm just drug-seeking? I am starting to feel hopeful, maybe there is help and hope for me. Thank you..
  #9  
Old 10-02-2012, 23:46
sassyspy sassyspy is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

See this thread for more information about seeing a doctor:
http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/sho...38#post1088338

I am taking a generic form of Ritalin, called methylphenidate. Loads of information on this forum if you do a search for it.

I was surprised actually that meds worked. I had tapered myself from meth before starting the medication, and did not smoke meth the first medicated day. I actually finished projects I had started weeks earlier, I stopped interrupting people before they could finish a sentence, and by 6 pm I was dog ass tired.

The second day, I took my meds and promptly fell asleep. The falling asleep continued for about 3 days. I surmised that it had to do with not using meth. My medication wasn't meant to replace methamphetamine, and it doesn't. I don't 'speed' like I did on meth, but neither do I stay awake when I am tired and want to sleep.

I have had some tough days, I have also taken my meds too late in the day and THEN ended up awake way later than I wanted to be. I didn't want to get back into the cycle of being too sleepy/tired to get up and go to work, so I am careful to take my last pill before 6 pm.

I have relapsed. I have binged on my meds. But I found I prefer the calm focused attention and energy I have on the meds taking them as prescribed, than using meth or bingeing.

And again, its not always easy to control myself. I have used drugs as a way to escape uncomfortable emotions, so it is still hard to not crave when those emotions arise.

I sincerely hope you stick with your commitment to stop meth, it is so not the drug to take for years.

Good luck!
  #10  
Old 11-02-2012, 00:20
The_Joker The_Joker is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Congrats on your clean time.

Yes this is normal to feel this way. That is how i was for a while.

It will get better after a while.

(((((hugs))))
  #11  
Old 12-02-2012, 03:11
no eff eks no eff eks is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Quote:
Originally Posted by twistedparadise View Post
I totally feel the same way actually. I don't know if I'm ADD or what, but uppers just let me well.. function. Otherwise I have no ambition or energy. I have always been that way, even before I have ever tried uppers. Meth calmed me down, and when I was on it I didn't do stupid shit like a lot of people. My thoughts were actually a lot more rational when I was high, whereas when I am sober I tend to be very impulsive and reckless, and I fly off the handle quickly. I have always been this way. I have thought maybe I have ADD or ADHD because I CANt be organized no matter how hard I try, I have absolutely no patience and I can't pay attention to anything which makes me extremely frustrated on a daily basis. This isn't just because of the drugs, I have been this way even before I knew what drugs were. Unfortunately I have never been diagnosed because well, I'm kind of poor lol so I think I ended up self medicating myself and falling into an addiction. But, what can ya do?
Be very careful trying to replace a meth addiction with something you deem less dangerous. It would not be difficult to get a prescription for some kind of stimulant, but do you really think it will be different than meth? People get all cracked out on ritalin and adderall just as easy, especially if they've already abused stimulants in the past. Maybe you're strong enough to take these drugs responsibly, but I was not.

I've had problems with stimulants, but mostly my DoC is benzos. I knew I could lie to a doctor and get them prescribed, but since I don't like lying in person I merely ordered them online. I knew they helped my anxiety and figured I could just use them as needed, maybe have fun sometimes. Instead I would binge for days on end until I ran out - every-single-time. I was once prescribed a z-drug as a sleep aid from my real doctor... I wanted to use them responsibly, I needed help sleeping - instead I would use all 30 within a few days.

That's just me, and I don't know you well enough to judge any decision you may make. Just wanted to point out the dangers of prescription drugs that mimic a past addiction. As for research chemicals... if MDPV and mephadrone have proven anything, it's that these drugs are just as addictive and dangerous as street drugs like meth.

Stay strong OP, you've come a long way. Talking to a doctor is always a good idea regardless of what route you choose wrt medications. I highly recommend seeing a psychologist on a monthly basis for a year or so. There usually are ways to get the bill covered if you can't afford it.
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Old 12-02-2012, 17:10
stayupandplay stayupandplay is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

I'm of the thinking that there is a big difference between being "addicted" and being "dependent" on a drug to live a normal and productive life. Some may say semantics. I say work with the system to get what you need. I need stimulants to be productive and happy. This is a fact I accepted long ago.
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Old 12-02-2012, 18:46
M3 M3 is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Everything will be fine , you just vhave to have will power and kno there is light at the end of the tunnel
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Old 13-05-2012, 07:47
nevergoback nevergoback is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

Meth kills your dopamine receptors... life after meth addiction, if your one of the lucky ones that can ever get out. (6% recovery rate!) Is going to be difficult. I'm sure eventually... you'll start to feel better. Its just going to take a very long time. Your brain doesnt know how to produce dopamine on its own...

Trust me... your not alone. I know how you feel.
I hope your okay
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Old 22-06-2012, 13:35
laurajones laurajones is offline
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Re: Recovering from a huge meth addiction - will i ever feel happy again?

I found amphetamines made everyday things seem very interesting and meaningful. When I stopped taking the stuff I realised just how uninteresting a lot of it really is. There seems no point in doing some things and it becomes difficult to do anything. Taking it on nights out turned normal music, events, people and surroundings into magnificent, fascinating, magical experiences. The memories of those times are everlasting and always provide a feeling of happiness. It was rare to really enjoy a night out without amps.
Letting them become part of everyday life was a big mistake. Because it did the same thing to my everyday life as it did to my nights out.
Things that were once enjoyable seem uninteresting, and things that I didnít particularly enjoy but had to do seem so dull they are difficult or impossible to carry out.
I think the comparison between the veneer that amps put on life and unenhanced life is what makes staying off them so hard.
After a long time living high, I couldnít even remember what it was like to feel excited by anything or interested in anything without being high. The contrast is so massive too, that itís not easily forgotten.
I think it feels this way because the brain has been altered, possibly irreversibly. The brain is used to an overflow in serotonin, now it suddenly has a comparatively unnoticeable amount. Some suggest the brain can't even make as much serotonin anymore. So life will be even more dull than before.
Itís hard to adjust and accept it when you know you can always make life a permanent party again just by taking amps.
I had a whole month of abstinence, intended to be permanent. I just got on with it, every now and then Iíd find myself thinking Ďlife is so boringí. One day it got unbearably boring and I got more amp. I had to clean the kitchen, I used to take amp and find that a fun activity. I decided doing it sober was impossible. As soon as I had an excuse to use there was no argument.
It wasnít impossible to clean sober, it was a useful excuse I used to convince my sensible side there was no choice but to have more amp.
I'm sure though, that the longer I live sober, the further away the memory of the amp-enhanced life, the less harsh the contrast will seem.
I donít think anything materialistic is going to make you happy. I wasnít excited by these things before, Iím not materialistic in any way really. Maybe you arenít either, and itís not really a good thing to be anyway.
I also feel there's no point in anything, but I kind of felt that way before. So itís hard to find a reason to do anything.
There are things I used to really enjoy though, and those are the things Iím trying to do most of. Itís almost impossible to do stuff I donít enjoy now, so I donít even try.
Iím sure you had things you used to really enjoy before amps? Maybe if you try to do these things as much as possible, it might take your mind off how boring life is.
I donít think anything will ever compare to the drugs, no. Itís impossible really because itís a chemical bran alteration. I just accept this fact, and try and stay long enough without amp that the comparison is a distant memory. I think and hope that as time passes I will think about the high-life less and less.
No-one stops because it stops making life seem amazing. People stop because they have things they want to do in life that they can't do as a constant amp user. Maybe stuff like have children, marriagesÖnormal things.
What is it you want from life that you can't have while you're using amps?

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