a mother’s point of view on heroin,

[Stavrogin]

this happens only because drugs are illegal.

What if Heroin or Morphine were not illegal?

No danger of getting infected by HIV or EC, no danger of overdosing, no need to steal stuff to buy the drug and so you dont have to spent the whole day trying to find the money.

Think about this, dear tough loving mom, you are fighting the wrong battle.











p.s

sorry for my poor english, I'm italian.

Reputation Comments on this post:

So true,

[Delta]

Hi Linda

Your story touched me. To you and anyone else out there who is suffering or has been through the mangle my heart goes out to you. Im glad to hear your daughter got through it.

There is life after skag. I survived it. Believe me it wasn't easy and I was lucky to be able to remove myself from the 'scene' I was involved in and start my life again in a whole new part of the world.

What can I say to anyone who's reading this who's into gear and all the feelings that go with it without sounding glib ? Its different for everyone. There are no easy answers.

Thought I was ready to tell my story of how this happened to me. It will be cathartic; I know that much. Sat down tonight with the intention of doing just that - guess I'm not really sure how to begin.

[machine_elf]

I agree that this is a touching story and I wish you well in life after this horrific episode, but I find the following comment incredibly insensitive

drugs are a cowards way to live

... especially as you have been on antidepressants. Everyone has their raesons for drugs, and whilst I would warn all against opiates, drugs(psychedelics) have made swim's life divinely beautiful in every way and has made him truly value "sober" life. Don't put all drug users on the same level as a heroin addict, in the correct application most drugs are of incredible importance in medical and/or spiritual use.
'peace'

[brown_chunx]

I understand how you feel. When I was 15 I put my mom through all the same shit, also stealing from her fiancee. She kicked me out and I moved in with my sister, who happened to sell heroin at the time, until she caught me stealing dope and money from her. Then, I lived with my dad, until he found out I had stolen $1500 from him in the first week of me liveing there. He had me arrested and I spent the next month in jail. I was actually arrested on my 17th birthday, which is ironic as it was the first day I could even go to jail. And let me tell you, going through withdrawels in a jail cell sucks ass.

Your daughter may seem to be clean, but the sad fact is that most heroin addicts NEVER stay clean for too long. Maybe a year, maybe five years. But usually, that little voice in the back of their mind will take over and they'll give in. I've went back and forth, staying clean for 7 days at the longest.

[OneDiaDem]

Having tried to help numerous addicts, I know that tough love is indeed very hard. It would kill me to have to turn away my daughter. I do know, that once I stopped enabling my addicts, while still painful, alot of the burden was lifted. It took a long time for me to see that it just was not my problem to fix, and never was. Sometimes the only way people learn is to fend for themselves. I hate the thought of her spending the night in jail, but perhaps that is just what she needs. Sometimes priorities need to be drawn for us.
Were here Mum, no worries. Its not your daughter that caused you this pain, it was the addiction. She still needs your love. Hate the drug, and dont enable its existance.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.</font>

[lindapwallace]

hi there
well i dont feel any better than i did last night, i didnt sleep much wondering if i did the right thing or not, i think i just wanted to lash out at someone or something...
when i eventually slept all i dreamt of was my duaghter..

i phoned our sherrif court to see if she was taken there this morning and then i had to phone our district court to check there, they know nothing about her but say she might have been taken to glasgow court since it was glasgow that the fine originated from.....
i have been phoning around to see if i could try and get information n what happened to her but cant find anything...
i know that if she goes to prison she will only do a couple of days since the fine was £80 but its the fact that she might be in prison that is upsetting me...

i know what you mean when you say that "a lot of the burden was lifted"...when my daughter was living with me, it was like the addiction was mine, but after 9 years of constant abuse enough was enough as no matter what i did it wasnt fixing the problem...

i think its like anything, as time goes by you only see the nice things and not the nasty..when i think of her i think of when we used to have a laugh, we would go out together and do daft things and really enjoy ourselves...or sit together on the couch and watch scary movies and scare each other stupid, or go for a long walk chatting about everything and shopping, gosh she could shop for britain but she was good at that and she used to help me decide on what to wear...we were so close and all that is no more....
i thought i was over the worst of this as i was getting my life on track but hell i am away as bad as ever and I DONT LIKE IT!!!!

i am really hurting and the hurt wont stop...why am i hurting the way i am??? tough love is so hard.

i wish someone would help me and explain why i feel this way as i dont understand it....

a mum
linda

[OneDiaDem]

I think alot of it comes from not being able to "fix" this for her. Its very hard to admit we are powerless, especially when it comes to our children. After all, we are their protectors, and providers, kissing boo boo's and making them better is just part of us. It does hurt when we are not able to make things better for them. But, when you look at it from outside the emotional binds that tie, its also painful to admit that we actually helped the addiction by our actions to make things better. When we try to help, I think it really is for us, not them. The need to be able to say I did all I could, so to say, ect. By paying for mistakes to avoid miserable consequenses only makes it easier for them to do it again and again. Someone is there to shoulder the responsiility of poor decisions. Painful as it is Mum, your doing what is best. Sometimes the only way this behaviour stops, is when realization finally steps in and says, "If I do this, I will have to pay". All you can really offer is love hon. Every act of helping is only feeding the addiction.</font>

[lindapwallace]

hi there onediadem.
the depression is lifting thank goodness, it was like being back in a black hole with no were to turn..

i think what was really getting me was i wasnt able to track down were my daughter was taken too and what had happened to her......i was scared that she might have been imprisonned in a prison called Cortonvail Womens Prison which has a reputation of suicides amoung inmates and its a distance away...that scared me as that is were she would have been taken....we have a prison here in greenock and although its a men's prison, it has a woman's section in it which i would have felt better if she had been put there....
anyway.....i managed to track down were pauline was taken and it was in glasgow district court....she was given more time to pay her fine thank goodness...

what i had to go through to get that information phoning here and there and phoning prisons, police station etc etc...but at least i have the information...
yea i think your right about being helpless, wanting to protect as a mother feels she has too.....
i was battling with myself, should i help?? why should i help?? if i help will it sort anything? will she learn??

now that i know what is happening i was thinking that i could put money towards her fine every month till i know its paid along with any monies that she is paying without telling her and, when its finally done it will no longer be hanging over her head....from what i know, she is off drugs and doing well and she is making a life for herself....
i am going to send her a xmas card this year for the first time, i was intending to put money in it for her but i'll just put it towards her fine instead...

what do you think???

i really do appreciate your inputs from everyone as sometimes i feel as if i am going mad, i feel that i am totally on my own with my feelings so its great to hear someone else's prospective....

i cant thankyou enough and i am so glad that i found this board....this is what its all about, helping each other....

linda
a mum

[123_456]

well i think that you and your daughter deserve to happy. i have i problem with drugs myself but i am doing what i can to get out of it. my main drug ispcp and i cant lie to you "i love the drug" but i know me using the drug is affecting alot of people. so im starting to lower the times that i get high.atfirst i quit on lsd mushrooms and even marijuanabut then i got my selfin even more trouble by doing pcp and crystal meth. i feel like crap every time that i use them because i realize that i am addicted.


well i got to say good bye and that i really admire your daughter, but dont worry youre not alone all the world is having the same problems. i live in San Diego California .


and to all of you that are protecting the drugs by saying that drugs arent that bad.i really understand because i use to protect them too and sometimes i still dobut i know that one day you will start to think differently. please dont take it as an insult instead just think about it.

[linemup]

lindapwallace,
I didnt read the entire thread but I read your first post and i've been in your shoes. I lost my father to heroin at the age of 16 and it tore me up. My entire life he told me that no drugs are worth a shit and that is the truth. I am dealing with an addiction of my own and I know where it leads every time. Death, or Jail.
My father was a heroin addict for 30+ years and in the end that is what took him. I didnt believe it at first, how could someone that is so experienced with something be taken by it? I know how now though, when I am sitting here taking an 8 ball of coke to the head every weekend. I see myself constantly pushing my limits and for what? I dont even know.
I will say though that you were lucky with your daughter. The way you choose to handle it would have normally cost her her life. She was an exceptional case.
If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have handcuffed my dad to the pole in the basement until he was over his addiction. Then I would have moved him somewhere new and started a new life with him. Unfortunately heroin can get a grip on some people and in most cases it doesn't let go.

[linemup]

Linda,


I just reread some of your other posts and I have to say that I feel you were acting selfish. Unless you are an addict, you will never know. I will tell you though that it is a disease and requires major intervention from everyone who cares if you want to help the person. My grandmother told my dad that he would go to his grave an addict no matter if he stopped or not, and this stayed with him. The fact is, the people being affected dont realize the severity of the issue and usually end up pushing their loved one away and ultimately killing them.

[Micklemouse]

The only person killing themselves and the love and lives of those around them in this equation is the addict. Of course Linda is being selfish - she's a human being. As I said before, the name of the game is self preservation, and when someone's done everything they can to help with no assistance from anyone then the only thing left to do is walk away - which believe me is the hardest thing in the world,especially when it's someone you've known and loved for a long time, doubly so for a Mother or Father.

Smack is a sickness, but it's a sickness that has been chosen. It's a sickness with the effect of closing the addicts eyes to the effect it has on those around them, an anti-empathogen, if you will. It acts like a cancer - starts relatively benignly, but soon spreads to every part of the addicts life, including those around them, and doesn't care what harm it does to stay alive, even if it means causing people to live in fear after being burgled or mugged to buy a bag, the nervous break downs(and worse) of loved ones who have reached the end of their tether, or the death of the host. It doesn't give a shit, therefore the junkie doesn't give a shit.

One of the main things missing in this debate is the concept of responsibility - taking responsibility for one's own Life and the consequences of one's actions, including choosing to let Smack take over your life. If the addict doesn't want the help then every intervention in the world won't make a blind bit of difference.

If you read the posts Linda has made, you'll also notice that she has fed her daughter's habit(albeit indirectly), paid her fines, paid her pushers, saved her from beatings, given her a home, given birth to her, gone through Hell to try and keep her safe, without a thought for herself and for little or no thanks. Please tell me how that is selfish?

Linemup, I've read some of your other posts, and know that Smack has had an impact on your life, so apologies for the rant and any offense caused - it wasn't meant as an attack on either your views or experience! But please remember that Linda is writing from a Mother's experience and point of view, which is going to be very different to a Son's. Mother's love is a very strong and deep thing, and when it is tested can give way to anger and frustration, and hurtful things will be said. I don't think anyone but a Mother can truly, fully understand this - I certainly don't, and never will, but from knowing Mothers and seeing them with their children I hope I've gained a little insight. I've also lost good friends to Smack, and seen the pain it can cause, both to the addict and those around them.

I've also known the pain and futility of trying to help someone who doesn't want, or isn't able(for whatever reason) to be helped, and have had to walk away from that person for my own and others safety and sanity - and that hurts, and continues to hurt for a long time. Until, in fact, the addict recovers and sees why that course of action was necessary.

Linda, I truly hope that your daughter can reach that point, and that you stay strong enough to see it. Keep loving, Linda, and Blessed Be!

Edited by: micklemouse

[linemup]

I am obviously speaking for my father and it's easy to put the blame on someone else. I am a strong believer though that when it comes to the more hardcore drugs (heroin especially) that the person has no control. I watched my dad get shippped off to another state for MONTHS and he still went back to it. Me and my father were close and he told me that it had him by the balls. He talked every day about how he loved the natural high of life but he turned back to the shit every night anyway.


I have never believed in addiction. I've called my own mother a weak whore for not being able to stop drinking and smoking cigarettes. I have always believed that if you want to stop something, you can stop, COLD TURKEY. It was always my belief that all addiction is in your head................................Until I recently got addicted to cocaine. I am at the highest point in my life; new house, new daughter (which I have fallen in love with and I believe that she is my only reason for living) happily married etc. A friend that I used to do everything with in my teens told me he had the hookup on some coke and ive been all over it every since. I want to stop but for once in my life I am not to proud to admit that this is something that I cannot do alone. Am I rushing to get help? Nah..... honestly i am waiting for it to majorly affect me so that I then have a reason to stop.........


Some can play holier than thou but the truth is if you are using anything it is for a reason.


I'm past the point of babling.... going on 4 days with no sleep and I made a deal with myself to not spend any more money on coke.... let's see how it goes.....

[linemup]

Linda,


I take back what I said about you being selfish. I have never been in your shoes so what do I know? I guess I still have bitterness towards my grandparents for "giving up" on my dad when in all reality they probably didnt. I only know my side of the story......I lost my father and I feel like me and others could have done more.

[Micklemouse]

Oops, looks like I was editing my post while you were replying, Linemup! Congrats on being a Dad, and good luck!

What you feel towards your family is totally understandable and valid, but try not to feel guilty about your Dad(easier said than done, I know!) - if you loved him, you did enough; the rest was up to him. Guilt is a nasty and imho unhelpful pseudo-emotion, that causes more pain than it cures, and helps noone.

I think the best thing you could do for his memory, and your daughter, is to stop the cycle of addiction before it gets passed on to another generation. Becoming a Dad is a something pretty major, I reckon, and there comes a point where someone has to take responsibility for dealing with the pain that gets passed from one generation to another - please don't make that responsibility your daughter's!

Again, best of luck, and take care of your Self!

[lindapwallace]

congratulations on being a dad.
i never thought in my wildest dreams that i would have had to take the action that i did when it came to my daughter....i think about her every day and night time is worse, i havent stopped loving her and hope that one day we can meet and actually talk without me worrying if she is going to ask me for money..

although for the first time in my life i have a life were i can do what i want when i want, i feel guilty that i couldnt stop what my daughter was doing..she was clean at least 3 times but when she started again it was too much for me to take, she had sucked away everything i had including my self respect...

my daughter now has had to learn to stand on her own 2 feet without me picking her up......

......I lost my father and I feel like me and others could have done more.
i know how you feel, that is the way i used to feel, i tried to help her everytime and it cost me my sanity, my respect, my self worth and nearly my life....

do not blame yourself, you couldnt have done anything, you were only 16yrs....
just enjoy being a dad and give your baby lots of love and cuddles....

linda
Merry Christmas..

[lindapwallace]

although its a bit early i would like to send you all a Christmas card.....

http://bowcreek.com/postcards.shtml

click on the site and on the left hand side it says "enter your ticket number here" put in 120820570312717

this will take you too your card......

i wish you all happiness for Christmas and the coming year, good health..

linda

[lindapwallace]

hi everyone

http://www.lakecards.com/cgi-bin/lak...id_num=5832475 2&box=120819

cut and paste for your card

sorry about that as this is the right email card that i wanted to send you all. i was trying out how i could send this to you and as you see i sent the first one to myself....oh well its xmas so what do you expect lol....

linda

[OneDiaDem]

Alot of people have addictive personalities. These are personality types who should steer clear of any mind altering substance, period. However, I must disagree with you. I am not in denial as far as drug use. To some, it is a way of life, and it is life to them. There are those of us, who seek a higher conciousness, Who do not live to get high but seek enlightenment. I trip 4-5 times a year. I always come away from my experiences with a better outlook concerning problems, and areas of my life that need improvement. I have an almost holy respect for etheogens, and treat them with the respect they deserve.
For me, it is a spiritual ritual. One that greatly enhances my life, not burdon it.
I have been addicted to pain meds while under a pain management clinics care. When it got to be something I found myself craving, I stopped, learned biofeedback to control the pain, and deal with the detox. It was hard on me. Probably one of the hardest things I have gobe thru besides breaking my back. I know the addictive nature of alot of these drugs on this forum. I have seen the damage addiction causes to lives also. I am not into the chemical drugs, because for me, I know how easy it is to get hooked.
Everything treated with respect, and not abused. If you find yourself craving something, it is definately time to walk away from it. Im stubborn. I am master of my life. Not drugs.
</font>

[fletch]

this is definatly a touching story and i feel sorry for anyone who has gone through this, but i feel it is immature to say that drugs are a cowards way out, and that living life on drugs is an existance only. youd midaswell say that religion is a cowards way to live, devoting your life to something that doesnt even exist. the point is that drugs are a way of life, its a culture. for many drug use escalates far beyond their intentions but that is the game that you play when deciding on that initial hit. peace

[lindapwallace]

unfortunatly you are right drugs are a way of life..were i live employment is hard to get and from yesterday even more so....companies are pulling out from scotland as they find that they can get the work done cheaper in china than what they can get here, in other words cheap labour.....
when my daughter wasnt on drugs, she was working, happy, going to disco's and all the things that a young person should do but,using drugs she was just existing for the next hit..
i saw my daughter change due to drugs and yea, i hate drugs for what they do to people...our young are loosing out on their lives and the only people that are making something out of it is the dealers...

although i am happy there is something missing in my life and that is my daughter pauline....i dare say i will always feel that way...

take good care of yourselfs.
linda
a mum.

[lindapwallace]

my daughter has been in contact with me....the usual....looking for money but with a sob story..

i cant help her and she knows this but she has left me with a guilt trip and completely upset..

she came to my door and didnt leave for about 15 minutes pushing a note through the letter box waiting for an answer....if i had opened the door i would have opened myself up to more mental abuse...
when i eventually read the note it had me in bits, gosh my daughter knows how to really push the buttons.....

you must be wondering what type of mother am i..i often thing that as well....i suppose it comes down to survival..i hate myeslf for the way i feel towards her but i really cant help it......she once left me with nothing, not even my dignity....
i have my life now which i wouldnt have had as i became suicidal due to her and i dont want to be like that again....
i would love to be able to trust my daughter but i cant...
i am so sorry if this is a sort of funny post but i am all mixed up just now, my emotions are all over the place...

linda

[linemup]

Linda,


It's time for a major intervention if you want your daughter to live. Its not your job to be your daughters friend, its your job to be her parent and guide her.


Just imagine your daughter dead. You would surely look back and realize where you could have done things differenty. Hindsight is always 20/20 but if you know that now you can take that information and apply it while she is still here. Otherwise you will be living your whole life wishing you would have done things differently like me.

[lindapwallace]

believe me i have intervened for years making sure that she was ok, as a mum but when she got what she wated that was that until the next time she needed me...

my daughter moved out years ago when she was younger to go and stay with a boyfriend as they got a flat together, i wasnt happy about it but if i intervened she would have done it anyway so i thought "stand back and see how they get on".....it wasnt long before mummy had to come to the rescue..i bought loads of food and paid the bills as a one off so that this would allow them to get on their feet, it didnt stop there, she was in contact with me every week wanting help with a sob story about how they didnt have any money.....

this is the same thing again only she is older....i sent her a card with money in it to help out on saturday past, i am now expecting another visit asking for more....

my daughter is 29yrs of age this coming may this coming year,

Otherwise you will be living your whole life wishing you would have done things differently like

i have lived my whole life wishing i had done thing differently, i wouldnt have given her any extra money when she was living with me, i was thinking that i was helping her pay her debts but instead she was using
the money to buy more heroin.....she used to get up to all her wee tricks to make me give her money and it worked....

[linemup]

So basically what you're saying is you have now given up on her?


Don't get me wrong I understand you have been to hell and back for something you think is completely rediculous. All I want you to do is ask yourself who has lived the bigger hell.


When dealing with heroin, intervention is not simply a talk or a letter. Heroin is not like every other drug. If you truly want to save your daughter from it read up on soothing the pains of withdrawl and go pick her up some day and do whatever it takes to move her away from her current situation. Drastic times call for drastic measures. I wasnt joking when I said if I had another chance I would have chained my father up to the beam in the basement. If it meant that I had to knock him out with ether to get him down there I would have done it.


Withdrawl from heroin is not something that a person would opt to do even if they wanted to quit. It is something that has to be forced and they then need to be cared for appropriately because its not uncommon to experience convulsions, tremmors, and even death if not cared for properly. Who would volunteer to go through that? It's easier to stay addicted.


Set her up for this: http://www.narconon.org


Ship her off and she can live at one of their facilities for a while. I just hate to see another life lost to this stupid shit. The results are always the same. Either she is forced to quit with major intervention and supportfrom every positive roll model in her life, or her death certificate will read "Cause of death: Acute heroin intoxication"


I know all to well. Unfortunately there is no other ending to this story.