a mother’s point of view on heroin,

[lindapwallace]

hi there

i am a mother of a heroin addict....i have read your threads and feel really sorry for the state you are in...



i loved my daughter and helped her with her addictions, fighting doctors for treatment, nursing her when she had thrown herself out of our top window just to get her drugs, everything i could do to help i did....



i helped her to pay off the people that she got drugs from hoping that it would finish....she would cry and i would hold her...



i went through all the hells she went through all in the name of love....

i did this up till 2 yrs ago when her drugs started to affect my relationship with my fiance, she stole of him, stole things belonging to him as well....



to cut a long story short, i had to kick my beloved daughter out....this nearly killed me, my darling beautiful daughter who i loved so much who would rather choose drugs than me...i ended up on anti depressants and sleeping tablets and i cried all the time and worried about her...



i met her a few weeks ago and this was the first time we had spoken in 2 yrs, she is off drugs and has a flat of her own and looks brilliant...

its called TOUGH LOVE and it was tough believe me.

i pray every night that my daughter will stay well, positive and happy...



please, please think before taking anything, i know its easy for me to say but i have been through hell and back and i wouldnt want your parents to go through what i have been through....



drugs are a cowards way to live if you call it living, its an exsistance and that is all...you wait for your next score, you might have to steal to get it and, after you get your hit then what...need more drugs to keep going..



take care what ever you do and please think about your future...

bless you all where ever you are in the world.i am not a religeous person but i think you all need as many prayers as you can get..







-------------

lindap

[manda]

I read your story earlier and was touched by it. How wonderful for you to have gotten your baby girl back!!! That is what every parent of an addict hopes for... Thank you for your prayers as well, I sense you really wish good for everyone.

[Alfa]

You've seen the most ugly side of drugs. But what do you call drugs? Cigarettes? Beer? Coffee? Most people won't, but they are. That's why I disagree with your words, when you say that drugs are a cowards way to live. You could just as easy say that plants are bad for you. Some are some are not. Nevertheless I understand what you mean. Thank you for your concern.

[lindapwallace]

yes, unfortunatly i have seen the ugly side of drugs...i live in a small town in scotland were drugs are used, i dont think there is a household that hasnt been touched with this epedemic....



i smoke so i have an addiction, i drink coffee so there is another addiction but i dont drink beer...if i want a packet of cigarettes i dont steal to get them...if i want coffee and dont have any, then i either drink tea, milk or water, i dont steal for it...i dont need to go to dealers and i am not breaking the law...



there has been a few murders in my town all because of drugs and that frightens me as we are loosing this generation to crap.



i have spoken to ex addicts and they say that using heroin is like rolling yourself in a blanket of cotton wool, you feel safe and nothing bothers you, well not till you need your next hit....is that living???? i dont think so...



i dont think you have to be brave to take drugs ie, heroin, you have to be silly.....



instead of getting on with life, being happy, going out partying ect ect life stands still...everyone is moving on with their life's except you...



although i have spoken to my daughter when i was out shopping, i spoke to her with barriers up so i couldnt get hurt from her...she knows the buttons to push and believe me she would push them....i would have loved to just put my arms around her and cuddle her showing that i still loved her but i couldnt, i couldnt risk being hurt....how i wish that one day i will be able to hold her and tell her that i love her but that wont be for a long time yet...



you could read this and think "she doesnt know anything, how could she as she doesnt use" simple, i have seen the devastation it causes....



please be safe and healthy were ever you are...

take good care of yourselves and live...



linda

[Partykid12]

I feel for you and am happy you got your daughter back. But the reason you don't steal and break the laws to get YOUR drugs is because of one thing.. legality. Just because something is legal does not mean it's good for you, that is the biggest problem that people have. Like with alcohol for example, people think it's fine becuase it's legal, but the fact of the matter is... it's not. Alcohol is worse for your body than heroin itself. Good luck to you and your daughter.

[lindapwallace]

thanks for your reply..



as you can see i still hurt over my daughter...i think about her every night, is she happy, is she clean, is she keeping well ect ect...when i met her i was so pleased to hear that she was clean and i just wanted to hold her but i couldnt through fear...if i got too close to her i would break down and i couldnt allow that to happen....

how many mother's sisters and brothers feel the same...



in my town we dont have a rehab for girls, they seem to think that boys need the rehab instead so when my daughter wanted to get clean, she had to do it at home with only my help and our doctor's with methadone...believe me, citgarette's played a massive part in her recovery as i think we smoked non stop when she was recovering.



she eventually went on Naltrexone and eventually was clean but only for a while....



i dont know how she has done it this time as i was not involved but she did it and i am so proud of her but again i always have that worry....how long for this time....



please be safe and healthy were ever you are...

take good care of yourselves and live...

[Alfa]

I think you know a lot as you have seen a lot. Please checkout http://www.ibogaine.co.uk/


to see if this may form a solution for your daughter. In short trough this treatment an addict can come clean without the withdrawal symptoms. The results until now have been astonishing and very hopefull.


I will move this topic to the recovery forum in a couple of days.

[lindapwallace]

thanks for your link, i read it with much interest and have saved it on my notepad...



from reading what i did it seems that its not on the market yet which is a pity as it could help thousands of people....

at the moment in britain, there is only methadone which in itself is addictive unless you are quite well off and can pay into a private clinic, that isnt an option for a lot of people...



when my daughter was living with me during her drugs, to be able to understand what was going on, i had to read all the information i could get to enable me to help her, i am not joking when i say that my bedroom was full of literature on all types of drugs...



as i said before, my daughter is clean and she looks really good but i still worry about her wondering is she is ok....i suppose worry will be something that will stay with me for ever....



hopefully in time and sooner than later, this treatment will be given out by our doctors and a lot of people will be able to live their lives again....



please be safe and healthy were ever you are...

take good care of yourselves and live...



linda

[lindapwallace]

hi again


well since my last post i met my daughter's boyfriend in passing, he told me that my daughter was really upset as she had found a lump on her breast and is frightened just incase its cancer, he asked if i could write to her telling her to get to the doctor's.


it took a while but i managed to write a letter but i had to keep all the emotion out of it and give her information regarding going to the doctor and saying that its probably nothing...


my emotions were all over the place as all i wanted to do was to see her and cuddle her and love her, but, unfortunatly i cant allow myself that luxury as i could get hurt again.....


i sit and think at night, "if only" i love my daughter so much but cant speak to her or see her just incase she uses me again and hurts me...


her boyfriend is not the best person for her as i have been told that he is a user too but i cant say for certain.....


if anyone can say a prayer for my daughter i would be so grateful....keep her in your thoughts.....


thanks

[chronic777]

I tryd to reply to your message linda but it wouldnt let me, id like to help so maybe drop me your email again? The last one you gave me wouldnt let me reply.

[rachamim18]

Ms.Wallace:I can certainly appreciate your deep feelings regarding the issue.I too am a parent but instead of demonizing an inanimate object I choose to take a more proactive stance.


Your daughter,whom I hope will contiue to enjoy stability,suffered not because of her ingestion of mood altering substances but because of inane and archaic drug laws.Society has alternating periods of acceptance and prohibition in regards to substance use.Unfortunatly for your daughter she came of age in an era of hypocrisy and ignorance.If substance use is for cowards then I certainly have never met a brave or corageous person.


As an earlier poster noted,there are many psycoactive substances,many of which the most opposed prohibitionists cannot imagine living without[chocolate,tea,coffee,et cetera].It is an undeniable part of the human experience.While some certainly perfer one substance over another,we all need a crutch from time to time.


Imagine,if you will,a world where your daughter did not have to suffer due to the illegality of her condition.If she was provided opiates at little or no cost she would never have felt the terrible need to rob your fiance.If rehabilitation was widely available to all people,regardless of gender or economic ability,she would have received timely assistance when she felt that she needed a change,not at the whims of an outmoded criminal justice system[although you did not specify your country of residence,all countries are pretty much equal in their outdated views].


Unfortunatly yours will remain an all too common story until nations choose to stop trying to legislate and police morality.It is all a matter of perspective and I hope that you and your family will try and keep a balanced perspective....

[lindapwallace]

i am not too sure what your getting at with your post


it is very hard to keep a balanced perspective when you are robbed and lied too by someone you love....i tried but it was very hard, now that my daughter is not living with me anymore i can see things in a different light were as when it was all happening it was as if there was only blackness and no way out.


i live in britain were the law is that heroin and othr drugs are illegal


its funny, i have a friend who knows my daughter was on heroin and you should hear her about it and it makes me feel ashamed but in the other hand her son uses canabis...but she says "that's ok, i mean its harmelss"even when i talk to her about it, her son has drug tests in work and luckly he has been ok but one night they will test and get the result which could lead to his dismissal..they dont like ANY drug.


i hope for my daughter's future that she will be happy and healthy, i do miss her as we always got on really well but when drugs were needed, she would really turn the nasty side on which i knew wasnt her...


i think we should have a board for parents of users of any type of drug as there is so much that can be done....i had to look for books on the subject and use my own initiative to gain knowledge were as parent's information shared would help others...


take care everyone and stay safe and enjoy life..

[rachamim18]

My point quite simply is that we as humans tend to assign blame without really considering the subject at hand.Did your daughter do reprehensible things?Absolutely...but its my position that the illegality [and all that word entails] of drugs caused your daughter and your family so much grief .


It is unfortunate that the woman whose son smokes cannabis "turns her nose down "at your daughters heroin use.No matter what substance an individual chooses to ingest,the ultimate outcome is the same:To alter ones consciousness.If you are going on a trip the route isnt of much importance--just the destination.People tend to put themselves on pedastels.

[Disturbed]

I am extremely happy for both you and your daughter. Drugs can take over your life VERY easily. Don't think I am trying to knock your post or anything but there is such a thing as willpower. I use opiates about once or twice a week. This may sound corny but I consider myself a professional or should I say smart user. As long as you do not over do it and make sure that you control the drug and not the other way around. I've stuck with this method for a while now and drugs have not effected my life at all. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as an asshole this is not my intention. I guess the main point is if you do not have the willpower to know how to control your usage of any drug it would be best to just stay away from them, because addiction can happen to almost anybody, I am just very fortunate to have control over them. Anyway, like I said I am happy for the both of yall it's great that she is clean because drugs were definately not for her. Take care.

[Ledus]

I know people have covered both sides of this story quite well, but I would still like to say a few words.


First off, I commend you for the love you showed in caring for your daughter and the strength you showed by taking the tough love approach when it was needed. That is a hard line to cross for many a heart broken parent.


However, I must agree with some others, that a drug by itself is not all inclusively evil. I would never go so far as to say that someone is weak because they became addicted though. We all face different challenges in our lives, all have different fears and aspirations, and all handle things different ways. I will admit that I think most people should NOT do drugs. I have done almost every drug under the Sun in my quest to experience everything there is on this Earth, some in very large amounts, and I have enjoyed myself thouroughly. I also bungee jump, sky dive, travel, and study a variety of subjects. I happen do enjoy it all. Everyone must find their own path in life: some just never find the right one for them.


To belittle, or look down apon someone because they choose to use drugs in their lives in wrong. It is much better to ask WHY they chose drugs. In your first post you mentioned that your depression was so bad at one point that you were on anti-depressants and sleeping pills. That was what you felt you had to do to cope with the negative emotions and energies of your life at that time. Others do the same with other drugs. The hard part is seeing the difference between using a drug as a way to escapeand a way to enhance. The line is thin...and very dangerous.


Fortunately I can handle my drugs and still maintain a highly productive and enjoyable life. Some can not. I will NEVER think little of those people because I have weaknesses in other areas of my life....we ALL do. I wish that all people would be as lucky as I feel myself to be, and find the path that brings them a happy, and safe, life...be it love, sports, knowledge, or drugs. My blessings and best wishes to you, your daughter, and all of you.

[lindapwallace]

hi ledus, rachamim18 and Disturbed.


thanks for your comments and i hope your all keeping well....


my husband and i saw polly for the first time in ages and i must say she is looking really well and healthy,she was carrying a folder so i think she must be at college in our town......tough love was the hardest thing i had to do and didnt do it lightly,it was a case of "her or me" survival......i hope that she has found peace in her life and enjoying it....mayb tough love was the best thing for her to make her stand on her own 2 feet and not rely on me.


i will always be somewere in the background of her life although she wont see me, and i will be watching over her.........


my daughter really hurt me and tonight i just realised that her and i split up 2 yrs coming in november but it doesnt seem that.....the hurt is gone but the memory of what she did is there......


i saw a boy the other day begging for money he was homeless and hungry and i knew he was an addict....a couple walking in front of me threw money at him but at a distance so that he would have to crawl to get it.....i gave him some money thinking that he was someone's son and when i caught up with the couple i heard them laughing with each other about the fact that the boy had to crawl and that they gave him 1p......i was really mad and let my feelings felt....


why i am saying this, i felt affected by the boy...by going through what i did with my daughter i look at life differently and saw this boy not as an addict but as someone.,s son, a young good looking lad who has fallen into the trap of drugs.........i hope that he get's help when he is ready...


take care of yourselves and i send you best wishes from scotland


linda

[rachamim18]

Glad to hear of your daughters apparent continued success.I do hope that she continues to live a happy and healthy life.


On tough love...Sometimes it really is sink or swim.I myself would have never matured if I had been able to continuously rely on the largess of family and friends.The important thing to keep in mind Mrs.Wallace is that there is the strong possibility that one day your daughter will come to an important self realization.She might one day seek a truly closer relationship with you and the rest of your family.Because of past experience[s] I really pray that you will tend to be forgiving [in the case of a sincere turn around.]





In any event it was good to read your post.Greetings from the South Bronx,New York City-The armpit of the world.

[Citizen Kane]

hi there

i am a mother of a heroin addict...

I don't know if you are
still around, Madam, but I shall make some comments nonetheless, and be
it only for others that might surf into this thread in future.

i have read your threads and feel really sorry for the state you
are in...

Thank you, much appreciated. You should be
sorry for us, because in a prohibitive society drugs are expensive.
*just kidding*



I don't know what idea you have about "drug users," but I doubt there
are many people on this board that have a drug problem. Really
most people use drugs responsibly and in moderation, the same way
almost everyone does with alcohol: drinking a glass of wine or two
glasses of beer now and then. They just prefer other recreational
substances over or in addition to alcohol. Most people here will
have a prohibition problem (police problem) but not a drug
problem. And those that do have a drug problem are not helped by
adding a police problem to the burden they have to carry.

i loved my daughter and helped her with her addictions, fighting
doctors for treatment, nursing her when she had thrown herself out of
our top window just to get her drugs, everything i could do to help i
did....

I respectfully disagree, Madam. You might have done
everything you have been aware of and you considered the best, but,
living in the United Kingdom, you would have had different options.



Dr. Marks runs a Heroin maintenance clinic in Liverpool which, by my
fair judgment, is by far the most superior option for every heroin
addict in the U.K. There she would have got clean heroin on
prescription; and let me assure you that clean Heroin is not toxic to
any organ system of the body. You can stay for decades on Heroin
without any severe health implications. You can lead a productive
life while being addicted to opiates. Benjamin Franklin was an
opium addict. Dr. William Halsted, a leading surgeon
and the founder of John Hopkins hospital, was a morphine addict.
Hermann Goering was a morphine, heroin, and methadone addict.</font>



If there are any lasting problems associated with the long-term use of
opiates, then they are not well-documented, and are certainly not
comparable to those of alcohol, cigarettes, cocaine, or
methamphetamine.



In the words of Dr. Marks:



Ed: This is a gram of 100% pure heroin, it is
pharmaceutically prepared. On the streets it would be cut 10 to 15
times and sell for about $2,000. But take it away from the black
market, make it legal, and heroin is a pretty cheap drug. The British
National Health Service (NHS) pays about $10.00 for this gram of
heroin. And for an addict with a prescription, it is free.



Ed: In Britain, doctors who hold a special license from the
government are allowed to prescribe hard drugs to addicts. Dr. John
Marks is psychiatrist who runs an addiction clinic just outside of
Liverpool and has been prescribing heroin for years



Dr. Marks: If a drug taker is determined to continue their drug
use, treating them is an expensive waste of time... and, really, the
choices that I am being offered and society is being offered, is drugs
from the clinic or drugs from the Mafia.



Ed: To get drugs from the clinic rather than the Mafia, addicts
have to take a urine test to prove they are taking the drug they say
they are. And unlike most other addiction clinics where you have to say
you want to kick the habit before they'll take you in, addicts here
have to convince Dr. Marks, a nurse and a social worker they intend to
stay on drugs come what may. But does Dr. Marks try to cure people?



Dr. Marks: Cure people? Nobody can. Regardless of whether you
stick them in prison, put them in mental hospitals and give them shock
treatment, we have done all these things, put them in a nice rehab
center away in the country, give them a nice social worker and pat them
on the head, give them drugs, give them no drugs, does not matter what
you do. 5% per annum, 1 in 20 per year, get off spontaneously. Compound
interested up that reaches about 50% (50/50) after ten years are off
drugs. They seem to mature out of addiction regardless of any
intervention in the interim but you can keep them alive and healthy and
legal during that 10 years, if you so wish to.



Ed: By giving them drugs?



Dr. Marks: It doesn't get them off drugs, it doesn't prolong
their addiction, either. But it stops them offending, it keeps them
healthy and it keeps them alive.



Ed: That's exactly what happened to Julia Scott. Although she
doesn't look it, Julia is a heroin addict. For the last three years the
heroin she injects every day comes from a prescription. Before, she had
to feed her habit by working as a prostitute, a vicious circle that led
her to use more heroin to cope with that life.



Julia: Once you get in that circle you can't get out. I didn't think I was ever going to get out.



Ed: But once you got the prescription?



Julia: I stopped straight away.



Ed: Never went back?



Julia: No, never. I went back once just to see and I was almost physically sick just to see those girls doing what I used to do.



Ed: Julia says she's now able to have normal relation, to hold
down a job as a waitress and to care for her 3 year old daughter.
Without the prescription, where do you think you would be?



Julia: I would probably be dead now.



Ed: Once, they have gotten their prescriptions, addicts must
show up for regular meetings to show that they are staying healthy and
free from crime. But how can anyone be healthy if they are taking a
drug like heroin?



Alan Perry: Pure heroin is not dangerous. We have people on massive doses of heroin.



Ed: Alan Perry is a former Drug Information Officer for the
local Health Authority and now a counselor at the clinic. So how come
we see so much damage caused by heroin?



Alan: The heroin that is causing that damage, is not causing
damage because of the heroin in it, it is causing damage because of the
bread dust, coffee, crushed bleach crystals, anything that causes the
harm and if heroin is 90% adulterated that means only 10% is heroin,
the rest is rubbish, and if you inject cement into your veins, you
don't have to be a medical expert to work it out, that's going to cause
harm.</font>



[Source]</font>

i helped her to pay off the people that she got drugs from
hoping that it would finish....she would cry and i would hold
her...

That's sweet of you. I can see that you are very
concerned about your daughter.

i went through all the hells she went through all in the name of love....

i did this up till 2 yrs ago when her drugs started to affect my
relationship with my fiance, she stole of him, stole things belonging
to him as well....

If Heroin would be legal, she would just
have driven to the next pharmacy to buy it. It used to be
available over-the-counter in form of a lynctus until the 50s and used
to be as cheap as aspirine. People didn't have to steal, they
didn't have to prostitute themselves, they didn't get criminal records,
they didn't land up on the streets, their health didn't deteriorate,
and they could lead productive lives instead of spending all their time
and energy on contemplating on how to get money for the drug.
Heroin addiction didn't make more impact on the lives of people than
coffeine or tobacco addiction has on many people today.

to cut a long story short, i had to kick my beloved daughter
out....this nearly killed me, my darling beautiful daughter who i loved
so much who would rather choose drugs than me...i ended up on anti
depressants and sleeping tablets and i cried all the time and worried
about her...





i met her a few weeks ago and this was the first time we had spoken in
2 yrs, she is off drugs and has a flat of her own and looks brilliant...

its called TOUGH LOVE and it was tough believe me.

I'm happy
for you that it worked out like this, Madam. I do not know the
case and thus cannot say if your tough love </span>really
contributed anything positive to her process to drop the drug.
That might have been so in her case and on the long run; the general
case it is not. You can lock up people or put them into rehabs,
and it still doesn't help anything, as long as they</span>
don't want to stop. If they do stop, then there are a bundle of
reasons, and psychological, social, and personally motivating factors,
over which a mother has very little influence.



This tough love</span> policy can
have the opposite effect; in general, it will deteriorate the addict's
situation: potentially street life, prostitution, rape, violence,
crime, prison, criminal records, lack of shelter, lack of proper
nutrition, infections, deteriorating health, aids, hepatitis,
depression, and so forth. What's the only thing that brings
temporary relief of it? The drug. What is the social environment
such people are exposed to? Primarily other drug addicts.
If it gets too bad, people set themselves the "golden shot," and then
you read the next morning in the newspaper that another teenager OD'ed
on the evil Heroin, while in fact the prohibition and our politicians
that are responsible for it have murdered them.



If people hit "rock bottom," they could as well also decide to stop,
for sure, if they still have enough strength and some support, but I
wouldn't count on it. If she had killed herself or contracted
aids, I doubt you would be here proudly telling us that tough love</span> is the way to go.

i pray every night that my daughter will stay well, positive and
happy...

Heroin withdrawal is greatly exaggerated. It is
never damaging to an otherwise healthy body, and resembles more a bad
stomach flu. You are over the worst in a few days. What people that go cold turkey</span>
do suffer from is primarily not the physical side of it. They
miss, above all, feeling nice, safe, and cosy, being wrapped into this
warm blanket of perfect content and happiness. This is not only absent
but replaced by the opposite psychological factors during withdrawal:
severe depression, anxiety, irritability. Paired with the
physical misery it doesn't appear to be worth it to go through hell for
two weeks, if one can feel just great again in a few minutes with a bit
of white powder.



Once having been a long-term user, this Heroin</span>
feel is now engraved in your daughter's subconsciousness. She
absolutely loves it, she actually adores it, and she loves it most when
she feels bad and depressed. Also, she knows now that she can
break addiction if she really wants to -- she proved it, didn't she?



Most ex-Heroin addicts thus will resort to Heroin again in their lives,
depending on opportunity, social situation, and mood. This is, in
general, not a problem, as, at least if it would be legal, Heroin by
itself is not dangerous, and it also does not mean that they will get
addicted again. The primary cause for Heroin addiction and
readdiction is depression; that might well have been what made her use
it in the first place. It's difficult to imagine depression for
someone that has never been depressed; but if she is depressed, she
might wish to try anti-depression medication, such as Prozac. It
works for most people, albeit not for all. A practitioner will be able
to give her and you more information.



In case she should relapse to opium addiction, I would send her to Dr.
Marks. That's really the best option you have in the current
regime, and it will work for her, because she knows that Heroin works
for her and she loves and trusts its effects.

please, please think before taking anything, i know its easy for
me to
say but i have been through hell and back and i wouldnt want your
parents to go through what i have been through....

If you would
be a millionaire, I would have said, just give her a bank-account with
some hundred-thousands of pounds, and she'll eventually grow out of the
habit anyway. If Heroin would be legal -- as it should be --, she
could finance her drug by holding down a McDonald's job, on the other
hand. And she would have no problem holding down a job.

take care what ever you do and please think about your future...

bless you all where ever you are in the world.i am not a religeous
person but i think you all need as many prayers as you can
get..

Thank you, Madam, for your interesting perspective and be
blessed. I hope it works out to the best with your
daughter. Opiate addiction is definitely not a desireable state
if there are no severe medical conditions to justify it. Is it
the end or the world or as bad as alcohol addiction, diabetes, or being
married (*kidding*)? Surely not.

[manda]

Dear Linda: You are such a sweet, kind, caring voice. I am so glad you are here.
I think you should learn to hug your daughter again. It would help her immensely, and I believe it will help heal you. You are a mother. Do not fight your instinct to show your daughter affection.
If she stole for drugs, I know that's bad, but some girls prostitute themselves for it.
My mom just got here, so bye!!!

[lindapwallace]

hi tizwas
unfortunatly going to Dr Marks is out of the question as she is in Liverpool which is quite a distance from were i am......
i think it is a good idea in the long run but unfortunatly not accessable to everyone......

in my case, tough love although very hard worked....for the first time in 25 years i can think about myself and for the first time my daughter has had to stand on her own 2 feet without having me backing her up...
as you said "you dont know my case" but believe me you would want to have been in my shoes.....

although i have had to take this course of action, i am still keeping an eye on my daughter but from a distance .

linda
a mum

[Hüsker Du]

Ms.Wallace, I
agree with you. My sister was addicted to meth a while back
and she was really bad almost OD'd a few times. I was kinda
young when it all started but when I got a little older she had a
kid a few years ago. We all love him to death. Thank god she
was able to quit before she got pregnant. He was planned with
her baby daddy.

Well, four months after she had him she was back to meth. She
was staying in a hotel/ apartment things. One nice she partied
to hard. Ended up passing out with condoms all around her and
meth. The next morning the maids where knocking on the door
and she wouldn't answer. They could hear my little nephew
screaming. Finally they called the cops and got in the room.

child abandonment and something for drugs. She got off with
comunity service, and probation; she never has done anything
wrong with the law. She was living back home with my parents
and I.Then she ended up disappearing for a while because she
ran away. A few months later she ended up living at my aunts.
My mother said she couldn't come back here because all she
did was sit on her ass and didn't work or anything. She did
nothing at all.

I don't blame them for wanting help. So, She had only one other
choice and that was to live with my aunt. She ended up getting
a job and finally started acting how a grown person with a child
should. Then finally she decided to turn her self in and get on
with her life. She did and she called my mother screaming at
her "WTF I can't smoke in here get me the fuck out" So, my
mother had to call her friend who is a judge.

She got out within two days. She was going to be in there up to
7 plus years but got off with 90 days house arrest and she had
to get a job. Now shes a mannager at white castles and has her
own apartment. She makes like 13-14 dollars and hour. She
gets to see her son also. He stays the night there on the
weekends sometimes. This just goes to show that tough love
and such does work but there will always be those times that it
doesn't. </font></font></font>

[lindapwallace]

hi husker du
thanks for your comments...

when it comes to the point that nothing else can be done, then that is the only option is tough love....

when i took the decision to do what i did, i agonised about it for a few days, i locked the door, turned the lights off and didnt answer the phone so that i could be left alone so that i could really think without any distraction....
i was in a little world of my own and i didnt eat but when i made my decision that was that....although my daughter would not be living with me, i could keep an eye on her from a distance to see how she was going but i would not interfere...
i miss her so much but my decision was the best all round, she has grown up realising that he cant just go to me for money or get me to sort things out for her, she has to rely on herself now which is good...

thanks again
linda
a mum from scotland.

[Micklemouse]

Tiwaz, if you're still around, a few questions...

Have you ever lost someone you love to smack?

Have you ever nursed someone withdrawing from smack?

Have you even known someone addicted to smack?

Are you aware of the sociological factors that lead to smack spreading like cancer through the British Isles since the early 80s?

Do you know how hard it is to find rehab facilities in the British Isles, especially in rural Scotland?

Do you know how prohibitively expensive travel is in this country?

Do you have the faintest clue what you are talking about?

Unless you can answer 'yes' to all these questions you have no right to tell anyone how safe and lovely heroin is or to tell someone that they haven't done everything in their power to help someone they love.

Yes, pharmaceutical heroin poses few problems to physical health, and until 1971 it was available on prescription for heroin addiction.

However it is now 2004, and we are not talking about pharmaceutical heroin, we are talking about smack, a lovely fluffy blanket full of fleas that you can hide under and hope it all goes away. Unfortunately the first thing that truly goes away is the bag of smack, but it's such a lovely blanket, you just want to crawl back under, only this time, maybe just for a little bit longer. However this costs money, and eventually you need more blankets to stay cosy, to forget that there are no jobs, no self respect, no social circle other than other users, no life apart from smack, no way of feeding the habit other than crime, which is often committed against the ones who love you most, by which point you've stopped using smack, and smack has started using you, and will carry on using you. Smack's kind of greedy like that, and doesn't give a shit who gets hurt along the way, including you. Smack does not care, and it takes huge reserves of will power to kick the habit and take back responsibility for your life, to repair the damage and fill the holes that smack so beautifully fills. For a while...

The rise of smack in this country follows it's economic decline, starting in the cities as the manufacturing base started crumbling, and then spreading to rural areas as it became harder for people to keep their heads above water - the closure of the mines, pressure on farmers and fishermen to sell up from big business, materials such as fertilisers and machinery becoming too expensive for the average farmer to stay competitive, quotas to meet and restrictions to keep within, a gradual but steady chipping away of communities and ways of life, city dwellers thinking 'How quaint it would be to live here for a couple of weeks out of 52. Let's buy that cottage!', thereby making it too expensive for the local community to afford housing in their own community and creating virtual ghost towns where nothing ever happens. The depression you so glibly talk about goes a lot deeper than anything Prozac can address, believe me.

As for tough love, there comes a point where choices have to be made. The user has chosen to let smack into their life, and from there into the lives of those around them. The user's friends and family also have a choice - whether to allow smack to be part of their life, or to distance themselves, even if this means cutting contact with the one they love. The name of the game is self preservation, for both parties.

Tiwaz, you seem intelligent and learned, but I get the impression that you don't know as much as you think. Visit a few clinics, talk to a few addicts and their families, then come back and tell us about how great smack is. Btw, Hermann Goering is not a good example of a healthy well rounded individual leading a productive life, nor does using him as an example do wonders for your credibility.

Linda, I hope all is well with you, and that the healing continues. Stay strong and Blessed Be!

[OneDiaDem]

I have had a cousin die, and have known a couple people from going to rehab with someone. I never did understand heroin addiction, until the people in rehab explained it to me. I myself have never touched it. Not because I think it dirty or foul, but because I have such an addictive nature to begin with.

They explained that when they shot up, everything felt better, calmer, and life felt wonderful. In comparison to straight and stress, it was hard to give up and walk into a world so full of anxiety and pain. The feel good from this drug is just too good.

No wonder people get so strung out and commit themselves to crime rather than walk back into this world. I give huge props to those brave enough to face the world after living in a cocoon like the one heroin offers.

Mum, next time you see your daughter, take that final step of healing, and hug her. It would be good for you, and would be good for your daughter. Love always conquers pain.</font>

[lindapwallace]

hi there
thanks for your messages, i felt as if i was being attacked by tizwas in the way i had been dealing with my daughter....

tonight i got a shock as the door went and there stood a police man to tell me that my daughter was in the police station for owing an £80 fine and could i pay it for her....first of all i was taken aback as i had already paid a fine of £100 for her not that long ago to keep her out of trouble and to try and keep her safe..
unfortunatly i dont have that sort of money on me right away so couldnt pay it....the upshot of that is that she will be in court in the morning.......i am really upset, i know that £80 doesnt seem a big amount but to know that my daughter might end up in prison is really worrying me....
i dont know how it works..she has been kept in overnight and will appear in the morning...
i worry that this could set her back, i worry that she is there on her own, i just worry as a mum and i am sitting here in tears with no one to talk about it too...

i would love to hug my daughter and just hold her but not yet, the time will come but at the moment i cant trust her...again she wanted me but it was only for me to pay her fine...that hurts....
tough love is exactly that tizwas, its TOUGH!!!!!

sometimes i sit and think what the hell am i here for...when i do see my daughter i have to keep a guard up so that she cant use me in any way....i sometimes feel i cant go on anymore as the hurt is too painful....

yea tizwas, my daughter was an addict and she used me and abused the love i had for her...for parents and all family members its hard, really hard...you see them making mistakes and you cant stop them...you see them hurting and you cant stop it....

if i had all the money in the world i would open somewere to help people like my daughter for free, no stings attached...
in the part that i said about paying off my daughters debts you came back at me with........."That's sweet of you. I can see that you are very concerned about your daughter" yes i was concerned as i didnt want to hear that my daughter had been beaten up....
another thing....you said ...
If she had killed herself or contracted aids, I doubt you would be here proudly telling us that tough love is the way to go.

yes i would have been really sad like any mother and i would probably blamed myself but she did nearly kill herself by climbing out of a window and fall 30 feet..it didnt stop her addiction as after she was on her feet again it started up.....
i havent had any relief since it started and i had no one, no back up until i fought for it for her...even with the doctor's help i was still on my own with it all trying to deal with mood swings, threats, arguements over her wanting money, stealing, crying, and all i did was love her....trying to get the proper help is a nightmare, we cant all afford to go private or go to clinics in liverpool..we are just normal people trying to get on with life.....

although this has happened to me like other people,i still love her....

i feel that i have to come out fighting with you tizwas and to be honest i would have loved to have met up with you and really let rip on my feelings but oceans dont allow that.......

thanks again guys for your support and i am really sorry if i sound angry as i don't mean to be but i am really down and fed up......

linda
a mum....