I cant get addicted to drugs
Why? Because they dont effect me..
The only drugs that have effected me to date are alcohol
. Weed and DXM weren't enjoyable, even at massive doses, and alcohol and nicotine dont really fix my problem, or even make me content.
Alcohol gives me the same effects it gives everyone else, but i dont want to be like that all the time.
Nicotine used to completely wipe my existential anxiety. Now it doesn't effect me at all, even at doses that make me puke.
You can understand how annoying it is.. Im depressed as fuck with no cure and my body wont even allow me to self medicate -.-.
Now dont put me off as someone with no willpower.. I've tried every herbal medicine for depression to no avail..
(I've taken 50+ dose tablets of both Rhodiola rosea and St johns wort, and whereas i know of people who get MDMA
like effects from 10 pills, i got absolutely nothing)
Hell, when i took the 50 tablets of Rhodiola, i was on a MAOI
. That type of shit is meant to put you in a hypertensive crisis. I got absolutely no effect.
I simply cant be benefited by Psychotherapy in the state im in without drugs.. I have a physical condition with my head, and i know that for a fact.
I've been on Zoloft
, Mirtazipane, Sodium valproate, Selegiline
and im now on Dexamphetamine.
The only effects i've experienced at all was that Zoloft numbed my dick. And after i got pissed (alcohol), it sent me in a rollercoaster of euphoria
and dysphoria for a day. And i guess it made me mildy manic, the bad type (Aggression, depersonalization)
doesn't effect me, even at 40mg with Grapefruit juice.
seems to lessen my existential anxiety but does nothing for my depression. It allowed me to go to my psychiatrist and talk about my problems without feeling uncomfortable as fuck, like i usually do.
Today was my first dose of the dexamphetamine. I took it with an Antacid, which is supposed to increase the effects. I havn't really felt an effect. I think it has brought my concentration back to baseline, because i was pretty burnt out from all the caffeine
i've been taking this week. Im going to wait for a comedown
Its gotten to the point where im just being reckless with drugs just so i can feel something, even if it is bad. I WANT side effects
. I WANT a numb dick, I WANT to be so angry that i punch walls.
I want to know that drugs actually effect me, so i can try find the right one
Because right now, im pretty god damn numb.
I've been researching and im putting this down to two things.
-Im an ultrarapid metabolizer. My P450 system must be rapidly metabolizing the drugs before they have the opportunity to reach my brain. I might try get this tested. I personally dont think this is the main cause, it just doesn't seem plausible.
-Something is wrong with my Glutamate system?
Maybe i have a high ass tolerance to all drugs because of my NMDA recepter?
I was going to try nitrous oxide
but i couldn't find a cracker.. -.-, and DXM basically didn't give me effects similar to that of NMDA antagonisation.
This is so damn confusing
. Nothing i've been reading has provided me an answer to any of this, and i've spent over 6 months researching my condition..
I guess im looking to have a discussion with someone with a similar problem, or someone who has a lot of knowledge on the subject
Caffeine doesn't effect me either. I've taken 1g (10 cups of coffee
) and slept fine, with no hand shaking etc.
Also, about the addiction
thing. When nicotine was moderately working, i used it only when i was in a social situation. I never actually used it when there weren't people around me, and i used it for about 4 months. I even binged it. I never got one single craving, or withdrawal