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Opiate addiction Support for coping with Opiate addiction and Opiate addiction treatment.

 
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  #1  
Old 04-07-2011, 21:42
hopelessyhooked89 hopelessyhooked89 is offline
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I dont want it anymore

Hi guys this is my first post to this site so im sorry in advance for any mistakes etc...ill cut the story short..

My dog has been using heroin for about 2 and a half years now he did two rattles within the 1st 6 months and both these times managed to stay clean and positive until the next lapse (which could have been totally avoided,i guess he was just naive)...after the second lapse things started to take a massive downfall for my dog and everything went to s**t.

The bad thing is that within two months of first having gear my dog had a little girl who was the most beautiful thing ever seen to most people this would have been enough to stop but no for some reason this little star wasnt good enough for my dog and he still carried on using gear.He also had a gf of two years who put up alot from him regarding his drug use...stealin/lying/scamming/blagging all the usual shitty things addicts do.My dogs gf stayed with him from march 09 (when his little angel was born) until november 2010.It had just become too much and she left him taking lil one with her.The sad thing is that about 3 months previous to her leaving my dog was doing well just sticking to his script and keeping away from gear,even managing to reduce to 20ml.The plan was to eventually get his fitness back and join the army.well after one night he went back to gear like the total crank that he is and everything fucked up from there.

About 4 months after this my dog met someone else who is a user and has been iv using since she was 12,my dog always had a slight crush on this lady (10 years his senior) and was shocked to find out she was a user as she is very attractive and takes care of herself.My dog got with this women and since then has become injecting recently going into his groin like her as she has no veins left and he hated the state his arms were becoming from going in them.The bad thing is my dogs current partner is pregnant and continuing to use and this is scaring him,it5 seems like she would rather take gear then her methadone (which she says has recently been making her sick-her mouth waters before she has it and then feels violently sick after swallowing it)ive seen my dogs partner drink the meth and she is fine.She also has a dvt in her groin.

The moral of this is that look at how much my dogs life has fucked up and he has another child being brought into this fucked up mess..................help!!!!!

hopelessyhooked89 added 5 Minutes and 2 Seconds later...

oh also my dogs current partner is an escort and this funds our habit...she earns good money so i worry that she will never want a normal job.at 1st my dog was flattered due to the older women thing and new her line of work but now things have gotten serious my dog is really starting to struggle with things and just seems to have this black dog of depression constantly following him around...sorry guys but any thoughts would be galdly appreciated

Much love

HH

Last edited by hopelessyhooked89; 04-07-2011 at 21:42. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #2  
Old 04-07-2011, 22:15
coolhandluke coolhandluke is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

opiate addiction is a very powerful thing, and does very powerful things to the mind. lots of people who have kids and families are still unable to quit using, that doesn't make you any worse of a person, it just means you have a really bad problem and need help.

try not to use slang in your posts, so people who are from other countries know exactly what your talking about. by sticking to your script im assuming your talking about taking methadone and not taking any heroin. also you say that you reduced your dose to 20 mg. thats all good and well but if the 20 mg isn't helping enough to keep you from craving heroin and then leading to a relapse, than maybe you should have stayed at a higher dose.

the fact of the mater is if you don't want it anymore, you need to do something about it. get on a maintenance level dose of methadone, and stay on it while you work with the counselors on some of your emotional issues. after you have some clean time while on methadone and have started to take steps to make your life better, than think about tapering off.

im not sure how things across the pond work, but i would suggest either, not going through with the baby ( i think you know what im getting at) or contacting social services and letting them know about your girl friend is using heroin while pregnant, hoping they may intervene. if she works as a call girl how can you even know the child is yours? think of the child, it isn't right to bring a kid into an environment of heroin and prostitution, especially if it may very well be born with complications due to her heroin use. that is going to make it much much harder to get off of drugs and get your life in order.

another thing is to think about if this relationship is really good for you.
  #3  
Old 04-07-2011, 22:18
missparkles missparkles is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

I was just gonna log off and I saw your thread. I just wanted to welcome you to DF. I have to go now, but I will reply to your post when I log on in the morning. Try not to get too stressed out, you'll get so much support here if you want it...ok? Take care love.

Sparkles.
  #4  
Old 04-07-2011, 22:21
coolhandluke coolhandluke is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

also if you still have good veins in your arms you should stop shooting in your femoral vein. that is bad news for your body, and from what i have read can lead to some pretty scary stuff.

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Excellent advice about not using the femoral vein, it is dangerous.
  #5  
Old 05-07-2011, 12:17
hopelessyhooked89 hopelessyhooked89 is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

sorry about the slang,Yeah i know i dont think this is the right relationship for me,i just feel trapped shes not gettin rid of the baby either...im only 22 i feel like my life is over before its begun...thanks for the replies guys.
  #6  
Old 05-07-2011, 13:11
dragon fly dragon fly is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

First off, welcome to df. Opiate addiction will make one do alot of things they would never otherwise do. Your dog has a serious problem that has to be dealt with probably not just by himself, but with some professionals. Swim has been on methadone for the past 3 months, and has been able to stay off of heroin and all opiates. She has had to raise her dose in order to deal with cravings, but so far has been able to stay clean. She has been dealing with opiate addiction for 19 years before getting on methadone. your dog has an opportunity now to use methadone to get clean, and not waste years of his life like swim has.

Swim was also going to say that since your dog's girlfriend does what she does, how does he know her baby is his? And also your dog really has to ask himself if this relationship is good. Swim does not know how your dogs country is, but here at swims clinic, if one is pregnant, they are automaticlly contacted by child services and watched until after the baby is born to make sure the baby is going to be safe and the mother is not using. Coolhandluke has some good things to say,and is maybe right when he says also that maybe your dog should notify child services, if your dog and his girlfriend are going to keep the baby. Adoption can also be an option.

swim feels for your dog. She has been through alot, and has done alot of things she regrets because of her addiction. Your dog is so young, and has his whole life ahead of him, his life is not over. If your dog really gets serious about getting clean, gets some professional help, uses his methadone, he can have a wonderful life. And be a great father to his little one. Swim thinks your dog has to really reconsider his relationship with this woman; it does not sound very healthy. If your dog really wants to be sober, he can be. It is not easy, but it is very possible if one really wants it. Your dog should talk to some of the counslers at his clinic, if there are any, and if not find one to talk to. Your dog should get some help and not try to do it on his own.

Good luck; Swim wishes all the best for your dog.
  #7  
Old 05-07-2011, 13:21
missparkles missparkles is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

It might feel like your life is over before it's begun, but it's not, there are ways out of this situation. Or rather ways to deal with this situation, cos if this partner is pregnant and has decided to have the child, you will have some involvement with her, through your contact with the child?

Seriously consider what you want?

If that's to continue using then you have to work out the safest way to continue doing that? My advice would be to get onto a methadone programme asap. You'll be assigned a drug worker/counselor, and they'll be able to help and advise you as to your further options. Things like referrals (if you need them) to other medical professionals, such as psychiatrists or psychologists. You know, people that can help if you have any mental health issues or underlying psychological problems that were perhaps part of the reason you started using drugs? Cos your using did begin at a very young age, and this might be what kept you using, you know, the underlying causes, or at least made it more difficult to quit?

If you decide you want to stop completely, and you have before so you know it's possible, then the same advice applies. I'd also just like to mention that drug services have enormous amount of money and resources given to them, this includes help with getting housing, which is something you're gonna need if you clean up. One word of advice...if you go to a drug clinic for your methadone, or just for your meetings with your drug worker, go in, do what you gotta do, then get out. Don't linger longer than you have to, cos there could be people there that are still using and it will be a huge temptation.

Just one thing, if your partner is pregnant, has she even considered that she cannot continue her escort work for much longer? How does she intend to fund her (and your) drug habits then? Is she really ready (and psychologically equipped) to have a baby, and give it all the love and nurturing it will need, and deserve? I'm not implying she'd be a bad mum, but generally, addicts who rely on street drugs will usually put the cost of their drug first, they have to, to be able to do anything else? If she is determined to keep the child, perhaps it would be a good idea for you both to go onto Methadone, that way your drug is sorted for you each day, no need to go out and score? And that way she (and you if you decide to stay) can focus on your new child? I've been a parent on street drugs and on methadone, and I can tell you which one I found preferable? It was a weight off my shoulders knowing that every morning I could get my children off to school, washed fed and properly dressed without having to stick a needle in my neck.

If you wanna talk about anything I've mentioned, or just need a chat, please love, feel free to personal message me.

Sparkles.
  #8  
Old 05-07-2011, 20:39
coolhandluke coolhandluke is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

if i were in your situation i would also feel very trapped. its not as simple to leave someone when there is a child involved. imo there is a pretty good chance it may not be yours. personally when im using opiates i have little to no sexual drive, let alone have sex frequently. also consider the point sparkles made about her not being able to apply her trade while she is pregnant. but i guess i dont know maybe fellows would be into that??? or would get a deal, idk. but it doesn't seem like it could be safe for the baby with the risk of disease in addition to using heroin. i have never understood why some people are dead set on having a child when they are in such awful situations, seems selfish to me, but thats my opinion, ive never been in that situation and am sure its an easy decision.

if you really do want to quit using, you will have to get out of this relationship if she is still using heroin, and when she does have the child, you can be there for the baby. ive been on mmt for about 3 months and am at a dosage that is very helpful. towards the begging i did use a few times but then my dose wasn't where it is now. before i got on methadone i was very depressed, and felt so trapped i was considering suicide all the time. my out look is much better now. i still have days when i feel overwhelmed and nervous about the future, but im able to deal with it much better than when i was using.

anyway hang in there, whatever you decide to do, everyone here will help as much as they can. many of us have been in similar situation and lots of people here have lifted themselves out of the depths of addiction.

and really injecting in the femoral vein is BAD for you. it should definitely not be done out of vanity for your arms. read a little bit through this thread. http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/sho...d.php?t=162254 scroll down a little and read the post by solinari, scary shit dude.

Last edited by coolhandluke; 05-07-2011 at 20:47.
  #9  
Old 06-07-2011, 20:27
Pablo64 Pablo64 is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Alright mate. Read ur post and just wanted to add one little piece .iv been on gear since I was about thirty years and gear relationships DO NOT work. Ur both never ready to get well at the same time and when u try u talk each other into going to score. It's doomed lad only thing is how long will it take u both to get on it.not trying to be funny mate ,just been there about three times.
Stay strong.

Pablo64 added 1 Minutes and 22 Seconds later...

Sorry meant been on gear for thirty years..heads kettled

Last edited by Pablo64; 06-07-2011 at 20:27. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #10  
Old 07-07-2011, 06:30
ex-junkie ex-junkie is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

So you've started seeing this new lady post-november 2010. I'm curious to know when her due date is... has she been going to her antenatal appointments? There is a couple of things that you need to think long and hard about mate and it's going to hurt to think about it. You can't run away from this though...

Firstly, remember holding your daughter in your arms after birth? Yeah well this next baby that you bring into this world is going to be screaming in the pain of withdrawals. It's not going to be able to attach to the breast properly to drink milk, so it's also going to have a high pitched scream of starvation.

How do you feel when you're starved of food and suffering from heroin withdrawals? I'm willing to take a punt and guess that you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. Sad truth is, that is what is being forced onto your next baby and there is nothing you can do about it. As much as you seem to feel trapped and dislike your situation, there is a cute little miracle of life coming soon, and it's your creation (if you can prove it's even yours in the first place, that is)...

On the odd chance that this innocent little human being was fathered by you, you need to know the following;

-This escort woman is going to neglect your kid and is doing so already.
-It's a given that social services will take your kid away from her/you/the pair of you.

..and lastly..

You can do something to make sure this innocent baby's life is not thrown into the gutter:

-Leave the escort to her own devices and check yourself straight into detox.
-Go onto naltrexone.
-Be the father that you should have been to your first born.

Now I'm aware that you're probably hurting while reading this, but I bet it's got you thinking hard. Welcome to the moral dilemma of being a parent when you're an addict. Cut the bullshit, lose your contacts, and man the fuck up. Somebody is going to have to care for this innocent child. So who is going to be...

-the escort junkie?
-child services/orphanage/foster parents who might never tell the kid that they adopted him/her?

..or you?

Post Quality Evaluations:
Tough love but love none the less. Exactly what the OP needs to hear. He needs to do the right thing for this unborn chilld be it by cleaning up & maning up or by giving the baby up for adoption.
Extremely hard hitting, but extremely necessary.
  #11  
Old 11-07-2011, 17:52
hopelessyhooked89 hopelessyhooked89 is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

hi guys thanks for all the replies,well 1st thing my dog is 95% (yep 95) sure the kid is mine,shes said shes doin a dna just to prove my dog wrong anyway as my dog already said "how do i know its mine????!",and shes like "i cant believe you've asked me that!!"........WTF any "normal" person would ask the same would they not???.....i know she doesnt offer bareback but at the end of the day how the fuck do i know whats what im always been filled with shit anyways...

Yeah i know its goin to be fuckin hard going when this kid is born....my dog aint lookin forward to it one bit..my dogs feelin pretty grim about the whole fucked up situation im in....i cant believe my dog has been lettin his bird F**k other blokes for cash? i mean wtf is wrong with me it actually makes me feel physically ill talkin about it now...she doesnt wanna stop gear i know she doesnt i can just tell shes a down and outer and ive got a kid comin to her whos guna be born into a right shitty mess.....
oh my fuckin days (sorry for the language)
i really appreciate all the replies guys what a fuckin joke im in

take care

HH

hopelessyhooked89 added 1 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

she needs me more then i need her i know it what am i doing?!?!?!?

hopelessyhooked89 added 16 Minutes and 39 Seconds later...

also since ive started injecting a whole different side of addiction has come over my dog regarding the I.V use is this normal?? my dog really doesnt wanna go into his femoral trying to slowly go back into his arms and be done with groining it...as he said before my dog is on 60ml of methadone he use's on top of this..50% reason of this is coz she does and its there and 50% due to boredom,

chat soon

take care all

HH

Last edited by hopelessyhooked89; 11-07-2011 at 17:52. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #12  
Old 22-07-2011, 22:17
mickey_bee Gold member mickey_bee is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Hey,

Firstly, take note of something Sparkles said earlier........

Right now you feel like the gig's essentially fucked, and there's no way out. (Or at least, that's how I've felt in vaguely similar situations).

But, no matter how hopeless it all feels right now, there really is a way out.

You say you're on 60mls of methadone. Does your drug service know about your current situation? It really can make a huge difference if you really get talking to your keyworker, just let them know everything, the whole sordid affair, just like you have here. It's cliched, and it's the kind of thing that for many years I would laugh at, but telling the right people you need help, really really does help.

If you're in a situation whereby you're not spending every waking moment in 'survival mode' i.e. having to get money to get drugs to stave off withdrawal, then you really need to start thinking about what you want.
(If you're still desperately chasing drugs every waking moment, - up your dose of methadone, - the wrong dose of meth is as good as no meth at all).

So what do you want?

If you want to get clean, then staying with this woman is completely impossible. You've said yourself she doesn't want to get clean, and as you will know, only the individual themselves can choose when they want to get clean.

If you want to get clean, then, really, you need to get the fuck out of there, for several months.
Some people can manage to get clean and stay clean in the same environment as they were an addict for years and years, but it's extremely difficult, and if you've got stresses like relationships and kids, it'd say it's basically impossible. At least while things are as acutely fucked up as they are lol.

Have you got any friends/family/acquaintances you could stay with? people who live somewhere else in the country? (or world?) Would you be able to tell those people of your situation, and that you need a few months time out?

If yes, or maybe, then do your best to find out.

If no, then, again, tell your keyworker of your need to get away, ask them about possible housing, etc. Again, just involve them fully in your situation, and so that you're not having to deal with all of this bullshit on your own. You're only 22!


I understand that things like this, particularly finding housing, can take a while. But at least having a plan, and working towards it will make you feel a hell of alot better.


Now, as for the child.....

You seem convinced that it's yours. If indeed it is, then trust me, it would much prefer to have a father that is a bit distant, (getting clean somewhere else), for the first year of it's life, than a father who's there from day one, but spends the rest of it's childhood on drugs. (And that comes from experience).

No one wants to leave a child, especially when the person you're leaving it with is not exactly a picture-postcard mother. But, with her being an addict and a working girl, the authorities will be involved, (ensure they are), and the kid will be looked after and monitored during the time that you won't be *directly* in it's life.

I reiterate, - it's far better to have a dad who's not there for the first year or two, or even three, of your life, than a dad who's physically there, (some of the time), but mentally, not there at all.



Essentially, you can't help ANYONE, until you help yourself.

Arrange an appointment with your keyworker asap, (if they're not very good then ask to speak to someone else there, anyone who you feel you can talk to), and explain your situation, your feelings, just let it out like you have here. It's tough to do, especially if you're a bloke, but try, because others can only help when you let them in.
At the same time arrange to raise you methadone dose as rapidly as possible, so that you can get comfortable, and be able to start focusing on problems without the bullshit of having to score everyday.

And aswell as that, really really look into staying with any family or friends, anyone who doesn't use and doesn't live near to where you are now. If that's not possible, talk over what housing options there could be with your keyworker. If you feel you can hack it, a period in rehab, (anything less than 3 months is a waste of time), is a great way of just getting some thinking time and space, and being able to properly sort your life out.


I wish you the best of luck no matter what, and please do keep telling people of your concerns and feelings.

Post Quality Evaluations:
This post was exceptional and included verything the OP needs to know. Laid all of the options out for the OP. He needs to follow it. Supportive but kind too.
  #13  
Old 25-07-2011, 15:40
hopelessyhooked89 hopelessyhooked89 is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Hi mickey_bee,hope alls well and thanks a bunch for the reply...

Ill update you on the situation,dog is currently on 60 mls and using gear on top of this..the main reason dog really use's is because of his partner using..I just know it is and it is like mental torture for my dog whenever she gets a dig 2gether and he aint having none..(yep i know how pathetic that sounds),

My dog has stated to her many of times that if she is going to use to not even mention it to him as its as soon as the thought of it comes into my dogs head his mind starts to fuck with him and wind him up....(sometimes he evens finds himself getting upset with himself that he's getting so affected by a substance not even a person or living thing just a small wrap of brown powder!)..But she never adheres to this she always makes it obvious whats going to happen.My dog tells her what this does to him but what she usually says is how its her house and why should she do it on the sly.I mean if you loved someone like she says she does my dog why would she want to put him throught this mental stress all the time!.
This is one of the main reasons why my dog still uses as its always fucking there if not on his mind by his self then her,My dog knows that once he would be on his own he would have no problem sticking to his script as hes done it before,(although the amount he has been using on top of his methdone he's not sure that this amount will hold him now but he's gonna give it ago).

My dog told his key worker everything the other day....how he is injecting into his groin,the fact his partner is pregnant and using on top of this and also escorting on top of this...he told his key worker how he wants her to stop escorting but while he hasnt got a job (desperatly searching), hes made to feel by his partner like hes forcing her to do what she does to fund his habit and that is not the case one little bit....My dog would love things to be normal and for his partner to have a normal 9-5 job and for them both not to use heroin.His partner was doing what she was doing before she met him he was doing well got down to 20 ml of methadone and he had a job in an office for the 1st 2 months of being with her,Unfortunatly the job was for 6 months so 2 months into the relationship my dogs contract was up and so he went on benefits and she carried on escorting. My dog missed a pick up one night and lost his script so she had my dog where she wanted him.She has constantly funded my dogs habit and many times used the fact that she knows he has been relying on her against him..(If u dont do this i wont buy u gear or ringing up the dealer and blatantly stating can i have 2 bags for MYSELF,when usually it would be 2 for her and 1 for dog again teasing my dog with it).

Anyways back on subject my dogs keyworker knows all in my dogs life and said that the 1st thing they want my dog to stop doing is going into his groin,then working on building himself back up fitness and weightwise and getting his life back on track..Fortunatly for my dog his mother is his rock and wants to help him by getting him out of there back to hers and to fix his life up.His partner has a reputation where he lives and everyone knows about her and what she does so his mother knows about her...

About the baby..

My dog is planning on getting himself sorted out and trying for custody my dogs partner has children already but has told him that only one of them "rattled" when born.This is not the case though as her family member confirmed to him the other day that all of them have been born withdrawing and really small and thin...This really worries my dog and is constantly on his mind 24/7 my dog knows how bad it is and its gonna really hurt him seeing it.His partner is a compulsive lier and he doesnt know what to believe anymore the only thing he is 80-90% on is that the kid most likely will be his...His plan is to get clean and go for custody.

My dog thinks about leaving everyday and i mean everyday..theres just something thats holding him here and slowing him down doing this...My dog has no idea what it is...does he love her??is it because of his funded drugs?,does he really wanna spend his life with this women???

The truth is my dog isnt no idiot and knows what needs to be done,hes just scared of doing it.....

My dog cannot state how much all your replies and thoughts mean to him and they are really helping him cope recently..Sorry about the long post.
Look forward to hearing from you guys..
Much love
HH
  #14  
Old 25-07-2011, 15:57
missparkles missparkles is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Fuckin' hell love, what a mess? I think you have to think of yourself at this point, someone has to get their act together to care for the baby she'll soon be having, it doesn't seem like she's planning on quitting any time soon, does it? Then you need to do it love. Your gf sounds like she's using your addiction against you, purposely bangin' up in front of you. She doesn't want you to stick to the script, she know that if you do she has absolutely nothing to offer you, and you'll leave. So she needs you to keep on using.

Your mum has offered you a safe place to go to get well, so why not take her up on the offer? At least there you'll be able to build a solid foundation for your life, and have a home for your child after you gain custody? This seems to me like a way out, so please, really give it some thought? But please, don't be scared, as there's nothing to be scared about. In fact I'd go as far as to say the risk taking lifestyle you're living at the moment is far more dangerous and scary.

You do realise that if you carry on bangin' in your groin you could end up needing a limb amputating, so get on the right dose of methadone, it will really help with wd symptoms and cravings. Then when you're stabilised on that, you can begin to address all the problems you have? Yeah, it can be that easy, it is that easy. It only gets difficult when you put stuff in the way of you getting clean?

Take care and stay safe.

Sparkles.
  #15  
Old 26-07-2011, 13:01
mickey_bee Gold member mickey_bee is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by hopelessyhooked89 View Post
Hi mickey_bee,hope alls well and thanks a bunch for the reply...

Ill update you on the situation,dog is currently on 60 mls and using gear on top of this..the main reason dog really use's is because of his partner using..I just know it is and it is like mental torture for my dog whenever she gets a dig 2gether and he aint having none..(yep i know how pathetic that sounds),

My dog has stated to her many of times that if she is going to use to not even mention it to him as its as soon as the thought of it comes into my dogs head his mind starts to fuck with him and wind him up....(sometimes he evens finds himself getting upset with himself that he's getting so affected by a substance not even a person or living thing just a small wrap of brown powder!)..But she never adheres to this she always makes it obvious whats going to happen.My dog tells her what this does to him but what she usually says is how its her house and why should she do it on the sly.I mean if you loved someone like she says she does my dog why would she want to put him throught this mental stress all the time!.
This is one of the main reasons why my dog still uses as its always fucking there if not on his mind by his self then her,My dog knows that once he would be on his own he would have no problem sticking to his script as hes done it before,(although the amount he has been using on top of his methdone he's not sure that this amount will hold him now but he's gonna give it ago).

My dog told his key worker everything the other day....how he is injecting into his groin,the fact his partner is pregnant and using on top of this and also escorting on top of this...he told his key worker how he wants her to stop escorting but while he hasnt got a job (desperatly searching), hes made to feel by his partner like hes forcing her to do what she does to fund his habit and that is not the case one little bit....My dog would love things to be normal and for his partner to have a normal 9-5 job and for them both not to use heroin.His partner was doing what she was doing before she met him he was doing well got down to 20 ml of methadone and he had a job in an office for the 1st 2 months of being with her,Unfortunatly the job was for 6 months so 2 months into the relationship my dogs contract was up and so he went on benefits and she carried on escorting. My dog missed a pick up one night and lost his script so she had my dog where she wanted him.She has constantly funded my dogs habit and many times used the fact that she knows he has been relying on her against him..(If u dont do this i wont buy u gear or ringing up the dealer and blatantly stating can i have 2 bags for MYSELF,when usually it would be 2 for her and 1 for dog again teasing my dog with it).

Anyways back on subject my dogs keyworker knows all in my dogs life and said that the 1st thing they want my dog to stop doing is going into his groin,then working on building himself back up fitness and weightwise and getting his life back on track..Fortunatly for my dog his mother is his rock and wants to help him by getting him out of there back to hers and to fix his life up.His partner has a reputation where he lives and everyone knows about her and what she does so his mother knows about her...

About the baby..

My dog is planning on getting himself sorted out and trying for custody my dogs partner has children already but has told him that only one of them "rattled" when born.This is not the case though as her family member confirmed to him the other day that all of them have been born withdrawing and really small and thin...This really worries my dog and is constantly on his mind 24/7 my dog knows how bad it is and its gonna really hurt him seeing it.His partner is a compulsive lier and he doesnt know what to believe anymore the only thing he is 80-90% on is that the kid most likely will be his...His plan is to get clean and go for custody.

My dog thinks about leaving everyday and i mean everyday..theres just something thats holding him here and slowing him down doing this...My dog has no idea what it is...does he love her??is it because of his funded drugs?,does he really wanna spend his life with this women???

The truth is my dog isnt no idiot and knows what needs to be done,hes just scared of doing it.....

My dog cannot state how much all your replies and thoughts mean to him and they are really helping him cope recently..Sorry about the long post.
Look forward to hearing from you guys..
Much love

HH

Hey mate, no worries about the long reply, -there's some shit you just can't condense.
And seriously, you don't sound pathetic! If I was living with someone who shot up in front of me all the time, and bought drugs for me some of the time, there's no way in a million years that i'd not be using! No recovering addict could sit by and watch someone shoot up in front of them.....that's just a fact.

You say you're on 60mls, that's great! If that properly holds you, then it won't take ages for you to get down to 0mls. I started reducing from 60mls a month and a half ago myself.


Reading your response has actually made me really happy - sounds bizarre right?
But basically I was expecting you to say that you had no-one who cared for you or who you could stay with, that actually your partner was really nice and caring and supportive, and so on and so forth. - I was expecting you to tell me the situation was more complicated. And, of course, it is complicated, but, I'm very pleased to see that you've got alot going for you.


It's painfully clear that there is absolutely no way you will be able to get clean, let alone remain clean, while you are involved with your partner. Trying to get clean and live with her is, i'm sorry to say, completely futile.

You can't change what's happened, you can't change that there is a kid on the way, you can't change that you became a heroin addict, and you can't change other people. But you can change your future, and by doing that, change the future of those close to you, - especially the child's future.


You've got a mum who cares about you, AND knows the situation you're in. That's really very lucky, and a truly invaluable resource for getting and staying clean. USE IT!

Have a talk to your mum. Explain that you want and need her help. Explain your plans - to stay with her, get away from your drug using partner and any drug using friends/acquaintances. Explain that you really want to change your life, and use your 'time-out' with her to get clean and make a fresh start.
Ask her how long she'd be willing for you to stay. She needs to be made aware that you can't really give her a guaranteed timeframe, and that all you can guarantee is that you'll need to stay with her for a matter of months at least.

It's important to not have deadlines when getting clean. You don't want to have to be clean by a certain date. You want to be able to extend or reduce the length of your reduction according to how you're feeling, and how well you're doing, not because you have to.
It's very cliched I know, but getting off drugs like heroin really is a 'one day at a time' thing. At the start, if you think too long-term, you really can get totally overwhelmed by just how big the prospect of getting clean is, - this can lead to you feeling utterly defeated before you've even started!
The thing is, as time goes by, you'll be able to think more and more long-term. The more confident you get, and the longer away from heroin you have under your belt, the easier the prospect of getting clean becomes. So in the early stages, just tell yourself that things will get easier as time goes by, and just to take things day by day for now.


I'm really pleased that you've had a proper talk to your keyworker, and that you've got them 'on-side' now too, that really is great news, well done for that mate. (If you're anything like me, properly explaining your situation and feelings to people is fucking hard-work!!!).

So, in conclusion, here's a little list of things to do/look into/start thinking about:

- Stop using your groin! (Top advice from your keyworker). If you have trouble finding arm veins, check out some of the threads on that subject, or look at some anatomical pictures.
Just imagine how shit you'd feel if you hit your artery, got a DVT or hit your nerve and lost feeling/use of/or the actual limb itself!!
I'm quite sure that you're going to get clean. Because of this, it is absolutely imperative that you ensure you don't do any lasting damage to yourself while you're using.

- Speak to your mum. Remember, - don't hold back, tell her the whole deal, your desires, your plans, and how much you need her help. Start outlining plans with her.

- Start outlining plans/start dates. Working in close contact with your mum and your keyworker, start sketching out when you'll start your reduction, (the first part of the reduction is getting stable of course), where you'll be staying, how long you'll realistically be able to stay there for, etc.

- When you've got your plans sorted, tell your partner what you're doing. This could obviously be unpleasant, so don't make too big a point of it until you're literally just about to leave.



In short, start planning mate! You've got options, start planning how you're going to use those options.

Hope you're doing good, and hope to hear from you again soon. In the meantime, PM me whenever. Chin-up kiddo!!

p.s. - I understand that you may be feeling scared of taking the plunge, it's understandable. I mean it's a big change. You'll be changing where you live, who you live with, leaving a relationship behind, leaving a way of life behind! If you weren't feeling nervous about taking the plunge, you'd be mental!!
Just remember, one step at a time. Plan the jump before you make the jump. Take care mate.

Post Quality Evaluations:
decent words from a decent guy

Last edited by mickey_bee; 26-07-2011 at 13:41.
  #16  
Old 28-07-2011, 00:53
hopelessyhooked89 hopelessyhooked89 is offline
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Join Date: 14-10-2010
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Quote:
Originally Posted by mickey_bee View Post
Hey mate, no worries about the long reply, -there's some shit you just can't condense.
And seriously, you don't sound pathetic! If I was living with someone who shot up in front of me all the time, and bought drugs for me some of the time, there's no way in a million years that i'd not be using! No recovering addict could sit by and watch someone shoot up in front of them.....that's just a fact.

You say you're on 60mls, that's great! If that properly holds you, then it won't take ages for you to get down to 0mls. I started reducing from 60mls a month and a half ago myself.


Reading your response has actually made me really happy - sounds bizarre right?
But basically I was expecting you to say that you had no-one who cared for you or who you could stay with, that actually your partner was really nice and caring and supportive, and so on and so forth. - I was expecting you to tell me the situation was more complicated. And, of course, it is complicated, but, I'm very pleased to see that you've got alot going for you.


It's painfully clear that there is absolutely no way you will be able to get clean, let alone remain clean, while you are involved with your partner. Trying to get clean and live with her is, i'm sorry to say, completely futile.

You can't change what's happened, you can't change that there is a kid on the way, you can't change that you became a heroin addict, and you can't change other people. But you can change your future, and by doing that, change the future of those close to you, - especially the child's future.


You've got a mum who cares about you, AND knows the situation you're in. That's really very lucky, and a truly invaluable resource for getting and staying clean. USE IT!

Have a talk to your mum. Explain that you want and need her help. Explain your plans - to stay with her, get away from your drug using partner and any drug using friends/acquaintances. Explain that you really want to change your life, and use your 'time-out' with her to get clean and make a fresh start.
Ask her how long she'd be willing for you to stay. She needs to be made aware that you can't really give her a guaranteed timeframe, and that all you can guarantee is that you'll need to stay with her for a matter of months at least.

It's important to not have deadlines when getting clean. You don't want to have to be clean by a certain date. You want to be able to extend or reduce the length of your reduction according to how you're feeling, and how well you're doing, not because you have to.
It's very cliched I know, but getting off drugs like heroin really is a 'one day at a time' thing. At the start, if you think too long-term, you really can get totally overwhelmed by just how big the prospect of getting clean is, - this can lead to you feeling utterly defeated before you've even started!
The thing is, as time goes by, you'll be able to think more and more long-term. The more confident you get, and the longer away from heroin you have under your belt, the easier the prospect of getting clean becomes. So in the early stages, just tell yourself that things will get easier as time goes by, and just to take things day by day for now.


I'm really pleased that you've had a proper talk to your keyworker, and that you've got them 'on-side' now too, that really is great news, well done for that mate. (If you're anything like me, properly explaining your situation and feelings to people is fucking hard-work!!!).

So, in conclusion, here's a little list of things to do/look into/start thinking about:

- Stop using your groin! (Top advice from your keyworker). If you have trouble finding arm veins, check out some of the threads on that subject, or look at some anatomical pictures.
Just imagine how shit you'd feel if you hit your artery, got a DVT or hit your nerve and lost feeling/use of/or the actual limb itself!!
I'm quite sure that you're going to get clean. Because of this, it is absolutely imperative that you ensure you don't do any lasting damage to yourself while you're using.

- Speak to your mum. Remember, - don't hold back, tell her the whole deal, your desires, your plans, and how much you need her help. Start outlining plans with her.

- Start outlining plans/start dates. Working in close contact with your mum and your keyworker, start sketching out when you'll start your reduction, (the first part of the reduction is getting stable of course), where you'll be staying, how long you'll realistically be able to stay there for, etc.

- When you've got your plans sorted, tell your partner what you're doing. This could obviously be unpleasant, so don't make too big a point of it until you're literally just about to leave.



In short, start planning mate! You've got options, start planning how you're going to use those options.

Hope you're doing good, and hope to hear from you again soon. In the meantime, PM me whenever. Chin-up kiddo!!

p.s. - I understand that you may be feeling scared of taking the plunge, it's understandable. I mean it's a big change. You'll be changing where you live, who you live with, leaving a relationship behind, leaving a way of life behind! If you weren't feeling nervous about taking the plunge, you'd be mental!!
Just remember, one step at a time. Plan the jump before you make the jump. Take care mate.


Hey again mate,hope your cool....cheers for the reply you've basiclly put it in a nut shell as to what my dog has to do.appreciated mate.

Well "it is absolutely imperative that you ensure you don't do any lasting damage to yourself while you're using" this really made my dog think ands its completely spot on...i dont actually think my dog's been realising just how dangerous going here is and he's just been digging there like its a pin cushion!!!..

My dogs been really down in the dumps lately and keeps blaming himself for the mess he's got himself into and that he's let whats been happenin go on for so long..Heroin really is a nasty drug and my dog hates the stuff and just what it can do to a dogs mind,I cant wait for my dog to be completely free of the crap and again when my dog actually thinks about gettin clean and the length he gets overwhelmed by it all and sacks off the idea.One day at a time is exactly how my dog needs to be thinking.

Yeah mate my dogs mum is completely by his side and wants him back to how he was before he was introduced to smack...My dog has scammed his mum when he was in survival mode in the past and he will carry this guilt for the rest of his life regardless of how he trys to make it up to her.Hes already decided on going to his mums, its just when and how....as much as my dog is hurting when his partner goes doing what she does and hinting of his habit be the reason for this, he knows that she is just making excuses to herself as her habit is much bigger then his....He will find it hard to leave her, he does carry some love for her and shes obviously pregnant now, he doesnt know how shes going to take it at all but then she has lied many a time in the past(i dont think she realises just how many things she has told my dog in the past he has discovered has been a lie) he keeps it to himself for when the time is right,for this reason my dog thinks that why cant everything shes told him be a lie to keep him sweet. Who knows all my dog knows is that its gonna be stressfull.

My dog feels like she doesnt care for the baby at all and has no respect for herself..(which then leads on to him thinking she has no respect for him)..Hes worried the baby might be born deformed or she might use it as a weapon to hurt him and thinks to himself hes already got enough crap going on at the mo he doesnt really need any more stress..
It makes my dog upset knowing what shes doing at work while his child is laying inside her and that sex is meant to be special between two people and not every tom, dick and harry having a piece,as she has a past where he lives and continues to work he cant leave the house and walk the street with her without thinking that guys that say hi or she says hi to.......have these seen her through work before?...... it extremely upsets and torments my dog does this.Sorry if going off subject but this is the only place my dog feels he can share his worries and feelings.

Yep my dogs on 60ml,hes going to start giving it his best shot and stick to it..My dog desperatly needs a hobby or something to keep him occupied to be perfectly honest..he plans on gettin between the 30 and 20 mark then jump to subbys..Hes going to reduce 5 ml every 2 weeks once he feels stable at 60..

Its about time my dog fixes up and sorts this stuff out for good hes only 22 and needs to start living again..and do things that people his own age who he went to school with,grew up with are doing...not utterly destroying his own existance.My dog needs to be focusing on channeling his problems outwards and not inwards..

Take care pal..look forward to hearing from you soon

hopelessyhooked89 added 8 Minutes and 0 Seconds later...

Quote:
Originally Posted by missparkles View Post
Fuckin' hell love, what a mess? I think you have to think of yourself at this point, someone has to get their act together to care for the baby she'll soon be having, it doesn't seem like she's planning on quitting any time soon, does it? Then you need to do it love. Your gf sounds like she's using your addiction against you, purposely bangin' up in front of you. She doesn't want you to stick to the script, she know that if you do she has absolutely nothing to offer you, and you'll leave. So she needs you to keep on using.

Your mum has offered you a safe place to go to get well, so why not take her up on the offer? At least there you'll be able to build a solid foundation for your life, and have a home for your child after you gain custody? This seems to me like a way out, so please, really give it some thought? But please, don't be scared, as there's nothing to be scared about. In fact I'd go as far as to say the risk taking lifestyle you're living at the moment is far more dangerous and scary.

You do realise that if you carry on bangin' in your groin you could end up needing a limb amputating, so get on the right dose of methadone, it will really help with wd symptoms and cravings. Then when you're stabilised on that, you can begin to address all the problems you have? Yeah, it can be that easy, it is that easy. It only gets difficult when you put stuff in the way of you getting clean?

Take care and stay safe.

Sparkles.


Hi sparkles,thanks for the posts...

Yeah its a right mess my dog is in all completely self-inflicted though so my dog has no one to blame bar his self..Many people close to him warned him away early on to be careful and that they couldnt deal with it,my dog being my dog he blew them off and didnt listen.Well karmas really swung back round and bit him on the tail hasnt it!!

Yeah my dog knows the risks of going down there hes seen the state of his partners legs and seen what it does.It is the 1st thing my dog is going to address like mickey_b said once im clean i dont want any lasting damage that im going to regret from 6 months of going of the rails...

Yeah my dog feels the same about the whole gear situation and using against him,Any normal human being who loved someone wouldnt want them suffering to the extent i have been over a drug before surely??

Its me who is going to get my act together for this baby its got to be its not been asked to be brought into this crap and ive gotta be strong and responsible and do whats right...i dont wanna lose a kid and have it grow up hating its dad for abandoning it like i did mine..


Take care sparkles
Look forward to hearing from you soon xx

Last edited by hopelessyhooked89; 28-07-2011 at 00:53. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #17  
Old 28-07-2011, 01:32
missparkles missparkles is offline
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Re: I dont want it anymore

Listen love, you are so doing the right thing. I know that you still have some love for your gf, but who knows, maybe she will decide to straighten out when she realises that you mean what you say? But at the moment you can't really think of (or deal with) that, you have to put you first, get yourself straight. One thing I need to say, and that's "try not to feel too guilty" cos it's so easy to allow that guilt to eat you up, and then the only way to deal with those awful feelings will be to use, just to numb them. Try to see the day you move back in with mum as the first day of your recovery.

You see you can't change the past, no one can, but you can make sure that you never use again. Make sure that you never lie, cheat or steal, be honest. That way you'll be showing how much you've changed, and that way you'll be a positive role model for your child. Everyone has made mistakes, no one is perfect, love, so try to remember that, ok?

Think about paying a visit to CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau) when you're more comfortable on the methadone, cos you will need legal help when the baby is born to make sure you're aware of your rights as a dad. The reason I say this is because you can't rely on your gf to stick to any arrangement you may come to privately concerning access visits, she's playing games now, so I imagine she will if she has the child as leverage.

The last thing you need when you're reducing your methadone (or when you're clean) is the stress of having fights with your gf over your child's welfare. Once sorted out legally, you'll have a court backing you up, just in case she starts making it difficult for you to see your child. It has been known to happen?

That's about all I can think of at the moment, again, well done for making the decision to get your life back together again. You'll have as much support as you ask for. Please feel free to PM if you want to talk.

Sparkles.

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