Filling The Hole left by addiction

[MrJim]

I have read recently about how Kicking may be hard, but the real problems start to form after, months after.
The article was specifically about opiates, something that I knew very well for many years, although I think anytime someone crosses that line from exploration into crutch that this may well apply to them.
Essentially what it said was that after you are done and clean there is a metaphorical "Hole" in your mind that you are always trying to dump things into so that it may fill, but it is a hole without bottom, and no matter what you do it will feel like there is always something missing.
That doesn't mean that you are fucked for life, however. It just means you have to try a little harder than most for a calm mind, for solace.
So I started this thread to find out from all of you ex-junkies, ex-cokeheads, ex-alcoholics, ex-whatevers - What do you do to fill your Hole?
Myself - I haven't had a perfect run, I've done a little back sliding here and there, but whereas once the backslides felt like they infilled the hole, they don't feel like that anymore, so I've given up on them altogether.
Now I try to just see what there is outside - I spend at least an hour a day in the woods with my dog, just looking at how the trees are blowing, or how the currents form patterns in creeks. Just try to appreciate the world around me consciously, because it seems like something more real than all the addictions in the world.
So, How do you fill your hole?

[Zaphod_1]

Hi Mr Jim, I like what you've posted in various threads including Vincent Van's threads, ... wish you were here VV. Swim is doing a 12 step program and he needs that in addition to total abstinence. His life is incredibly hard at times - a lot of the goal and reward stuff that kept swim motivated academically & otherwise early in life has been trashed by 23 years of on / off drug abuse including long intervals of bingeing. Now swim must motivate himself to draw himself out of obsessive thinking and do the things he formerly found rewarding. Not easy because at day 42 of being clean he is often faced with an indefinable non-specific agitation, restlessness and all pervading anxiety. Despite all this there are days in between of peace, stability and hope and that's what keeps him going, and he will continue to work on his character defects because relapse is not an option - it's a permanent vacation.

Faith in a Higher Power is definitely a key to filling that spiritual and emotional void but it don't come easy for swim.

BTW, I wondered if the question "What do you do to fill your hole?" should be used in a mixed gender audience.

Take care all

[MrJim]

Originally Posted by Zaphod_1

BTW, I wondered if the question "What do you do to fill your hole?" should be used in a mixed gender audience.

Take care all

Yeah, I read it after I posted it and thought about how dirty it sounded, but thought I might be the only one with the dirty mind. Nice to see I'm not alone.


How about "Filling the Void?"

[motorhead]

lol ya I had a chuckle last night when i read that. Thought of making some big long ass post about the nature of addictions and all that but I suppose i can sum it all up in one word. Cannabis. Swim has had his experiences with hard drugs and came to a point where he realized that continuing down that road would lead to a dead end. Yet swim needs something to fill that void as you say, and weed is the way.
Of course you can go completely strait and find a non chemical solution. There are many-spirituality, family, friends, sports, and im sure others will mention more. But if you're like swim and still desire a non-sober vacation then cannabis is the safest alternative. Not very addictive, reasonably healthy(im sure long term use isnt good for the lungs), and you can still function as a member of society.

[MrJim]

I hear ya, Motorhead. Every evening after dinner SWIM steps out for a little smoke of that Wacky Tabaccy.

[JimmyD82]

Indeed, although a bit of a motivation killer, weed is a life saver, and is certainly a valid choice for filling that hole, oh sorry, void!

If you can 100% controll it and don't become a lazy hash-head (Although after the first week of brutal withdrawl frm amphet, being a full time stoner done me alright for a week) which although not good is still better than being tweaked\smaked etc all the time, weed is definatley the way forward, and would still highly recommend to anyone coming off hard drugs, for me weeds got that little bit of magic that i'll always go back to atleast on a very occasional level....

If I had to give one solid piece of advice it would be this - Show the weed respect, when I was a teenager b4 I got hooked on the fast stuff, I was amazed by weed and let all the points on why it should be legal go to my head (i.e It can't kill you, more people die a year drinking coffee, its the one cure for a rare eye swelling desease which leaves the patient blind, etc etc - all this pro-legal stuff) which in turn I evolved into a complete bong smokin stoner! There was a time, though unimaginable now, I would wake in the morning and have a bong, b4 that glorious morning piss and if it ment being late for work, the bong came first like........

Seeing as I put so much effort into that ramble I wont delete it, Thats one thing about ,me, I can go on a bit but you can take everything I say as 100% solid from experiance. However, I will try and get to the point - weed's gotta be the only non-prescription (for the use we speak of anyway) drug of its kind that some people can smoke vast amounts of every day but still live an atleast semi, normal life - but as per aboves paragraph, I wouldnt recommend this, just like I wouldnt recommend drinking alchohol or using any drug that much.
If you go through that 1st week of withdrawl where your heads quite fragile and lots of shits gone on the past few months, id recommend cold turkey until after the first week, the weed can work in reverse at this stage, kinda makes things hit home a bit to fast can be hard hittig beyond feeling comfort, makes you think to much.

Having said that, on normal terms, Smokin a doob or 2 a night is fine and really does help mellow you out and have nice thoughts - easy if you wanna stop for a while due to lack of energy or whatever, and you don't get a comedown seeing as its pretty much a (pleasant) downer of a drug (If you wanna know why its infact classed as a hallucanagen, sprinkle a couple of grams in your cup of tea, yogourt, cookies etc, then you will understand!!!). This is the kinda lifestyle with regards to that "void" when Im off the bad stuff. Having a wee drink is good also but in my opinion Alchohol is the worst drug of them all when it comes to getting hooked - I have seen my dad among others at a bad peak with the drink, not only does it wreck your life, it turns people into animals, breaks up familys, etc etc - Not Nice. Don't risk becoming an alchoholic to fill that mind canyon, screw waking up every morning wanting to down vodka!!!!!


No dissrespect to those who are part of our community and have a drink problem ofcourse

Oh yes, if you don't want to smoke, then drink it in tea or make some cookies as mentioned - you can't go wrong, gives you a lovely longer lasting "clean" effect as opposed to the thrashed feeling you would get by feeling the same way via smoking a good few j's or bongs

Yes I do struggle preventing myself going on a tangent sometimes but I couldn't be any more serious about everything mentioned. Exagerration is not required due to the already mad past events!!!


So yes, as the old high school ryme goes

roll, roll, roll your joint
twist it at the end,
spark it up
take a puff,
and pass it to your friend!

Peace

[deji]

Weed and music is filling that void for swim. About 30 days clean from opiods, even though swim is still sick, not even craving opiates. Just weed. No way would swim try and face this without weed, would just be pointless suffering to swim. Its like the anti-depressant x 10 from heaven. Swim loves it.

[Jatelka]

Originally Posted by JimmyD82

No dissrespect to those who are part of our community and have a drink problem ofcourse

Non-taken

Although it was never vodka SWIM craved on waking but dark rum with a generous splash of lime

Peace J X

[fletch]

its relly hard to kick a habit,and im feeling it definatly right now. but i just try and fill my time with things to keep the mind off not being high. im a musician so i find peace in music but it is definatly very difficukt since my musicianship is greatly involved in the drug scene. cocaine and opiates have something about them that just make things feel amazing while jamming out but after a while it starts to set in and even the music is effected especially with heavy cocaine use, and were not simply talking insuffilation here. i also just try and surround myself with close friends that i know would rather me be healthy. its damn hard though thats for sure, and its interesting about the hole thing you were talking about because thats relly what it feels like when you start to let your mind drift, there just that little voice that keeps tellling you to just keep slamming.

peace

[jduba]

DJing, Workingout, And Sex. if im craving i jerk off or watch porn. thats how i survived the first three months. I've always had a passion for music so I got some turn tables and grab a box of records and spin spin spin. do all types of music so i dont get bored from chopping and screwing my fav rap records to dem brak beats. the key is to find a passion and run with it. drugs are hollow and have no divine ending or reward. so the key for me was finding true lova and happiness. another thing was LOVE from friends and fam! THERE IS NOTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD LIKE ONE HUMAN LOVING ANOTHER!!!!