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Cannabis Use, cultivation & production of Marijuana, Hashish, Ice-o-lator & Hemp.

 
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  #1  
Old 07-06-2011, 01:10
johnelton johnelton is offline
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I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

I smoked marijuana from 15 - 19. I am now 23. At 15 and 16 I could probably count the number of times on my hands that I smoked. I wasn't even inhaling the stuff properly. I began to smoke more frequently at 17, and by 18 and 19 I smoked what I consider to be quite a bit of weed. It was nothing in comparison to my friends, but to me it was a lot. 2-3 days a week, multiple blunts a day for a good year long stretch at 18 and 19. Prior to that it would still probably be almost every weekend just not as much. Again out of my group of friends I probably did it the least. I also was affected the worst.

I would see people that smoke and could play sports, or do something active after. I could barely even function. I would be passing out all the time, usually could not get my thoughts out in words coherently..something would happen and 5 seconds later I would forget what everyone was just talking about. Before weed I had a photographic memory that I was known for. Weed completely destroyed that.

The main problem is how I feel on a day to day basis. At like 17 I remember I could feel a difference in myself, like I was getting lazier and started lacking desire to do things I would normally get off my ass and do no problem. This is when I was just starting to smoke more frequently, but not even that much, and not nearly as much as I did quantity wise at 18 and 19. In last couple years of my marijuana tenure I noticed this more. I never had energy. I was always extremely lazy, I always just needed to sit down and relax. I never had motivation anymore. I lacked desire to do anything at all. Whenever I did do something I would get tired out fast. When I was 14 and 15 I was always alert and active, I always wanted to do something and I was never tired all the time. Probably most importantly, I felt considerably slower and noticeably less intelligent and articulate. When forming sentences whether writing or speaking, words would always get mixed around in order.

A lot of things felt like they were on the tip of my tongue and I couldn't think clearly and smoothly. I felt like I had a much harder time processing information and learning about things. My ability to take in whatever it was I was trying to read or learn had diminished. I wasn't able to soak up knowledge the same way I was in the past. It's sad because when I was younger like from 13-15 I always felt pretty intelligent and advanced for my age. And it's like when I began to smoke more all intellectual progress I was making stopped, and if anything I went backwards. I also felt like my motor skills had diminished as well.

I quit at 19 years old hoping that my brain and body would reset. Well I'm 23 now and it hasn't. I still feel the negative affects from marijuana and don't feel like I have returned to my normal self pre marijuana use. I feel like my life is ruined. My abilities to complete tasks are just so inferior to the average persons. I have no work capacity and never have physical or mental energy. I really regret smoking marijuana, and I want to know if there's anything...anything I can possibly do to restore myself near how I used to be.
  #2  
Old 07-06-2011, 15:41
C.D.rose C.D.rose is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Hey john...

While I disagree with the above poster on what makes people look down on drugs - I personally think people who accuse others of being uninformed as soon as they say something negative about a drug are a much bigger factor - I too am not sure whether it's marijuana that caused the symptoms you described.. just go get it right, you never smoked daily, right? That in particular would make it unlikely in my eyes.

That does not mean, however, that marijuana use couldn't have inhibited personal developments for example. All in all, I too find that the last lines of your post sound awfully like a person describing depression. I think it's a good thing that you chose to lay off drugs - you don't take anything else, right? - but apparently that wasn't enough. Maybe seeing a doctor or a psychologist would indeed be a good idea.
  #3  
Old 09-06-2011, 23:49
Leonurus Leonurus is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

I know that psychoactive substances should be avoided while one is still developing. The smoking of cannabis and tobacco from the blunts could have had an effect. However, you keep talking about how you feel lazy and different from your previous self. I would suggest changing your lifestyle and see if that gives you more energy.

Your current diet could have something to with your state. If you don't get the right amount of vitamins and minerals from the foods you eat then that could make you lazy, tired and mentally dull. Exercise would also be beneficial. Regular exercise gives one more energy and makes one feel better about themselves. I would also suggest that if you don't have an immersive hobby find your self one. I would suggest one that doesn't involve being online all day. Find something that genuinely interests you and that could stimulate your mind. Personally, I enjoy hiking through remote areas and taking pictures.

If a balanced diet, regular exercise and a hobby don't help. Then, I would suggest speaking to both a regular doctor and a psychologist/psychiatrist to see if they can figure out if something is physically wrong with you. If you think the situation is severe then I would immediately set up a medical appointment. However, you can still eat right, exercise and find hobby while seeking/attaining treatment.

I hope this helps.

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absolutely beautiful advice here.
good points both on diet and exercise!
Great caring advice.
A compasionate and well informed road-map to making life more positive for the OP.
  #4  
Old 10-06-2011, 11:16
beejee beejee is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Swim dosent think that marijuana use ruined your brain, from reading your post, it just sounds like you obviously didn't want to smoke weed, and definitely did not enjoy smoking it, despite this, you consistently smoked it for a fair few years - dunno bout you, but this dosent sound fun to me, tbh it sounds like your just resent yourself for wasting a few years of your life doing something that made you unhappy.

swiy is also linking a time before you started smoking weed, with being more intellect, motivated, etc. when it actual fact, your life was probably easier, 0 responsibilities, lived with your parents, etc.

swiy just needs to stop exploring thoughts involving marujuna ruining your brain, cos this is just a negative placebo, and the more feed your brain with these thoughts, the worse its gonna get. Easiest best way is to distract yourself, exercise, sex, hobby etc
  #5  
Old 10-06-2011, 18:35
Jon2thejon Jon2thejon is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Swim thinks marijuana is not the culprit in swiy's lack of physical/mental energy; like other's have noticed, swiy is describing depression. Swim highly doubts that swiy's marijuana use effected their brain so drastically. Seeing a doctor would be the best decision on diagnosing your symptoms.
  #6  
Old 10-06-2011, 23:17
Hardy Bucks Hardy Bucks is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Swim is living proof that marijuana can lead to mental illness, in swims case; drug induced psychosis, depression and risky and impulsive behaviour. Swim is 23 on 13 tablets a day:

Quetiapine: 800mg
Thiamine: 300mg
Diazepam: 20mg
Nitrazepam: 5mg
Mirtazapine: 45mg

That is serious medication for a young man. Swim thinks swiy should see a psychiatrist. Marijuana is a serious cause of mental illness amongst people who start it young while their brain has not fully developed. Think about going to a psychiatrist and maybe swiy will get a script and feel better. So many people under estimate the damage cannabis can do to the mind; swim has been in and out of psychiatric wards for years. Trust swim it will mess up the mind, be sure to pass this on, it will mess up the mind maybe in 5 years maybe in 10 who can know for sure but eventually it will grab you by the throat and not let go.

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Excellent candid post - good point about the dangers of toking while still very young
  #7  
Old 10-06-2011, 23:32
missparkles missparkles is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardy Bucks View Post
Swim is living proof that marijuana can lead to mental illness, in swims case; drug induced psychosis, depression and risky and impulsive behaviour. Swim is 23 on 13 tablets a day:

Quetiapine: 800mg
Thiamine: 300mg
Diazepam: 20mg
Nitrazepam: 5mg
Mirtazapine: 45mg

That is serious medication for a young man. Swim thinks swiy should see a psychiatrist. Marijuana is a serious cause of mental illness amongst people who start it young while their brain has not fully developed. Think about going to a psychiatrist and maybe swiy will get a script and feel better. So many people under estimate the damage cannabis can do to the mind; swim has been in and out of psychiatric wards for years. Trust swim it will mess up the mind, be sure to pass this on, it will mess up the mind maybe in 5 years maybe in 10 who can know for sure but eventually it will grab you by the throat and not let go.
I agree with Hardy in as much as someone with a mental illness will find the problems they can encounter from continual, heavy use, will exacerbate these mental health problems. This can also lead to a person needing to self medicate (due to the increased mental health issues) with much stronger drugs, as Hardy also knows?

Sparkles.
  #8  
Old 10-06-2011, 23:38
visual paradox visual paradox is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardy Bucks View Post
Swim is living proof that marijuana can lead to mental illness, in swims case; drug induced psychosis, depression and risky and impulsive behaviour. Swim is 23 on 13 tablets a day:

Quetiapine: 800mg
Thiamine: 300mg
Diazepam: 20mg
Nitrazepam: 5mg
Mirtazapine: 45mg

That is serious medication for a young man. Swim thinks swiy should see a psychiatrist. Marijuana is a serious cause of mental illness amongst people who start it young while their brain has not fully developed. Think about going to a psychiatrist and maybe swiy will get a script and feel better. So many people under estimate the damage cannabis can do to the mind; swim has been in and out of psychiatric wards for years. Trust swim it will mess up the mind, be sure to pass this on, it will mess up the mind maybe in 5 years maybe in 10 who can know for sure but eventually it will grab you by the throat and not let go.
Just interested in the reasons behind what happened to you... do you have a story of how it has affected you? I'd be really happy to read it. Sometimes I feel as though I've changed as a result of it - but I dunno.
  #9  
Old 11-06-2011, 02:19
fiveleggedrat fiveleggedrat is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnelton View Post
I smoked marijuana from 15 - 19. I am now 23. At 15 and 16 I could probably count the number of times on my hands that I smoked. I wasn't even inhaling the stuff properly. I began to smoke more frequently at 17, and by 18 and 19 I smoked what I consider to be quite a bit of weed. It was nothing in comparison to my friends, but to me it was a lot. 2-3 days a week, multiple blunts a day for a good year long stretch at 18 and 19. Prior to that it would still probably be almost every weekend just not as much. Again out of my group of friends I probably did it the least. I also was affected the worst.

I would see people that smoke and could play sports, or do something active after. I could barely even function. I would be passing out all the time, usually could not get my thoughts out in words coherently..something would happen and 5 seconds later I would forget what everyone was just talking about. Before weed I had a photographic memory that I was known for. Weed completely destroyed that.

The main problem is how I feel on a day to day basis. At like 17 I remember I could feel a difference in myself, like I was getting lazier and started lacking desire to do things I would normally get off my ass and do no problem. This is when I was just starting to smoke more frequently, but not even that much, and not nearly as much as I did quantity wise at 18 and 19. In last couple years of my marijuana tenure I noticed this more. I never had energy. I was always extremely lazy, I always just needed to sit down and relax. I never had motivation anymore. I lacked desire to do anything at all. Whenever I did do something I would get tired out fast. When I was 14 and 15 I was always alert and active, I always wanted to do something and I was never tired all the time. Probably most importantly, I felt considerably slower and noticeably less intelligent and articulate. When forming sentences whether writing or speaking, words would always get mixed around in order.

A lot of things felt like they were on the tip of my tongue and I couldn't think clearly and smoothly. I felt like I had a much harder time processing information and learning about things. My ability to take in whatever it was I was trying to read or learn had diminished. I wasn't able to soak up knowledge the same way I was in the past. It's sad because when I was younger like from 13-15 I always felt pretty intelligent and advanced for my age. And it's like when I began to smoke more all intellectual progress I was making stopped, and if anything I went backwards. I also felt like my motor skills had diminished as well.

I quit at 19 years old hoping that my brain and body would reset. Well I'm 23 now and it hasn't. I still feel the negative affects from marijuana and don't feel like I have returned to my normal self pre marijuana use. I feel like my life is ruined. My abilities to complete tasks are just so inferior to the average persons. I have no work capacity and never have physical or mental energy. I really regret smoking marijuana, and I want to know if there's anything...anything I can possibly do to restore myself near how I used to be.
Interesting. For Swim, those negatives went away. Eventually, he learned to function and do everything on weed. Even his memory came back on the weed still after years of Swim abusing it. It's like his brain, after about 2-3 years of abuse, said fuck this, and started to get around it.

Swim is happy to say his memory is back to near normal levels while being at an all time cannabinoid consumption high, no pun intended. It's like the years of abuse made Swim's brain adapt and move forward. Swim used to be lazy and burned out for the first few years of smoking.

Swim is actually the opposite: he used to be severely lazy BEFORE cannabis. He could never be bothered to do anything. Yeah his memory suffers a teeny bit from use still, but largely resumed normality. After weed, he felt motivated to do anything, a strong desire to do anything creative or active, and that to be lazy was a waste. Swim still mixes words up all the time, usually the first and last letters of different words verbally, he will mix two words into one sometimes, and similar since the drugs. Swim is almost certain his language issues are related to the cannabis. It is also harder to debate others at the same mental place swim used to be able to.

It's strange, cannabis is the only thing Swim can rely on to mentally calm him, like he is ADHD.

OP, I understand how you feel. It is strange that usage effects would persist so long. I have to ask, what was the weed smoked out of in the youth years? I notice, no negatives intended, many younger smokers oftentimes smoke out of plastic or unsafe metals because they can't get pipes. Hecka brain problems from that. Not to mention butane fuel inhalation. Just doing some process of elimination.

OP, don't give up hope things wont return to normal. You probably need more time, and more brain activity. Are you active in music/art/language/anything creative? An active brain is more likely to turn to normal as well.

Think about it like this, you built a brain shaped around weed usage. Of course its still funny when the weed is gone. The brain takes time to revert. When Swim dont get his smoke, he can't function normally, cant eat, sleep, relax, focus, anything. And it doesnt go away. At least the inability to focus and sit still. It's like the weed made Swim ADHD.

OP, what else has happened in your life that could cause what happened? Any drugs/chemicals/anything you came into contact with elsewhere? Anything else?

Much love, dont give up hope!!!!

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Very informative and sharing post.
  #10  
Old 11-06-2011, 03:11
trdofbeingtrd trdofbeingtrd is nu online
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

To the OP.
There is great news. I understand you have given it some years to recover. However, unless there is a reason unrelated to smoking marijuana, your brain is very capable of creating new brain cells. I have a couple suggestions for you regarding this. I cannot tell you they will work for sure, but it's worth a shot. I have empathy for you and just want you to know there is hope.

The first thing, I am in NO way trying to scare you, chances are not only is this not what's happening, but I suggest ( I am not a doctor) that you get a check up. Let a doctor know what mental and physical problems you are having. There are plenty of non fatal problems people can have that prevent them from learning things and recovering to a great degree. You seem to be way to hard on yourself because I have seen A LOT worse posts put together that made 0 sense and your post made complete sense. Going to a doctor can help out for a couple reasons. A: If you had a problem of some kind, considering you did not mention bad physical health, the problem can be addressed. B: If there is NOTHING wrong with you physically, then you will KNOW that you can get back almost completely to where you were. C: It's always good to catch basically anything as soon as you can because it's a greater chance to be fixed. As I said, not only am I not a doctor, but this is not said to scare or insult you. A visit to the doctors can help in a lot of ways.

The second suggestion is to start finding and actively doing thought exercises. You can find memory apps/games online that really do work. I have a terrible memory, but these helped me out......what was I saying........just kidding. Also, reading about safe things to take/eat/drink that will help your mind will get you on the start to scientifically put your mind back to where you want it. Eating/drinking/taking the right things make a world of difference. There are games that help you with hand eye coordination (I don't mean like any video game), for instance, you can download a free typing tutor program. Typing helps the brain work both the right and left side of the brain while building hand eye coordination skills and even memory. Another thing that will be helpful and fun, is to let your artistic side out. While I would suggest painting or drawing and or sculpting for starting your artistic projects, poetry, song lyrics, and writing can help you train your brain while letting your mind open up. Last, and it's the least fun in ways, is go back to the basics with learning. Start out at whatever is doable for you regarding math, science, history, and reading, then keep moving up.

Your brain did burn off cells when you smoked the marijuana, but there is no reason that you cannot get new one's that will get you back to where you want to be. If you want, private message me and I can put together a plan. I help people who are adults to read. I also have tutored in different subjects. When I went to college and where I worked, I found a few people who never learned certain things.

Oh, and if you get negative advice from anyone here, just ignore it. You are just as important as they are and no one here is better than you. Don't let people bring you down, you don't deserve to be brought down. You made a simple mistake and not only do you own up to it, you had the strength to quit it all by yourself. Not to many people can do that. So, put your head up, smile, and remember that if you want to take me up on it, I can try help you get back to where you want to be.

Thank you for posting, sharing, and wanting more for yourself.

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very thoughtfull post.

Last edited by trdofbeingtrd; 11-06-2011 at 22:15. Reason: Made easier to read.
  #11  
Old 11-06-2011, 03:13
Crazy Insane Sanity Gold member Crazy Insane Sanity is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Alright...I only have one hand right now, so I'll make this short and sweet.

Your symptoms sound a lot like depression. Keep in mind that depression doesn't necessarily mean that you feel sad all the time...that's just one symptom, and it doesn't always manifest for everyone. Feeling bogged down, mentally slow, lacking motivation, and psychomotor retardation are all symptoms too.

It's possible that this was brought out by the weed, or maybe even caused by it, since your brain was still undergoing major development (not sure if the latter is possible, but it's worth noting). It is also entirely possible that the development of these symptoms is completely unrelated to the cannabis use, and just happened in correlation by chance...this is not unlikely considering the age at which you were using.

No matter which scenario is correct, the course of action is the same...talk with a doctor. Cognitive behavioral therapy would probably be the best place to start. If this does not work, then pharmacotherapy would likely be the next best step. The cannabis may or may not be the culprit here, but one thing is for certain...you need to speak with a professional.

Anyway, don't let yourself focus on such negative thoughts. That will only exacerbate the symptoms you are feeling. Make yourself think positively, force yourself to be active, and exercise the brain. The brain is highly adaptable, and capable of repairing itself, sometimes even in the event of physical damage, but you have to make the effort. It's not going to be easy, but I have faith in you. Don't loose hope.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us updated.

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Great advice.

Last edited by Crazy Insane Sanity; 11-06-2011 at 18:00.
  #12  
Old 11-06-2011, 04:53
John895 John895 is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

It seems that going to a psychologist would help SWIY out, but swim isn't sure if getting a script to other drugs is the answer.
  #13  
Old 11-06-2011, 17:36
Hardy Bucks Hardy Bucks is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by visual paradox View Post
Just interested in the reasons behind what happened to you... do you have a story of how it has affected you? I'd be really happy to read it. Sometimes I feel as though I've changed as a result of it - but I dunno.
Swim first started with alcohol at around 13, followed by nicotine and then cannabis, by the time swim was 15 he was a daily smoker of cannabis and started to take MDMA pills each weekend. At this time swim had no job and money was tight so swim needed a cheap fix so he began to abuse gas and glue. All the while swim was still on top of his school work and was very clever. Around this time he started a band as swim was and is an avid singer songwriter guitarist. Swim and his friends began smoking between classes in toilets and at lunch breaks. Soon swim got into the daily habit of waking up getting high going to school via train, getting high at the station, getting high before class, getting high at break, getting high at lunch break, getting high after school at the train station and getting high at home.

When swim was 16 one day in school people remarked that the whites of his eyes were yellow and his skin began to turn yellow, swims mother is a nurse, and knew straight away that swim was jaundiced so swim was sent to hospital where swim continued to get worse, he could not eat, he was very thin and every day the doctors said it was getting worse and swims liver was hanging by a thread. Swim told the doctors about his MDMA, glue and gas usage. The doctors could not find any infection so presumed it happened as a result of sniffing cheap glue. Swim has not done gas or glue since and never will. Swim was given the last rights by a priest, at the time swim was listening to the The Holy Bible album by the Manic Street Preachers, swim believes the last rights given by the priest and the darkness of The Holy Bible album had a positive effect on swim for swim began to shake and vomit violently he could feel all the shit leave his body. The next day the doctor said we can not believe it but your liver is on the mend. Eventually swim recovered and did not take any drugs apart from alcohol with friends on some weekends, however swim continued to smoke cannabis daily.

Swim passed his GCSE'S with AAABBBBCCC grades and sat every exam stoned. Swim went on to pass his A Level exams in mathematics, physics and biology and was rewarded an ABB respectively again swim was stoned whilst sitting the exams and he always revised while stoned. Swims parents eventually found out and went a bit crazy but no matter what they did he continued to get stoned untill his parents had to sort of came to terms with their son having an addiction to cannabis. As a result of cannabis swim was never there for his younger sister which makes swim guilty and sad to this day, swim was breaking the family apart but did not notice and did not care all that swim was concerned with was his next fix of cannabis.

Swim got accepted to study aerospace engineering at the University of Liverpool and left for England. During his time in England swim was smoking alot of strong grass instead of his usual hash, swim was also introduced to MDMA pills again and cocaine. Swim made some amazing friends who will be friends for life. Despite his partying swim was getting good marks he was getting over 70% average on his exams which meant he was paid 1500 pounds a year on top of his loans from the faculty for being a top student. In retrospect swim probably studied alot to get the 1500 pounds to be on easy street and get more drugs. Swim kept his drug usage under control for two years. During swims third and final year he was drinking daily, he was smoking cannabis all the time, he became paranoid and reclusive, he no longer went out with students but decided instead to find the roughest looking pub in the worst area in Liverpool and waltz in and have a drink with the locals, lucky for swim he is Irish so there was no trouble with the locals, if he had have been from anywhere below Coventry he would have been considered a southerner in England and would have got a right beating.

Swim enjoyed drinking with the hard men and going to Everton, swims team, matches with them, swim wanted to meet the real people in Liverpool instead of going out to phoney student nights. Around this time swims dealer and swim became close as swim was getting him business by being a middle man for him and getting cocaine for other people and as a result swim was given free cocaine on a regular basis. So swim would drink when the pub opened at 11am, by this time he was stoned as he got stoned first thing when he woke up, then he would go to class and then back to the pub for a couple. A couple? Yeah right! Swim could not have a couple he would sit in a dodgy bar all night drinking heavily and listening intently to what these tough men were talking about, one night swim brought his guitar along and we all had a right sing song!

So by now swim was just about holding his studies together and working well on his final year project, the objective being to improve the stability characteristics of the Bell 412 Helicopter in manoeuvring flight. Eventually swim was taking alot of drugs and alcohol and his flat mates stopped talking to him, swim became a recluse and spent time doing coke and drinking with men old enough to be his father. It was around this time that swim noticed he was unable to sleep and he cried alot at night in his room covering his face with a pillow to prevent others from hearing. At this time swim was using strong grass constantly, abusing diazepam, drinking heavy, using cocaine heavy and a bit of ketamine.

After a three week cocaine binge where swim spent 700 pounds he sat at the bar and began to talk to an old man who decided to take swim on a tour of Liverpools best pubs, well swim became very drunk on whiskey and soon turned into a drunken Irish Republican asshole; ya know the kind? Swim was in bad shape and his mate was coming to see him from Manchester via train so swim waited for him to arrive but he never did and his phone was off. Turned out he decided to stay in Manchester instead and go out with some girl which enraged swim. Swim felt so alone and without a second thought asked directions to the docks, when swim arrived he took off his shoes, jacket and put his wallet and phone in his shoes he then climbed the safety rail and jumped into the cold muddy river mersey. When swim hit that water he was instantly sober and every molecule in his body was telling him to live; swim managed to make it to a ladder. Next thing swim remembers is being naked in an ambulance wrapped in tin foil.

This is when people knew swim had mental health issues and he went back home to Belfast where he was prescribed fluoxetine, which never worked by the way, and he went back to Liverpool and passed his finals, swim is generally good at mathematics and has a passion for aircraft, and was rewarded a BEng 2,1 in Aerospace Engineering. When swim returned to Belfast he still was not quite right.

Swims best pal and drinking buddy Peter sent swim a blank message on thursday night and swim thought it must have been a mistake and left it at that. The next day swim found out his friend had jumped from the railway bridge to the viaduct below and was dead. He left his shoes next to the train tracks. At the time Peter told swim he was addicted to GHB and that he was taking it for three months and could no longer sleep without it; swim can't help but wonder was GHB a mitigating factor. After this happened, swims best friend and drinking buddy was dead, swims head really went; he went to the funeral and peered into the open coffin where the lower half of his friends body was covered up with cloth but it was obvious to the eye that his legs were bent, twisted and mangled.

After the death swim again became a recluse and began to drink daily and smoke cannabis daily. Thoughts of suicide were constant. He began to shake at times and have racing disturbing thoughts that were not his own and the doctor could not work out what the problem was, he tried a detox from alcohol and after a course of chlordiazepoxide, which did not work because alcohol was not the issue, he prescribed me quetiapine and sent me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist knew swim was very unwell, he was continually self harming, he was thinking of murdering girls walking their dogs along forest paths, I had delusions of grandeur and it was as if I was taken over by a demonic force. Swim was put in hospital but discharged himself after a week against medical advice.

Then swim was being seen daily by the crisis response team who pleaded with swim not to smoke cannabis anymore as swim was smoking and drinking as hard as ever. Swim did not listen. Soon swim was on a cocktail of medication but continued drinking and smoking cannabis. It got to the point where swim was destroying his family and was asked to leave the house; he now lives in a therapeutic community for people with mental health problems.

Once swim moved into the therapeutic community his drinking was still an issue but his cannabis usage had reduced dramatically, after two months at the therapeutic community he became suicidal due to racing thoughts that were not his own, he was continually thinking of how to kill himself, crisis team were back and this time swim was forced into a psychiatric ward and was ward bound. Swim was on special observation for 4 weeks and was put on 800mg quetiapine, mirtazapine 45mg, 20mg diazepam, 5mg nitrazepam, 300mg thiamine and lorazepam when agitated.

Whilst in hospital swims room mate hung himself in our bathroom, swims father and a nurse found him, this drove swim crazy and he started to wreck the ward as this was the second suicide he had to go through; he was quickly sedated. There was also a patient who was extremely paranoid and mentally sick he was filling swims head full of shit when swim had enough to deal with, he was telling swim not to take the medication and that there were microchips in his brain. He was very unpredictable and swim feared he would turn to violence to the point where swim actually told the staff that this guy is too fucked up to be on this ward and has to be in lock up for he is a threat, they did not listen and on that very night the patient stabbed the nurse who was on special observation with the patient and he then went on a stabbing rampage, of course the nurses locked themselves in the nurses station leaving us patients to defend ourselves!

It was very scary to see someone lose it this bad. The patient almost killed a nurse, the nurse barely made it, he also stabbed other nurses and was out of his mind bouncing on the desk spitting out other peoples blood. Swim and other patients, luckily next door to swim there was a big guy, we broke legs off chairs and formed a baricade with furniture and armed ourselves with wooden chair legs. Next thing police bust in from both exits and wrestled the attacker to the ground whilst taking away his knives; turned out he had kitchen knives duct taped to his thigh.

So a pile of shit happened to swim in a short time, swim was eventually discharged after 3 months and was on a cocktail of major tranquilisers. Swim goes to AA, now and again, and is in control of his drinking, he never has more than 4 bottles a night when with friends then he goes home. Swim has not been drunk in over 9 months. Swims medication is working and swims symptoms are gone due to the high dosage of quetiapine. Occasionally swim will not take his meds during the weekend as he hates feeling like a zombie as his medication hinders swims passion for playing music so he will take some uppers at times and spend all his time working on his passion, music, yes swim is a singer song writer guitarist who has just finished the final mix of his demo, Racing Blue and he is played on radio in Northern Ireland now and again, he has a gig in 5 days and a big gig provided to him via a gig promotion agency in Belfast on the 28th July in a top venue so there will be posters with swims name on it around the town!

Swim admits addiction is still an issue but his mental health is the best it has been, despite swim using uppers during weekends over the last four months, in many years. Swim is happy. Swim has goals. Swim is creative. Its true swim has done more with his music over the last 4 months when swim has been using uppers over the weekend than in the last two years. Swim has been through alot and he has alot of tools which he picked up along the way. Swim is not out of the woods yet he still has a long way to go he just can't function without drugs, drug addict.

Swim has given his professionally printed demo discs with artist details and track names to Loudon Wainwright III, Brian Kennedy and Van Morrison. Next plan for swim is to go to a coastal resort in spain during august with a fellow musician with just a back pack of clothes, swims meds, his guitar and a few hundred euro!

Swim and his sister are now very close. Swim and his family are strong.

So there it is, swims story, hopefully through reading it fellow DF users will know swim a little better....

Swim has a myspace account where swims songs are available but he recently joined soundcloud and prefers it. My demo (The Final Mix), Racing Blue, is free to listen and download at:

www.soundcloud.com/gowainmckenna/sets

Swim plays acoustic guitar, piano, electric lead guitar and bass.
Swim writes all the music and songs himself and his music is protected.

Kind Regards

Hardy

x

Post Quality Evaluations:
common man, you've been here long enough to know to put line breaks in your posts
Could SWIY please make break this into paragraphs....It looks like alot of good information, but not worth reading in the current state
Hardy, I think I'm the third person to ask that you come back and edit the post? I gave up a few sentences down, but am sure there's wisdom along the way.
Story still untold as is unreadable. Lot of effort for nothing
Thanks for cleaning up this otherwise well thought of post.

Last edited by Hardy Bucks; 12-06-2011 at 06:17.
  #14  
Old 11-06-2011, 19:10
shockabargegnar shockabargegnar is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

yes weed changes how you think...that's the point. But honestly i don't see how marijuana use could give you lingering psychological effects. I think you just have other things to deal with, and you're trying to find a reason so you picked pot. Shit, I could attribute all my inadequacies to my heavy drug abuse. My dog was a polydrug addict for years, I could blame depression on ecstasy, i could say i'm crazy from all the acid and mescaline, i could say i feel agitated and angry from opiods, coke, and amphet. But really....you could just appreciate your past experiences and not look for excuses but rather a solution. No one is ever how they used to be, that' just nostalgia, you change every two minutes based on your life experiences and thoughts...if you don't like what you are now, become something new.

Post Quality Evaluations:
Excellent point
Tough, but honest feedback. No insults but point got across.
  #15  
Old 12-06-2011, 03:39
SomniphileXII SomniphileXII is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

SWIM is yet another person that feels that the use of specifically psychedelic drugs. SWIM's psychological doctor spoke to him about his agoraphobia, anxiety and other psychological issues and agreed that the smoking of Cannabis is a likely component it the cause of his problems.
SWIM used to smoke Cannabis literally nearly all day and every day from age 13 to 17 (not the best of choices in his life). With the combination of that and puberty, this has most definitely contributed greatly to his issues.

SWIM now must take a decent amount of medication to deal with anxieties and insomnia mostly. SWIM must take 2-3mg of Lorazepam often and takes almost 30mg a week for agoraphobia/anxiety and insomnia and SWIM actually must grow Opium for these symptoms also because the Lorazepam is highly addictive. So in general due to the use of (my doctor's words so don't call me on this) Cannabis, LSD, Mescaline, Psilocybin, DMT, DXM, Salvia and a wide variety of psychedelic drugs, SWIM has to schedule the use of physically addictive drugs as to not get withdrawals. SWIM also had been addicted to Dimenhydrinate believe it or not.
So all in all, Cannabis could have contributed to your symptoms.
I'd say to find what drugs help you out (through the guidance of a doctor) and change the way your life works to change your perspective positively.
Hope my advice helps a bit, that is if others' haven't helped already. =]
  #16  
Old 12-06-2011, 06:11
Hardy Bucks Hardy Bucks is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Swim wishes to apologise for his last post. Swim went on a ramble and foolishly forgot to add in paragraphs. Sorry guys. Swim hopes people will read his story now that he has rectified the situation.

hardy
  #17  
Old 12-06-2011, 13:14
snapper Gold member snapper is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

The lab ferrets think that Jonelton is primarily depressed. Cannabis can not only exacerbate mental problems (which is why many people use substances - to compensate for them) but from recent studies, trigger them. Cannabis can also radically alter one's perspective on life which can further add to depression. Cannabis simply does not have a track record of causing the symptoms Jonelton listed unless they are of psychiatric origin. Nothing wrong with that unless it is ignored and not dealt with...
  #18  
Old 12-06-2011, 19:29
trdofbeingtrd trdofbeingtrd is nu online
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

If the OP would like to take me up on the offer, please private message me. I will most likely be in the local libraries volunteer program that teaches adults to read. I understand you know how to read, but there are things that deal with exercising the mind that go along with this. Certain skills that go along with teach adults to read can go along with "reprogramming" the mind.
  #19  
Old 12-06-2011, 21:17
MyIQis2048 MyIQis2048 is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

I know of many similar examples, over a decade of addiction, ending in no addictions whatsoever. Just keep in mind that struggle and tough times tend to pay off later
  #20  
Old 13-06-2011, 03:54
DivergeUnify DivergeUnify is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

those effects described swim . he started at 17, but nearly quit by 19 and didn't smoke anywhere near the amount described.

pretty much normal now
  #21  
Old 25-06-2011, 07:42
heroinkills heroinkills is offline
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Re: I think past Marijuana use ruined my Brain... and my Life.

Drugs are subjective for individuals but have a common pattern.

Swims reminded of his past drug use but it was way more extreme.

addicted: Hashish daily for 4 years.

Then numerous other drugs:
occasionally: Xtc, coke,
Extended use: alcohol, Xanax, Valium, lexotanil, opium
|Presently: Meth (4 months) - swims going back to his country soon so no meth there. safe.

and then finally broke the back, by using heroin and getting addicted for 3+ years.

swim agrees with the OP. Smoking hashish was more 'destructive' on swims mind then HEROIN!

Swim remembers a time when , the hashish would make him go crazy (psychosis?) he would totally disassociate from reality and felt 'awkward' , strange delusions , with the
-no motivation
-depression
-laziness
-addiction/craving
-increased drug use
-impulsive,irrational behavior
-Slow, couldn't organize thoughts

Hmm swim quit everything and everyone after he got addicted to heroin, so that's not the cure or anything, but heroin made him think less of other drugs and give less importance to 'other' drugs and himself.

Swim is 24 now and started out around 18.
currently the new rage or drug of abuse is 'meth' and that has evened the balance of glorifying heroin, its hard to explain.

Swim smokes the occasional joint when his friends have it or if swim is around it, but swim would not spend money for weed/hash - he would rather buy ice!.
But swim still feels he lost a part of himself and never fully got it back, its still way better than before though, Swim guesses weed, hash has that effect on people with mental illnesses, it makes it more pronounced.

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