Can you stop using cocaine when you said you would?

[KomodoMK]

SWIM usually wants to stop fairly early if he has work the next day, however, if SWIM is having a great time with friends, it rarely stops when it should.

[Idioteque]

SWIM manages to keep his cocaine habit to weekends and no more than 2 times a month. SWIM does have a problem when he tries to quit for longer than 2 weeks ( a month for example). SWIM can be fine for 13 days, productive at work and having a great social life, but he finds that more often than not, a switch will get hit in his brain and after two weeks he will suddenly, out of the blue become obsessed with the drug and have to get some. SWIM hates it when this switch gets hit.

[candyy]

Swim has been off and on for a while now. swim used to buy grams at a time, do it all in a few hours and then feind like a maniac. Swim was pretty much broke all the time. recently she quit for almost a month. once she quit it was fine not having it, even relieving, and she had money again! but then she got her paycheck and the dope man just happened to call.. lately swim has been much better at not doing too much, just buying large amounts less often.. the more she gets the cheaper it is, and that way she can just have alot of fun for a while and then save up for later.
still, it can be hard to stop..

[dcrn]

swim wanted to quit blow first few times and relapsed and this time he quit for good. Fuck coke. Evil drug. SWIM controls COKE, not the other way around.

[Divalici0us]

Yes, if im tired or its boring than i quit and go te bed

[MiMoMo]

"It's Not a Crime to Change Your Mind"

SWIM remembers these lyrics in a song and applies them to when 'last call' for cocaine is announced. For SWIM, there was never a closing time, regardless. No matter what preconceived boundaries were set, rabid readjustment of mental stops and recalculation of obligations were the norm. Only the accursed/blessed combined exhaustion of both supply and endurance ever called a bewildering timeout in this insane game. The very last, last line of the evening, of course, turns into the first line of the new day, and so on.

Despite vowing to make it an early evening one night, SWIM then ran for 4days/nights straight, recalculating right up to the last minute, how long it would take to go shop for gifts, get home, pack and be back in town to board an international flight that same morning. Left SWIM less than 2 tiny hours and just freaking barely made it.

SWIM would regularly run a week at a time when managing the stripclub, literally living in the club 24/7, alone during the day behind locked doors, cleaning, repairing, stage decorating, arranging music sets, planning and constantly thinking on how best to present the show. And of course, come evening the gig was lit and the show must go on, customers to greet, money to watch and finnicky felines to attend to. Come Sunday morning, only the prodding of SWIM's DJ would finally convince a still reluctant SWIM to go home on his day off.

SWIM voluntarily quit the club to stop the madness, thinking that farm duties would regulate more sanity. Weather forecasts predicted a particularly hot and dry week that summer, perfect for baling some big fields of hay. SWIM promised himself to consume in an orderly and disciplined manner, realizing the physical demands required to pull off this massive undertaking of bringing in a field a day. Nevertheless, SWIM ran it around the clock again, culminating in Friday being the hottest day of the year, with the biggest field still to do. Now, SWIM had been up for 4 days and nights straight again, working each and every day, while chopping each and all night. Temperature over a hundred degrees(F) on Friday, SWIM's fifth day awake, frantically bumping between hay loads so as not to pass out from total collapse, but careful not to rail too hard and boil his brain! Unfreaking unbelievable. Even I was astounded at SWIM's rage.

As far as this 'stopping when you said you would' stuff goes, SWIM learned to never say when he would stop anymore, so as not to be a liar.

[spores101]

SWIM was able to stop after enough was enough. sometimes you get to a point in your life where you absolutely know that if you keep putting these things into your body then it will ruin your life. He has been clean from Coke for over 6 months now. Good luck.

[epote]

yeah...thats prety much how cocaine works...its self inhibiting for those that do not have self destructive tendancies, swim was reading a study (has posted it here some time before) of a 10year follow through of cocaine users, out of 80 only 14 kept using in a "addictive" kind of manner cocaine, (out of 14 most where freebase and/or iv users)

[tigerdude]

Yes and no. Swims way of getting his (or her) stuff is to drive about 30 miles to the country which is really far out in terms of the layout of roads around here (the drive is around 45 minutes). It kind of worked out that way because swim's friend moved out into the rural backroads and got a job along an interstate and her co-workers knew dealers in the area that were not in my direction. Swim's and his (or her) friend hung out on weekends and powdered it up! After a couple of months, swim began to notice a tolerance that was increasing very evidently; but the tolerance was not the only thing increasing -- so was the (ab)use. Pretty soon, swim thought it would be alright to do it at school every now and then. But then swim graduated from high school and moved to another city far far away from his (or her friend -- the one who got it from the dealer because swim was too nervous to talk directly to the dealer). So when swim moved to another city, he was in a completely different environment. So to sum this part of my story about swim up: Swim moved to another city after gaining a tolerance to powder, and using it more often, which also means a completely different environment.
Alright, so swim is at this new city and knows NO ONE, but he soon gets friends (some do drugs, some don't and only met one potential powder partner). Swim has had the intentions of quitting the "medication" (he he..) since the spring when he became more acclamated to the feeling and use, but had little luck due to little will-power. However, this new environment makes swim think he (or she) is going to buckle down and not do it again and get himself used to the idea that it is not good and that he does not want it.
It doesn't work. Swim has to go back to his hometown every now and then (once every one or two weeks), and makes it a point to visit his powder partner. The good news is that when swim is in the other city, swim rarely thinks about the powder.
So in conclusion, it is kind of half and half. But fortunately swim does not go back just for the powder (well once).
Hope this helps you in your quest to (well I'm assuming) stop use. I think the key is being in a different environment and cutting connections with people from the old one, which is practical for just about no one.

[brass1]

That's when realization hit, it was a stupid, pointless, expensive and time wasting "habit". That's all it (crack) was... picked it up a year ago with new boyfriend, he waited till he moved in to fully introduce his habit.
Fun doing it with him, till he got too weird to be around and time was just chugging away with nothing to to show for it. Runner, swimmer, horses & pets dependent, let him divert all that away to be with him and the habit and that became all that was important. After one violent beating too many, got the courage to toss him, he went to prison and continued the habit without boyfriend. Now there was NO reason to keep doin, yet did. Inherited his dealer "friend", the evil temptress who would call and ask "are ya SURE ya don't want tonight, it's really goooood"? Here comes the cave-in. When one found oneself going out, buying, coming back and doing it while parents were staying in the next room at Christmas, something needed to happen. Coming home from the hospital a few months ago, the night he hurt committed his final beating, scoring on the way home (wobbling on crutches as "friend" did the buy). Couldn't even take the night off then. Realized it did nothing anymore, no effect except less $ in bank account. Wasted countless hours and hours just packing, pulling, packing, lighting, etc. Pointless. Stuff being bought was garbage... "Just got to redo it" What is this shit anyway then? What part IS real, sure it weighs, but it's junk! Plaster weighs, it's still plaster. Only kept doing because it was a habit, not a need. Days without, no physical desire, just mental. Only think about "it" when the evil, parasite calls to beg for a buy so she can too. She does not work except spending the day going from score to score by the mooch method. Delete delete delete! Delete temptress number from phone. delete backup people too! If they call to lure, pick a fight, fake bad reception, cops around, etc., hang up, delete incoming # again. A very long drive to cop, or buy supplies, toss supplies to impede this even more. Too much effort to find replacement implements. The best incentive ever...too lazy to support one's habit!

So so many hours wasted just sitting and doing the habit, can't even concentrate on movies, chores, pets, books, laundry. So pathetic. All for something that doesn't even buzz anymore. Hated being cheated so many times, that was THE final thing. Withdrawl from this shit is really zero, not a thing. Sometimes think "huh, going to bed at a normal time and never thought once of "it" till just now. What's that about? Why DID this occupy one for all these months then? Of course temptation will always be there. Watching Intervention on A&E is a wierd source of comfort, not trigger. Not saying it's a simple breeze, but now know it is a fixable problem without expensive rehab and therapy bills. Days go by, realize haven't craved or done. Days are still going by, parasite "friend" got the message! Delete her.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Good post

[Ikku]

Does SWIM have a problem?

He said he wouldn't buy anymore for a few weeks after finishing his last bag...the next day his friend calls him saying he's gonna go pick some up with some buddies and if SWIM wanted any..SWIM was unsure so his friend told him not to get any and SWIM agreed. He gets a call back an hour or two later and one of his friends buddies did half his bag and wants to sell the other half...since SWIM doesn't have to go all the way to the south end of town or deal with any of that shit he just says "i'll take it" without thinking about it too much.

The very fact that SWIM was unsure at first and then could not turn down an offer is frightening...and makes him pretty damn sure he needs to stop before it gets worse.

[KomodoMK]

Ikku,

If you question yourself about whether you have a problem, then you have a problem. I read that quote somewhere, and quite agree with it. It doesn't necessarily mean you have a full blown addiction, but is a good indicator or early warning sign that a problem is about to develop. SWIM would advise you to take it easy and try abstain for a while. But SWIM also knows that there is a huge difference between knowing you should stop and really wanting to stop.

Hope this helps...

[bl0whydr0420]

swim doesn't have enough self control to stop right when he wants, ususally goes on like two or three hours after swim originally wanted to quit, to finally stop.

swim never uses it all in one go because swim usually uses it on his own time, and never buys less then an eightball, and the full eightball is a bit much for one night. haha.