My Friend is Dead- polydrug overdose

I just found out my good friend and long time 'partner in crime' died on Saturday. She died of a drug overdose. I remember driving her to the rehab centre not long ago. She was so wacked out she didn't know where she was. She only stayed a week before checking herself out. She was a kind and generous soul, always giving her friends things she had found and thought they'd like; and always there with a hug and an ear to listen. She was beautiful, inside and out. She was dogged all her life by drugs, but they never took away her basic decency and respect that she showed all people. I loved her. I will miss her so much. I know she is at peace now, free of the pain that filled so much of her life. Now I look at my other friends and wonder - who will be next? Me? We all know that what we're doing is deadly. "If the addict doesn't stop the using, the using will eventually stop the addict." I am too much in shock to think deeply about that right now. Right now I only feel the empty place in my heart. I miss her. I will always love her. She is gone.


My friend's drugs of choice were crystal meth and GHB; but on the night she overdosed she was also apparently doing downers of some kind and probably drinking. Details are sketchy right now, since I wasn't there and the cops won't release any information until her next of kin are informed; so I've heard several versions of what happened from different sources. Knowing her, she was for sure on crystal, probably on GHB, possibly on benzos, and maybe on heroin as well. The only certainty is that whatever she did take proved fatal. Yes it was her own choice. No one forced her to take the drugs. She did it for many reasons, some known and some unknown; but I do know she was a tortured and unhappy person, beset by numerous trials and tribulations in her short life (she was 24). I don't think she meant to die, but I'm not sure she cared much either way. Her rampant drug use was an attempt to escape and feel good for at least a little while. I understand that perfectly - we used together for those reasons. What hurts is that I could see it coming. She grew worse and worse, and I knew she had to either get help or die. She tried to get help, but wasn't able to stick it out in rehab. She just kept losing weight, losing sleep, losing her appetite, and losing hope. You can't live like that, take a bunch of drugs everyday, and survive long. I could see her fading away, her body and spirit both tortured and malnourished. I couldn't save her any more than I've been able to save myself. For those of you either on or contemplating doing crystal, I beg you to reconsider. If you are already using get help fast. I've been through rehab twice now, and it saved my life both times. I still use sometimes, but I use harm reduction techniques to stay relatively healthy and sane until I can quit for good. My friend's death is a wake up call of the worst kind. May the goddess bless her spirit and save all those who suffer from abuse and addiction. This I pray. Blessed be.

[Curious]

That is so tragic. I am sorry for your loss. God Bless.

[hollywood]

I'm very sorry for your lose. I just found out a friend of mine I went to school with died in his bath tub. Just a few months after his wife died of bone cancer. That makes four in two years. It took me 13 times in rehab to get off herion. I only finished the last two, and a long stretch in prison. I don't know which one did it but I'm glad one of them did. Sorry again...............................

[OneDiaDem]

I am so sorry. Addictions sometimes win. Rest friend, rest.

[octomon]

A terribly sad reminder of that line many of us walk everyday. The only good that can come from this tragedy is for those who read this to do something. For ourselves or for somebody else. Let this be the catalyst that creates change. For me, I have read this and it has strengthened my commitment to stay clean [3 months now], so THANK YOU for sharing your loss. For what it's worth, I am dedicating, for myself, this day of sobriety in honor of her.

[white_lighter]

yes thats is a very sad story wich is also the reason why i had to stop and nolonger be able so sell drugs that goes to show you you never know what somone is doin with what you give them

[searcher]

It is sad to see someone you love destroy themselves with drugs.

[manda]

24 is way too young to die.

[Jetset]

So sorry to here about your friend. Hopefully some people may read your post and back off their heavy use.


I know I was on a path of distruction until I moved. It woke me up changing jobs and leaving the area we lived in. Then our new beautiful baby came along and our going out to party came to an aburpt halt. We now take things very easy and have only played with X once since our newborn came along. We have decided to keep our fun time to just special occasions. A big change from the 2 to 4 times a month before.
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[josephine]

My heart goes out to you.

[candlesinadaze]

Thanks for sharing that. I guess it hit me pretty hard cause the combo of drugs she was useing is frighteningly close to the ones swim is useing. maybe this is my wake up call. i don't know anymore sometimes it feels like i don't even control my own actions anymore like im some sort of puppet.

Reputation Comments on this post:

Well done for SWIMming (although an alternative would be better), but please take note of post dates - this thread is ov...

[guntroll]

This makes most of me want to stick to sobriety longer and, as outrageous as this sounds, it makes part of me want to get shitfaced and go do something stupid/ fun.

If she OD'd, downers were almost definately involved. Anything from alcohol to GHB to heroin. People tend to die on downers more often then uppers, this is because it's harder to over stimilate your body then to cause it to stop working.

My concerns go out to the ones who knew her. As they say in AA, "we all get our last drink sometime"

Reputation Comments on this post:

Flippant attiude in last line although you probably meant well, the AA cliche kind of disrespecting for dead friend. New...

[Dickon]

The OP was a guest in 2003. I think we can safely assume they are no longer here. Thread closed.