15 months clean from methamphetamine addiction but close to relapse

[likeclockwork]

SWIM is a crystal meth addict in recovery for 15 months. today she thinks she is ready to just let it all go. it is too much work saying no every day. please someone tell SWIM it gets better. it is a big weight on her shoulders. SWIM cannot let go of crystal meth even though she has not had any for so long. She is fatigued in every sense trying to ward off this addiciton. please help!

[Alfa]

It will get better for sure, but you need to hold on for some time. What kind of help do you have from others or recovery therapists?

[likeclockwork]

Alfa,

thank you for your reply. it is just that! holding on! SWIM cannot hold on and keep her composure. She would suppose that losing her composure for a bit is better than going back to shooting dope. but she has been holding on for 15 months (in 2 days itll be 15). Her family is VERY supportive and are happy to have her back from the dead so to speak. happy she doesn't spend every penny on a sack. happy she comes home every day instead of every week or two. She was about to get back into therapy when she got pneumonia and it has really knocked her off her feet. She was into NA for awhile, but she is very young compared to the others there and she fears her safety when going to hers car alone at night. once she gets back on his feet, she plans on buying some pepper spray and getting back to a meeting or two a week. and hopefully will get into therapy again. thank you very much for taking the time to reply. SWIM feels like she is going to melt or something. She would like to get a recovery therapist, that sounds like just the remedy!

thank you alfa! it meant a lot that you replied. just getting back on her feet from living on the streets and the phys and mental damage crystal has done to her... on top of full time work and trying to get back into some sort of life just wrecks her. but your caring reply meant a lot! thank you!

likeclockwork

[likeclockwork]

ok, i think SWIM is back on track. but it feels so hopeless sometimes! there is no room for drugs in her life anymore, dammit. She has accepted that, and now it is just the neverending battle to stay clean "just for today"... damn that phrase. She is really getting excited about her 15 months now! 15 months ago she was a shell of a girl, and now she is a woman! 50 pounds heavier at that! but it is all worth it. that is for sure. will post more tomorrow!

[str8ballin]

You're a stronger person than SWIM I can tell ya that. Staying clean for 15 months sounds like hell. SWIM's prob is with the cola though. He is lucky if he can stay clean for one day! Good luck with your recovery and always remember you're not fighting it alone.NA is the way.

BTW how old of a girl are you and where are you from?

[likeclockwork]

hi str8! even though the phrase sickens swim, she did it one day at a time. there was a time back when she was 16-18 when she could not go one day without crystal, the crash just really sucked and she had other reasons. you know. She is an addict, haha. now, she is 20, got clean few months before 19.started using at 14. you know, women's detention centers suck! and so does being a psychotic tweaker! lol... she never liked coke much, but can only imagine... drugs in any form really piss her off now. they have changed her life... she is only 20 and will have this burden on her for the rest of her days?! better clean than spun though, right? oh yah, im from cali. where are you from? i will keep you in my prayers. hang in there! i think us addicts need eachother or we will forget why we want to stay clean!

best wishes,

likeclockwork

[str8ballin]

A friend of mine just moved down to Texas last year and now she is in rehab for meth.I think I'd be the same way if I lived somewhere down south like yourself.But up here in Michigan,luckily it isnt readily available.Lots of coke though.I'm also 20,just going back to college now.SWIM wasted 2 years and failed college all because he'd rather do coke than go to class.Hopefully he can make it work this time.

[pepe]

SWIM is 31, been using since 13 as well so the problem is'nt the drugs persay but the "habitual cycle" of using.Its all ritualistic non sense that needs to be replaced with som'n more "so called" positive such as ...uh.. well you know whatever it is you think you like doing, I know I know it's so easy to say.Are you seeing counselors or what? I have to yo! Otherwise, what-evs' I'd be drifting around in my head with no outlet...try it you can get support if you just look and interface with professional services. I mean c'mon are we not men (women)?What is it that you're missing in your life that drugs are replacing, is it simply the ritual of it all or the "friendships" within the scene, have you done all that work within yourself, be more elaborate will you. What damn year is it anyway?

[likeclockwork]

str8,

SWIM failed a semester of college and hs too because of the using. she went back last sememster and has done well since. just took her awhile! i hope you can do it too str8! dont feel bad if you slip, just pick yourself back up and dust off. you can make it! if swim can, so can you!

likeclockwork