More suicidal thoughts than usual...

[D.U.M.B]

Hey,
First off let me explain, I'm not suicidal at this the moment of typing this or am I generally let me explain...

I am not going to type up a long sad sob story of my life, but I have had a lot of things that have happened and effected me incl. the death of my mother and sister in the space of five years. But there is a lot more to it, but thats a story for a different day.

I am quite comfortable with my depression, I don't need any pills etc. But obviously there's those times where it all gets a little too much and I am a bit scared as more often then not lately anytime I feel a bit more down then usual, I get suicidal thoughts.

I can't really explain this, I don't want to die or anything. There's a lot to do etc.

Is there any explanation for why my thoughts lately my lead me to thinking about suicide?.

And before you ask about what drugs etc. I take. I smoke pot daily but take breaks ever so often. Haven't had anything else in the past 8 months. Acid once maybe. I know it might seem like I need to stop smoking but I don't see my smoking a problem with regards to my depression. It generally helps alot.

Anyway, a lot of waffling on there, but I dunno what I need in the sense of replies, tips? advice etc. I feel better having just typed this up

[Solidly-here]

Thoughts come and go. Phases come and go.


I have different times in my life. I have different things I think about at different times. I have phases in my life (where one type of thought-pattern is prevalent).


In my early years, I had times (which lasted a month, 2 months, whatever) where I thought much More about Suicide than the rest of the time.


In my recent years (and thanks, in part,to Drugs, and soul-searching), I have times when I see Life as a Fun and exciting place to be. Just a few weeks ago, I hit one of my "Hmm-Suicide-is-an-option" phases. It doesn't mean that it is always present. Just that more of those times, I think about it longer than usual (a fleeting thought).


You could say that I have obsessed about that thought. Other times I obsess about other things (having Fun, exercising a lot, getting a new car, is this Cold going to turn into Pneumonia, being Spiritual). When I am obsessing about something Good, I feel like I am thinking well. When I obsess about negativity, I try to think: "Oh well, this too shall pass."It isn't that easy, but thinking it helps.


In one perspective, Suicide is Fun. Instead of living another 25 years (or 50 years), and having to learn lessons along the way, I go straight to the Afterlife.


A bit of advice: When these different phases come into your life, try to remember that this is not going to happen forever ... that one day you will have a different phase, where Fun thoughts are there most of the time.


I read a Book about Enlightenment. It had many stories from different people who have attained that Blast of Positiveness, which breaks down all of the barriers to being ecstatically happy. Stories from Priests, Nuns, Rabbis, Buddhists, Sufis, and others, where they Hit the Jackpot (Enlightenment is a pretty Fun thing to get).


Almost without fail, most of these Enlightened beings fell into a Depression (or period of heavy doubts) some months later (and for various reasons). Most of them were startled; how could I feel this way, when I have been Enlightened? Life includes good and bad, happy and sad. Everyone is included in this pattern.


This should help you in your Journey. You are in good company.

[RickyTarr]

I would go with spirtituality first. I would use psychiatry as a last resort.


Ricky Tarr

[The_Great_Sage]

humans are curious. i am fasanated by death, fucking trippy shit man.
and alot of depression and suicidal thoughts and such is just chemicals
in your brain and body. i think its pretty groovy how you dont need
pills. but some times i think that its ok to take something to help you
feel a different way, thats why i do drugs
but lol idk man the idea of death as a bad thing has been around
forever, who can prove its bad. its your choice, lol im not saying go
out and shoot yourself but i mean look, if you choose to be gay that
hurts your family (in theory) and if you want to fuck rhinos, that
hurts your family because your a sick fuck, soooo you want to
experiance death, the worst thing would be that it hurts other people.
they will get over it etc. anyway suicide, death, fucking rhinos, and
all these things labeled as bad are gonna happen in society anyway
whats the piont in trying to stop em.



(please note i in no way support fucking of rhinos )

[Alfa]

Have you tried St. Johnswort? Even if it doesn't help you, it would be fun and would not harm anyway.

[oldman]

good for you for not taking meds, they don't work anyway. last summer I was at an event where I had to take a shit bad, I went into the only public restroom that was close and it just grossed me out it was so bad I couldn't even make myself use it. I walked out sat on a bench nearby and started to cry. I never do this, I felt the most hopeless I had been in a long time. I was facing felony drug charges, was drinking heavily and had been smokin weed everyday (really a ferw times a day)for about 5 years. I knew I'd beat the felony (or was somewhat sure) but I knew I'd get probabtion and the thought of that was crushing to a person like myself who has basically done whatever he felt like for 34 years. I found a better place to go to the bathroom and felt much better. The moral of that story is -- shit happens.


I've been on probation 8 months, yeah it sucks but it ain't the end of the world. I spent 40K of my own $ going to rehabs last year alone and though I hate those places I needed to just get away from my home and not think about what was going on for a while. and not drink or smoke weed.I also thought it might help my case, I don't know if it did but I don't have to go to drug counseling as part of my probation which is good because I may get suicidal if I have to listen to alot of that whining crap in there again.


Take a vacation either alone or with a friend someplace relaxing like a non-commercialized Island. I can't do that resort stuff with everybody bothering me all the time. Sorry to here about your losses my troubles are nothing compared to that kind of loss. My best friend lost his father (suddenly) last year and had a difficult time for several months until he told me he had to stoip thinking about what he'd lost and understand that millions of people go through the same thing he did all the time, it hurts but you'll survive. Life goes on. If anyone tried St Jowns wart as ALFA recommened let us know if you think it helped cause oldman gets the blues from time to time also.

[unico_walker]

I didn't find much benefit from St. John's Wort, mostly hot flashes.


But I don't have a problem with serotonin, I have problems with GABA deficiency to the point where my mind races and I work through every possible outcome even negative from situations. Benzos are too overpowering and difficult to get prescribed, I use a nutritional supplement called phenibut to great effect for me personally as it raises GABA levels but not so much to get you high. I worry a lot about it possibly getting scheduled or banned by the FDA, I hope I can get enough money together to buy a several year supply as it has been a godsend for me.

[oldman]

phenibut huh, is it an herbal supplement or chemical (synthetic)?


is anyone else aware of the bill congress is trying to pass to outlaw otc suplements withoput a perscription. I recently read that people who take homeopathic supplements tend to be healthier than those that don't. It does state that thoe people tend tolead more healthy lives in a number of other ways as well.(diet, exercise, don't smoke)


didn't mean to stay from the topic as it is important