any ex-junkies here?

[mars]

hey i'm new here.. I shot dope for 8 long years.. been clean for 2 yrs.. however one of my best friends killed himself 2 weeks ago and all I think about is fixing again.. he was my running partner.. we copped for each other, fixed all day and night together, when he ODd I took him to the ER and he did the same for me.. we got on methadone (several times) together and got clean together.. now he's gone and all I wanna do is fix.. I don't know why I'm feeling so self-destructive.. I don't think about dope that much anymore but now it's all I think about.. I've stayed clean for 2 yrs which has been really hard and I don't wanna blow it.. maybe I should go to a meeting or something


any ex-junkies out there? do you crave it? what do you do when you wanna fix but you know you can't