Late bloomer getting worried about his cocaine use.

[SwimmingFrog]

Will try to make SWIM's story as short as possible. SWIM is in his early 30's, was 100% clean for all his adult life and considered himself pretty much addiction-proof. Smoked weed once in a blue moon, had a couple drinks once a week or so and lead a generally healthy lifestyle.

SWIM discovered E early this year and the substance was a revelation. It basically made SWIM a lot more self-aware, psychologically speaking. SWIM has done E very sporadically since and does not crave the substance at all - he mostly does it with willing friends, no more than once a month. The self-discovery that was triggered by the first experience was by far the coolest thing about it.

Then SWIM went to Vegas a couple months back. SWIM discovered (shitty) cocaine and didn't think much of it. He did about a gram a night for 3 straight nights with friends and found it merely useful to party until the wee hours of the morning. SWIM flew back home and did not get the urge to do more cocaine.

Couple weeks later, a distant friend visits SWIM and wants some E. SWIM's usual source is out of town and gives SWIM direct access to a delivery service. SWIM gets some E from them and decides to try their cocaine out of curiosity, a gram. SWIM snorts a line and is immediately impressed. Very impressed. It has a deeply satisfying effect on SWIM. His thoughts immediately gravitate towards the amount of cocaine he has left. He already knows that he's going to buy some more the next day.

Since then (it's been roughly two months), SWIM has repeated the same cycle - bought a gram, snorted it in a day (12 lines spaced roughly an hour apart), spent the next day feeling guilty and the following day craving more cocaine. SWIM then invariably bought another gram the following day. So SWIM has been snorting roughly 2 grams a week for two months straight. Reading this forum seems to indicate that SWIM's use is somewhat mild, but SWIM is still worried 'cause he spends a lot of time thinking about cocaine. He realizes that he is addicted the same way that he can't refrain from eating another potato chip after swearing he's had his last one. SWIM used to think that drug addiction was restricted to "weak" people, but he now realizes that he is being controlled by a higher power. A bag of chips has a way of making SWIM feel stupid, greasy and a bit sick after a binge. Cocaine does not. SWIM's financial situation also allows him to maintain his current pace, which worries him even more. If he's to believe the stories he has read on this forum so far, it won't be long before his use increases.

Basically, SWIM is wondering if SWIY has had similar experiences and had any tricks to control the amount of time spent thinking about purchasing and using more cocaine. At this point in time, SWIM is not kidding himself and doesn't think he'll want to try and quit using cocaine soon. But he might be kidding himself into thinking that he can lower or restrict his use to current levels.

Any kind of input would be very much appreciated.