Experiences - Permanent damage DPH

[Perisie]

this is a warning to would-be users of diphenhydramine who suspect that they "might" be "sensitive" to some drugs, for whatever reason. had a bad unexpected experience in the past, or got a weak heart?

i go off on a few rants but wtvr its better than nothing right


I've taken low (??) dose of DPH on 2 occaisions; 2 small cough syrup bottles = 1 dose (can't remember what that is in mg but you get the picture). I'm 75kg or whatever. took nothing else with them or within that week probably.

On the first occaision:

a) can take a while to kick in. dont ever redose before the 2 hour mark. maybe dependant on how much you've eaten that day, which would explain the great variety in dose-effectiveness we see (this is true for DXM is it not??)

b) very strong visual/audio hallucinations etc.

c) after a few hours i began to experience "full body spasms". these were barely noticed to begin with, then i started joking with my friend on MSN about them. they are like your whole body having a spasm or shock.

they grew in intensity and frequency; once every 5 minutes at this point. i stopped joking and told my friend i think something bad is gonna happen to me.

the spasms grew in intensity and frequency. i think i realised that they were originating from my chest area. they were quite painful by now and would make convulse in my chair. they last approx 1 second fyi.

i started researching "heart problems" and "cardiac arrest" etc. sometimes after a spasm my arm and forehead would go numb. this was worrying and i thought maybe i was gonna get paralysed. eventually i laid on my bed and focused souly on trying to control my breathing. i resigned myself to death if that was my destiny. felt pretty calm (inbetween the painful spasms).

an hour? later it began to subside, less intensity and less frequency. eventually i fell asleep


On the 2nd time (3rd actually but 2nd was retarded dose):

a) very strong visuals, no audios.

b) THIS time: every time that i saw a visual hallucination (and they are everywhere you look, constantly for hours) i would experience the emotion of FEAR and ANXIETY to a MASSIVE DEGREEE. this stabbing fear began to manifest itself in chest pains

c) the chest pains may have been anxiety pains (like you get butterflies in your stomach). whatever it was, the painful spasms from prev experience returned aswell. they may be linked or totally separate.

d) i spent maybe 1, maybe 3 hours, walking nonstop between 3 rooms back and forth. literally every minute i would have a MASSIVE full body spasm (convulsion) that originated from my heart and lasted ~1 second. i had to keep moving to keep sane.

sometimes at the moment of the spasm i would get a numbness in my arm and/or in my forehead. i dont remember if the hallucinations themselves "triggered" a spasm (via massive sudden fear/anxiety)

note: consciously i was NOT afraid and was quite clear headed (sorta). i thought to myself "goddamn i wish my body wasnt reacting like this so i could enjoy the amazing things im seeing". i ENVY the people who can have these DPH trips and "try to catch the spiders" etc.

the fear was automatic and uncontrolled and instantaenious. noteably it was NOT specific hallucinations casuing the reaction - eg spiders. the stabbing fear was caused by ANY hallucination, as if my body was actively rejecting the impossible things it was seeing

i remember seeing (hallucinating) "something" out of the corner of my eye when i walked into the kitchen, and i literally jumped a metre into the air out of "surprise" (although i was not surprised and quite level-headed). i probably laughed about that. remember this is happening NONSTOP over a period of 1+ hours - the convulsions, the hallucinations, the uncontrollable stabbing anxiety

e) eventually the intensities and frequencies reduced, iono, maybe fell asleep (it wasnt night).


What happened next

imagine the feeling of butterflies in your stomach before a school play. but the "pain" is in your chest area (i think maybe "butterflies in the stomach" are in the chest area too?). is this an anxiety hormone being produced? or is it your heart muscles in pain?

whatever it is....for the next 5 months* i experienced sudden, uncontrolled stabbing chest pains which lasted ~1 second and occured (at least in the first few months) maybe 30 times a day.

*i say 5 months...im not sure coz through in chronic anxiety disorder brought via alcohol abuse and it all hazes over. but 3+ months for sure

these pains didnt make me convulse or spasm. if anything it was a stabbing anxiety you might feel in an instant as if having been told your girlfriend/mother had just been killed.

when you are getting this many times a day, for example at work, and you have no idea if you permanently FUCKED THE SHIT out of your heart....its not a fun life


finally...finally...finally i am free of this

i believe that:

i) maybe i had an allergic reaction or was hypasensitive to the drug (DPH bromide) . maybe i was unlucky or had latent heart or anxiety issues.

ii) maybe it damaged my heart (and brain) in ways that will extend to my future.


i also theorise that:

my body, for whatever complex psychological/physiological reason, decided to "reject" my hallucinations and become very fearful to them.

it also formed a powerful association between ALL "surprising visuals" and this carried on in my head for months to come.

my daily "brief stabbing anxiety chest pains" seemed to occur in the following type of situation:

i) i saw something out the corner of my eye
ii) i looked at the clock and was "surprised" that the time was 15 minutes faster than what i thought it should be
iii) i look down at my desk and see my pen there without expecting it to be there

these are all situations where, in a tiny fraction of a second, my mind is "surprised" by something out of the ordinary.

i hence concluded that the stabbing pains were "nervous" and not "damaged heart" in nature (even though the sensation occured in the chest area - i figured thats the same place where "butterflies in the stomach"/nerves originate)


GOSH ive probably repeated myself 100 times

i wont touch DPH ever again (havent for a year). it truely is a fascinating drug worth trying, but if you have any doubt in your mind that it could possibly fuck you up ("physically" lol) then a) dont eat all day (so you have no doubt in your mind your food intake isnt giving you a shit trip) b) have like 1.5 small bottles of it (cough syrup pure) max on your first time .


Last note

i think 2 other people on this forum subsection have posted (more briefly) similar experiences to me, eg lasting anxiety/heart trouble/wtvr it is. i call for others to do the same! (coz its hella interesting right? near-death high-five!!)