No one loves Dickweed

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Dickweed (real life nickname) is an alcoholic. He started smoking weed 2 months before his birthday (remembers exact date), who cares about weed though? His first time drinking was 4 months after that. He barely felt anything (the kindof thing where your sober in half an hour), in fact he at first thought alcohol was just like a weak weed high.

What he considers his first real time was the weekend before second semester finals Freshman year. He had 4 shots of E&J Brandy, and loved it. He ran around because of how much fun it was, large euphoria.

Little did he know that was just a sign of what was to come.

His fifth time drinking three weeks later, he got too drunk at the Singing Flag at the local park (first time being fully drunk). Puked everywhere, police made my mom come pick me up, drank like 3 to 5 more time that year.

It was around the time the year changed that it became a significant problem beyond being an amateur drinker and not knowing. Within 4 months his mom had to pick him up several times at parks, etc because he wasn't able to get himself there.

Then on the 26th of June (really good at remembering dates), he got himself in the hospital the first time. With a BAC of .26 he gave himself a concussion when he fell off a skooter. His mom didn't allow him to leave the house for over a month.

He quit drinking or so he thought. A month after getting out some of his aquaintances gave him three beers to him and to his friends. The next day he and a friend each jacked a bottle. Don't remember much after that. Passed out in the park. This was one of the last weeks of Summer.

"I'm not going to drink until New Year's" he remembers saying to people. By then he had passed out (or came really close to) at a concert, and been in the ER twice for passing out around town.

The second time which was days after Christmas, he told himself enough was enough. With more sencerity then before he was set on quitting.

He drank once in January, regretted it without doing anything stupid. Drank twice in Febuary. Zero times in March. When he was willing to drink was the minority most of the time he wopuld have been like no way.
Then in April was the slip up. Drank heavily on the 15/16th. He stole 3 tallcans of Bud and two of 211. Walked around dumb and drunk while also on 600mg of DXM and got arrested for Drunk in Public. Two days later arrested again when he was walking home with two stolen bottles by the same cop (didn't recognize him because he cut his hair). So after they drove him home, he went out got the exact same bottles and he and his got pretty damn smashed on those and beer. He walked home though because it was so close to his house (2 blocks away).

Then in May he drank on Cinco de Mayo, and started jacking and selling bottles regularly. This got him back into drinking way more then before. There's a week and a half period that he barely remembers. This is partially due to mixing it with the Lexapro (off of it now) He believes and also made it more euphoric. He stole bottles almost everyday, the second last time was 10 in a day.

Day by day, it started around 4 or 5 shots (trying to control myself) and by the end it was closer to 8 to 10. Always with food in my stomach, though. The last day is oddly what he remembers best. He ditched my third and his friend and went and got some of the bottles at his house then went back to school. He passed out in class and puked everywhere. He went to class drunk, picked on a semi retarded kid ("I'll only give back your sharpies in you punch me in the face") and left less then half way through class.

He stole more bottles, sold most of them then went to the park wholetime while getting more drunk. On the way to get more bottles, he busted open my chin. Wound up in the hospital for three days with a BAC of .32. Considering the amount of time it was drawn out, his weight, the fact that he had a full stomach and the BAC he must have drinken around 20 shots of alcohol.

Day he got out he drank the rest of the one bottle my mom didn't find while he was in the hospital. That night he snuck out and jacked more bottles, being as addicted to jacking the bottles as he was to alcohol.

He planned on quitting, but just didn't. He went off and on about his opinion of alcohol and wheter or not he actually drank. He was in Out-patient rehab at the time aswell, constantly getting either diluted or dirty tests (smoked weed basically everyday). He was kicked out when he got drunk at Summer school (and was kicked out of there too). The he quit again.

Made it 40 days, then met up with my old friends started drinking again, I'll spare the details, but got in trouble for being drunk and on Ritalin.

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Dickweed said....

Alcohol was my main problem, but other relevent drugs with lesser problems were DXM and weed. DXM was the only hard drug other then alcohol I got into, I've done it 30 to 40 times. Doses ranging from 150- 1,200 mgs. With polisterex 1.5 gs. I can't feel doses under 600mg anymore. Weed is a smaller problem. I'm not one of those people who have big issues with weed and cry if they can't get high or get cravings (I know several people like that), but when your smoking it everyday it takes away from your appretiation of sober life.

I've been on ankle since the 10th of September for the incidents in April, though they dropped the second one on a plea deal. I get sentenced on the 13th.

The last time I drank was in late August, the last time I smoked was the 10th (what was left), DXM was two weeks ago (bad trip, fuck Dex for now) and did LSD on the 15th or 22nd (you can't have issues with that). I plan on never going back to daily use again, for any recreational drug (ritalin and caffeine are excluded for obvious reasons). I'm open to drinking again, but not for months, same with weed. If I did drink I plan on stopping myself at 6.

I go to AA 5 times a week, but after talking with my PO today, my lack of worries kind of died a little. She told me that in her career she's only seen one other with such an issue. I'm in a county of a half to a full million, by the way. Talking to her, she told me that she will either reccomend Probation, Out-patient or in-patient. She said that I would do really well in an in-patient, but I would really rather not go to into an inpatient or even out.

What should I do? My life is actually fun and all of that stuff despite not doing drugs, but I worry. I worry that that I have no control and despite me not caring if I never drink again now, that it will come back.

What is all of your recomendations? My family has no history of alcoholism, but along comes me. What would be key, how long should I try to make my sobreity stretch?

Reputation Comments on this post:

	I appreciated the honesty, and SWIYs asking for help, that takes guts. Hope all goes well for SWIY.
	wow what a posting. I know its hard.

[JesseXTC]

Hello!

Great self-realization / not afraid to say the truth -- this is one of the first steps of recovery. So, as swim understands, swiy is clean and has been clean, but is now dealing with a possibility of relapse/going back to the drugs & alcohol?

First, swim would like to point out, that it seems as though swiys friends are a great influence on swiys relapse.. Swim also had similar problems with this, and swim would suggest telling swiys friends. "I no longer want to drink alcohol, and would appreciate if you refrained from using/offering me any substances" or something along those lines...if the friend doesn't understand or isnt willing, swiy should get other friends, preferably non-using ones, and gain new hobbies & interests alongside them. If the friend does understand, they're a caring friend who would also probably be willing to do "sober activities" with swiy and help with recovery. Don't let go of real, good friends, but also, don't keep the "untrue" friends that could play a big role in relapse.

If swiy doesn't want to go back to alcohol (as it seems to only yield negative affects/consequences...) then DONT!! This is swiys personal decision, don't let anyone tell swiy otherwise, as humans we dont NEED to drink/get high for comfort! Find new hobbies, go for a jog, clean something, play video games, something besides alcohol! Swiy can do it, as they've done it before, they just need to keep structure in place, find hobbies and the like to fill the voids where alcohol once was, and possibly change the people swiy associates themselves with, all of these changes will provide excellent results and swiy will be left with the happiness and joy of sober living, the feeling of which will be greater than any amount of weed or alcohol...!

xo

Jesse

Reputation Comments on this post:

Nice job of recommending sobriety!