Addiction - Addicted?

[emersonthecat]

Just curious if anyone is or has been addicted or nearly with ritalin??? I have realized recently that i am going down a not so great path with this stuff. ive never touched anything more then psychedelics, and when i started using ritalin in april, i didnt know i got you this high, i thought it would just make me more awake and focused. addiction runs in my family and thats why i have avoided the temptation of blow or anything addictive, and im concerned about my ritalin use lately.... i decided to stop but then i just went and got more. things seem so boring without it at night lol. see, i know some ppl can do a rail of coke, or take some ritalin pills (i take them orally) and walk away o have enough self control to not take more but i just don't. i end up binging all night even with the nasty side effects til early am when i am tweaked as hell and take sleeping pills to sleep. sometimes when im out i just cant wait to get home so i can get high and sit in my room and listen to music and talk to ppl. At first i felt like it would be awonder drug to fix me but now its just out of control. i dont understand why my brain thinks that short high is worth the crash. tonight, i have never been more determined to have will power and just take 4mg, then after 30 mg, then i was gonna stop, take a pill and if could control myself to do that, it would be great, i told myself, if i cant control myself tonight when i am so determined, then i obviously am developing a problem and need to put an end to this. here i am...i took the first pills at about 1030, by 1ish am i should have taken my zopicolo0ne and gone to sleeo but nope, its 3:08am. i am promising myself to take the sleepy pill after these pills i just took wear off, but i know itll be harder once i start coming down. if i could have enough control to stop after one or two times it would be fine, but i never can and i just end up fucking tweaked and feeling horrible. why, i dont get it. why do i forget every time how unworth the comedown is? Also, its gotten to the point where after a while i get soo nauseous, and my tummy growls and hurts ut i cant eat without almo0st throwing it up and i have even had one bad night where i was taking ridiclous amounts and iknew it and my heart was even freaking me out and i still took more! i keep dreaming i will learn to manage my use but i dont think so. please dont reply with judgemental comments, i am embarrassed and no one knows, i used to never understood how addicts have no control til now, i cant explain it. this is so hard, its scary. i dont think i am bad enough to need NA or treatment, etc i dont take it every day but i know i will end up in a very bad place if i dont put a stop to it now, I dont want it to take rock bottom to smarten me up. I know most of you manage your use well but is there anyone who can relate to my situation at all? I need to quit, i am considering flushing my new prescription but thats hard to think of. does anyone have any tips for how to get past this??? or experience?? also, i know this is dumb but is it possible for me to talk to a dr or pharmacist and get it so that no matter what pharmacy i go to in townthey will know not to give me ritalin, no matter what? if icould do that it would make it so much easier. its weird, its like a love hate thing with ritalin, i usually feel relieved when i run out of my months prescription. blahhhh sorry this is long...but as you know, ritalin makes you blab. thanks for your time

emersonthecat added 8 Minutes and 0 Seconds later...

Just curious if anyone is or has been addicted or nearly with ritalin??? I have realized recently that i am going down a not so great path with this stuff. ive never touched anything more then psychedelics, and when i started using ritalin in april, i didnt know i got you this high, i thought it would just make me more awake and focused. addiction runs in my family and thats why i have avoided the temptation of blow or anything addictive, and im concerned about my ritalin use lately.... i decided to stop but then i just went and got more. things seem so boring without it at night lol. see, i know some ppl can do a rail of coke, or take some ritalin pills (i take them orally) and walk away o have enough self control to not take more but i just don't. i end up binging all night even with the nasty side effects til early am when i am tweaked as hell and take sleeping pills to sleep. sometimes when im out i just cant wait to get home so i can get high and sit in my room and listen to music and talk to ppl. At first i felt like it would be awonder drug to fix me but now its just out of control. i dont understand why my brain thinks that short high is worth the crash. tonight, i have never been more determined to have will power and just take 4mg, then after 30 mg, then i was gonna stop, take a pill and if could control myself to do that, it would be great, i told myself, if i cant control myself tonight when i am so determined, then i obviously am developing a problem and need to put an end to this. here i am...i took the first pills at about 1030, by 1ish am i should have taken my zopicolo0ne and gone to sleeo but nope, its 3:08am. i am promising myself to take the sleepy pill after these pills i just took wear off, but i know itll be harder once i start coming down. if i could have enough control to stop after one or two times it would be fine, but i never can and i just end up fucking tweaked and feeling horrible. why, i dont get it. why do i forget every time how unworth the comedown is? Also, its gotten to the point where after a while i get soo nauseous, and my tummy growls and hurts ut i cant eat without almo0st throwing it up and i have even had one bad night where i was taking ridiclous amounts and iknew it and my heart was even freaking me out and i still took more! i keep dreaming i will learn to manage my use but i dont think so. please dont reply with judgemental comments, i am embarrassed and no one knows, i used to never understood how addicts have no control til now, i cant explain it. this is so hard, its scary. i dont think i am bad enough to need NA or treatment, etc i dont take it every day but i know i will end up in a very bad place if i dont put a stop to it now, I dont want it to take rock bottom to smarten me up. I know most of you manage your use well but is there anyone who can relate to my situation at all? I need to quit, i am considering flushing my new prescription but thats hard to think of. does anyone have any tips for how to get past this??? or experience?? also, i know this is dumb but is it possible for me to talk to a dr or pharmacist and get it so that no matter what pharmacy i go to in townthey will know not to give me ritalin, no matter what? if icould do that it would make it so much easier. its weird, its like a love hate thing with ritalin, i usually feel relieved when i run out of my months prescription. blahhhh sorry this is long...but as you know, ritalin makes you blab. thanks for your time Also does anyone notice that with long term abuse of ritalin (i have abused it for 6 months now, a lot but not everyday or anything) that the sidee ffects get worse after a while? I never used to get nauseous from it like I do now. Atfirst the side effects were really minimal actually, then got worse and worse. blah.

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