My speed damage Hell

[Speed_Fool]

Hello,

Just thought I would share my story about how speed absolutely ravaged my mind and has left me like a different person - a very messed up one!

I dont know what this SWIM thing is about so I hope I am writing this correctly for the site...

Well, I used to do speed on weekends when I went out for a nightout, that was all fine, no real problems there but I started to get so addicted to how it would make me feel that I started doing it the next day after the nightout aswell, sometimes I would do it for 3 days without eating or sleeping .. I cant believe I was so stupid! why did I think I could push my body (and mind) so hard without any nasty effects? I must of been pretty thick eh haha

ANYWAY .. on the 2nd days I used to do it, Im not sure if it was because I had an empty stomach but it used to make me stutter and not be able to get my words out and not be able to hold things .. the more I look back now the more I see that it was my brain not coping with what I was doing, at the time though I was rushing too much to think about it .. God would I get myself in a mess!

The stuff I used to do had (apparently) industrial floor cleaner in it too, so it was pretty potent stuff

There was this one time though (the last time I did it) when god did it make me pay for abusing myself, something really psychological happened inside me, where its as if my mind split in two - one part rushing and the other part looking at it rushing. Anyway, the damage Im about to talk about started off with crunching, like part of me inside collapsing. Then I remember this like banging in my head, Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang (very subtle bangs but still there) .. I still wonder what exactly that was, I know it wasnt good anyway! ..

Then my thoughts (they werent really thoughts, they were more little parts of me, maybe?) started rushing through my head at a lightning pace, whirling around hurting, hurting, hurting. It got to a point where the only thing inside me was painful thoughts and pain. I still feel that pain now, right at the back of my mind, Like a strip of me that has been taken away.

Basically looking back on it now, I realise that what happened was I was stripped inside due to my mind not being able to handle it, I lost massive parts of my personality, I used to be quite talented and funny, Im not really anymore. I used to be really witty and fun, now Im just quiet. Part of me inside died and now I'm just a not thinking right empty shell of a damaged person. I struggle to get involved with conversations because the part of me that used to be able to talk about those, what ever topics they are, isnt there anymore.

SO, I DELETED a big chunk of me doing too much speed .. what an idiot! .. and now Im even dumber than before! haha

Has anyone else ever had any weird crunching or deleted parts of themselves? or damaged there brain so they cant talk aswell anymore or something? .. or is it just me?

And do you think any of the damage Ive had will get better over time? or is that it, damage done, your buggered!