Need some advise on helping a friend

[Misto]

I have a friend who has an alcohol problem. And i need some help on getting her to stop. Shes been in multiple abusive relationships, and has had a lot of bad things happen to her in the past which is why i think the drinking started happening so much. A few of her friends have friend talking to her and she kinda just blows it off and gets mad that we think shes drinking to much.

Most recently she actually tried stopping. She didnt drink for 5 days so of course with any recovering alchoholic i said well drink 1 day this weekend then dont drink till the following weekend. Well we went out with a few people sunday drank a few and she somehow got in touch with one of her old boyfriends who i guess she got upset over again, long story short shes been drinking again everyday since sunday.

I dont want the progress shes started to go to waste but i really dont know how to get through to her. I told her last nite if she drank i wasnt going to talk to her anymore and she did anyways then called me earlier like nothing was wrong. Im ready to walk away but i care to much to do that.

[benzoylmethyl ecognine]

Alcohol addiction in SWIMs opinion is one of the worst addicitons to have, drunk people act so retarded and do and say things they later regret. If your friend doesn't already know you should explain the dangers of alcohol to her, things like brain damage, liver damage etc. stopping drinking cold turkey is not a good idea, she needs to wean herself off it. Also if her drinking isn't affecting you in a negative way don't walk away that will only make things worse, she will drink more because she has no one to talk to.

[missparkles]

Such a hard question and such a difficult situation to deal with.
It's heartbreaking to watch someone we care for destroy themselves, all because they're scared, frightened to deal with situations non addicts deal with, without having to numb themselves.
Basically, if she's an alcoholic controlled drinking is unlikely to work, one drink always leads to another.
However, if she has been drinking heavily for a long time, meds might be needed. They prevent withdrawal seizures, and ease the general anxiety when an alcoholic stops drinking.
This might help, but remember, some people get hooked on the meds to get them off alcohol, so it's a short term solution.
If your friend doesn't deal with the problem, why she needs to drink so much to function, she's gonna have less chance of stopping.
Sparkles knows she drank to feel comfortable in social situations, until she learned new skills, putting down the bottle wasn't enough.
It's gonna be so difficult, but you are gonna have to mean what you say. If you say you won't talk to her, have anything to do with her if she's drinking, you have to do it.
If she knows you're gonna give in, she'll just carry on.
It's a vicious cycle. She feels bad, so she drinks, and that makes her feel much worse.
Then it just keeps happening, and eventually everything seems so awful, it's un-salvageable, and the drinking continues. Rinse and repeat continuously.
Being there for her, being supportive, isn't helping her. It's just helping her to continue. After all, if she has someone to pick up the pieces, she'll carry on.
Maybe stepping back, letting her get on with it, might help? That's so tough to do. We have to deny the thing the addict wants the most.
Acceptance of unacceptable behaviour.
It's called "tough love" and its the one that hurts so much to give.
Don't forget that you need to look after you too. Sometimes, in our desire to care, we forget to care for ourself.
You need to be healthy, emotionally, before you can be there for another, so take care of you as well.
I've provided the links to a couple of topics that touch on this difficult subject, I hope they help? Please don't hesitate to ask if you're unsure, that's what we're here for. After all, our experiences, although negative at the time, might help someone else. So something positive does come from addiction.
I hope these help a little?

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=43084

http://www.drugs-forum.com/forum/showthread.php?t=98401

Sparkles.

[Misto]

ya thanks a lot, thats why i told her i wasnt going to talk to her, because everytime something goes wrong everyone just forgives and forgets and she just keeps doing it with no consequences.

[iiyama]

Hi Misto

Sorry to hear about your friend. I do know the territory well though. And if your friend is suffering from lingering despair caused by memories from her past then, the truth is, alcohol will certainly lift that despair completely ...if only for a tiny moment.

It is this freedom from despair your friend I beleive knows is so readily available in alcohol. And because the sense of release from that desapir is so exhilerating many people who are tortured by memories will naturally gravitate back to the bottle. Even if it means experiencing all the horrid side-affects such as shaking, sickness, shame and remorse ...many people would sooner suffer physical anguish than the torture of despair.

But it really all depends on how pervasive the despair is ...in other words ...most people may be able to get over a bout of despair without turning to drink, but for some the despair is colossal and cuts so much deeper than that of a mere passing cloud. And so to be set from from this kind of pervasive despair ...no matter how short-lived the freedom is ...is exhilerating and is the reason why people keep turning back to alcohol. For regardless of how short-lived their freedom is alcohol does transport them out of their prison.

Once again, it is the pervasiveness of the despair that is deciding factor here.

The thing with despair is it exaccerbates when a person goes on the offensive against people they believe have caused them an injustice. In other words, some wrongs we can never right, but if a person is incessantly seeking retribution then this will eat away at them like cancer until eventually it wears them out and renders them at the verge of a nervous breakdown. Human beings can only take so much before they crack and alcohol really has become the number one saftey valve in the lives of suffering people ...albeit a very ephemeral and dangerous one.

Eventually when alcohol has all but crushed them the person may understand that alcohol has superceded all of their antecedent problems and has become their number one problem. It is here that the long-standing torments momentarily fade into the background as the person goes on a mission to seek help with alcohol. The dilemma, however, is the memories that have caused such a drastic turn to alcohol in the first place remain buried deep within the person.

Yet what can happen is by merely seeing that alcohol is the number one problem it [the word alcohol] can come to symbolise all their other problems. In other words, by renouncing alcohol the person may cease to deny they could handle the other problems that were the cause of the slide into alcohol addiction. Truthfullness really is the key.

Please PM. me if I can be any help.

iiyama