My recovery, what has happened in 60 days

[cyndi]

First it was like a rollercoaster, a series of cravings and getting thru it without using. Swim was supposed to go into rehab but talks a good talk and avoided it. Well swim was left on her own since she is strong and has this. Yeah right. Anyway swim did really good for 2 months and then the craziest thing happened. Swim took some prescribed ambien to help her sleep. Did she? No....she went on a road trip now under the influence of ambien. She remembers nothing. She was stopped for dwi twice but talked her way out of it. She is good at that. Ended up on her venture to somewhere she now regrets. Well now she is hungover and feels like a piece of you know what. Is this the way it is, one relapse or craving after another? This isn't what swim wants. What is her future, getting caught, which she will and end up in prison? This just stinks. She isn't into 12 steps but thinks she should have known better. This just is aweful.

Edited to say she understands how her son felt. Sometimes she thinks is that really worth it, relapse...craving....relapse. What a life. Swim wanted to add sorry if this sounds like a whinefest but she is disappointed with herself.