The Psychology of Addiction

[just12b4gotn]

The drug culture is a very unique and mystical thing, with a seemingly endless depth, and to some of us, a way of life. It has its own language, code of conduct, and although an outsider may not understand any of it, there are high times that leave a grin on your face and a song in your head. It somehow becomes part of us, though it would be hard to say when that happened.
If any of it seems glamourous to someone, then they obviously don't know shit about it. We may as well clarify that now. There is no glory, no awards ceremony, no attaboys, and the only way to become famous really sucks. Yes sir, the life of a "successful" (sic) clandestine chemist, is only successful if nobody ever finds out.
To add to the equation, we are all pretty much addicts around here. No need to confirm or deny, if they don't feed me, fuck me, or finance me, I really don't give a shit what they say about me, so don't you either.
The roller-coaster ride of addiction is an even greater burden when there is not some kind of "moral support".
Notice, that you tell a secret only to someone that will keep it, and can also bear it.
So the clandestine chemist is even more solitary than the normal cat with a monkey on his back, because there is so much more to lose.
And yet... We are still here.Now I am not even speaking of the guy that turns out four keys a week, and can't drink enough Maalox to cool that bleeding ulcer. Nah, that poor bastard knows he's going to the joint, sooner or later. I mean the coll customer that nobody would ever suspect that turns out a couple of ounces to squirrel away (and tweak)
There are VERY few of us that will actually keep a handle on an active addiction, and balance a healthy lifestyle with it. For you that have experienced it, you know that until you see that you are spun out, you begin to get a grip. The hopelessness, the feeling that you are a piece of shit, all because of a cycle that geared psychologically to take you down. The things you swiped for the bag (vial,etc.), the things you said that hurt the last person you would ever really want to hurt.
The mistaken ( and absolutely fucking stupid) belief that there are "pushers", always pissed me off. No one has to push a damn thing,
Alright guys , I am probably babbling, but I think it is kind of fascinating the way we evolve or dissolve in the drug culture. The hurricane is almost here, so all for now. Any thoughts on any of my incessant babbling?