swim has thrown around the idea of stopping using all drugs to live a drug free life. the idea of this sounds BORING to swim, since growing up as a child, swim's father constantly told stories of fun times, and every single one involved drugs. "me and my friends took acid and did this.." "we bought coke and speed and drove from one side of the US to other in 3 days" etc everything involved drugs, sex and alcohol. so growing up, swim kind of instilled that these 3 things are needed for fun. swim has drank himself away from liking alcohol anymore, but is left with drugs and sex. swim is in a spot in his life where he wants to make a decision, either keep getting high and live an addict life never really contributing to society, just taking away from it in a way. or stop using drugs altogether and reach the potential that swim knows that he has to do great things.
the problem that swim has is that with drugs, swim has an "all or nothing" mindset. either smoke a whole ball of crack in a day, or dont do any at all. and lately the do massive amounts has been winning everyday. it is burning swim out mentally and physically. swim has went from 195-164 lbs in 3 months. lately swim has been calling off work from not sleeping at night or being sick from not eating and sleeping. swim wants so much to have a life that doesnt need drugs in it, but at the same time, when swim thinks about a life without drugs in it, swim wonders what they will do for fun. when they go to a party and people are doing them and they cant. another thing that swim thinks about is the fact that his father, who is 65, still does them. swim does them with his father so they enable each other. but swim thinks about, if i do make it to 65, will i still be sneaking around getting high, hiding it from my wife?
swim is just at a crossroads and doesnt know what to do.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
Now that you know how much fun drugs are it will be difficult to find a lifestyle as satisfying or fun. But there are a lot of things that are. Need a plan, a goal in mind, that you feel will be as rewarding as getting high. Getting rich, becoming a surf rat/snowboard bum etc, a monk, moving to a foreign country. Can't tell SWIY exactly but will definitely say it HAS to involve a detailed plan to do something rewarding (in whatever way you need rewarded) and work toward that goal. Otherwise, SWIY will end up saying "fuck it" as soon as he hits a bump in the road.
Probably need to move at least 500 miles away for starters. This is just shit off the top of the head, though so don't pay too much attention to it.
swim tried moving. moved 750 miles and got right back into it. guess what swim is thinking is no matter how much swim wants to be drug free, in the back of the mind there will always be that inkling to get high....or will there?
about a year ago swim met a good, wholesome female who had only drank in her life, never even smoked a cig. and at that, she drank maybe once a month-2months. swim instantly hit it off with her and being around her, helped swim stay away from drugs. swim was leary but let himself get into this girl and in a way, she became a drug to him. well then after 5 months together, swim found out that she had been sexting (texting dirty fantasies and things alike) this guy and had also been fooling around with him. this sent swim into a deep spiral of drugs, at first she didnt know because she had never done any drug or been around people who had done them. so swim was able to play it off for almost 2 months til one day she found out. she took it hard and swim laid into her that he knew what she had done and that made him start doing drugs again bc of the enormous pain it made swim feel. 2 months of binge like drug use and now heres swim.......wondering what will happen. if he will even get to make it to be alive by 30
swim tried moving. moved 750 miles and got right back into it. guess what swim is thinking is no matter how much swim wants to be drug free, in the back of the mind there will always be that inkling to get high....or will there?
JUST moving is not enough. SWIY also need a PLAN. It has to be something that is realistic AND you feel confident will keep you motivated and, when achieved, make you happy. Honestly, there aren't many things as fun or feely-goody as drugs - that's why those who have never done them to the extent SWIM & SWIY have find it easier to get satisfaction out of life. But there ARE things out there that are more satisfying than drugs - just not too many and it's different for everybody.
It will take time and LOTS of soul searching to come up with something but SWIY will figure it out if he makes up his mind to put in the effort. Life's not easy - that's why drugs are so popular.
swim laid into her that he knew what she had done and that made him start doing drugs again bc of the enormous pain it made swim feel. 2 months of binge like drug use and now heres swim.......wondering what will happen. if he will even get to make it to be alive by 30
I just took this quote, because it says the most important thing...this girl made your friend take drugs. Think about the last part of that sentence? No, she didn't make your friend do anything. He felt emotionally vulnerable because of what happened and he decided to take drugs to make that emotional pain go away. Its all about taking resposibility for ones drug use and subsequent recovery.
Your friend needs to make sure they have adequate support in place so that when shit like this happens (and it always does happen for everyone, non drug users too) he has somewhere to take it, someone who will listen, understand and help him get through the crisis without drugs. And once they've done it they will realise that they can do it again.
But by saying someone made your friend do it they give away their power, become a victim, and if they keep that mindset they'll find it extremely difficult to get out of that using trap that they've found themselves in.
In Swim's experience being clean is much more enjoyable and fun than active addiction. Our brains 'lie' to us, telling us that drugs are the only way to have fun and life will suck without them, successfully keeping us locked in addiction. Since dopamine ("pleasure and reward" neurotransmitter) is a component of addiction and many drugs are dopaminergic we expect the same level of reward we first got when using. However, the effects decrease with each use, so the expectation is never met. While we're in active addiction we just can't let go of the obsession that something will change and drugs will be tons of fun again. We may try moving, switching drugs, changing our lifestyle, getting a girlfriend, et cetera.
This concept was very difficult to understand conceptually for Swim in addiction and early recovery, though logically it made sense. We can't trust our thinking when it says: "get high, it's a blast!" Swim was only able to stop when circumstances in his life became so bad he had no choice. A little time in recovery and Swim realized he was enjoying life and having much more fun than he was while using. Even today, with over six months clean Swim's brain still tells him getting loaded would be fun from time to time. Most of the time Swim can only remember that 1% of the time when he really was having fun while high, and not the 99% where he was wishing for death and desperately lonely and unhappy.
This (in Swim's opinion) is why many 12 step programs include a concept of a "power greater than yourself," because every aspect of our being is lying to us, telling us how good getting loaded is. We have to trust that shit will get better and be much more enjoyable, even though we positively can't imagine it. If Swiy has decided he has had enough suffering and is willing to do the work it takes to make his life more fuckin unbelievably fun than he can possibly imagine now, peace of mind and happiness can be found through 12 step recovery. By the way, after a 5th step thoughts of using slip away. We still tend to only remember the good times using, but the vast majority of the time our thoughts are on living and enjoying life, not getting high.
If Swiy'd like more info on how to get hooked up with an effective and enjoyable program of recovery, PM me and I'll be happy to help. I wouldn't be writing this if I weren't hoping to hear from you. I'm happy to share my experience with Swiy, answer and questions Swiy may have, as well and just talk- about whatever. Anyways, take care, good luck, and remember, if getting high sounds like more fun than recovery, you're doing recovery incorrectly.
