Can 2 addicts in a relationship ever get clean together?

[jeepack]

Originally Posted by beena

It's a shame that there are no treatment centres that will take a couple together and deal with their problems jointly. SWIM understands the reasons why they won't and that it's always gonna be easier for one person to stop on their own, but if a rehab is presented with a couple who both really, really want to stop and want to do it together, then SWIM feels there is an argument for this too. Why does it always have to be detrimental to have two addicts together? Why is it always assumed that one will drag the other one down? Why can't it be that two people might support each-other and urge each-other to stick too it and stay strong? Then, surely it might be possible for two people to actually help each-other rather than be a hinderance.
Well, SWIM is gonna stick with her man and keep trying to make their lives a better one. If SWIY decides to do the same then SWIM wishes you the best of luck - it is never gonna be easy (SWIY knows that), but it can be really rewarding and actually something really quite special can come out of it.

It is true that I could say thanks for a different perspective. But I'd rather be criticized and say it's another perspective, a womens, and one that can be dangerous for many other women out there, and some man if they are in a relationship that makes them forget that they are man. I think it is important to point out that if you go and see a center for women that are beat up every day, they mostly reason like you. Meaning they'd rather stay with their man and get beat up than not ge beat up but not be with the man. That's the kind of reasoning that will keep a lot of women in these toxic relationships. I don't think the reason they keep couples seperate is that one would drag the other down, I think they keep them seperate because of how you feel:

Originally Posted by beena

It's taken a lot of work to get them to where they are now, but they've arrived at a place where they both feel secure in each-other's love, both trust the other implicitly, and neither can stomach the thought of not being together for the rest of their lives. Now, hopefully this will be drug-free, but you know if that's never gonna be then SWIM would choose being with her partner on drugs than being clean but apart. She might get a lot of criticism for that viewpoint but it's how she generally feels.

It sounds like you are making your boyfriend feel like how you feel. First, you might be completly right. But then again, I'm not sure any of you knows what love is because if you love someone, you can let them go, you don't hold a grip on them and say you would not be able to stomach being appart. That is co-dependency. SWIM has been through all that you talk about, I'm not saying this for no reason. I think the reason they split couples up because they know that a full recovery together would hurt too much as it would question their own relationship. If you feel like people attack the relationship, you can own that feeling no problem. But I would dissagree. No one can harm you unless you give them permission. And if a couple gets "attacked" during rehab, I beleive it mostly gets attacked from within as it is normal for anyone who wants to do well to question the false associations they have made in their head.

They tell you in rehab, don't make any big decisions when you get out, wait a bit. Today, I still don't know if swim should have ended the relationship right after rehab or 2 years after, when the reasons became more apparent. It's a good question. In fact, swim doesn't consider that rehab a successful one as he thinks it was mostly brainwashing for AAs and swim is not an alcoholic, but anyway. I can assure you. There are other reasons why couples are being split in rehab. And I think you know those reasons!! I think you know them very well. I think you know that rehab can break a couple. But if you cling to someone and can't even picture you not being together, this could be signs of co-dependency.

Now people try to get clean because... well we only live one life, unless you're a buddhist and you want to live that life to the fullest? Right? My point is that if you are in that attitude, you should bring that attitude to all your life. That means, fuck your BF! Breakup, take a break and TRUST that if you are meant to be together, you WILL BE!!!!! But people in co-dependencies don't see that. Looking at the hole picture brings up the fear of being alone. And unless that fear is gone, you can't even live your present relationship to the fullest!

Live life to the fullest people! If you love someone, let them go. True love is not finding the perfect person, it is approaching a mutual relationship with a truthful attitude. Also, your relationship to your partner will most likely represent your relationship to life. If you are clinging to your partner, you are not free in life. Lets say you are a crack-head, stoping crack does not make your life full! It is changin your attitude about life that makes it full!

Couples can be super toxic when not approached with the correct attitude. PLEASE PEOPLE, if you read this. Don't be afraid of rehab if you are in a couple. The couple won't die if it is meant to be. But if you fear it dies, I think it is time for both of you to face that fear and bring your lifes to a new level.

remember the movie forest gump for a picture of true love, forest's love for his "jenny" was true love as he was able to let her go and still care about her even when she wasn't there, as if she was always with him. But never did he impose his life on her, and they ended up together in the end. Jenny was the caracter that represented our inability (or how tough it can be) to love correctly when we have not been loved ourselves by our parents as children. She kept saying "you are too good to me" and "I am not a good girl for you". And she was addicted to drugs in the movie. And it wasn't before she cleaned her act that she could actually hold a healthy relationship with gump. Before that, she knew there was no point to being with him as the love between them would have been a sham. You can't love someone if you don't know how to love yourself. That was one of the millions of lessons in that movie. Another would definatly that if you really love someone, you can let them go no problem. Another would be that you can care for someone, but only when you know how to care for your self. So yes regarding something else that you said, 2 people trying to care for each other is a hindrance when you think of how much of that energy could be used to care for their own souls first.

My 2 cents of courage
Treatment? Seperate couples, drug treatment is not a couple's retreat.