I think this is a very important question. I wish I had understood the original post a bit better though. I am not sure if your not seeing this whatever-it-is-(you-see) in someone who isn't me is a good thing or not, but I think it's meant as a compliment. Care to elaborate?
It can be a useful self-awareness practice to see what part of the site I am looking at. It's not that if I'm looking at threads in the heroin or cocaine or novel research chemicals section it's necessarily a bad thing, but I do need to check my motives. If I am hankering for a vicarious drug experience, then that needs looking at. This might be a questionable part of 12-step groups, that a lot of people are sharing "war stories" and perhaps not truly moving on from the past (but that's another story to be told another time). I spend most of my time in R&A, which is both the section I co-moderate and my main area of interest. When I joined the staff here Alfa broached the subject of my moderating the opiates section of the forum and I declined for a number of reasons. In part it was because I didn't want to spend my days reading trip reports, seeing people setting out down a road that will lead many to addiction headless of any advice to the contrary. It was also because I wanted to devote what time I have to R&A, and the opiates forum is a huge task. For sure modding opiates would allow for harm reduction, so is a very valuable job, but I digress....
My motives to stay on this site are certainly connected to my early days and how much this site helped when cat was going through withdrawals. My wife pretty much says finding DF kept me sane (which in my case might be a relative term!), and writing Screaming in the night air kept me going through some dark times. So, I took the staff position and do my best to encourage people, kick them up the backside, and contribute to discussions, etc. I am, I hope, starting out along some kind of path of working with people with addictions and so I am also learning a lot reading how people recover or fail to recover.
Now we come to a very interesting point. When I was writing screaming I did set myself up as one who stands up (as per your Corinthians quote), and was very aware that this is a double-edged sword. I'd better be damn sure I meant it or any lapse or relapse would be doubly difficult. My 12-step background told me "one day at a time" so when I publicly made an oath that that was that I was going against this conditioning. In negative moments this was arrogance but in positive moments this was self-affirming and a healthy way forwards. I do not spend my time agonising about drugs and alcohol. I have decided to trust myself, but I do need to be vigilant, just not hyper-vigilant.
As for being on DF a lot, I default to this site when I'm on-line, so if I'm in neutral, I'm usually on here. Maybe in an ideal world I'd spend less time on here in neutral, and more time on here writing and engaging people. Some days I just don't feel like writing, especially since I've probably already written most of what I can usefully say! That said, I'm always learning, and what I'm really starting to learn is that knowledge is useful up to a point, and beyond that it is more important to be a calm presence, listen, and trust people can sort out recovery themselves when they are ready, possibly providing that little bit of insight and encouragement at the right time. I know I'm not usually the one saying soothing words, and telling people all will be well. There are others who do that far better than me!
I've also got my own hobby-horses that I do gently encourage others to try --- no hard sell --- abstinence, meditation and Yoga most notably, although I know we're all different, and try not to fall into the "sample of one" trap of "it worked for me, so it will work for you and/or is the only way".
So, I feel a duty to this site, which I try to fulfil, and feel that as one who has succeeded to some extent in this battle, I can be a positive example. I only wish there was more I could do.
Without those with some experience sticking around there wouldn't be much of an R&A section. So I fully encourage everyone with some time in recovery to hang around and help others, even if only once in a while!
04-11-2009, 10:51
Hybrid Mode
