I hold my hands up...using cocaine and need help

[missparkles]

Originally Posted by bwts

FFS Swim done it again today, proper shit day at work.

OK, so today you made a mistake. Draw a line under it and start again tomorrow, you don't have to use again, just cos you did today.
It might be a good idea to look at the possible stressful points in your life, such as a bad day at work. To be honest everyone has bad days, but you have to find new, non drug using ways to deal with problems. If not you will use every day, after all something stressful, problematic, or just bloody annoying, happens every day. And it happens to everyone, even non drug users. It's also good to remember that no one, or thing, can make you feel bad or low, we allow people and situations to make us feel this way, it gives us the perfect excuse to use.

Now Sparkles isn't saying this happened today with you, but she recognises it as one of the tactics she used when she felt she needed an excuse, or a good reason to justify her heroin use, yet again. Have you ever experienced a time/day when you felt so good nothing could bring you down? That's because you were so focused on the great time you were having, you didn't allow it to. She does realise how the cravings for a drug can seem almost like a compulsion, a drive to use that you feel you have no control over. That's just your addiction fuckin' manipulating you. You can get past this, but it takes a lot of determination and effort, but if you really want it, you can get through this. Maybe working out when these cravings are worst, and making sure someone who knows you want to quit is around to give you some positive support, would help?

Don't give control of your life over to a drug, you wouldn't give complete control of your life to someone who was gonna lie, cheat and steal from you, would you? Well that's just what your addiction is, it lies to you and cheats you out of a good, healthy life. It will steal everything you value, but being the manipulative bastard that addiction is, it will prevent you from realising it until you've lost everything. And even then it won't be satisfied, it's insidious, and won't quit until it's exacted the ultimate price, your life, then it will leave.

Don't give it the power it doesn't deserve, treat it like a deadly virus, once you quit close all back doors it can creep through, without you even realising it's there. Like the back door it crept through today, when it convinced you a bad day at work was worth using, just to feel better. Did you feel better afterwards, and how long was it before the bad feeling, the one you felt because you'd used, kick in, cos it always does. Focus on what you want, be strong, and just get through tomorrow without using, just that one day clean will make you feel so good. And it will be a big achievement.

I have to say I am impressed by your honesty, lots of people may not have admitted to using today. And honesty is one of the most important steps in recovery. So well done luv.
Sparkles.