Escape : Fantasizing about Heroin Use.

[Creeping Death]

Maybe this is in the wrong forum, and i'm sorry. But i don't know what else. I haven't really slept in a week, so i don't know why i'm typing this.. I'm not addicted, and i don't know anyone who is. This post isn't an addict looking for help. Im not sure myself what it is, so i'm sorry for "bitching" or "complaining" about a problem i don't even have. I guess i need to get it out.

I've wanted to use heroin for a really long time. I know that heroin would give me the exact feeling that im looking for, the feeling where nothing else even exists outside of this amazing high.

I haven't taken it. And its because i know what type of person i am. If i even got a small taste of it, i would not be the same guy. The feeling would stick with me for the rest of my life, because i would love it. And i mean really love it. I don't think i would ever be able to love anything else other than the needle.

I have nothing at all against any drug. I think that they are all very important to a persons growth and perception. But even so i've made a decision to not go anywhere near heroin for now. Untill i feel that i have the life i want to live, and there is no "hole" for the smack to fill. And i have the stable economy to be able to support a heroin habit, of course.

That drug would float my boat more than anything. It would float my boat all the way up to the clouds, even. It would provide me with the exact feeling i'm looking for. Only problem is it doesn't last forever. I think that it would in a way begin my life by providing me with that blissfullness, and effectively end it at the same time by making me a slave to it.

I would not be able to enjoy things outside of it. It sounds stupid as fuck to most. "How can you long for a feeling that you've never experienced?".

I say fuck that. All i know is that i want it really bad, and i don't want to want it. The only way i can soothe this "urge" is by having contact with it, by reading about it, by typing at a crazy forum, and by imagining myself doing it. Thats why i like to inject drugs that arent heroin with needles. To kind of "pretend" that i'm properly, heroin style fucked up. That weak ass make belive, "if i shoot this into my vein, everything will change".

Maybe it's just me having some kind of psychological personality dissorder. But i don't know. Does anybody in the whole world get like this? Im sitting here now, and wishing that i had some H to shoot so that time would just stop. Even though i have a big urge to take it, i also do not want to live my life with only one way to feel good. And the urge would just get bigger and bigger with time with no way out. Fuck it.