Add-To-It - Why do you do heroin? asked the man

[cuddlesthefox]

Please feel free to ignore this pretentious piece of crap but swim needs to write this down today. Thanks for letting me DF.

Is it swim or is it something about heroin that conjures up this mystique. An air of beautiful sadness that adds to the whole experience.
Maybe the reality is far removed from anything remotely beautiful... mattresses in corners stained with blood and piss, infections, debt, shattered families, wretched emptiness and death.
But still, amongst all the sordid filth that goes with it there is this beautiful sadness. A perfect portrait for the tragically hip. Skinny, vulnerable, pale, androginous beauty.
Poetry was written for us, songs written about us, life goes on but we have a secret. People pass us in the street but we know how good life can be. It's a if we have the key to heaven but a passion for hell.
Even death becomes somehow romantic on heroin. For, afterall, we will always be forever young.
Maybe this is why swim feels his life resembles a seaside resort in winter. Desolate, sad but oh what magic it has seen.
Swim has kicked, relapsed, reinvented and replaced his addiction so many times he's lost count. Swim has ruined lives and his own, unintentionally but inevitably because of the brown.
But because swim has had it, has experienced that vital first hit, life can never be the same ever.
Swim no longer sees the sordid mess that he's created in his 39 years. Instead he stares at a photograph of a young man of 17. And in his eyes swim can see what might have been.
But would swim have changed one single moment? That first hit, rush, starlight ride into heaven and the trip home on the back of an angel?
Does swim, like Renton in Trainspotting, choose life?
No. It was all worth it.
And that is the scariest thought swim has ever had. No doctor understands it, no psychiatrist can fathom it?
Can you?

Oh yeah, would you like to read my favourite poem too? It seems to tell anyone who cares why they should not worry about me. Not to be sad when the inevitable does happen. Swim was beautiful too, once, he just didn't like shades of grey.

Remember
By Christina Rossetti

REMEMBER me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Reputation Comments on this post:

this is beautiful!