whats worse?

[bloodred1889]

whats worse swim asked herself at 3am in the morning in the heat of an opiod addiction?
the fact your addicted to the dhc you have to take for your pain, or the fact that you are tolarent to it and after taking 3 tablets(usual dose) to ease the withdrawels and seep into the sweet sleepyness of opium, that they dont work anymore.

the pain is still here, and to add insult to injury, it dosnt feel any good either. bad times.

swim as you may have guessed is addicted.. dependent to her painkillers.
swim has to confess that when she first took them the absolute euphoria she felt was a huge turn on.
not only did these amazing things take away the pain, they felt bloody good at the same time.
and stupidly swim started taking more then the prescribed one tablet untill she was upto 3 at a time.

the way swim takes her tablets is.. she will take 3 in one go for the whole day, not like one every 4 hours or even 3 every 4 hours.. just 3.
and for a long time she didnt have withdrawels she just wanted and needed more.
it took a long time for swim to admit that she took them not just for the pain but for the high.
but now shes withdrawing, she admits defeat she needs help.

opium is wonderfull, when you first take it, you cant really fathom why people hate it so, why people are always telling you to stop while your ahead.
you say whatever it feels good, ill just take a few more and then stop, or the first sign of addiction ill stop. but one more turns to one more and more and well you get the drift.

when swim realised she was addicted, a moment she had while on the loo, for the 5th time that day, she didnt want to beleive it.
at that time swims disorder hadnt been diegnosed and so like the coward swim is she decided that these runs, and sweats and leg aches where all just a condition, like maybe arthritus, or lupus, or even cancer.. if swim were lucky.
but no they were indeed the first calls of addiction and withdrawel.
fuck!
but swim carried on anyway, like you do.

the trouble was dhc made swim feel good, happy, motivated and all the rest.
the fact she couldnt have an orgasm didnt bother her, nor the fact she might be taken off them at any moment by her concerned docter.

but now swim is trying to figure out a way she can get pain relief but come off opioids.
knowing that alot of non opioid drugs havnt worked in the past, such as diclofenac and such, this wont be easy.
but swim has given up and has come to the conclusion that... she has to tell her docter so he can give her something to one, help with the withdrawels, and two help her pain.

swim isnt here to write an essay on how she turned her life around and is now a born again.. whatever.
nor is she saying she wont ever take opioids again.
but she has to atleast come off them for a while.. a long while it will be, and it will hurt, and suck ass, and no one will understand and they will all say "i told you so"

swim dosnt really know why she has wrote this, but if she can let people know that they are not alone in there stupidity.. i mean weaknesses then she will be happy.
all swim knows is the first time swim felt the sweet seditive effect of opium will be missed, but hopefully she can get on with her life without going to the toilet 5 times a day and looking like kate moss.



please feel free to share your experiences

Reputation Comments on this post:

hun I wish you the very best.