Has SWIY ever gone crazy?

[Beltane]

SWIM got positive feedback from the last post that was really hard for him to write, so here's the only other he can think of that would fit into that category.

SWIM's a pretty normal guy, a little too smart and a bit eccentric at times, but by most accounts normal. He holds down real jobs at fortune 500 companies, wears a suit some days, that kinda normal.

He's also found he's got some manic tendencies. These have kicked in major on to occasions, both when his life was in major flux, he was very isolated and doing a lot of drugs. The second is more interesting than the first.

SWIM was living temporarily, with no real plan of what to do next, in a residential hotel in the Tenderloin (rough) area of downtown San Francisco. He was snorting a lot of coke, eating dilaudid, shooting a little speed (3 shots only) and doing as much K as he could get ahold of (few bottles.) He also wasn't sleeping, and he was drinking excessively.

Things got bad. He'd ditched all but 2 of his friends and was hiding out from them. There was some hazy incident where he went out of a 3rd or 4th story window, doesn't really remember. So off to the hospital where he lost a cool Chili Peppers T-shirt but walked out on his own a couple hours later.

After this he knew he needed SLEEP and badly. He called his best friend who put him on his couch. From this point on there are almost no drugs in the story. He'd been up for 2 or 3 days so he laid down to get to sleep. But sleep didn't come as he had drifted into mania by now.

He stayed at his friend's place until he voluntarily let his friend take him into emergency psych. 3 hours there with little doctor interaction and he was ready to leave. Back to his friend's place.

At this point he began hearing sounds coming from any and all speakers that he put his ear to. Had to listen close, but he heard radio stations, songs and dialogues. Went on the Internet and found evidence that there was a new virus that was causing this and that this was occurring all over the world. He actually saw webpages that talked about this, which of course didn't exist.

Then some more audio and visual hallucinations and storylines, all of which seemed completely real.

The next noteworthy occurence was a spirit that he couldn't see, but which started instructing him in the basics of some religion which seemed to resemble scientology. Other spirits, invisible too, came to listen. SWIM's friend finally woke up and SWIM truly couldn't understand that he couldn't hear the spirits that were talking.

SWIM finally took 2 ambien to force himself to sleep, but for whatever reason they escalated the hallucinations. SWIM was convinced that his friend's cousins had all come over to plan a fishing trip. He vividly remember packing for said trip and discussing with 2 young girls which shoes should be packed and whether he should bring a jacket.

At this point SWIM's friend lost it and (SWIM has no memory of this part) tricked SWIM into going back to emergency psych (3rd time in 2 days.) Here they ask SWIM as part of intake what year it is and he answers 1956, confidently mind you.

SWIM is freaked out by being held forcibly in hospitals (SWIM's friend was promised that SWIM would be there for a good, long time) so now he's on his best behavior. SWIM is released and calls his friend within 3 hours. SWIM thinks days have passed, but his friend tells him 3 hours and he's worn out and has a job.

SWIM finally calls best friend number two who helps SWIM fill a Xanax and Norco 10/325 prescription and offers his couch. Finally SWIM sleeps for 3 days and is fine again.

The most interesting thing to SWIM here is the degree to which one's senses can deceive one. SWIM's taken acid and mushrooms and experienced a reality altered, or Ketamine and hung in the K-hole. But a bunch of this time SWIM was off drugs and experiencing things he would have bet his bottom dollar were actual reality. An interesting experience.

If SWIM woke up tomorrow on an aliend space craft, he'd deal as necessary, but he'd be much quicker and more adamant about questioning his reality. Small things have happened since then on a DXM experiment and SWIM just chilled thinking, "that's almost certainly not real dude." Whereas before, when something felt real to the core, he just believed it.

Hopefully no more full blown episodes as SWIM's much more stable these days, but he also feels more confident that he could deal with anything mind altering that was thrown at him.

EDIT: SWIM's fully stable these days, and though he occasionally does too much Ketamine or Coke he's back to being as normal as they come. In case anyone wondered.

- Beltane

Reputation Comments on this post:

Thanks for sharing the difficult times as well as the good.