The issue of mine.

[Humanity]

The following is fairly hard to describe but I'll do my best.
All you experienced drug-users here in these forums, can you remember back to the time when you hadn't yet gotten your first whiffs of LSD, 'magic mushrooms' etc...? Can you think back and remember the emotions?

For SWIM, trying drugs has become an obsession over the past few months. Obsession might be too harsh a word, but it's an intense feeling that rarely leaves the back of SWIM's mind. To put it a bit off perspective SWIM might say that he has so far only lived a half-life, which will complete itsself once SWIM has delved into the mysteries that drugs-use withholds. That again is shooting it way far out, but that's more or less the feeling.
At first the compulsion was great, but the anxiety even greater, for SWIM had heard little of drugs and until that point drugs had remained on the side of life that SWIM considered 'dark and ominous'. That changed over the few weeks that SWIM surfed the forums here and learned that not all druggies are psychopaths etc... And then there was nothing in his way, the path was open, the only remaining issue was how to get the required substances.
As a side-note, SWIM did not/does not for some reason even care much for which drug he might choose as his starting one... as long as it's psychedelic - this might be due to his persisting ignorance concerning drugs as Swim is still not too familiar with them - words won't describe the emotions one gets whilst tripping, I'm sure...

But a few days ago SWIM had a dream... a peculiar one, which could be later considered funny, but while sleeping (as it most often is) it was serious and scary as hell. to make a long story short, SWIM in his dream had acquired some sort of psilocybin extract on which he started to munch off, but the trip was way too chaotic and paniccy and when SWIM woke up, he suddenly felt terrified and distanced from drugs. The feeling wore on for a couple of hours until he could finally again grasp reality - the dream had really been intense.

Not to go off rambling too much, here's to the point.
I know as much that when you prepare yourself for a trip one should have a positive, up-beat state of mind, not the *least* bit anxious... but how in humanity's name are you supposed to feel relaxed if you know what you are about to do might and dprobably will change your life... or at least change your view of it a great deal. Not to mention that you're about to trip for the first time...

I've mentally placed myself in a scenario, where SwiM holding my bong with a 5x Sally D extract and am about to light up... I can only imagine the terror inside before SWiM takes the first whiff... and as this is unadvisable, how is SWiM supposed to go about things?

This, until resolved, might possibly put SWiM off from drug use in the near future, so all I ask from you, whoever bothered to read the post, is to describe what you felt before you first tripped on your first psychedelic.
And if everything still turned out to be OK.

I still didn't expres myself quite how I would've liked to, but that's just my gimped english, I hope you all got the picture nevertheless.

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Wow... I'm in exactly the same situation atm