Cole: For substance abusers, drugs come first

[Abrad]

Salt Lake Tribune
Dear Harriette: I had to write when I read the letter from Aurelia (who's afraid she'll be alone because she doesn't want to marry a pot smoker). You are so right: She should not compromise her values! A guy I thought was wonderful, and the smartest guy I'd ever met, told me on the first date that he smoked pot. I was so eager to continue with him I compromised my values, and it ended in heartbreak. Not only did he just ''smoke pot,'' he smoked from morning 'til night, on his days off, and every night, all night, after work. He never wanted to go anywhere or do anything with my friends. Drugs came first.
He said he wanted to marry me, so I checked his credit because we'd talked about buying a house together. Not only had he declared bankruptcy at age 25, he has never paid a bill since - leaving a trail of defaulted creditors and bounced checks. However, the biggest surprise was the revelation that he had a 15-year-old son, who, during our 16-month relationship of talking every day, spending every weekend together, was never mentioned!
I'm not sure if drugs make people liars and thieves, or they were that way before becoming druggies. When I found out about his child, I looked around his house and found empty packages of amphetamines he apparently snorted to combine with the pot. God knows what other drugs he was using and lying about. Only after I ended it did I discover he'd stolen my prescriptions out of a drawer in my house!
Even being around a druggie is dangerous. I shudder to think that I let him in my car. If the police catch somebody in your car with drugs, they can seize it and put you in jail, even if it was only his stuff, not yours! Aurelia is smart to stay away from the druggies. Otherwise, she could get caught up in it or suffer the pain of being in love with someone who can never love you as much as the substances he abuses. It's better to not date them at all or end it immediately. If they're ''just smoking pot,'' that's probably a lie. You could lose things you've worked hard for, like good credit and a nice car, just because of their worthless habit and the inability or unwillingness to live their life, instead of spending all their time and money escaping from it.
- Claudia, Jackson, Miss.
Dear Claudia: Drug use and abuse are crippling our culture. Many readers may consider your story extreme; it's actually almost ordinary. Lethargy, memory loss, overeating, anxiety, paranoia and general lack of accountability are common side effects of pot smoking (without the addition of other drugs).
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Harriette Cole's "Sense and Sensitivity" column runs Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. E-mail Harriette at askharriette@harriettecole.com.

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