Losing Friends to Drugs

[jduba]

Today I found out I lost one of my best friends to this lifestyle many of us live. We met a year and a half ago in rehab and clicked right away. He has relapsed many times and I refuse to give up green and the occational drink so its not like I didnt see this in the making or it really just blindsided me. I'm numb and not allowing any emotion to penatrate my stubern skull and dont know if I even want it to. My first reaction was to grab a bottle of jose queervo (as he called it) and chug cause that what the mutha fucka was known for (sadly enough) but have decided to take part in no drugs or drinking for a while. I must say even acting as though nothing happened it is one of the most sobering moments EVER, even when I was fighting for my own life I didnt feel this . Porb. in part that i was a selfish FUCK in that stage of my life and didnt think of my family and there reaction until it was almost to late. Has anyone else lost a loved one, friend, or even someone you just knew/knew of in the drug scene? What reaction did you have? What effect on your drug use did it have? I know a lot of people that are just getting blasted now and "dedicating it to him", for me that just seems so shallow and pussy to try to chemically alter yourself to not have to face whats happened. Yes I to havent let it in yet but kinda want to do it with a straight mind to honor his life and not glorify what to him , and many of us at atleast at some point and time, was his downfall. I read over some of my past post and think WOW should I really say that shit and promote some of this shit or should I play forum preacher (which sure as hell won't work) and get on my soap box? not my place! Be safe and smart and do yourself a favor even if your the jukies junkie or havent talked to a friend or family member in a while call em or stop by give em a hug and tell em you love em. R.I.P. Big boy J
I got a pic of that run down country ass rehab Life Center we met at just remembering the first time I saw them practicaly carry you threw the front door. ahhhh the dem ol' days