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  #51  
Old 23-02-2014, 08:28
charliecat charliecat is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Tryhard
I really don't know what advice to give you as you know I am in pretty much same situation as you and its so hard to think about anything else but using or dealing with withdrawals.
Just wanted to let you know that as my day just beginning here and yours coming to an end in Aus I am thinking of you and willing you on.
Take care
  #52  
Old 23-02-2014, 12:50
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

ay all,
today was a total headfuck wile i was moveing bout half me shit out was feelin better bout myself and my situation. ... when i had finnished i ,started to feel
like shit ... got very emocenal was larffcing and crying ...its all a bit twisted up...had to find somewhere to hide to have a cry.... i feel i have hit a wall.....i was trying to help CharlieCat out with some observations of mine.... and i lostit big time , well a quiet bloke type of losein it ....that is when u keep it all in your head.
i am still haveing bullshit amount of problems at the moment
i cant do this rite now.......
  #53  
Old 23-02-2014, 15:44
charliecat charliecat is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

But you are "doing it" right now. Stop being so hard on yourself. Even though it sounds like you got a lot of shity things going on around you at the moment you are still trying to get clean and move forward. That takes guts and strength so you should be patting yourself on the back. I admire your determination.

That mad rush of feelings from manic to crying in a split second can feel overwhelming but your body has suppressed all emotions for so long with heroin that when withdrawing they all come back at once. I get this and I try to tell myself that it's my brain trying to get back to normal and at least I'm feeling something and not just numb.

Once your stuff is all safely moved and stored you will be free to go wherever you want that may make this period of your life easier to get through. Do you have anyone you can talk over your options with and work out what your going to do. Are your folks still an option.

Don't give up. From your posts it is clear you do have the strength to get through this, just be kind to yourself and recognise how far you have come already.

Don't stop keep trying hard tryhard

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For your many supportive posts in this thread.
  #54  
Old 25-02-2014, 00:52
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

ay all,
today i feel like i got nothing...got no sleep last nite....was reading back posts from last nite , what a mess, i am finding it is getting worse , the way i am feeling ingeneral ..and now broke again

tryhard added 739 Minutes and 14 Seconds later...

ay all, its 7.00 in the evening here and the heat of the days gone.....its been a very
quiet day today was very tired this morrning.....only got a coupel of hrs sleep last night, lucky to get any i suppose .....i did not use today.....felt good to say no this morning , even if i am broke , i still could have got credit......not today ..... did read alot of stuff last night, good stuff ....

this time i have put a lot of credit on my phone so i can wonder this site a bit more
and not just write and run.....yesterday was a mess, big time ..... dont realy remember to much about it.....i do remember haveing meltdown, brakedown what ever you want to call it......


so i have keept myself out of it, well comftabul any way......got nothing done but got throooo the day ok .....but is a bit of a drama in it self, as the non stoner or non
junkie personality will not have a bar of comfort medications.. and the stoner me or junkie me is so good at abuseing everything and any thing i come in contact with......so some type of stupid reson to do more damage.. ... ... ...


so what now , i dont no as i sit here right now exactly what im gunna do...... but i have no intention on useing tomorrow , that sounds good to me...... so i think i will
just keep on going and try to detox , here and now......this will be a good test of myself......

tryhard added 608 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

a all , second atempt at this post today , pushed the wrong button and insted of submit post i delleted post, wow , what a bummer , to watch hrs of thinkin ,spelling and typein go down the toilet bowl....not the best way to start the day..... so its 5.30 in the morning and raining , at least the day wont be to hot......but limits the stuff i can do, as have no transport...... for the last year or so has not been a problem, as town not to far....some days not hard to walk 20+ km in to town , around and back again..... no walking today as its hammering d own rain... .. altho our most tipical weather is quick 5 to 10 minet showers .. bet on it.....but as its been rainning all night i would say its set in, but have not been outside yet..... and dont plan to for a while... .

did drop another two clonidine bout 30, minets ago and am waitting for my eyes to get heavy.....not feeling to bad sofar , but thats gunna change , tomorrow am shore.....not shore about sleep at all , it seem yesterday i got no sleep........but like this morrning sat up in me sleepping bag and i feelt so fucken tired....i cant workout if i am sleeping or not....yesterday i said no sleep , then 4 hrs sleep ..... well i think that was 4 hrs layingdown and not much sleeping .....when i got up had headake and my eyes were sore and stinging .... didnt i feel like shit.........

so im gunna have a coffee and a ciggeret ,think about today and decide what to do ....
see ya in a bit
trying hard...........

tryhard added 143 Minutes and 58 Seconds later...

wow , im sitting hear drinken my second cuppa wondering why somany peopel are so fucken short temperd and just downrite mean , alot of the last few days has come floodding back to mind and i just cant understand what ive been seeing , i dont think i want to understand!!!! just an observation, and a sad one at that!!!

am sitting here and dont realy know what i am feelling . . . . . . . am happy to be again trying to rid myself of this putrid shit, but sad in a way , that the world i
had left behind is still there , cold and just as nasty as i remember.....i used to like to think i was an optamist but . . . .nar fuck that , optimistic for ever.....


i still have teribel douts bout myself , the arguments between the user and the non user in me realy take there toll , am hopeing i can learn to deal with his part
of the process, as i have said befor the phisycal , i wont say i have masterd it but to me its more of a time thing, shore it hurts like fuck and you wish you had
never been born ....... but the worst part is after ,the road back to a normal life.......over 20+ years of useing i have tryd manya time to blet go , but always i
come back to it , not likeing what i find out there........


well that wasnt so much fun this time around , feelling a bit sick now...... so i will go and read some other stuff on DF , so till a bit later.....

tryhard added 138 Minutes and 30 Seconds later...

dint i get that weather report wrong , its hot bout 28 deg c and getting hotter but a nice brease ....good in the shade ....

after relizing i had an apointment at 10.00 this morn , could not miss..... only to rememba i just had taken second round of clonnies , did apt very quickly and was on walk back home.
now laying park ,in the shade and cant move , cant get up..
mite just crashout for a bit..

Last edited by tryhard; 25-02-2014 at 00:52. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #55  
Old 25-02-2014, 15:56
torn2bits torn2bits is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

To bad ya did use the CLONIDINE for detox...
During full w/d you could have been a
Clonidine is best used medicine money can buy.
Immodium , clonidine ,WATER,nutrition.. to bad..torn
  #56  
Old 26-02-2014, 00:10
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

still have not used , i dont remember when i used last ..... i think was suday morrning , read my posts and cant seem to find any log of it , junky would not have posted it.…

so have decided not to count days , this may apear to be bad move but at the end of the day, i dont think it realy matters.…
as point is to not use and thats what i am doing.....not useing
that is…

Torn i have read your post a few times but am not getting it…
sorry mate , its about 5.00 in the morning and dont feel 100
but am confused by it.…

if you mean i have been a pig eatting them all , well i would agree with you there , but i was not trying to detox on them……how ever now that i have used them to keep the W/D
at bay for a few days and found this to work quite well, mabey there is room in my life to use this as Comfort Med.…
with the correct supervision i would say they would be quite a good idea
but due to my situation , i have no one to supervise and dishout this med to me …sorry have to go .

tryhard added 151 Minutes and 6 Seconds later...

sorry to have cut that short but had to help with some leagel
shit , mainly leagal inturpritations .... my spellings not the best but i can read quite well....

so back to where i was ……

yes cause i need someone to help me with meds as far as doseing and holding is consernd, i have allways had the most abuseing way with them ....duz that make any sence...

wow i do find it extremly dificult to express my personal
believes on this subject ……
will this be a problem if i use them i believe so , but the gear ive never had to much troubel when i do quit, as i see this as very final....

now to read that back , i cant see what im try to express…
now i am getting very frustrated ....can we just agree that in my case i am far better off without them, as i seem to be digging a hole i cant get out of…

tryhard added 63 Minutes and 51 Seconds later...

now i feel as if i have come across as a bit of a blowass , but hay thats the way i realy feel....i truly did intend on abuseing this medication Clonidien, as far as i could and wait for a better time to C.T, i no i said about detox here and now but i think i was haveing myself on...


these are the things that i do not believe about myself , the junky always lies to me.... i do struggel to understand myself
so bad…so i think i must divert back to my one true feelling....
that is no easy way out.!!!

please do not get me wrong, as i an not trying to trivulize the atemps of anybody useing Comfort Meds.....i prayz the efforts of anyone who has got the balls to undertake such a mamoth mission of detox....i would also like to congradulate, all who have that burning dezire to get clean and stay clean, to want to change the life they have led…the want to have a stabel and fruitfull existance , pleas believe i honestly do understand this all to well , as i own this same dezire..…

i have given up somany times , so many times i have let go of
trying to save my life , from myself!!!!!
so many times i have let go , totaly convinced that i want to stay on this shit till i die , not a real comforting thort , but the
truth is the truth!!!
i have lost count of the amount of times that i have let go and just gone with it.....i believe this has taken a big toll on my mental copasity to deal with such things in my life....

tryhard added 43 Minutes and 23 Seconds later...

well this morrning post has evoked many emotions and many tears...i thank you very much Torn , for giveing me the
power to try to understand myself a bit more, to take the time to help me delve a bit deepper into myself and look for the answers i would have not tryed to understand , if i was left to my own devices to just post about my day.....

its ok if i am the onlyone who understands this!!
and to think that all came from a post
to me today that i didnt quite understand..

please stay with me Torn as i plan to make you proud.....
a million thankyous yet again, it will never be enough!!!!,

Last edited by tryhard; 26-02-2014 at 00:10. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #57  
Old 26-02-2014, 05:04
charliecat charliecat is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Hello tryhard
I havnt had the internet since Sunday but it's back on now thakgod. I think I actually got withdrawal symptoms from not being able get my fix of DF. lol
I have been catching up with your posts and congrats on day 1 without using. I bet it was tough knowing you could go pick up anytime on credit. How is day 2 going. I seem to be doing one step forward quickly followed by two steps back. The battle is constant and I can't seem to step off all together.

Did you manage to get all your stuff moved in the end?

If you get through another day you will be nearly half way there. Imagine waking up in the mornings clear of withdrawals. It would be an awesome feeling.
Keep going truncated
  #58  
Old 26-02-2014, 07:40
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

ay charlie ,
mate how ya going ? … i hope this post finds you well.... hay i think its day 3 but im not counting.... as i have jumped into an
old script of Clonidine , it was scripped to me long time ago for hypertention ,had one diched em , found them in me stuff.. .. look em up on a few diferant places to see if i could
mix them up....thats the junkie me in action......all info I
found said no so i decided not to and just use oraly....
wow..... i dont think junky me posted about them......

so its been 3 days since last shot...
not counting this as detox !!!
but it is what it is… 3 days off is good ....but i am havein troubel with this and hope depretion after wards dose not catch up with me !!!!!! as i am quite vocal about Comfort Meds

anyway how you been , i do understand about only thinking about useing and dealing with W/Ds.....
how odd is that W/Ds from D/F, but i have felt this also, our new habit ay.......
ay charlie just try and think of days on and off as conditioning for the time when you can...jump off and CT ....the less you can use the better, the easer it will be when are ready.....
wheres your head at on that subject??…

no still have not moved all me shit yet....been to bombed on clonnies.....
mate is one good way to get of the shit...i dont even have the
urge to use.... but was takeing bout 10. 100 micrograms a day for a week and was putting me on the tilt alover the place.....o well this happens ay....

i can still remember , down at my local, going on the tilt in my meal and comeing to when place is empty , the poor staff
have got me up and going more than once or twice.....lol
barred from there i am........

another answer to another thing you said , you dont need to give me advice , just being here now is all i need... ..
i will stop useing and give you somemore incentive to want to help yourself...... i will show you this can be done ...
  #59  
Old 26-02-2014, 16:23
torn2bits torn2bits is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

please pursue you Parents!!
I'm a parent and after ALL the things that happen If take my little girl in my house either needles sticking out of HSR arms.& care for and see her threw detox.
Tryhard. ...you NEED thus and is a human right...lemme know...T
  #60  
Old 26-02-2014, 20:49
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

a buddy , hows it for you this morn?
i got no sleep at all…up all nite , so read alot more on D/F and wow , wat a sobering expiryance that was.....


yes , well on the parents side of things , i just .…i dont realy know how im going to tackel that one rite now....
but will keep you posted on that one …ok

well another day is in the make,in over hear …and not shore
what it holds instore for us today …more temptation i would suppose , but i should be looking for the opertunities now , ay..... see how that gose to ay.....

feeling a bit used / secondhand if you know what i mean.....
so not planning much this morn but you never quite no around here.!! will keep it short this morn, but am quite shore
i be not to far away......
till then tryhard .....
  #61  
Old 26-02-2014, 23:50
torn2bits torn2bits is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Tryhard.,
Hoping the day goes well for ya,so kind of a break away from the "user areas".

Possibly the gear gets out of sight out of mind, at least not as much.

Easy on the ole boy today....torn

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Excellent suggestion to stay away from temptation and you support throughout.
  #62  
Old 27-02-2014, 02:58
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

well seem old times and old faces are closer than i thort , just went out to get some air and some exersize and well- now
am sitting in old ,old dealers car am trying to be strong but if
i was strong enuff i would not have got in the car to start with

so dont know whats gunna happen , is good i dont have any monie ...lol...
cant seem to get out ,, dont no if i want to get out ...
lack of sleep and the desperat need to get shit done for my lawer, has left me weak to the notion that i need something to help me get throoooooo to day ,,,altho i no beta...

again i feel that my sitting on the fence has been the wrong way to look at it ...
as far as my resolve to help myself gose i am not at all shore i want to, am very confused.

as the junky in me is , i feal trying to take advantage of me ....

tryhard added 5 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...

i got out , but haz got me worried about what the fuck i am doing .... it all seem to much thank god i had no monie .,

tryhard added 44 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

well that was test and a half, as i could have asked for credit but i did not..could have asked for a starter but i did 'not ....
has still ratteled me a bit....
i realized when i pulled out my phone to post ....
thank god for D/F.. .

i feel as if i have won a small battel but i no it is a big war, for me and all those who fight the good fight...
so for all out there who are having the same battel, take heed that to win the small battels can be just as important as winning the war....
and never forget to be strong and remember to TRYHARD...

Last edited by tryhard; 27-02-2014 at 02:58. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #63  
Old 27-02-2014, 07:01
charliecat charliecat is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Tryhard
You must be very strong to actually sit in your dealers house and still not use. I am amazed as feel sure I would not be able to do this.

You must use this incredible strength you have to keep moving forward.

It looks like it will be day 4 for you today so you are going to start feeling better real soon. Just remember that all those negative thoughts your having are part of withdrawal and not real.

Your nearly there tryhard. Don't give up now. Feeling better and more positive is just round the corner for you if you just hang in there.

Here's to another day clean for you. Get today over with and the physical part of withdrawal will be just about finished. Imagine what it must feel like to wake up with no withdrawals, that would be a buzz in itself.

Good luck today and thinking of us
Charlie
  #64  
Old 27-02-2014, 14:14
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

ay charlie how ya going today ..?. . hows your battel going..?..
its so hard to deal with my own life , there is so much no body knows that is going to haunt me for sometime , i bet ...
and its so ingraind in who i am, as i suspect you would understand...

tryhard added 176 Minutes and 36 Seconds later...

i used to sleep in the ex,s car, nobody ever new and most certenly not the ex.....i used to go and vissit my boys and be phisicly to exhausted to walk the 5 odd km back to where i was supose ta be staying....i suffered extreamly bad back from the bucket steats....allway exhausted till my morning shot....i starved myself, not by chioce, i would cleanout my boys school lunches ,arfter school and pocket the leftovers....wich only ended up in the bin anyway....i suffered
real bad sleep deprovation and also real bad short term memorie loss real bad....

all the grate memories of my boys , so tainted buy drug use , abuse at , near ,around and in her place.... i could wake at 6.00in the morn ,walk to shop to use pay phone ,only 300 meters away, ring and have delivered to her driveway in under 5minets flat as dealer was only 300 meter futher down the road from the shop....i made myself suffer so bad in order
to stay as close as posibel to my boys.... i used to get on in her driveway and have shot in her car...then show up every morn as if i had walked over...

tryhard added 21 Minutes and 23 Seconds later...

nobody ever new about that , only myself and i never told a soul....did love to help out in the mornings befor school....
my boys have never seen me sober....
now 9&7...

tryhard added 191 Minutes and 11 Seconds later...

WARNING ... If...You..Get ...Grossed Out By Needel Talk , shut your eyes while reading this.. i was always a fully functioning addict and worked ,leagel and ileagel but always doing something ... always very clean with useing and living wise....after my car accedent i became totaly the other person...i would share needels and mixxing equipment , i would have my shots anywhere i was , in the park ,in the street , in your driveway for all i cared....i never made a mess or diched my needels any where but the correct
sharps disposel bins or the needel exchanges dropoff points ......

i have used one needel for the best part of a year , sounds fucked up and was, ive sharpend em up on match boxxes , I've had to heat them up with lighters to get the dry out blood
and clots out of them , ive use for many years without a filter
ive also picked them out of big old sharps bins and just picked
one at random.. ...how i have still got good blood tests i will never know....i do not swab my arm at all and never clean out
my needels till i need them...i am the most unhygenic user / abuser/ junky that i know and only ever had 3 dirty shots in 20+ years of daily use / abuse, go figure........

every shirt i own has dry blood allover the sleevs, cant beleve my track mark is only the size of a cigeret butt...wich is like nothing ive ever seen befor , i know some who have only. used for a few years and have had trax like fuckin railway tracks...not quite shore why i have mentioned this, just had to
get that out of my head ,i am sorry if i have made any one sick , was not my intention just needed to own up to it......

Last edited by tryhard; 27-02-2014 at 14:14. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #65  
Old 27-02-2014, 15:35
LadySue LadySue is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Hey there try!!! Been getting caught up on your thread - WOW, the progress that you've made!! I know it's still a struggle, but FOUR DAYS IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was very happy to see you still posting and still at it.

Hear your thoughts about regrets - I think we all have them. Hell, people that aren't addicts have regrets. I found in early sobriety this would be a trigger for me. I'd start thinking ya know? Would make myself crazy, then the guilt would kick in and then you know where I was headed. I had to focus really hard on not allowing my thoughts to go there, to try and focus on what my actions for this day were going to be to benefit my kids, what positive action I could take today. It's a flip of perspective. I cannot afford to live in the past in my head. It's good to get it out, but don't live in it my friend.

Would also highly suggest you find something to occupy your time - got an animal shelter close by? They always need extra help and communing with animals is awesome. Hell, I don't know what you got there in aussie land, but I'm sure there's something???

Anyway, wanted to drop in and give ya a BIG HIGH FIVE!! xx

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  #66  
Old 27-02-2014, 15:39
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Hey Try I am new on here and we have very similar stories. Started with weed at 13 and hitting the needle at 39 now I am 47 and life is good. I wanted to pass along what worked for me now if you truly have not done any opiates in 2 days then skip the suboxone (It works but has a long half life and you would have to ween off of that) I am unsure where you live but guessing accross the pond. Not sure if you ever heard of kratom or all of the strands of it. The smoke shop kratom is usually overpriced and garbage. There are some excellent companies out there and this would be perfect for the withdrawls and energy levels. Kratom has been used for thousands of years for many things. if you want more info on what kind to get send me a message.

Good Luck

Larry
  #67  
Old 27-02-2014, 16:06
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

WARNING++++more ....ugly ...yukie....stuff.........
so look away while reading this part.....
like a man with a steering wheel down his pants , its driving me nuts.. .... .. .. . .. .. ..
ive shoot up water , shugar , epsome salts , custard powder .. .i have liked the dirt from my arm befor useing....
i have used gear scraped up off the kitchen floor , off the carpet with carpet bits in it , ive used the fluff /lint out of my
dirty track suit pants pocket for filters....ive used and done some horribel and desgusting stuff all in the name off my junkie habbit.....ive got RLS at the moment and cant stay still , just want to sleep but cant even stay still......

i am sorry to have put this here but i have to put it somewhere , cant keep it to myself any more.....
All i have done for 20 years is been so greedy and thort only about my arm, gear , getting money and useing....
not my children , my family , perents ,life it has totaly consumed my every thort , almost every minet of my day, week ,month , years is all and everything to me......
i have intentionaly od twice and ended up in hospital on 10 day suicide watch ...... a long time ago....

i am in a bad place rite now and dont know how to handel this at the moment .....help..i hate myself rite now....
am haveing troubel at the minet.... i feel as tho i am tearring myself to bits .....

tryhard added 20 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...

seem as tho i was writing , when i should have been readding.

Last edited by tryhard; 27-02-2014 at 16:06. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #68  
Old 27-02-2014, 16:06
Thirst4knowledge Thirst4knowledge is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Hi tryhard I've been following this thread silently and watching others give you great support. There are so many here that want to see you succeed! But now I want to say something to you-

These thoughts you are having, these memories that are coming back to you, are entering your mind now because you are not suppressing them anymore with drugs. My advice to you is this; let them come, acknowledge them, and then let them go. They are the past. You are now in the present, and you are aiming for a better future aren't you. So don't dwell on these things. They are what you did but you have the ability to change things so that you don't do them again.

Let them go love. They are of no constructive use to you right now. Okay? You need to stay as positive as you can or the next post you leave will be about you using simply to get rid of them and the guilt you feel won't it?

Instead of thinking of what you did, think about what your life could become if you stay clean.
Now, give me something positive. Have you eaten today? Have you sorted out your stuff yet? Concentrate on those things instead and take each day (or each hour) at a time.

You can do this and we are rooting for you!

T4K
  #69  
Old 27-02-2014, 17:28
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

wow, befor when i was write,in , i felt as tho i could not stop..

now i dont know what to say!!!???

tryhard added 15 Minutes and 57 Seconds later...

i am sorry mates,
you have all taken me by suprize....
i am not quite shore where that came from , i just started write'ing and thats what came out....i have had a fair day albeit a testing one....am having troubel with the ex i miss my two boys to death.....i am just hurting a bit more than the norm ...thank you all for the suport ...

have tears streaming and as eyes were already burning am finding it hard to focus and type...
i love yous all ,... thank you...

tryhard added 32 Minutes and 46 Seconds later...

ay LadySue , i am still try to find what to say ...i know better
than to live in the past..my ex has lived in the past , for what
seems like a life time mabey too...

it use to brake my hart to watch her punish herself everyday
and feel helpless as in the end i could not help her!!!!
12 years and all i could do was whipe her tears and hold her hand... i could not help her, how devestatingly powerfull and still to this day she crys daily ....

thank you for your help this morning.......

tryhard added 22 Minutes and 6 Seconds later...

ay Rdrunner96 , i do want to talk about kratom, i have read a bit about it on D/F.
but would like to catch up when i 'm not so manic, so i can
understand and concentrate a bit
more...would be beta for me to be in clearer frame off mind....i would also like to thank you aswell for offer'ing your
help and knolage to me in one of my many times of need...
i thank you and i will be intuch..

Last edited by tryhard; 27-02-2014 at 17:28. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #70  
Old 27-02-2014, 17:32
LadySue LadySue is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

It's a tough spot for sure Try - but you can change that for you. You know, your kids are still young, there are still a lot of years ahead of them...a lot of years that they will need their dad. A lot of years left in their life to know their dad as a sober man - time spent benefitting them and you, experiencing love and joy.

My kids are now 20 and 23 and I've hidden my past use pretty well from them. I'd go so far to say that if you asked them, they would probably tell you I'm a pretty good mom. However, I know where I've been lacking...could lay it all out here, all of my shortcoming as a mom, a wife, as a human being - but I'm not going to because it will still throw me into a tail spin. So for just this moment, this day - I'm going to focus my actions on doing the next right thing for my kids, my husband and myself. And maybe one day, my future grandchildren will never know their grandmother as anything other than a sober woman that loves her family more than anything...just as you love yours Try.

Stay focused, stay BUSY - get those thoughts moving in a different direction. As Thirst said, you have a bunch of people here rooting like hell for you bud. xx
  #71  
Old 27-02-2014, 18:19
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

ay Thirst4knowledge ,i have also to thank you too, as times i spend in need are times when all the help and suport is realy needed .....most wanted and used the best way i can..thanks for your thorts on the past..i do understand, but i do struggel with this a bit. .... yes i have eaten a littel today and still trying to sort out my stuff ....finished by satday....thank you for your suport i can feel it...thank you mate.....

tryhard added 26 Minutes and 13 Seconds later...

LadySue, i will stay focused and ocupied....i will move my thorts and do the next right thing for my kids , my ex and my family ....i thank you for your time and wizdom.....
now i have a smile on my face and a warm glow in my hart....
thank you much more than i can express.....
a big hi5 back at ya to......

Last edited by tryhard; 27-02-2014 at 18:19. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  #72  
Old 27-02-2014, 18:53
whatstheproblem whatstheproblem is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

i been very briefly running over this thread and saw it awhile ago too and i have to say i dont think ive seen has much support for one person as you there tryhard. that is a really cool thing to see and i hope you feel blessed. seems like you have some really caring people on your side. There is alot of great people here with kind hearts and also with alot of helpful information/support they can give you. really try and listen to everyone cause they either have been down the road your on or are there currently. i wish you well and hope you find what your looking for. its there if you want it
  #73  
Old 27-02-2014, 18:56
LadySue LadySue is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Good man Try! Funny how things can change so quickly huh? Remember that next time you're in your head and things are looking bleak - things can change in a moment so not only try hard, but hang tough!!!! xx
  #74  
Old 28-02-2014, 06:01
tryhard tryhard is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Hello all,
i was going to start this post with , i am sorry and im so sorry,
and dont be to hard on me , cause i will be harder on myself than any one else....
++++++++++++++++++++
BUT i am going to take this the way it is....
I FAILLED this morning .... but i am going to take this in my stride....if i get pisst about it or work myself up , i can see deprestion and guilt bringing me down again.....so i have decided to let this day pass ,not to let it hang heavy on me.....

i will not let this dictate my aditude, nor will i give the junkie in me the satisfaction of giving me a hardtime, so as to not change the coarse of what i am trying to acheve here, long term...

this small backward step has given me more power to do the
write thing , let me explain.......
this time i failled i will agree to exept what i have done, and get over it.....to not beat myself up and to be strong enuff to
realize that i am not weak....but i am alot stronger than he, this calis , hartless ,dejenerate of a junkie i have grown inside myself.....

today i am stronger .. not weaker....
this morning i decided to inroll in the " back in controll " group theripy meettings , and this arvo i will ring my oldies and ask for some help....

so i realy do see this small step backwards as a big leap forwards.....the help i receved last night also has changed my atituid toward the past , in a very positive way .....
if i was again left to my own devices , i would shorely have fallen down deep .....
a huge thanks to all who had a say this morning to me!!!!!!!!!!!
you know how you are...
lots of luv and cool wishes...

and do rememba tryhard ok+++++++++++++++++
  #75  
Old 28-02-2014, 10:08
kickinghorse kickinghorse is offline
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Re: and now i think its my time at last

Tryhard - you have so many minus factors against you as you are trying to get clean so if you cave as you try it is no big surprise. Living rough is something many of us cannot imagine as we bitch and moan about our battles. You are having a tough time in so many practical ways, as well as trying to kick a long grip of your H addiction, and hurting about not seeing our boys.

Is there no way at all you can get to a charity down your way that can take you while you detox so you can be in a place of safety and seclusion? Church run hostels can be a good place to start to look irrelevant of having no religion. They won't be looking at that. You have so many things against you while you are trying to get through this, but your strength of character shines through!

Keep posting, everyone is in your corner mate. Warmest hugs xx

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