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Alcohol Alcohol, including absinthe, hard liquor, beer, wine, and other assorted spirits.

 
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  #1  
Old 21-03-2013, 04:06
jarez44 jarez44 is offline
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Plugging Alcohol - A Cautionary Tale

So I would first just like to preface with a disclaimer that my story may be unique and that this experience may have been coincidental or I may have just exacerbated an underlying problem, but if I can prevent just one person from replicating my mistake, then I'll feel like a contributing member of society. Also, this story is not for the queasy and may be a bit verbose, so if you only want the summary then just know Plugging Alcohol = Very Bad.

So yesterday I went to go get a massage to get rid of some really bad knots and quite unexpectedly ended up receiving a happy ending. Being prone to uncomfortable situations I was excited that this would likely be the most awkward experience of my year, but boy was I wrong... very very wrong.

I usually have trouble sleeping at night, so I decided to take a bar of Xanax, hoping that would help. Eventually 3:30 rolled around, but my mind was still racing. Hoping to still get some rest for an early meeting, I decided taking a shot of vodka might help me pass out (spoiler: did not make that meeting). I had tried plugging a small amount of alcohol on two other occasions (had read that large amounts could be potentially dangerous) and didn't have any issues other than a slight burning sensation. I decided to try once more hoping it would kick in quickly.

I filled up a glass with a shot of Grey Goose (only the best for my butt) and used an ear bulb syringe to administer the liquid. I'm pretty sure now that I poured way more than my previous experiences cause boy did it burn bad. After it settled for a few minutes I had an incredible urge to release, so I ran to the bathroom, finished my business, and was out cold after about 5 minutes of hitting my pillow.

At about 8:30 in the morning I woke up with my stomach churning. I ran over to the toilet and tried emptying my bowels, but basically ended up urinating out of my butt hole. With my natural chimpanzee like curiosity I decided to take a look at what came out and I shit you not, for there was none to be had, it looked like a chunk of organ tissue mixed with blood. What... the... fuck?! I started freaking out, thinking to myself "Is this the end?" I pictured myself being found cold and lifeless sitting on the toilet after my final movement.

That thought quickly passed as I started to get intense pain building up in my abdomen. I soon realized that my diarrhea issue had somehow turned into a constipation problem, and with the pain only getting worse I grasped the toilet with all my might, praying to the poop gods to let open the gates. But in the words of Gandalf the Grey, they very clearly stated "You shall not pass!!!". At this point I was sweating profusely, feeling like I had just come down with the flu. The pain was becoming unbearable. I literally started having visions of men getting quartered and Prometheus's organs being pecked at wondering if this was how those men felt. I took a look at the blow dryer sitting on my sink and then gazed at the bath tub, but after some short contemplation I decided that was probably not the best way to go out. The shower though seemed like a potential remedy. I laid down on my back with the water hitting my stomach, and without a care in the world pushed for dear life for a good old fashioned water birth. Finally, some success, but what the hell did I just do...

I quickly cleaned up the shower, trying not to process what was happening, but I was still in incredible pain. I went back to my bed to lay down hoping that would be at least a partial cure. After several minutes I started realizing I may need to go to the hospital. I played the scenario out in my head and imagined explaining the events that had just occurred. When I realized the pain wasn't going to recede, I decided to call 911.

The ambulance came fairly quickly and I began explaining to the EMTs my fabulous decision to squirt vodka up my bum.

"Where did you get that idea from"

"Uhh, the internet..."

Well at least THEY thought it was amusing. I was placed on a stretcher as they rolled me through my apartment building's lobby. I passed glaring eyes of several staff members and then the dozens of NYC commuters as I was loaded into the ambulance... always happy to put on a show. I finally got to the hospital where I was forced to explain and reexplain my story to the attendant, and then the nurse. Of course hospitals are a shining example of streamlined efficiency, so I only had to wait 3 hours in the ER before the doctor would see me.

Fortunately the pain had gone down a bit, but I was lucky enough to be bunked up with an Indian man suffering from respiratory distress due to micro-bacteria that had spread through his lungs. He was now becoming septic as the infection entered his blood stream afflicting his organs (What? Sorry for being nosy. What else was I supposed to do during that time?). Since he couldn't get up to use the bathroom the nurses gave him a plastic carton and then she and his family members left to give him... sorry us some privacy. Later a man came in with an X-Ray machine telling the Indian man's family members that they would have to leave the room... umm what about me? He set up the equipment, picked up the corded remote and proceeded to walk 10 feet out the door.

"Umm should I be in he.."

"All done"

I had placed my cellphone on my lap hoping that would protect me from any radiation, but I still have a feeling my sperm are now growing two tails. Finally the Doctor came in the door.

Now I'm a gay man, but even I found her to be very attractive. I mean if I were drunk... I mean like really drunk... okay well maybe not. Anyway, I proceeded to tell her about the fantastic journey of my rectum. Luckily she seemed cool, but if I had been a straight man I could not imagine that situation being comfortable (I knew liking guys would come in handy one day). I was kind of startled though when she proceeded to ask:

"So did it work? What did it feel like? I'm actually interested"

"Umm yeah I felt a little buzzed"

Was not expecting that. She told me that they were going to set up a room so that I could have a bit more privacy. So after waiting yet another hour I was laying on a table having my butt prodded with medical instruments.

"So I think you'll live, but you do have a hemmorhoid, probably from the straining"

Fantastic!!! She gave me a prescription for stool softeners and laxatives for the next week to help decrease the swelling. It wasn't until I got home though that I realized I would be partially constipated for the next week. Honestly, I'd consider trading my unborn son for a normal bowel movement at this point... no I'm serious, just take him!!!

So there you have it. If you think the benefits out way the risks then hats off to you. Just remember, this could just as easily happen to you... maybe... or something equally as bad, but you have now been warned!

Post Quality Evaluations:
Great story, thanks for sharing.
excellent cautionary (and amusing) story.
Great post . Harm reduction . Well written . Funny .
Very useful cautionary tale.
Great tale, and I lost my shit at " YOU SHALL NOT PASS"
  #2  
Old 25-03-2013, 06:20
Sgmfrd Sgmfrd is offline
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Re: Plugging Alcohol - A Cautionary Tale

Kind of amusing story you got there brother but doesn't plugging mean IV usage, not anal?
  #3  
Old 25-03-2013, 17:33
coolhandluke coolhandluke is offline
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Re: Plugging Alcohol - A Cautionary Tale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sgmfrd View Post
Kind of amusing story you got there brother but doesn't plugging mean IV usage, not anal?
no plugging means anal.

if you read more about plugging alcohol, on this site at least, the posts distinctly say not to use hard alcohol because it is bad for your intestine. from what i read the carbonation in beer can make you want to crap right away so wine is the best option but it plainly says not to use hard alcohol.

so aside from the dangers of overdose from alcohol in the rectum, using hard liquor is also a big no no.

glad your all right, if i were taking to the hott doctor about this i would have been like, never mind im ok, going home.
  #4  
Old 25-03-2013, 22:05
RoboCodeine7610 RoboCodeine7610 is offline
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Re: Plugging Alcohol - A Cautionary Tale

Quote:
if you read more about plugging alcohol, on this site at least, the posts distinctly say not to use hard alcohol because it is bad for your intestine. from what i read the carbonation in beer can make you want to crap right away so wine is the best option but it plainly says not to use hard alcohol.
Or you could add 3 parts of water to 1 part of vodka and obtain a ~10% alcoholic solution.In any case, I don't see how plugging alcohol would ever be necessary, given that it is rapidly and fully absorbed in the stomach/intestine.

Robo
  #5  
Old 25-03-2013, 22:27
Moving Pictures Moving Pictures is offline
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Re: Plugging Alcohol - A Cautionary Tale

This is the best thread I've read in soooo long! Yes, do not plug hard liqour! This actually seems fairly common when people plug hard liqour, extreme irritation and inflamation of the bowles. I mean, vodka burns my mouth sometimes, I can't imagine how it would feel in my butt! At least he used GG though. There's been several posts on here relating almost the same experience as the OP had. Well, those people didn't go to the hospital but they still had extreme pain and anal bleeding.

From what I've read, the only viable option is wine. It seems to be a bit of a, well, a niche if you will, with some people. There's a whole "wine enema" thread. Good reading, honestly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Original Post
"Where did you get that idea from"

"Uhh, the internet..."
LOLOLOLOL!!!! That fucking killed me man.
  #6  
Old 11-04-2013, 12:06
Ice_Man666 Ice_Man666 is offline
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Re: Plugging Alcohol - A Cautionary Tale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moving Pictures View Post
This is the best thread I've read in soooo long! Yes, do not plug hard liqour! This actually seems fairly common when people plug hard liqour, extreme irritation and inflamation of the bowles. I mean, vodka burns my mouth sometimes, I can't imagine how it would feel in my butt! At least he used GG though. There's been several posts on here relating almost the same experience as the OP had. Well, those people didn't go to the hospital but they still had extreme pain and anal bleeding.

From what I've read, the only viable option is wine. It seems to be a bit of a, well, a niche if you will, with some people. There's a whole "wine enema" thread. Good reading, honestly.



LOLOLOLOL!!!! That fucking killed me man.
Like that State Farm commercial where the black guy is diagramming an accident, and they have a short conversation about shit on the internet. Then she goes, "Here comes my date. I met him on the internet. He's a French model". And that overweight dorky looking guy walks up and mispronounces "Bonjour". LOL

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alcohol, anal administration, bad ideas, booty bump, hemmorhoids, hemorrhoids, plugging

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