This is my first post here. I found this web site on a sleepless night, and it seems like people here have good advice and support for each other.
I love Xanax
. I have GAD and severe insomnia and it is the only drug
that has ever worked for my insomnia. I've used Xanax for years for fear of flying, traumatic situations (like nursing my dying mom) and occasionally sleep. For the past 10 years, I've had a prescription for about 30 0.5 mg pills that I've been able to make last over 3 months. I've been aware it is addictive, and have kept it in check.
Back in November, I decided to go off of Lexapro
(hated the side effects), and since then I've had a much harder time with sleep. At the same time I was going off Lexapro, I started working with a doctor who was willing to prescribe me 30 0.5mg tablets of Xanax a month AND a friend brought be 60 0.5mg tabs from Mexico. So, I abused Xanax. Only at night to sleep - but I was finding I need more and more to get the deep "knock out" sleep I craved. I started taking up to 1.25 mgs a night to sleep, and soon found I could not sleep without Xanax.
I quit caffeine
(which was was hellish) thinking that would help me sleep, and I tapered my Xanax by .25 a night. My last does was 1/4 of a 0.5 pill last Saturday. I am not having any anxiety-related withdrawal
sxs but I CAN'T SLEEP. I have not slept for more than 4 hours a night for the past 5 nights - last night I could not sleep at all. I have a job that requires me to be very emotionally present and I don't feel like I can afford to be this exhausted much longer. I have had a life-long struggle with insomnia and have tried everything - Ambien (which was hard to come off of, but not nearly as bad as Xanax), CBT for sleep, melatonin, trazadone, acupuncture, benadryl
, meditation, deep breathing, etc.. Honestly, Xanax works. But I'm afraid of it and how much I like it. I can see myself getting into trouble with this drug, and I read stories on this website and it really scares me.
After day 5 should I be through the worst of the rebound insomnia? What were other people's experiences? I'm trying to decide whether to cave and take some Xanax tonight to sleep with the goal of trying a slower taper with longer half-life
benzos or to just tough it out and get this stuff out of my system. I do have an appointment with my doctor next week, but am wondering what all of you think and what your experiences have been re: Xanax and rebound insomnia.
Thank you for any words of wisdom.